by Janae Keyes
“You made it!” she practically screamed. “Come in. He is doing so well. The doctors say it is a Christmas miracle. They’ve never had a patient like him. He can’t feel his legs, but the doctors said his feeling might return. We have to wait.” Diane grabbed me by the wrist and yanked me into the room and there he was. My heart stopped.
Keaton was lifted into a sitting position and the moment I saw him his eyes met mine. I’d missed those brown eyes. I felt a flutter in my gut. This moment I’d dreamed about for so long, it was real. I placed a hand over my mouth. Though he was still pale, it seemed as if his skin had gotten a small burst of color. He was no longer covered in tubes, just an oxygen line and an IV. It was really him, I blinked a few times while my brain registered everything I was seeing.
“Bri…” he breathed out. I nodded and started to slowly step towards his bed. Tears were falling rapidly from my eyes. He was real, this moment was real.
“I’ve been waiting so long and now it doesn’t even feel real, but I know it is,” I wept. I took his hand into mine and squeezed it. He squeezed it back, I’d waited what felt like forever for that. I thought about all those Thursdays that I’d sit and hold his hand. I would just wait for his hand to squeeze mine back.
“My beautiful Bri,” he said, his voice sounding scratchy. He coughed immediately after, Diane grabbed a cup of water and put the straw to his mouth. I watched him take a sip of water. I still couldn’t believe my eyes.
“The doctors will be doing more tests in the coming days. They never expected him to talk if he woke up. I’m so happy,” Diane was rightfully emotional as she spoke.
“Come on Di, let’s get the two of them a minute,” spoke a strong voice. I turned to see a graying black man with a soft face and glasses. It was Keaton’s dad, Joe.
“We will go grab some food in the caf. Would you like something Bri?” Diane was beaming with delight. I shook my head in response. She gave Keaton’s arm a touch before Joe took her by the hand and led her from the room.
Keaton and I were alone. I didn’t know what to say in the moment. I hadn’t spoken to him conscious in over two years. I peered down at him. He gave me a weak smile.
“Sit down,” he said as he patted his bed. I took a seat on the edge of his bed. “You are wearing the snowflake.” With his mention, I ran my fingers over the pendant again.
“Yeah, tonight was the Christmas party for work,” I commented as I glanced into his brown eyes. “I’m still a little shocked.” He let out a chuckle before he began to cough again. Quickly, I grabbed the cup and allowed him a sip of water. He took a slow sip before putting his head back on the pillow set behind him.
“Mom told me… it’s been two years,” he noted.
“Yeah, two long years.”
“I don’t remember the accident.”
“Wouldn’t expect you to.”
“I remember before… our fight,” he paused. His eyes seemed to be pained as he thought of the memory. I’d thought about that part of the night so many times. I took a deep breath.
“We don’t have to talk about that,” I suggested as I ran my thumb over his hand, it felt warm again. “Did you ever hear me when I came to visit? I would come on Thursdays and just talk to you.” He gave me a soft smile.
“I could hear you, but I never knew what you were saying… if that makes sense.” I just nodded at his words. “It was like you were speaking another language, but I knew the voices. It is the only way I can explain it. It was comforting, I think. It was always like dreaming, but I knew the voices. The voices kept me here.” He squeezed my hand again. I used my free hand to wipe my tears away. I couldn’t believe that I was talking to him, after all this time.
“I’d gotten to where I didn’t think this day would come,” I admitted, watching his face and his expressions, real human expressions now graced his features.
A jingle came from my purse that made me jump. I dug through and found my cell phone. It was Patrick calling. I let out a sigh. I was going to have a lot to face, but not right now. Right now, I just wanted to talk to Keaton and be with Keaton. The intense feelings I had for him were once again flooding my system, but then, Patrick. I ignored the call.
“You can take it,” expressed Keaton. I shook my head.
“Not now, I can call them back later. I missed out on two and a half years with you. I want to be here with you,” I insisted.
“Two and a half years… What did I miss? How’s your family?”
“Mom and Dad are doing good. Dad’s comedy has taken off. He had his set filmed by Comedy Central over Labor Day weekend. It aired in mid October. He has been selling out clubs all over the Bay. Mom is cooking, like always. Nani is still going strong at 80 and Anam just had twins, a boy and a girl,” I explained all to him. I love watching his face react to what my family was up to.
“Twins?” he questioned, his eyes wide.
“Yep, that makes five kids.”
“And April, Nate, and the girls?”
“All good. April and Nate brought me here. The girls are so big.”
“I can’t wait to see everyone.” He seemed too excited and I was excited for him. He at once began to cough again, he’d done too much talking. I was once again giving him water. He seemed appreciative to have me there helping him. “I took you for granted, you know. I took all the love you gave me for granted. I never loved you the way I should have.”
“Keaton,” I breathed as he took my hand once again and held it as tight as he could.
“I wasn’t good to you. I was an asshole to this woman who should have meant the world to me because she loved me through everything. She loved me even when I hurt her and even when I broke her heart. I’m sorry Bri.” I gulped at his words. I felt like I’d been waiting years for that. He finally recognized everything I did. “Will you forgive me?”
“Yes, I forgave you a long time ago,” I said truthfully. The thing was, Keaton could be this guy, sweet and concerning, but he also had another side. I wondered if that side was still present.
“I can’t wait to marry you,” he said and I froze. At that moment I was conflicted. The man I’d loved for years and who I had a life planned with wanted to marry me still. Then there was Patrick who brought me out of my hole of despair and was everything to me. I looked away from Keaton and sniffed back tears. “Where’s your ring?” I saw him looking at my empty ring finger.
“In my jewelry box at home,” I told him truthfully. “You should get some rest. I know you’ve been in a coma for over two years, but your body is still healing.” He gave me a nod at my request. I held onto his hand.
I had an entire history with Keaton. I had strong memories with Keaton. We’d been together since we were teenagers and in a strange way, we could start where we left off. My heart was physically torn between this man and Patrick.
MY ENTIRE NIGHT was spent in Keaton’s hospital room. I’d fallen asleep in his hospital bed with him. I awoke to his arm around me, holding me close. Inhaling, I remembered that scent. I remembered this feeling. It felt good, but at the same time wrong in a way. I couldn’t explain it all, not even to myself. This wasn’t a dream, but I was really here with him. It was just the two of us in the room as I moved. I felt his body react to mine moving.
“Morning Bri,” Keaton breathed out.
“Mmm, morning,” I yawned as I sat up and stretched a bit. I turned and looked at him. He grinned with pure delight.
“Mom and Dad had come back, but you were asleep. They went home to get a little rest and said they would be back this morning,” he explained to me. I nodded in response, knowing I needed to get home to change out of my party dress. I also needed to get my car from San Francisco and talk to Patrick.
I rubbed my head thinking of everything I needed to do and the hardest of all of them would be talking to Patrick. I was in a situation, I was caught between my old, comfortable love for Keaton and my new, exciting, passionate love for Patrick. I felt Keaton’s hand on my back. I turn
ed slightly to him and gave him a small smile. I was so happy he was awake, but so much had happened now.
There was a knock on the door of Keaton’s room. I figured it was a member of the staff or his parents returning. I glanced up to the door sliding open and there was my mom with my dad right behind her. I couldn’t decipher the look on my mom’s face, she seemed happy about Keaton being awake, but also worried. She forced a smile onto her face.
“Mr. and Mrs. Elliot!” Keaton cheered happily as my parents arrived fully into the plain hospital room.
“You really are talking,” my mom commented, looking taken aback.
“How are you feeling?” My dad asked as he sat the bouquet of balloons down in the corner of the room near the window. I looked at Keaton, he seemed to be thinking about his answer.
“After over two years of basically being asleep, one would think I would feel rested, but instead I’m pretty tired,” Keaton admitted. “But I am so happy. The best thing has been having my Bri-Bear. I’m proud to have her love and I cannot wait to marry her.”
“It will be a beautiful wedding,” came a voice that made me freeze. My head shot away from Keaton to see Patrick standing in the doorway. My breath was caught in my throat. Why was he here?
The honey eyes of Patrick looked directly into mine and they were filled with a pain I’d never imagined to see in them again. I knew that look. I opened my mouth, but no words could meander their way out. It was like it was moving in slow motion as I watched Patrick turn to walk away, he couldn’t walk away. I jumped from the bed and started to the door.
“Patrick!” I called out just hoping he would come back to me. Seeing him metaphorically walk out of my life was too much. I spotted him in the hall. “Paddy, what are you doing here?”
“I came to check on my fiancé who hadn’t answered my calls all night. I just wanted to check on you and the situation and I arrive to hearing that you are marrying him. The man who treated you like shit for years,” Patrick chided angrily. My heart was in my throat.
“Shh, keep your voice down,” I hissed in his direction, noticing the door to Keaton’s room still ajar.
“What you don’t want him hearing me tell the truth?” He asked. “Let me guess, he is being warm and delicate right now, drawing you in before he treats you like crap?” He paused and waited for an answer from me. I said nothing because he was right, he shook his head. “He treated you like trash only for you to run to his bedside the moment he woke up. You dedicated years of your life to some low life who couldn’t give you the respect you needed, and now it seems you are doing it again. You are just falling into it again. I told you from day one that I would be happy seeing you happy. You don’t have to be with me, but if you are with him, I know you won’t be happy.” I knew every word coming out of Patrick’s mouth was the truth.
I spotted his eyes glance down at my hand, he let out a chuckle. “You aren’t even wearing your ring. Seems you’ve made your decision.”
“Patrick I haven’t made any decisions,” I was pleading with him to hear me out. “I love you, I’m just confused.”
“You aren’t confused. I knew it. I was just a place card or a bookmark. I was holding a spot and keep you occupied until your precious Keaton was awake again. Well, he is awake and I guess my job is done. Is that it? You crave being miserable and unloved.” Patrick was rightfully angry and I knew it. I didn’t say a word to him. I had too many words, but none of them came to me right away. “Be happy that piece of shit, who doesn’t deserve the title of a man, is already worse for wear because I’d rip him a new one.”
Patrick turned and walked away. I jogged after him. He stopped at the elevators and pressed the button. My heart was pounding. I didn’t want him to go, but at the same time I knew it was best for him to go. I needed time.
“Paddy, please I love you. I just need time. Please.”
“I don’t think I believe that because to love me, you have to love yourself first. You need to have respect for yourself and to do that, you can’t be with him. As long as you are with him, you aren’t loving yourself. Goodbye Brielle,” he grumbled and at the perfect time. The elevator had opened. I watched him walk inside. My feet were frozen in one spot as I watched the doors close. I’d allowed Patrick to walk out of my life.
I’d never felt so alone in my life. He’d just taken a piece of my heart with him as he left. It was all my fault. I’d ruined it all. I should have spoken up, but the truth was I was confused. I was in love with two completely different men. Maybe he was right, maybe I did crave being miserable and unloved. I’d been that way for so long, it wasn’t hard to fall back into that pattern.
“Bri,” I turned to see my mom. She gave me a sad look as she softly placed a hand on my shoulder. I choked out a sob and with that her arms flew around me and held me in a motherly embrace.
“I lost him,” I cried. “I’m just so confused. I can’t break Keaton’s heart, but I love Patrick so much. I’ve screwed myself over. I don’t deserve to be happy. Patrick was proposing to the wrong girl last night.”
“Patrick proposed?” my mom pulled away and looked at me, her eyes wild with delight. I nodded. “We knew he was going to do it. He asked dad’s permission a few weeks ago, but we didn’t know when.” I wanted to smile at the thought of Patrick asking my dad’s permission, I knew dad appreciated it as Keaton had never done so. It wasn’t as if they needed my dad’s permission, but I knew my dad liked the sentiment of it.
“He did last night. The ring is in my purse. I didn’t want to upset Keaton so I took it off. It’s too late now. Patrick is gone,” I sniffed as I did my best to wipe my tears away.
“I’m going to get your dad. We will give you a ride home. You look exhausted and you need some time to think,” she said calmly. My mom had such a calming spirit. Instantly, I felt the tenseness in my body release.
“My car is in San Francisco,” I confessed thinking about the exact parking garage that I’d left my car in.
“Dad and I will get it. Don’t worry about a thing,” she reassured. I nodded in response. I could only think about a hot shower and resting at that moment. I wanted to sleep and hope that I would wake up to all of this being some bad dream.
I SAT ON my bed, dialing his number. I’d dialed it over and over again. I sat in the back seat of my parent’s car texting and calling Patrick all the way to my house. I could only think of talking to him. I knew I had to make the decision between him and Keaton, but I needed to hear Patrick’s voice.
Wiping away tears I gave up. Patrick obviously didn’t want to talk to me. Maybe, it really was the end. I didn’t want to think about it being the end. I thought about how I felt at the moment he asked me to marry him. I remembered the tingles that ran through my body and the way my heart leapt. His words smooth and the emotion on his face, I knew he meant every single one of his words, but then there was Keaton.
I knew Keaton inside and out. I knew life with him would be a struggle as it seemed he was paralyzed from the waist down, but I remembered the day of his accident, when he came from his first surgery. The doctors had told us if he woke, there was a possibility of him not being able to talk or walk and that day I was still fully dedicated. The good thing was now the doctors were confident of him gaining some feeling in his legs. I knew the day of his accident we would have a lot of work ahead of us as I cared for the man I loved. I was still willing to be by his side until the end.
I picked my phone up and dialed the next number I could. I knew the next number was the one person who could help me wrap my head around this and help me make a decision. I allowed the phone to ring.
“Oh my gosh, tell me everything,” came April’s voice. I hadn’t spoken to her since she and Nate dropped me off at the hospital the night before. My best friend was the only person I knew I could talk to and who would help me.
I took a deep breath, knowing I had a lot to get through.
“Keaton is awake, completely. He can’t feel his legs and the
doctors think he may get feeling back soon. He is talking though, and remembers everything, but the accident. It was my Keaton, he was back and all the love I felt for him came flooding back to me, but then…” I paused as I thought of Patrick and the way he looked at me when the elevators closed, the pain in his honey eyes. It bruised by very soul. “Patrick… he came by the hospital this morning. Keaton mentioned marrying me and I wasn’t wearing my ring. Patrick left me. He won’t answer my calls. I told him I was confused, but I loved him. I’m at a loss.”
I could hear April sigh on the other end. My best friend had seen me through all of this and had known me since I was 12. I could see her face in my mind and saw her shaking her head.
“You know me and you know I give it to you straight. I hated seeing you with Keaton through the years. I hated that Keaton could get away with almost anything. I always felt like he treated you like crap and the way he spoke to you sometimes was disgusting. When he cheated on you and you kicked him out, I felt that you’d finally had enough. I held my tongue because I knew you loved him for some reason. I know it sounds wrong, but I was relieved when his accident happened. My best friend was no longer imprisoned in a doomed relationship, but then you held onto him. You went two years holding onto this hope. I wanted to shake you out of it, but then Patrick. My best friend was back and she was in love with a man who thought the world of her. I can’t make this decision for you, but you know which way I’m leaning. Just think of your heart and think of your happiness and who has made you the happiest. Don’t think about the amount of time you’ve had with that person or a comfortable rhythm. Think of one simple thing, will you be happy with your decision for the rest of your life?”
April had always been honest with me, but this was a new honesty. I knew that Keaton had never been her favorite, but I had no idea she felt that way about my relationship with him. Closing my eyes, I thought of my happiness and how Patrick had brought so much joy to my life. I don’t think I would have ever felt joy in that way without Patrick. I smiled to myself remembering his smile, his touch, his radiance.