by Linda Sole
‘Daydreaming again! Those cows won’t muck themselves out, Alice!’
She glanced over her shoulder. ‘Sorry, Jim,’ she said. ‘I got a postcard this morning. Daniel is coming back for a few days.’
‘You’ll want tomorrow off, then?’
‘Yes, please. I’ll work Sunday instead.’
‘Nay, lass. Take a couple of days off. I can manage for once.’
Alice thanked him and wheeled her barrow into the cowshed, attacking the piles of dung and straw with a will. The smell in here was strong and not many girls would want a job like hers, but Alice had grown up around farm animals and she took no notice of it. She smiled and whistled tunelessly as she worked. Jim was a nice man and only in his early thirties. It was a terrible shame he’d lost his wife so young.
‘You lucky thing!’ Maura hugged Emily when she saw her rings. ‘I wish I’d done the same when I had the chance.’
‘Simon was so – so down,’ Emily confided. ‘I felt that if I didn’t agree he might . . . oh, I don’t know. I wanted to give him something and I’m really happy we got married, but do you think they will send me home? You know what the services are like about married women.’
‘If you were in the Wrens they would throw you out sure enough,’ Maura said cheerfully. ‘I think our lot are more reasonable; they have to be, because there aren’t enough of us. Anyway, why tell them? I said you’d been called home urgently. You needn’t wear your rings at work. Keep quiet and you’ll have no trouble.’
‘I suppose I could . . .’ Emily hesitated. ‘At least for a while . . .’
‘If you have a babby you’ll be asked to leave anyway – you aren’t, are you?’
‘Not to my knowledge,’ Emily said, and blushed. ‘I’ll keep it to myself then, talk to Simon when he comes home next time.’
‘Good for you,’ Maura said, and then bit her bottom lip. ‘They say I can visit John next Sunday. I’m not sure if I can do it, Emily.’
‘You want to see him, don’t you?’
‘Yes . . . but I’m scared. I think I might start crying or lose my nerve at the last minute.’ She pulled a face. ‘Would you come with me?’
‘Yes, of course,’ Emily agreed without hesitation. ‘Don’t worry, Maura, it probably won’t be half as bad as you think.’
It was a horrid position to be in, Emily thought, feeling sorry for her friend. Maura loved John but she couldn’t face the idea of him being badly scarred. No one knew how they would cope in such a situation. Emily shivered and offered up a silent prayer that it wouldn’t happen to Simon.
They were busy every night that week. The Germans seemed to be saying it was all or nothing, and that was probably due to the bravery and skill of Britain’s fly-boys. They were doing a magnificent job of shooting down enemy bombers, but they couldn’t prevent the raids taking place. The newspapers were filled with all kinds of stories, veering from gung-ho triumph to deepest gloom.
Sunday arrived at last and the girls caught their train, then a bus to the military hospital at Portsmouth. Maura didn’t talk much on the way there, and outside the hospital she almost lost her nerve.
‘I can’t do it,’ she said. ‘Sure, I know I’m the world’s worst coward, but me legs have gone to jelly, so they have.’
‘I’ll come with you,’ Emily promised. ‘I visited a fireman in Addenbrooks Hospital who had been burned and it wasn’t too bad, really. Where is John, do you know?’
‘Down here I think,’ Maura said in a hoarse whisper. ‘It’s one of those small wards with only a couple of patients . . .’
Emily gave her a quick squeeze. ‘Bear up, love, it will be all right.’
However, when they finally stood at the airman’s bedside, Emily felt the vomit rise in her throat. Terry’s burns had been superficial to his face and nothing like this. John’s scars were horrendous, his eyelashes and eyebrows gone, lids puckered and swollen, mouth like a red gash in skin that was brownish purple in some places and blistered. He looked hideous and pitiful and Emily’s heart was wrung with pain for his hurt.
She glanced at Maura, who had gone a pasty white, wanting to find words of comfort for her friend but knowing there were none in this case. John had opened one eye and was looking up at them. She knew that he was aware of Maura’s revulsion.
‘Hello,’ she said softly, in an effort to ease the tension. ‘We’ve been thinking about you all the time.’
‘Go away!’ The hissing whisper was directed at Maura. ‘They shouldn’t have let you come here.’
Maura stared at him for a moment, the horror evident in her eyes, and then she turned and ran from the ward. Emily lingered for a few seconds. Her heart was torn with pity for her friend but most of all for the poor man whose life had been so cruelly shattered.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, but his eyes were closed. She doubted that he knew she was there. ‘So very sorry . . .’
‘What are you doing here?’ a nurse demanded as she hurried towards Emily. ‘You aren’t allowed in here without clearance.’
Emily looked at her blankly. ‘I’m sorry, I came with a friend.’ Had Maura known she had to have clearance? Surely she must have done, but she’d chosen to ignore it. ‘I didn’t know—’
‘You’ll have to leave,’ the nurse said. ‘Visiting is only for family and you aren’t – are you? I haven’t seen you here before.’
Emily didn’t bother to explain. She ignored the nurse and walked out of the hospital. Maura was sitting on a wooden bench, staring out towards the sea but seeing nothing, her eyes glazed, her face blank. It was clear that she was suffering from shock. Emily sat down beside her.
‘It’ll get better,’ she said. ‘They can do quite a lot for burns now.’
‘He would be better off dead. I wish he would die. I wish I’d never seen him that way.’
‘You don’t mean that, love.’
‘Yes, I do!’ Maura rounded on her, eyes blazing. ‘You don’t know – you can’t know how this feels.’
‘I can imagine it’s awful.’
‘But you don’t know,’ Maura said bitterly. ‘He was so lovely.’
‘He’s the same person.’
‘No, never! I can’t see him again. I don’t want to.’
Emily looked at her helplessly. Maura sounded hard and uncaring but she wasn’t. She was hurting so badly that she didn’t know how to cope with her pain.
‘Give it a while, love,’ Emily suggested, but Maura simply shook her head. ‘Shall we go home?’
‘You go,’ Maura said. ‘I want time on my own.’
There was nothing she could do but watch as Maura walked away. Following would only make her angry. The time might come when Maura could talk. Until then, Emily could only wait and be there when she was needed. She shivered in the chill wind, watching the grey sea foaming about the shore for a moment before turning away. The sky was dark, the weather dismal, making things seem even worse than they were.
She was thoughtful as she caught the train back to Liverpool. Maura was on duty that night but Emily would stand in for her. The poor girl was in no condition to work for the moment. She had been unhappy since the news of John’s horrific accident had first come, but something had changed in her when she saw his face. Emily had noticed the spark go out in her eyes, and, remembering now the shock of what they’d seen, her heart wrenched with pity again.
She might as well go straight to work, Emily thought when she left the train in Liverpool. She could have a cup of tea in the canteen before she started the late shift.
‘Emily . . .’ The voice made her jump. She turned, wondering who it could be, and was so surprised when the man laughed at her expression. ‘You didn’t expect to see me, did you?’
‘Terry . . . Terry Burgess,’ she cried, feeling pleased as she recognized him. The scar on his cheek had faded considerably and he looked well, his eyes bright. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’ve been transferred. I’m training new recruits. They won’t let me back on an eng
ine yet . . .’ He flexed his hands and she saw that his movements were still stiff, the scars very much more noticeable here than on his face. One thumb looked as if it curved in too much towards his palm but was otherwise flexible. He saw the direction of her glance and nodded cheerfully. ‘They’re still a bit of a mess and I need more skin grafts, but I’ll get there. In the meantime the fire service have to have experienced men to train recruits. We’re getting all the rejects from the Army; too old, too stupid – flat feet, they’ll do for us.’
‘Oh, Terry,’ Emily said, and laughed because he was clearly joking. His smile was making her feel better, lifting the gloom that had hung over her since leaving Maura. ‘So will you be here in Liverpool all the time now?’
‘Three weeks, then I’m going down south for a while, but I shall be back.’ He hesitated, looking at her uncertainly. ‘You wouldn’t consider going out with me tonight, I suppose?’
‘I’m on duty tonight and most nights for a while.’ She explained about Maura and he looked sympathetic. ‘But you could come to the station social evening next week. I shall be there, because it’s my night off.’
‘If you’re going I’ll be there,’ he said, and grinned at her. ‘I’m glad I bumped into you like this. I’ve got to meet someone in a few minutes, but I’ll see you around.’
‘Yes, I expect so . . .’
It wasn’t until he had disappeared into the crowds milling around the railway station entrance that Emily realized she was wearing gloves. He couldn’t have seen her rings and she hadn’t thought to tell him she was married. Why hadn’t she told him? She wasn’t sure but it hadn’t occurred to her. Perhaps because she’d kept it a secret at work, she thought. Sometimes she hardly felt married at all.
Emily pulled herself up guiltily. She was married! And she ought not to have agreed to meet Terry. It was just that she had been so very pleased to see him. But she would set him straight the next time they met.
‘Oh, it’s so beautiful!’ Alice cried as she saw the gold heart on its slender chain. ‘Did you really mean me to have it?’
‘Of course. Why not?’ Daniel smiled, feeling pleased by her excitement. ‘It’s not new. I found it on a stall on the Portobello, Alice. The man said it’s Victorian – a love heart he called it. And that’s a diamond in the centre.’
‘You shouldn’t have spent so much but I’m glad you did! I love it, I really do.’
She wanted to say that she loved him even more than the necklace but she didn’t dare. Daniel hadn’t said anything like that to her, and it would be wrong for her to be first. It might look as if she were putting pressure on him for further commitment or an engagement ring, and she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t. Daniel would ask when he was ready and she knew she had to wait, to be patient. The fact that he had bought her this lovely present made it so much easier, because it showed that he thought something of her.
He was walking her home after a visit to the pictures in Ely. They stopped outside her gate and he hesitated before putting his arms around her, kissing her softly on the lips, and then releasing her.
‘I’ll be getting back to the house then. Frances is expecting me.’
‘Yes, I suppose so . . .’ Alice smothered a sigh. Just for a moment she wished that he would suggest a walk down the bank, and then, as the cold wind whistled about her ears, she laughed inside. They’d freeze to death! ‘Shall I see you before you go to the hospital for your medical?’
‘Probably not,’ Daniel said. ‘It’s Emily’s birthday soon and I promised to visit her in Liverpool. But I’ll let you know what happens and if I can get back we’ll go out again.’
‘Yes, well, good luck then.’ Impulsively, she kissed him on the mouth, then turned and ran up the path to her house.
Her mother was at the sink washing the supper things. From the amount of plates and cups it was clear the New Zealanders had been enjoying a good supper before going off to work at the drome. Her mother put their lodgers before them all, going hungry herself and cutting her family’s rations in order to feed the young men, who were risking their lives for them nightly in the big bombers they flew.
‘Had a good time, love?’
‘Yes, lovely.’ Alice hesitated then held out the box that Daniel had given her. ‘Look what he bought me . . .’
Mrs Robinson wiped her hands before taking the box and looking inside. She frowned over the beautiful necklace and then handed it back.
‘That must be worth a bob or two.’
‘Daniel says he bought it from a market in London – but it’s good, Mum; it’s gold and that’s a diamond.’
‘It’s not a ring though.’
‘No, it’s not a ring. We’re not thinking of anything like that yet.’
‘No?’ Mrs Robinson studied her in silence for a few seconds. ‘That’s a good thing. You’re too young to get married. I shan’t nag you, love. Just don’t break your heart over him. Remember he’s a Searles and they think themselves too good for the rest of us.’
‘Mum, that isn’t fair. Daniel isn’t a snob.’
‘His sister Frances is though – and so was that stepmother of hers. Most people were glad to see the back of her. Since Frances married Marcus Danby she thinks she is royalty. She would think her brother too good for the likes of you.’
‘I think you are being unfair, Mum. Frances speaks when she sees me and Emily was always friendly. Besides, Daniel is honest and nice. I know where I am with him.’
‘It’s up to you, but keep a cool head. You know what I mean.’
Alice blushed but before she could answer her father came into the kitchen. ‘That boy’s calling for a glass of water again, Mother. Why don’t you take the bastard a pail full?’
‘Oh, Dad!’ Alice said, and laughed. She knew her father didn’t mean anything by it. ‘I’ll take it to him.’
‘He’s probably hungry,’ her mother said. ‘I kept the cheese for the lads, and he had bread and scrape for his tea.’
Alice felt in her pocket. ‘Daniel gave me a packet of toffee for him. I’ll take it up with the water . . .’
Emily was pleased that her brother was coming to visit for her birthday. It was a few days early, actually, but that didn’t matter. He was making a special journey to see her and that was the important thing. He would be here the night of the social at the church hall and it meant he would be with her. She had begun to feel very guilty for telling Terry that she would see him there, and for keeping her marriage a secret.
She had decided to speak to her supervisor. It took a bit of courage to ask to speak to Miss Anderson, who was a rather sour looking woman in her late forties, but after all, they could only sack her.
Miss Anderson looked grave as Emily explained, and she was sure it was the end. She would be asked to leave and that meant she might have to work in a factory or on the land, and she didn’t think she would enjoy that.
‘Well,’ the supervisor said when she had finished, ‘if things were different I should probably have to let you go – but you know how busy we are, Emily. The truth is I can’t spare you. You’re efficient, hard-working and bright. I think we’ll just forget this conversation. If I knew you had got married without going through the proper procedure of informing us, I might have no choice. Of course, if you become pregnant you will have to leave. That is why we do not encourage married women in our ranks. It is a nuisance when they leave after all the training . . .’
‘So you want me to carry on as I have been?’ Emily was surprised but relieved.
‘It saves any awkwardness,’ Miss Anderson said. ‘But thank you for telling me. If someone telephones for Mrs Vane I shall know it’s you.’
‘Simon wouldn’t ring here. He has the number at my lodgings.’
Well, that was a wasted effort, Emily thought as she left the office, almost wishing she hadn’t bothered. She’d screwed up her courage and now she was still in the same position – which made things awkward.
‘Oh, Emily . . .’
Daniel looked at her half-amused and half in condemnation when she explained her predicament. ‘I thought you’d told your supervisor at the start?’
‘There wasn’t time.’ Emily pulled a face. ‘Some of the girls are married, but they were either married before the war, with husbands serving overseas, or they got permission – and we all have to leave if we have babies.’
‘You’re lucky they didn’t throw you out.’
‘She would have if she didn’t need me,’ Emily said, and laughed. ‘I suppose I could always go and work in a factory.’
‘But you like what you do, don’t you?’
‘Yes, very much. Still, if it happens it happens.’ She shrugged her shoulders.
Daniel frowned at her. ‘You aren’t regretting getting married, are you?’
‘No, I don’t regret it.’
She wasn’t sure how she felt if she was honest. When Simon was with her she knew that she cared for him deeply, but he hadn’t phoned or written since they’d parted and she was feeling uneasy. Was he regretting their hasty marriage? He’d been so reserved the morning he left . . . but of course it was just that he had to go back to his duty, and like every other airman at the moment he never knew if it would be his turn to die next.
Emily blinked as her brother nudged her.
‘Who’s that chap over there?’ Daniel asked. ‘He’s been looking at you for several minutes.’
Emily glanced in the direction he had indicated and blushed. ‘That’s Terry Burgess. He has been transferred to a training unit until his hands are healed. You remember I told you about the fireman I visited in hospital?’
‘Yes, I remember. You’d better go and have a word with him, Emily. Does he know you’re married?’
‘No, I haven’t had time to tell him yet.’
‘Is that why you aren’t wearing your rings?’
‘Miss Anderson said it was best not to for the moment.’ She wrinkled her brow. ‘But I’m going to tell Terry this evening. It wouldn’t be fair not to let him know.’
She was interrupted by the arrival of Maura, who lurched up to them a trifle unsteadily.
‘You must be Daniel,’ she said, and smiled at him. ‘Emily told me you were gorgeous but she didn’t say how gorgeous.’