by Linda Sole
‘Do you want me to open it for you?’ her mother asked.
Alice hesitated and then shook her head. ‘It won’t change what it says, will it?’
‘No, nor will just staring at it.’
‘No . . .’ Alice reached for the telegram. She felt sick and reluctant. It had to be bad news. Forcing herself, she ripped it open and read the brief message. For a moment the letters blurred into a jumble as the tears stung her eyes. ‘Regret to inform you, Corporal Daniel Searles has been reported missing in action . . .’
She sat down at the table as her knees turned to jelly. Daniel was missing, her lovely Dan with his wonderful smile and teasing eyes. Something had happened to him. She had known it inside herself for days but she hadn’t wanted to admit it.
Mrs Robinson took the telegram and read it for herself.
‘Well, there’s a thing,’ she exclaimed in disgust. ‘What are we to make of that? Why don’t they say what happened?’
‘I suppose they have to be careful – you know what they’re always telling us, Mum. Careless talk costs lives.’
‘As if we know any spies! Daft, I call it. What we need is to be told exactly what happened.’
‘Daniel is missing.’ Alice felt numb, as if this was a dream, unreal. Surely she would wake up and discover it was all a mistake. ‘They don’t know he’s dead, just missing. I might get a letter to say it’s all right . . . that he was just lost or wounded or something.’
Mrs Robinson thought that pigs might fly first, but she didn’t say anything. This was exactly what she’d feared when Alice had rushed into marriage. Her lovely, happy daughter was probably a widow and she was going to have a child in a few months.
‘We would be better off knowing.’ She threw the telegram down in frustration. ‘It’s neither one thing nor the other.’
Alice looked at her mother, her eyes pitiful. ‘At least I’ve still got hope, Mum. Missing isn’t dead. It isn’t final. Sometimes men come back when they’ve been reported lost and it turns out to have been a silly mistake.’
She got to her feet and walked to the door.
‘Where are you going?’ Mrs Robinson was alarmed. ‘You’re not going to do anything silly, are you?’
‘I have to tell Frances,’ Alice said.
What she really wanted was to be alone. She was holding back the tears, refusing to let herself believe that Daniel was missing in the true sense of the word. It was surely a mistake. She knew it was one of those official mix-ups that Daniel had told her about. She wouldn’t let herself think anything else, because that would hurt too much.
Emily walked back from the Dower House. It was a beautiful spring morning, really warm for the first time, the sky blue and the garden beginning to look its best. It was wonderful how Amelia kept it looking so nice, but that was only because she did so much of the weeding and planting herself. Emily sometimes gave her a hand these days, but today she had spent the morning talking to plumbers and builders and measuring the windows. Because the house had been unoccupied, the blackout regulations hadn’t been followed and that was just one more job added to her growing list. It was good to keep busy. Then she didn’t have to think about poor Daniel, missing in action – or about Terry and the happiness she was walking away from.
‘Ah, there you are,’ Amelia said as Emily entered the hall. ‘I was just about to have some coffee. Would you care to join me?’
‘Yes, thank you.’ Emily saw two letters waiting for her on the silver salver on the hall table. She recognized the handwriting on one immediately, because that was her sister’s, but the other was new to her. ‘I’ll read these later.’ She pushed them into her skirt pocket. ‘I wanted to talk to you about linen, Amelia.’
‘You’re wondering if we have any to spare, I suppose?’ Amelia looked thoughtful. ‘I should imagine there is a load in the linen cupboards. We haven’t used much of it for years so it will probably need freshening up. I’ll have a look later and let you know. How many beds do you need to make up?’
‘We shall have about ten guests to start with,’ Emily said. ‘We could take another five at a pinch, but it depends on the nursing staff they send us, I expect.’
‘It’s hard to get any kind of staff these days,’ Amelia said with a grimace. ‘If it wasn’t for Mrs Morris, Bailey and Jenny I’m sure I don’t know what we would do ourselves.’
Emily found it amazing that such a large house functioned at all with so few staff, but of course half the rooms were closed up these days, the furniture covered with dust sheets. She sometimes thought it would have been better to move into the Dower House and give the mansion to the Government, but she knew Vane would never agree. He clung to his house and traditions despite the discomfort, shortages and restrictions the war had imposed.
‘Well, I’ve found two cleaners, a middle-aged couple from the village,’ Emily said, looking at her list. ‘They were keen to take it on and I’ve given them a trial. I might have to find more help once the guests arrive but it’s a start. We shall need a cook. I was considering running an advert – a national newspaper would be best, don’t you think?’
‘Yes, I imagine so.’ Amelia gave her an odd look. ‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, I am. I hate to be idle and this is time-consuming. I don’t have time to sit about and feel sorry for myself.’
‘I can’t imagine you ever doing that. Simon is the one for sulks.’ Amelia frowned. ‘We hoped all that stuff was over when he married but . . .’
‘What do you mean?’ Emily asked when Amelia faltered and looked conscious, as if realizing she’d said too much. ‘What kind of stuff?’
‘Oh, nothing. Vane was disappointed in him that’s all. He had such a bright future and then it looked as if he might throw it all away. I blamed that friend of his, but—’ Once again she was silent as her husband walked into the room. ‘Ah, Vane. We’re having our coffee. Will you join us?’
‘Thank you, my dear.’ He bent to kiss her cheek. ‘Is everything going well with the building work, Emily?’
‘Yes, I believe so. There was a problem with the plumber but it’s sorted now. We should be ready to move the beds in next month as we planned.’
‘Good. Well done. Excellent.’ He sipped his coffee, grimacing over the taste. ‘This is awful, Amelia. If this is the best Mrs Morris can do we should give it up for the duration.’
Amelia smiled. ‘I know, it is rather awful. I’ll speak to her and see if it can be improved, but you know how things are. It’s so difficult to buy anything worth having.’
‘Of course I understand, but there are limits.’ He glanced at his paper. ‘The news just gets worse. Not content with destroying the heart of London last month, the damned Germans overran Greece and we had to withdraw and now they’ve launched an attack on Crete.’
‘But there was some good news recently,’ Amelia pointed out. ‘Did I read somewhere that we had sunk the Bismarck?’
Emily stood up as they began to argue in a gentle fashion. ‘I have some things to do. If you will excuse me.’
She walked from the room, going quickly up to her own apartment. She wanted to read Frances’s letter and she was curious to discover who had sent the other, though in her heart she thought she knew.
Emily frowned over her sister’s letter. Frances had rung her earlier in the month to tell her that Daniel was missing, of course, but it was clear that she was worried about Alice. She seems to be in a state of denial. Her mother is very worried about her but there isn’t much any of us can do until we know more.
It wasn’t surprising that Alice didn’t want to believe that Daniel might be dead, Emily thought. She knew that Alice was very much in love with her husband, and she must be feeling terrible, especially with a baby on the way. Emily felt a choking grief whenever she thought her brother might be badly wounded or dying, so she could imagine how her sister-in-law must feel.
Most of Frances’s letter was about her own baby. She had a beautifu
l, healthy boy she intended to call Mark Robert Danby, and was naturally very happy. Marcus had been given a seventy-two-hour pass when the baby was born, and Frances, feeling very contented, wanted to know when Emily was coming to see them.
I know Alice would like to see you. Perhaps you could talk to her? And we are having the christening in August, so if you can’t come before, perhaps you can manage a weekend then?
Emily put the letter away in her drawer and picked up the second. She wasn’t sure why she felt sort of excited and yet nervous, but even before she opened the envelope, she half expected that it was from Terry.
His first words asked her to forgive the liberty he had taken in writing to her. He had done so because he was worried about her and wondered if she had settled down. He told her that he had been accepted back on regular duty and would be working in London from the beginning of next month.
My hands aren’t quite as they used to be, but I can do my work and that’s good enough for the powers that be. I volunteered for work in London. Those poor devils have had a rotten time and I shall be needed there. At the moment I don’t have much to worry about except myself and there are others, married men, who could do with a quieter life. I think about you often, Emily. If ever you need me, I’ll be there. I’m giving you an address. A postcard will reach me.
Take care of yourself.
I love you, Terry
Emily read the letter three times and then put it away in her writing box, locking the drawer in which she kept personal papers. It lay on top of her marriage lines, mocking her. Terry hadn’t expected an answer unless she was in trouble, and she thought it best not to reply. She couldn’t give him the answer he wanted, and it might be kinder to make a clean break.
She felt a pang of regret for what might have been, knowing that she could have been happy with Terry in a way she sensed she never would with Simon. Yet she had begun to settle here at last, to find pleasure in her surroundings, and she enjoyed her work. Once the Dower House was ready and they had guests she imagined she would be busy most of the time.
She decided that she would visit her sister before the first guests arrived. Vane could oversee anything to do with the construction work while she was away, and once the home was up and running she wouldn’t want to leave for a while.
Having made up her mind, she tidied her hair and went downstairs. She would drive over to see Simon after lunch, and then there was a pile of paperwork waiting for her in her office. It was a good thing she didn’t mind filling in forms and keeping accounts, Emily thought, and smiled wryly as she remembered Frances saying Henry had made a muddle of the farm accounts again. She would have to have another go at them for him one day . . .
‘You won’t mind if I’m away for a few days, will you?’ Emily asked as she handed Simon the book he had requested her to bring in. He was sitting out in a chair now and taking more of an interest in things. The book was about Greek architecture of ancient times, and had lots of fascinating pictures. ‘It’s my last chance before the home is ready to receive guests.’
‘No, of course I shan’t mind,’ Simon said, giving her an odd look. ‘And you mustn’t let Father bully you, Emily. He gave you a job but you’re free to do as you want with your life.’
‘Yes, of course. I didn’t want you to feel I had deserted you, that’s all.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t need you to run around after me all the time. Besides, I’m getting better. They say I may be able to come home soon, at least for short periods, though I’ve got to come back here for treatment.’
‘Yes, I know. It will be nice for you to get out of here for a while at least.’
‘Thank God,’ he said. ‘It’s driving me mad. I can’t see why I should stay here now that I can hobble about.’
‘You still have pain, don’t you?’ She looked at him doubtfully. He didn’t talk to her about these things often and she didn’t really know the situation. Vane had told her he was improving, and Simon said he felt better, but neither of them told her anything that mattered. What little she knew came from one of the doctors she met occasionally.
‘If I do I can manage it with pills or an injection,’ he said, and frowned. ‘It’s nothing for you to worry about. Anyway, once I’m able I shall probably go to America, have most of my treatment there.’
Emily looked at him doubtfully. ‘That will be rather awkward for your father. He will have to find someone to look after the home while I am with you.’
‘I shan’t need you to come with me,’ Simon said. ‘You would be miserable sitting around waiting for me while I was having treatment. No, Emily. You will stay here, of course. I wouldn’t dream of asking you to come with me.’
‘I see . . .’ She looked down at her lap. It was obvious that Simon neither wanted nor needed her. He had asked her not to leave him, but it was for the sake of appearances. He wasn’t interested in renewing their marriage in any shape or form. She wondered why he’d asked her, because it was obvious that she meant very little to him. ‘That’s just as well, isn’t it?’ She stood up, feeling that it was pointless to sit there with someone who obviously didn’t want her company.
‘You haven’t stayed long,’ Simon said. ‘Have I upset you? It isn’t that I don’t want you around, Emily. But you would be bored just waiting for me all the time.’
‘Yes, perhaps I should,’ she said. ‘I’m rather busy for the moment so you won’t mind if I don’t visit for a while.’
‘Emily . . .’ Simon said in an exasperated voice, as she walked towards the door. ‘I was only thinking of you.’
Emily didn’t look back as she went out. She was feeling angry and upset, even though she knew in her heart that it was better if Simon went away to have his treatment without her. There was no point in pretending that they were a happily married couple, because it just wasn’t true.
As she got into the car she had once again borrowed from Amelia, she saw a man getting out of what she thought was an expensive Rolls Royce. He was immaculately dressed in a grey striped suit, and his shoes looked handmade. She knew him as the man Simon had called Philip – some sort of a cousin. Well, perhaps her husband would be more interested in his next visitor than he had been in his wife.
Alice picked up the small packet of letters with shaking hands. There were four of them and they had arrived together that morning – four letters from Daniel. Surely it meant that he was alive and well? She saw that they all had the same date on the envelope, and opened them at random. They had all been written within a couple of days. Daniel was telling her that they had arrived at their new billet and were settling in. He said it was nicer than he’d thought, and that he’d been out for a drink with the locals at . . . the next bit had been blue pencilled but looking at the back of the page, Alice could just about read the word.
What was a taverna? She puzzled over it for a moment, and then realized it must mean the same as a tavern or an inn. It might be somewhere like Spain or Italy . . . no, not Italy – Greece! It clicked in her mind suddenly, and she remembered the reports about the British having to retreat from Athens; that was about the time when Daniel went missing, just after these letters were written. He must have sent them just before . . . whatever happened.
Alice closed her eyes, trying to picture the scene. What was it like when men were being forced to retreat before a stronger enemy? She had read reports about how the New Zealanders and Australians had fought so bravely to try and repel the invaders, and how the Greeks had covered the retreat of as many men as they could, cheering the British troops as they marched out.
There must have been lots of shelling, gunfire and explosions. She could see Daniel in the middle of a battle, see the men falling all around him and then . . . it all went blank. She couldn’t see Daniel being dead, because it didn’t feel to her as if he were dead.
Her mother said she must start to accept that he probably wouldn’t be coming home. Even her father had told her to cry, to let her grief out, but she h
ad cried and the grief was still inside her, gnawing at her. Yet she couldn’t believe that Daniel was dead. She would feel empty if that were so, but she didn’t, she just felt worried and on edge.
‘You won’t do the baby any good mithering over Daniel,’ her mother had told her when the letters were delivered. ‘You’ve got to pull yourself together, Alice. You’ve got the baby to think of now.’
She was thinking of the baby, of course she was. She had knitted coats and bonnets and bootees, and she’d made some nightgowns from material she’d found on the market, but that didn’t stop this ache inside her. It never went away, whether she was waking or sleeping, just stayed there like a heavy lump in her heart.
Frances had told her that Emily was coming to visit that weekend. She would be pleased to see her sister-in-law, and she hoped that in Emily she would find a believer, someone who wasn’t prepared to just write Daniel off as if there wasn’t a shred of hope.
‘Oh, isn’t he beautiful!’ Emily said as she bent over her nephew. He looked pink and chubby, his fat little fist waving at her, and he smelled of baby talcum. ‘You must be so proud of him and so happy.’
‘Yes, I am,’ Frances said. ‘He is lovely, isn’t he?’
‘Gorgeous,’ Emily said. ‘I wasn’t sure I wanted a baby just yet but looking at your little Mark makes me broody.’
‘It’s a pity—’ Frances stopped abruptly, seeming awkward. ‘I mean – will you . . . will Simon be able . . .?’
Emily took pity on her. ‘He wasn’t damaged in that way, if that’s what you mean. I’m not sure if we shall ever have a normal marriage again, but I don’t think he’s incapable.’
‘Surely it will be all right between you when he’s over all this?’
Emily shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’m not sure. Simon seems to have withdrawn. He says he doesn’t want me to go with him when he goes to America for treatment so I shall stay here and do my job.’
‘Not go with him?’ Frances looked shocked and then upset. ‘But surely you will? Oh, Emily, I think that’s awful. You must go with him, of course you must.’