by Lesley Jones
Pretty Girl: Call me. Plz. X
I did exactly that. It was three in the afternoon so the M25 had yet to become a car park. I wove my way through the traffic at speeds that even scared me at times. Each and every one of my calls to Sarah went to voice mail.
I scrolled through and found the next message was from Sasha.
Sash: Where the fuck are you? She’s burning up and pissing blood. I’ve called an ambulance. I’ve no clue what the fuck is wrong, and all she’s worried about is you.
I couldn’t drive faster if I tried. I felt so sick, and I made the executive decision to simply throw up in the passenger foot well while driving rather than waste time pulling over. I assumed they took Sarah to the small private hospital where we had gone for her check-ups. I was sure one of the voice mails or texts would tell me, but between driving at breakneck speeds and hurling in my car, I really didn’t have the time to stop and verify. I parked illegally on a grass verge at the hospital and ran towards the reception area, bouncing on my toes as I gave Sarah’s details.
“She’s over in the maternity department. Level three on the anti-natal ward.”
I didn’t say thanks, I didn’t say a word. I ran as fast as I could in the direction I thought I should be going, and just before I entered the building, I threw up in the bin outside, which actually made me feel a whole lot better.
Instead of waiting on the lift, I took the stairs two, three, and four at a time. I pressed the buzzer on the wall by the double doors that were blocking my path and explained who I was when a voice crackled, “Good afternoon, can I help you?”
There were three nurses, some midwives, and who the fuck knew who else all standing at the desk as I entered.
“Sarah Delaney,” was all I said. I felt as if I were about to have a fucking heart attack. I must have looked like it too, judging by the way the women were looking at me.
“Are you okay, sir?” one of them asked.
I leant forward and braced my hands on my knees so I could catch my breath, managing to shake my head.
“No. My wife. Sarah Delaney. My phone died. I had no charger.”
Why the fuck was I even bothering to explain?
“Room twelve,” the woman who was standing on the other side of the counter said, and I started moving.
“Sir, wait. The doctors are with your wife now. I need . . .”
I ignored her, and I was at the door of room twelve before she could round the counter.
My eyes found hers the moment I stepped into the room.
She looked tiny in the large hospital bed, propped up on a mountain of pillows and hooked up to two drips and a shit ton of machinery.
In the five seconds it took for me to observe all of that, Sarah burst into tears. I passed white coats—at least two—but kept walking. Being careful of the drips, blood pressure cuff, and the monitors she was hooked up to, I slid onto the bed and pulled her into my lap. Wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight. Not giving a shit about my vomit breath, I kissed her hair and face. I brushed away her tears before giving up and falling apart with her.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. My phone died and because I didn’t think I was gonna be gone for so long, I didn’t take my charger. I called the house but got no answer and I couldn’t remember anyone’s mobile numbers. I called the office, but Mel’s at an expo and Liz is at her nan’s funeral, and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m okay. The baby’s okay.” She tried to reassure me.
“You’re far from okay, Sarah. Now, tell him the fucking truth.”
That came from Sasha, not one of the doctors that were standing staring at what was unfolding right in front of them.
Sasha stood from the chair she was sitting on in the corner.
“I’m gonna go grab a coffee and then go home. You lot need to explain to Richard Branson here exactly what’s going on with his wife while he’s been jet-setting around the planet building his empire.”
Sasha left, and the doctors stared after her for a few seconds before turning back to Sarah and me.
“Mr Delaney, Sarah is suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, which basically means severe morning sickness. This led to her becoming dehydrated, which in turn led to a water infection. She’s somewhat malnourished and severely lacking in iron.”
“Why didn’t her doctor do something? I said this wasn’t right. I said that something more needed to be done.”
I was fucking angry. With myself, the doctors, everyone.
“We’ll be having a word with Doctor Abella in due time, but Sarah and the baby are our priority right now. We’ve set her up on a drip to get some fluids into her. She’s also receiving some blood as well as a vitamin infusion, some anti-nausea medication and some antibiotics to fight off the water infection.”
“Is all of that safe? For her and the baby?”
“Perfectly. We wouldn’t be administering them otherwise.”
We had a little stare down the two doctors and me, and I refused to look away.
“We’d like Sarah to stay in for the next couple of day—”
“No. I—” Sarah complained from where she was tucked tightly into me.
“Shhh,” I said against her head, “you’re sick, bub. You need to stay here for a few days and let the doctors do their stuff and get you well.”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m a fucking child, Liam. I’m not sick enough to keep you at home, am I? You just want me here so you can keep gallivanting around on your little trips.”
What the fuck?
The doctors looked as shocked as I did.
“I had a business meeting. You know this.”
“What I know is that you’ve been gone for over twenty-four hours and haven’t contacted me since you got off the plane yesterday, which was also when you told me you’d be home during the night. Not only did you not come home but also you’ve been unreachable ever since. That’s what I fucking know.”
She was right. Everything she said was right. The truth of the matter was that I should’ve been the one calling an ambulance when she was sick the other morning. I saw then that she wasn’t well, and I should’ve done something.
I didn’t argue with her, not about what she said about me anyway. I was not gonna add high blood pressure to everything else that she had going on.
“If the doctors think you need to spend a few days here, then you’ll spend a few days here. I’ll stay with you if that makes you happier. I’ll get another bed brought in, and I’ll work from here.” I felt her let out a deep breath, but she didn’t say anything else. “We’ll arrange an ultra sound for tomorrow morning once you’re a little more hydrated, but right now the baby’s moving just fine and has a good strong heart beat,” the taller of the two doctors said.
Sarah nodded, while I just felt relieved.
Once the doctors left, I slid Sarah off my lap and onto the mattress and moved the chair that Sasha was sitting on from the corner so I could sit beside her bed.
She stared over at me without saying a word.
“What happened to the girl that never used to swear? I’m sure you just said fuck more than once in front of those doctors.”
“She met and married you. You make me sweary.”
I reached out and took her hand, enveloping it between both of mine.
“I am sorry,” I told her honestly.
“I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I was so fucking scared . . .” She started to cry the instant she tried to speak. I was back on the bed in a split second, dodging the wires to get to her.
“I thought I was losing the baby. I was so frightened, and we couldn’t find you. I called Mel, and she said—”
“Wait, wait, wait. You called Mel?”
“Yes, I called Mel this morning when you didn’t reply to my texts. I asked if she knew where you were staying. She said she had no idea. As far as she knew, you were flying straight home after your meeting.” She swiped the backs of her h
ands over her cheeks to wipe away her tears. It was such a childlike gesture that it just about broke my fucking heart. After drawing in a few shaky breaths, she continued, “I tried to call Luke, but he was already on the plane by that time, and I just didn’t know what else to do. Sasha even called Shain to see if he knew.” She stared at me for a few minutes, her breaths coming heavy and her bottom lip trembling. “Where were you?” she whispered very quietly.
I debated lying to her for a split second, remembered where that got me in the past, and told her the truth.
“I got drunk.”
She pulled back, her brows pulled together in a tight frown, and her eyes darted all over my face.
“What?”
I didn’t think I’d ever felt more ashamed in my life as I continued to explain. “I negotiated a deal with Caledonia, the Scottish drilling company. We won the contract, and the CEO wanted to celebrate.”
She stared at me wide eyed, but at least she wasn’t crying. I kind of wished the tears were still there instead of the hurt that replaced them.
“We had wine with our lunch, so I was just drinking water when we went to the hotel bar. I needed a clear head to do business and to drive the car home from Gatwick.” I attempted to justify . . . explain . . . whatever, but I didn’t miss the soft huff of breath she let out. It said the, “Yeah right,” she never voiced. “I had every intention of coming home, Sarah. That was why I didn’t take my charger. I’d never intentionally be unreachable like that.”
She looked like she was about to cry again, and I was unsure of what to say. I was sick of hearing myself say sorry, so I was sure she must be, too.
“Andrew Hamilton, the CEO, ordered some top-shelf whiskey. I was just gonna have the one, but we sat in these big comfy armchairs around an open fire in the hotel, and next thing I knew, I was waking up, face down, just missing a puddle of my own puke in a hotel room.”
She moved further back and sank down into her pillows.
“How did you get there?”
“I’ve no fucking clue.”
“Did you . . . Were you wearing . . . Were you alone?”
Seriously? That was what she thought I was up to?
I grabbed on to her hand and held it in place as she tried to pull away.
“Sarah, I don’t know whether to be insulted or amused. I was fully clothed. I was alone. Yes, I got drunk. Yes, I fucked up, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you. That all of this—all of the long hours and the travelling, it’s all for you and the baby.”
She stared down at where I was holding her hand, refusing to look at me.
“It won’t always be like this, bub. I promise you. Things have just expanded rapidly, and we need to take on more staff. I’m gonna get that sorted, and I promise, no more travelling while you’re pregnant.”
She chewed on the inside of her bottom lip, and I knew by the look on her face that she didn’t believe me. But before I could respond, we both turned our heads towards the door to her room as it slowly opened. Mai’s pale and worried face appeared and Archie was right behind her. If looks could kill, the crash team would’ve needed to be paged right then to try to resuscitate me, coz he was giving me the death glare.
“Sarah,” Mai said in a hushed voice.
“We got here as soon as we could. Sooner than we should have really, thanks to ya grandfather here thinking he was Sterling Moss on the motorway.”
“Who’s Sterling Moss?” Sarah asked.
“That your Jag out there being loaded onto a tow truck?” Archie asked, the hint of a satisfied smile on his lips.
“Shit, my laptop’s in there.” I leant forward and kissed Sarah on the forehead. “No pole dancing while I’m gone.” She rolled her eyes and gave me a small smile.
“Mai, Archie, I’ll be right back.”
“That’s good of ya.” I heard Archie mumble from behind me as I headed out the door. I obviously wasn’t his favourite person.
After a fair bit of begging and the telling of my sob story, as well as a twenty-pound “drink” for the driver, I got my car unloaded and parked it in the car park. On my way back to Sarah, I called Mel, thoroughly pissed off that she hadn’t told me about Sarah’s call this morning.
“Hey, boss. You back in town yet?”
“Why didn’t you tell me Sarah called this morning?”
“Ah, yeah. I forgot about that. Yeah, Sarah called this morning.”
“You told me you didn’t have her number when I emailed you earlier.”
“I don’t.”
“Would it not still be showing on your call log?”
“Yeah, I suppose. I didn’t actually think of that.” She paused for a moment as I paced outside the entrance to the building. It didn’t matter if she’d passed the number on to me or not. The issue was that I wasn’t here when I should’ve been. “Is everything okay, Liam?”
“No, it’s not. Sarah’s in the hospital. My phone was dead, I don’t know her number off the top of my head, you passing it on to me this morning could’ve saved a lot of stress for both of us.”
“You’re seriously blaming me because you don’t have your wife’s number memorised?”
I took in a deep breath through my nose and wiggled my bottom jaw to loosen some of the tension. When I saw Archie appear through the doors, obviously looking for me, I stopped pacing and tried to calm down.
“No, Mel. I’m just asking that if my wife calls again, please make sure all messages are passed on to me.”
I hung up without giving her a chance to reply. Blaming someone else for my fuck-up didn’t make me feel in the least bit better, and I just knew I was gonna have to cop it sweet from Archie.
“You fucked up.” Good ol’ Arch, straight to the point.
“I did.”
“I find out you weren’t where you’re saying you were, you and me are gonna have a problem.” It was like listening to Luke. Even Archie’s posture was the same as his.
“I was face down, fully clothed, in a pile of whiskey puke from too much single malt after celebrating a new contract we just won. I was planning on flying straight back after the negotiations and didn’t take my phone charger with me.”
He gave a small nod.
“In the future, you make sure your phone’s charged and you have your charger. That girl was hysterical when she called us this morning. She was more worried that something had happened to you than what was going on with her.”
The jagged knife of guilt that had been sitting in my chest all morning twisted itself a little deeper, and my knuckles traced a path up and down my sternum in an attempt to ease the pain it caused.
I opened my mouth to speak at least three times while Archie and I stared at each other, but fatigue, stress, and fear all seemed to hit at once, and I felt as if I was gonna cry. The words just didn’t seem to come.
“Son, the fear, that panic you’ve experienced today, that’s just a little taste of what it’s like to be a father. You’ve now got something to worry about for the rest of your life, so you best get used to it.”
I nodded my head, still unable to speak.
“Let’s get back inside. Hopefully they’ve both finished crying by now.”
***
Mai and Archie insisted that they stay with Sarah while I went home, made sure the guest room was all set up for them, and took another quick shower before returning to the hospital for the night. I didn’t like it, but Archie “insisted”, so I went. When I got back, I found an extra bed had already been wheeled into Sarah’s room for me to sleep in. I didn’t know what they had to do to get the hospital agree to it, but I didn’t ask. I didn’t care. I would have slept on the floor.
While I’d been gone, the drips that Sarah had been hooked to earlier were taken out of the back of hand, and she no longer had the blood pressure monitor wrapped around her arm. So, while I unloaded the takeaway I brought back with me, she took a quick shower. I stood outside the door almost the whole time, listening and making
sure she was okay, only moving away when I heard the water turn off. She emerged a few minutes later in a pair of long Betty Boop pyjama pants and one of my old T-shirts, and I made sure that all the pillows were piled around her again as she settled herself under the sheets.
“You gonna attempt some of this, bub?”
My breath caught as I turned to look at her again. The blood, vitamins, and iron infusions she had earlier improved her complexion and, combined with the hot water from her shower and the warmth of the hospital room, she had a gorgeous rosy glow to her skin.
“C’mere.” She gestured with her head, and I abandoned the food and went to her. When I was close, she took my hand and pulled me so I was sitting on the edge of the bed, then, despite my weak protest, she straddled my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. The need to make sure our baby was okay was almost overwhelming, and I moved my hands over her nonexistent bump, letting my eyes drift closed as I rubbed my thumbs back and forth.
“Hey, bud,” I told the baby. “I fu . . . messed up big time today.” My eyes darted up to Sarah’s, and I mouthed “sorry” for my almost swear word in front of the baby. I’d promised to try to curb my swearing once he was born, but I wasn’t too confident about how that was gonna go. I carried on my conversation with my kid. “I won’t say I’m sorry again, because I think your mum is sick of hearing me say it, but I will promise that nothing like this will happen again. Now, you just settle down for a good night’s sleep and try your hardest not to make your mum feel sick in the morning. Love ya, bud.”
“I hope you’re not gonna keep calling her bud once she’s born.”
I pulled the T-shirt back over her belly before answering.
“She’s a he, so it won’t be a problem.”
“We can find out tomorrow if we wanna.”
I leant back and took in the glow of her skin and the sparkle that lit her eyes, it again hit me just how far she had deteriorated, and I sank a bit lower into my own guilt.
“You wanna?”
She shrugged her shoulders and gave a shy smile.
“I’m not sure. What’s happened today and the possibility of finding out the sex tomorrow have just made it all so real. We’re gonna be parents.” She said it with such wonder in her voice that my nose tingled and I smiled so hard it turned into a little chuckle.