Only Love

by Smith, Victoria H.

  Shocked, I made sure to keep my face straight. Not only was this man calling Adam out in front of all the other officers, but he was calling him out in front of me! This guy didn’t have a clue who I was. What if Adam hadn’t shared his struggle with alcoholism with me? What if him opening his big mouth just now had been the first I’d heard about it? Not only that, what kind of ‘friend’ encouraged an ex-alcoholic to drink? Immediately, I was put off by this guy, but kept my thoughts to myself. Instead of speaking my mind, I chose to stare at the television screen as if nothing had been said.

  Adam laughed off the comment like it was no big deal. “Nah, I’ll just let you drink for me. It isn’t like you won’t have enough for the both of us anyway,” he joked.

  Chambers laughed, nodding in agreement. “Touché’, my friend. Touché’.”

  The other officers all chuckled, but I saw nothing funny.

  One of the other guys down the table decided to add his two cents. “Adam, I’ll make you a deal. Drink with us tonight and we’ll all take turns escorting you to your AA meetings for the next couple months, eh? How’s that sound?” he asked. “We’re supposed to be out supporting Don! Loosen up, man!” he added with a chuckle, leaving me to wonder what that meant. Why were they out in support of Don?

  Again, Adam was passive when responding to the comment. “I’m good. But don’t let me stop you. You can drink ‘til you pass out if you want.”

  “And I plan to do just that,” the man added, holding the bottle of gold-colored liquid high in the air when the waiter set it down in front of him.

  I had to say something. At least to Adam. I leaned across the table and got his attention. When he came closer, I asked if they were always like this.

  At first he shot me a look like he didn’t have a clue what I was talking about, but then he figured it out. His expression softened. “They don’t mean any harm,” he whispered. “We all have our issues, and this is just kind of how we deal with ‘em. Bonner’s thing is that he’s on his fifth wife. We ream Clark about his gambling.” Adam shrugged like it was all no big deal. “Nothing’s sacred with us,” he added with a laugh.

  I still didn’t like it.

  The inappropriate comments ceased and it was almost like none of those things had been said. Adam laughed and joked with the guys, all the while being mindful to keep his voice down for Rissa’s sake. Over the course of half an hour, the stretch of our table was loaded down with a continuous flow of food—wings, mozzarella sticks, potato skins, jalapeno poppers, you name it. The officers ate and cleared nearly all of it away, leaving me in awe of how they put down so much food. Even Caroline, who couldn’t have been bigger than a size four, had done her fair share of damage. Adam ate a little just to be sociable, but kept it light because we’d eaten before his friends arrived. Don backed away from the table an inch or two and rubbed his stomach. From the looks of it, he was in pretty good shape for his age, but he’d just eaten enough to feed a small village.

  “I’m stuffed,” he announced, belching into his fist.

  “Not me,” Chambers replied, reaching for the last two wings on the platter. Caroline shook her head at them both and signaled the waiter back over to the table. When he arrived, she ordered another soda, and a few of the guys asked for another beer, too.

  “Last chance, Adam. You know you want one,” Chambers teased beside me.

  The man at the end of the table jumped in again too. “What the hell’s stopping you? You’re really gonna pass up having a good time with us just to get another one of those cheesy coins they give to all you drunks?”

  That was it. That was all I could stand.

  “Is this really necessary? Mocking him?” I asked, straight-faced as the entire table went silent. If Adam wouldn’t defend himself, I would.

  Chambers, stunned, shrugged his shoulders. “We didn’t mean anything by it. We were just having fun with the guy.”

  My blood boiled that they thought a person’s addiction was something to joke about. “In your line of work, shouldn’t you know better? What the hell are you all thinking encouraging him to drink?”

  Adam touched my hand and his eyes widened when I looked into them. “Aubrey… ease up,” he said under his breath.

  I turned to look out the window, slowly taking my hand from his. I heard Caroline clear her throat beside Adam, and I knew it’d be best if I just left. Looking down to check the time, I figured I could just catch the bus back to our building as opposed to asking Adam to take me.

  “Rissa and I are just going to head home,” I said to Adam in a hushed voice, knowing that if I stuck around it’d just be awkward as hell.

  I stood, put Rissa’s bag over my shoulder, and then lifted her into my arms from Adam’s lap. I didn’t turn to address any of his “friends” on my way to the door. A set of footsteps trudged behind me and I knew without having to confirm, it was Adam. I’d just made it through the exit when his gentle tug on my arm halted me.

  “What was that about?” was the question he posed, leaving me floored that he even had to ask.

  “Are you kidding me? I don’t know how you could sit there and let them talk to you like that!”

  Adam eased his hands inside his pockets before speaking again. “I already told you, that’s just how we get along. Tonight, yeah, they were hard on me, but next time, it’ll be Don, or Caroline, or Bonner, or Torrance, or whoever. You’re making a big deal out of nothing, Aubrey.” Adam’s tone was still calm and even.

  The last 24-hours had been one jacked up situation after another and I was ready to go to bed and just start over. When I held my free hand to my forehead and breathed out a day’s worth of frustration, Adam stayed silent, but finally took a step closer. Yes, I was on edge after all that’d happened with Javi, but still, I didn’t feel like I was blowing this all out of proportion. The other officers were exactly what I thought they’d be, which made Adam stand out from all the rest that much more—a diamond in the rough. Just as I thought those words, he ran a hand down my arm.

  “Maybe this wasn’t the best thing—having all of them here. You had a hard day. I know you were doing this for me, but…”

  I let my eyes drift shut when I realized that I probably embarrassed him when I caused that scene. “No, I’m sorry. I owe you an apology. Those guys are dickheads and I’m not taking that back, but I shouldn’t have done that, reacted the way I had. I hope I didn’t make you look bad.”

  The smile that graced Adam’s lips eased my mind. “I’m not worried about it, but I’m thinking we could use your help down at the station,” he joked. “You could start your own scared straight program.” His smile grew to a laugh. “I’ve never seen Chambers look more afraid in all my years working with the guy, and I’ve seen him stare down the barrel of a shotgun before.”

  I shook my head and ignored how hot my cheeks got. “If I thought they deserved it, I’d apologize for causing a scene, but I honestly should’ve said more; I just didn’t want to embarrass you.”

  When I saw Adam grinning to himself instead of speaking, I questioned him with my eyes. “What?”

  He shrugged nonchalantly. “Nothing. I was just thinking.”

  When he flashed his teeth again, I had to look away because that smile of his got me every time, but I still managed to ask, “Thinking about what?”

  “I just don’t know a whole lot of women, aside from my moms, who’d get that upset about someone being hard on me like the guys were tonight.” Something about the look he gave when he was finished speaking made me feel warm from head to toe. It was no secret that I cared for him. Only now, he had more to go on than just my word.

  Rissa’s back went to Adam’s chest when he gently pulled me closer. Adam’s hand slipped from my wrist to the small of my back and I zeroed in on his mouth as I realized what his intentions were. I recalled my reaction to him kissing me the last time—rushing out of his apartment in a huff. But this time, I didn’t move my feet an inch. I’d let it happen tonight. Maybe
because I knew I needed it. Maybe because I wanted it. But either way, my eyes closed and I fully anticipated the sensation of his mouth pressed to mine, leaving me baffled, when all that came next was a light kiss to my forehead.

  My lids fluttered open when he pulled away, and that one gesture—him just wanting to be close to me and nothing more—made me fall even harder.

  “Let me just run in to pay and then we can take off.”

  I nodded and watched Adam traipse back through the entrance with his wallet already in hand. As soon as he disappeared, my phone sounded off my default ringtone and I scrambled for it at the bottom of my purse.

  “H-Hello?” I said, nearly dropping the phone to the ground when I answered.

  The voice on the other end was familiar, although distorted through her tears. Gabby.

  “Aubrey, I need you to come get me,” she said gasping. “I can’t call my mom. I don’t want to make her mad.”

  My heart raced as panic set in fast. “Ok, just tell me where you are so I can come get you. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  She sniffed back more tears while I waited impatiently, unsure of whether or not she was safe.

  “Tell me where you are, Gabby.”

  She fell silent while I waited and I held my breath as I clutched the phone. Where the hell was she? What happened? Was she okay? All of these questions and more bombarded me, but the biggest question of all came after she confessed her whereabouts.

  “Aubrey… I’m at the police station.”

  What the hell else could possibly go wrong with this day?

  I swiped the bill for my dinner with Aubrey and Rissa from under Chamber’s arm, the table howling about a joke Torrance made across from him. When Chambers met my eyes he frowned. “You leaving?”

  “Yeah,” I said dropping a tip on the table. “Can you make sure the waiter gets this?”

  His eyes looked worried. Moving a beefy hand, he rubbed the back of his neck. “I hope that’s not because of me. I didn’t mean to upset her.”

  The whole table caught wind of our conversation now, all eyes on us. Torrance leaned forward. “Yeah, man. We didn’t mean—”

  “It’s cool, guys.” I assured them. “Seriously. I’ll see you all at the precinct tomorrow.”

  Leaning down, I gave Chambers a shake and a slap on the back, shaking the hands of Bonner and Torrance right after as they were close enough to reach over to. Gains, Clark, and Olson waved, and my partner gave me a nod of his chin, quickly gazing away, and I didn’t ignore the fact that he did so. I also couldn’t deny how out of it he looked. He’d had more than a few beers, the empty ones still in front of him. I figured tonight’s outing was about him when Chamber’s mentioned that they were there to support him. All this business with the case was taking its toll. An arm went around my shoulders, and I was distracted, Caroline giving me a hug. I returned it.

  “You sure everything is okay?” she asked in my ear.

  Smiling, I pulled back, nodding. “I promise. Aubrey had a rough night in general. I took her out to spend some time with her. Hopefully it helped. We probably should get the baby back anyway.”

  This made Caroline’s face light up, an expression I knew to be genuine. She rubbed my arm. “She’s gorgeous. Her baby. I’m glad I got to meet them; see what they bring out in you.”

  Caroline did know about Aubrey and Rissa. I’d told her about them the night I came close to drinking and had to call her. When I mentioned them, I believed I was doing so in passing, turns out I hadn’t been subtle. I found I couldn’t when it came to Aubrey. It read all over my face how I felt about her and Caroline quickly called me out on it. I thought that might be awkward for her considering our history, but it was anything but. Caroline had always been supportive. Supportive on so many levels and this turned out to be another form of support. I had yet another thing to thank her for.

  She squeezed my arm, sitting down to rejoin the conversation, and I noticed Don again. A waiter had brought another round, placed another drink in his hand. I bent to Caroline. “Watch Don,” I told her. “Make sure he doesn’t drink too much.”

  I found Aubrey outside after I paid our tab at the front, pacing with a still sleeping Rissa in her arms. When she heard me she faced my way and the worry warring across her face made a tremor move inside my chest.

  “It’s Gabby,” she said. “We’ve got to hurry. I’ll tell you on the way.”

  Aubrey and I got to the police station in quick time, and I still couldn’t believe I was here tonight, or really, the reason why I was here tonight. After Aubrey told me about Gabby in the car, I could only let out a breath and shake my head, though I didn’t let on to her how frustrated I was. What she told me didn’t make sense about Gabby—at all, and I was going to get to the bottom of it. Something was going on with that kid, and I wasn’t going to let her run away from an explanation tonight like she had in my squad car a few days prior.

  We got inside the station, Aubrey at my side with Rissa still in her arms. I stopped her by a seat for the pair at the precinct’s doors, placing my hand on her arm. “You wait up here, okay? I’ll figure out what’s going on.”

  I didn’t want her and the baby in the back with the riffraff around here.

  Aubrey looked like she wanted anything but. I had no doubt she could hold her own, but I wouldn’t have her or Rissa within ten feet of a hardened criminal. Her staying up here was very much for me. Eventually, she nodded, patting Rissa’s back gently while she rocked her, and instinctually, I wanted to brush my lips along her forehead before our short absence. I resisted. I needed to remind myself that she wasn’t mine.

  She took a seat with Rissa and once I knew she was staying put, I headed back toward our holding cells. That’s where Gabby told Aubrey they were keeping her. I assumed Smith or Daniels would be on duty tonight as most of us went out. It was Smith. His eyes flashed when he saw me here. I never worked evenings and once I told him why, he took me exactly where I needed to go to find Gabby. He gave me the lowdown on the way. Apparently Daniels took her in and the reason blew my mind.

  “Well, it started because she broke curfew,” he said, swiping his card to let us into the area reserved for our cells. “But then Daniels found narcotics in her bag. Coke.”

  I grabbed his arm, freezing. “You’re kidding.”

  “I wish I was. It wasn’t a full bag or anything. Just residue, but she had something at one time. He picked her up at the bus stop. Only blocks away from a party that was just busted. What was in her bag matched what was found there. Hard not to see the connection.”

  She’d been selling drugs. Selling drugs at fifteen. But why? I lowered my hand from Smith. “Do you mind if I take her home? She’s my neighbor. She’s a good kid. I just think a bit misguided.”

  Crossing his beefy arms, he let out a breath. The man was a tank, which was why he handled the fellas brought in back here most nights. “You know we need a guardian to check her out, but I’ll make an exception tonight. Don’t worry about the drugs. I’ll take care of it and make sure she just receives a warning for the curfew.”

  I thanked him and asked him to do one other thing for me before I went back. He agreed, and then I flanked him to the cells. I was happy she was placed in one of our nicer ones. Not only was it clean, but also she was by herself, erasing that twinge of worry I had of any others brought in bothering her.

  She had her head in her hands, crying, and the sight turned my stomach. She did not belong in here. Not at all, but if she kept up what she was doing, this was where she’d end up in the long run. She lifted her head when Smith unlocked the door, and her gaze went to him first, a sudden uneasiness making them flash, but then they escaped to me and that unease happily went away.

  “Adam,” she gasped, standing.

  I went inside and she looked as if she’d run to me, but then Smith did as I asked. He locked the door behind me and the confusion that lined her face was evident. My colleague then walked away, leaving the pair
of us alone.

  Her eyes flashed to me. “What’s going on? They’re not letting me go?”

  I hated seeing her like this, someone so young, so scared, but I needed to talk to her first before we left. I was scared to know what would happen to her if I didn’t. I gestured for her to take a seat on the bench attached to the wall. I did so myself, and she followed my lead.

  Clasping my hands together, I stared ahead for a few moments. I needed to get my thoughts together.

  Gabby’s eyes were on me; I could feel them in my direction. “Is Aubrey here?” she asked. “Did she call you?”

  “She is and she did,” I told her, but after that I let silence sit between us again. I quickly understood why. I was disappointed in her. This kid wasn’t just my neighbor; I cared about her. Letting out a breath, I finally collected my thoughts. “What’s going on, Gabby? Drugs? Really?”

  Her mouth parted. “I didn’t have any drugs.”

  “Don’t lie to me.”

  Her head turned from me then. I could only imagine it was because she knew I’d catch her if she kept eye contact. More lies in her eyes.

  “Why are you doing this?” I asked, looking at her refusing to look at me. “Is it pressure at school? Something else? I know it may seem nice to have nice things, but this isn’t the way to go about it if you want something. In a year, you’ll be able to get a job and…”

  She let out a dry laugh and a tear escaped her eye, running down her cheek. She wiped it away. “There’s only one thing I want and it ain’t stuff.”

  “And that is?”

  Finally, she turned her head, and the pain in her eyes was evident. In fact, I could feel it myself, clenching at my heart. “You wouldn’t understand,” she sniffed, running her hand under her nose. “Cuz you got it. Even if you don’t think you have it yet.”

  I didn’t know what to make of that, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t get anything more from her about it. She rose up, clasping her hands. “Do you have to tell my mom? About tonight? Please, Adam, is there any way…” she paused, biting her lip. “She’ll be so mad if she finds out they brought me in.”