“Have you tried the herbal remedies that sometimes prevent a pregnancy?”
“Aye, off and on through the years, Morag would pass me some, knowing I would birth a child with less than eighteen months between the one next to it. I am certainly most fertile.”
“But there are nearly three years between your last two daughters?”
“Aye, well my husband and I attempted a time apart from each other. But, ’tis an unnatural thing to share a bed with a man you love and desire, and not to be together in an intimate fashion. It was I who ended the time of celibacy for, though he was displeased with it, he would never have forced himself upon me as some men do. And so, we have our wee Sheena now. ’Tis both a blessing and a curse to desire a man in a physical manner.”
Alainn smiled slightly but did not comment.
“You are quiet this morning, Alainn. In truth, you have been quiet since you came back from Galway. Did events happen there that have you troubled?” The girl only shook her head and poured the drink. “So is it the event of last evening, Lady Siobhan’s mother’s passing, that leaves you so melancholy this morning?”
“Aye, ’twas a sad thing to watch the woman slip away. Though I did not know her, I felt a deep connection to her. And her husband appeared to love her very much. It was obvious how great was her love for him as well. What a wondrous thing to behold, a love that has spanned five decades. To be allowed that much time with the man you love must be the greatest of bestowments. But to have it taken away after such a lengthy time would surely cause the deepest heartache known to a soul.”
Margaret watched as the young woman’s eyes brimmed with tears that overflowed down her cheeks. Alainn angrily wiped the tears away and stood to busy herself, wiping the table and setting out bowls for the children.
“Alainn, would you fetch the jug of milk from just outside our door? Seamus always pulls it from the well for me and leaves it ready beside the stoop so I don’t have to leave the cottage. You might pour yourself some as well.”
“I’m not so overly fond of cow’s milk, although ’tis better than that of a goat.”
“Aye well, whether you’ve a fondness for it or not, you should drink it. ’Twill be beneficial to the child you carry and aid in producing the milk you’ll need to nurse it.”
Alainn stilled, a disconcerted look on her face.
“It is not yet outwardly evident, is it?” she asked in a tight voice.
“No, your body is as trim as always. Perhaps your bosom has grown, but surely only a woman who knows what causes that condition would notice, or maybe a man who knows you intimately. But, sure you’ll not be able to keep it hidden for very long.”
“Cook told you?”
“No, I guessed it, and then he confirmed it. Joseph told me how ill you were on your journey to Galway, how you were unable to keep food settled in your stomach. With how quickly you left, I thought you’d gone to keep your condition concealed.”
“That was not the reason entirely, but perhaps a part of it. And ’tis doubtful I shall ever need milk to nourish the child, for he’ll surely never live more than hours.”
“So ’tis an O’Brien child you carry within you!” the woman fumed. “Which one of them has been at you? Was it Sean, the chieftain’s youngest brother?”
“Sean? Why would you think it was Sean? He’s never been anything but gentlemanly toward me. I quite like the man.”
“Sure, he’s not known to be as wanton as some of his brothers, but I caught him starin’ at my Molly the other day and wanted to rip off his ballocks!”
Alainn giggled. “Well Molly’s a lovely girl, and Sean does have an affinity for redheads. His late wife had red hair, as does their son, who looks nothing like his father. But I’ve never known Sean to be rude or disrespectful to any of the servants or commoners. He was surely just observing how lovely Molly is. She’s of an age when men are beginning to look at her, and though I know how protective you and Cook are, ’tis unrealistic to think she can be protected entirely.”
“Aye well, she will be protected as long as her family is around. I know well how a woman must fight to keep herself virtuous for her husband, for men are a depraved lot when it comes to matters of the flesh. And you, Alainn McCreary have surely been made to fight off an army of men with the great beauty you possess.
“Ever since you were a child you were lovely. And now that you’re a woman, so radiant and blossomed, I suppose men cannot be faulted for wanting you. When I see those eyes of yours, ’tis nearly impossible to turn from you, as though you hold my gaze. Aye but you have old eyes, Alainn.”
“Old?”
“They seem to hold a knowledge far beyond your years. And when they are sad, as they are now, it is painful to look within them. So tell me, Alainn, is it the fact you carry a child that has you so entirely maudlin, or is it the father? Has he forced himself upon you, is the child a product of a rape?”
“No, I gave myself to him, completely, entirely, with no reservations and no regrets.”
“It’s Killian, then.” Alainn glanced at her as if to question how she could know, but the woman answered before she could speak. “The love shines in your eyes when you are around him. It always has. I have worried over that from the time you were a child. I knew it would bring heartache, as did my husband and old Morag. Does Killian know of the child?”
“No, ’tis of no benefit for anyone to tell him for he is to wed by week’s end, and me, day after tomorrow. Killian is the only man I have ever been with, and he’ll be the only one I shall ever desire to be with in such a manner.”
“Liam is a good man, Alainn,” she said, taking her hand and patting it. “I believe he will accept the child, and perhaps you might make him believe it is his. Babes are oft born before their expected time.”
“Sure it will not even be a consideration unless the curse is lifted.”
The woman looked at her with sympathetic eyes for she clearly believed that was not probable.
“How far along are you, child?”
“I missed my second monthly past a week ago, and the sickness in the morning has begun to ebb, so I doubt I could convince the man the child is his.” She glanced down at their entwined hands and whispered, “Molly will think so little of me. She is much insistent she will never be with anyone until she is wed.”
“She is young, Alainn, and has not given her heart to a man. ’Tis easy to declare statements of intent when the circumstances have not yet been presented. She does not know how a woman burns for a man when she has fallen in love. But, you needn’t worry about Molly, she’ll not judge you, for you are gravely important to her. She loves you well.”
“And so, do you judge me, Margaret, for giving myself to a man without benefit of matrimony?”
“I could hardly judge you when I did so myself.” Alainn’s eyes widened in surprise.
“You and Cook were together before you were wed?”
“Aye, I wanted to ensure the first time was with someone I loved and not with a lord who simply wanted me for a night or two to ease his desires. Hugh O’Brien’s father was a lascivious man in his later years. I was always unable to understand how a man who had been honorable and noble all his life could change so drastically. After his wife died, he did not care how he behaved toward women. I had a deep respect for the man, and then almost overnight he became an unreasonable, insatiable tyrant.”
“Like his son. I suppose the apple truly doesn’t fall far from the tree, for I always believed Hugh O’Brien to be a good man. I sang his praises, and now I am being made to pay for trusting him.”
“So, he’s raped you?”
“No, but he attempted it, and it was the closest I ever hope to come to being violated. I would have killed him, I think, if he were not Killian’s uncle and the O’Brien.”
“You have not mentioned any of this to Killian?”
“No, he believes I’ve been with his uncle but not that it was forced. I think he would kill him if he learned
the truth, and no matter that he is his nephew, Killian would pay for taking the life of a chieftain, regardless of how warranted his actions might be.”
“So you allow him to think you have been unfaithful to protect him.”
“Aye, to save his life. To keep him safe, I would do much more.”
Alainn sipped the warm drink. As some of the children had begun to awaken, Margaret passed the sleeping child to Alainn and added oats to a large pot of water. Alainn placed soft kisses on the child’s fine hair and inhaled the sweet scent. Love for her own unborn child filled her heart, and, for the briefest of moments, she felt content. When a knock came to the door, she jerked upright, for she knew whose knuckles rapped at the thick wood.
“ ’Tis Killian. You must tell him I am not here. I cannot speak with him!”
“I will not speak falsehoods for you, Alainn. I will attempt to dissuade him, but we both know he is not a man to be discouraged easily.” Moments later, she came back from the door, shaking her head. “He will speak to you now or wait outside the door. He looks sorely grieved and wears the armor of battle, so he is clearly slotted for a match this morning. The sun has risen, and sure his uncle will not take kindly to him missing a bout. You might as well face him now, Alainn. I am certain there are words that must be spoken between you.”
Alainn stepped out onto the stoop still carrying the sleeping child in her arms. She did not meet his eyes but closed the door behind her, pulling the blanket over the sleeping baby. She looked down the path and toward the stone fence.
“Are you expecting someone, Alainn?”
“No, but I thought perhaps your intended might be somewhere close by.”
“No, I’ve come alone. There are subjects that must be spoken between us, matters meant for our ears alone.”
When neither spoke, Alainn sighed and looked toward the distant hills. The sun was just rising and a lovely mist covered the horizon. How odd that it could be such a pleasant morning when her stomach felt knotted and her mind full of torment. When still he did not speak, she dared glance at him. He wore his leine, his heavy tunic, with a light armor covering his chest and arms. She didn’t want to think of the fine brawny chest that lie beneath the armor or the powerful arms that had so often held her.
“Broadsword or pith axe?”
“Sword,” he said shortly.
They fell to silence once again. She looked down at the sleeping child to keep her eyes from looking at him. The clanging of dishes from inside the cottage brought her head up.
“I must go assist Margaret with the morning meal. And I will be needed to go to the healing chamber, soon enough. I should take leave now.”
“And so you mean to never discuss our situation?”
“What situation do you refer to? The fact that we are both to be wed this week?”
“You know very well, that’s not what I speak of! I need to know of your time with my uncle. I know you’ve been with him, but you told me he did not rape you. Am I to conclude you simply allowed him to have you? I have seen you create thunder and lightning. I have seen you call upon the ocean’s fury. Sure you might have kept him from bedding you, unless you actually wanted it.”
“You know little of my powers, Killian O’Brien!” she spat. “They are unpredictable and ever-changing. We clearly have nothing further to discuss, for it is evident you have already formed an opinion on the matter.”
“Tell me it isn’t so, Alainn. Tell me you weren’t my uncle’s whore!”
Her eyes grew stormy, and she turned to open the door.
“I’m not done speakin’!” he shouted, taking a step toward her.
“Do not dare move from where you stand!” Her tone was both taunting and furious. “Aye, we are surely not through yet, Milord, but I’m taking the child within so you do not frighten her.” The door opened and Margaret popped her head out. She glowered at Killian as she scooped the child from Alainn’s arms and closed the door.
Alainn turned, drew back her arm, and slapped Killian’s face with all her might. His head snapped back from the force of it, and she grabbed her stinging hand. His cheek held an angry red mark. His lip was bleeding.
“I have only ever been one man’s whore, Killian O’Brien, and I rue the day I ever went to his bed!”
She pivoted on the stoop to leave, but he caught her arm. With gritted teeth in a grimace, he passed her a package tied with cloth ribbon.
“This is for you. I bought it in Galway. It is a gown I chose for you.” She refused to take it from him.
“I want nothing from you, Killian O’Brien, save solitude and distance.”
“You must take it. It was intended for you.”
“I’m sure you’ll find someone else who would be suited to it.” She tried to keep her eyes from the welted handprint on his cheek, the trickle of blood on his chin.
“ ’Tis the gown I hoped you might wear at our wedding. Perhaps you’d like to wear it when you wed the farmer.” Bitterness had seeped into in his voice, and his green eyes held ire. Her heart twisted painfully.
“It would be shameful to accept a costly garment and wear it for such a short time, so eager will he be to consummate the marriage.”
She turned without looking at him, stepped into the cottage, and slammed the door in his face.
Chapter Sixteen
He stood there for a time, trying to calm his confusion and jealousy. He looked toward the sun and knew he must get to the tournament before he had to forfeit a bout and begin the games with a loss to the O’Briens. He thought of rapping on the door once more, but it was unlikely they could say anything that they wouldn’t later regret. When he started down the stone walkway, a most displeased voice called after him.
“Killian O’Brien, you get yourself back here this instant, for I’ve a word or two to tell you myself!”
Margaret Kilkenny stood with face flushed and arms crossed over her full bosom. She had a rankled look upon her motherly face, one Killian had seen before when she’d scolded her own sons. He turned fully around to face her wrath.
She saw the dark red mark on his face, his obviously wounded pride, and a forlorn heartsick expression.
“Aye, what is it you’d like to say, then?” he asked in a defeated tone.
“You can tell me this is none of my concern if you like, but I’m going to give you my opinion anyway. And if you don’t like it you can take it up with the chieftain. And if he cares to dismiss my husband for my address to you, then so be it, for he’d back me in this, I know it well.”
“This’ll not go to my uncle,” he mumbled.
“I only met your mother but a time or two, but she seemed a good decent woman. Your aunt who took over in her stead, is a lovely, gracious and well-mannered woman, and I know the two of them would be most disheartened to hear you speak to a woman in the way I’ve just heard you talk to wee Alainn. That was a horrid, disrespectful word you called her, and one she does not deserve.”
“Aye, it was wrong of me, but she can rile a man in a way that would make the saintliest of men want to strangle her!”
“Aye, she’s spirited and oft speaks her mind to a fault, but you cannot dishonor her. And while I don’t know all of what has happened between the two of you, I know the two of you have been together as a husband and wife, without the vows and nuptials.”
“She told you that?”
“Aye, just this morning, and she told me she gave herself to you freely. Do you not realize how esteemed you should feel? A woman has her virtue to give to but one man, and she offered it to you. You should feel honored. You should treat her as a treasure. She honored you with the pleasure of making her a woman, and now you throw it back in her face?”
“She’s betrayed me and deceived me. I don’t know if I can see past that.”
Margaret put her hand on his shoulder. “I don’t see Alainn as being deceitful. You must tell me what she’s done to make you believe that.”
“She’s been with my uncle!” The word
s cut him as he spoke them.
“Are you certain of this? Has she told you so herself?”
“Nay, but he has, and she won’t deny it, so ’tis the same thing!”
“Why then would she tell me she’d only ever been with one man?”
“Perhaps she was ashamed to admit it to you.”
“She admitted to me she lay with you willfully. If she values my opinion, why would she have me believe she’s a wanton woman, yet not disclose the fact she’d been raped. If she allows you to believe she gave herself to your uncle what are the consequences?”
“I will never trust her again. All that we shared would be ruined.”
“And what would your recourse be toward your uncle?”
“I would hate him for the rest of my life!”
“And if you learned he tried to rape her, then what?”
“I would kill the bastard as sure as I breathe!” Killian seethed.
“Aye, and be hanged for killing the earl.”
“To swing at the end of a rope would be worth it to avenge the woman I love!” he shouted.
“Maybe not to her,” she said quietly.
He looked as if he’d been slapped anew. The woman watched as understanding dawned on his young, handsome face.
“She thought to protect me. She knew I’d avenge her wrongdoing.”
“Aye, I believe that is the truth of it. But, should you act upon this now, make your uncle pay for his injustices, she will have risked losing your respect and your love, for nothing. Don’t cause Alainn any more pain. She’s a delicate girl, and though she puts on a bold front, you have wounded her.”
“She’s stronger than you think.”
“If you speak of the powers she has, then I’ll explain somethin’ to you. I have only ever known two other women with such abilities. One died in childbed with a broken heart, so clearly her powers were of little use to her. The other lives in a cave banished forever and shunned by everyone she ever knew. So think awhile on this, Killian O’Brien, if you think those powers can protect her. They’ll surely not mend her heart if you leave it tattered.”
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