Rissa had convinced her nine year-old cousin, Javi’s niece, Emelia, to play dolls with her in her bedroom, so the adults were left at the table with cups of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate in hand. It was nice, having family with me on the holiday. Sitting around, getting along, enjoying one another’s company.
Joan asked for a little more sugar for her beverage and I stood from the table in the small dining area and went to the kitchen to get it. To my surprise my aunt followed close behind. I caught sight of her from the corner of my eye when I reached into the cabinet and stared back at her when she stopped me. My fingers grazed over the rippled glass of the container in my hands while I waited with bated breath for her to say whatever was on her mind. It could’ve been anything. Granted, she’d been pleasant this evening, but there was just no telling with her. I’d learned not to be shocked by anything this woman said.
“Yes?” I said sweetly when she placed a hand on mine. Surprisingly, there was nothing but kindness in her eyes.
She cocked her head to the side. “So how long have you and this Adam been together?” she asked. It didn’t shock me that she’d ask that. Tonight was the first time she’d heard mention of him. There was a reason for that. Before now, my personal life never came up because she’d been notoriously judgmental of my relationship with Javi in the past. I didn’t see the need to bring her opinion into the one I’d built with Adam. Aside from that, she’d never shown any real interest in what went on with me personally; it’d always just been about Rissa. Tonight, though, with Joan and Cindy present, there was no way Aunt Jen would miss Adam’s name as it’d been said several times throughout dinner. Javi’s mother spoke to the pair about their son a great deal, getting to know the man who was clearly a father figure in her granddaughter’s life through the two women who knew him best. So, because of that, Aunt Jen got to know Adam too.
I cleared my throat and answered her question. “About six months now.”
She nodded and her eyes looked me over, but what she did next, I wasn’t expecting. Not in a million years. One corner of her mouth lifted into a smile, and then she leaned in and hugged me. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d done such a thing. At first, I just stood there, but when the embrace went on for a few seconds, I hugged her back.
“He makes you happy?” she asked, still holding on.
I nodded as my chin rested on her shoulder. “He does. Very.”
My words sunk in and she accepted them as the truth. “And he’s good with Marissa?” she added, which made me chuckle because I was waiting on that question—was actually surprised she hadn’t asked that first.
“Yes, Aunt Jen, he loves Rissa as if she was his. You know I’d never accept anything less from someone in my life.”
It was then that she finally leaned away, meeting my gaze when she nodded. “I know. I know you’re a good mom.”
Those words, her admission, hit my heart in a way she’d never understand. All this time, all these years even before Rissa, she’d treated me as if I’d been the one on drugs, as if I’d been the one out there prostituting—not my mom. It was like today, for the first time ever, she’d finally gotten that. She finally did.
Aunt Jen ran a hand down the side of my face and, with those few simple words, she’d killed a lifetime of bitterness and the damage that’d been done to our relationship. It was that easy to let her back in because I wanted to let her back in.
By the end of the night I was worn out from all the good food and good laughs. These women, my family, had been exactly what I needed. For the first time in a long time, it wasn’t just me, or just me and my baby celebrating, and I knew it would never be like that again. Josephine passed her number along to Adam’s moms and Aunt Jen invited them all to a fundraising event at her church after hearing how active Joan and Cindy were in their congregation. I kissed and hugged each one as they exited, Cindy last.
“Tell that son of mine he missed out on a good time,” she said with a smile.
I nodded and returned the gesture. “I sure will, but it’ll probably be tomorrow unless he wakes me when he gets in. I’m exhausted.”
She patted my hand before following Joan out into the hallway. “I’m sure you are with all that food you prepared.” As she made the statement, she lifted the bag of leftovers I insisted that she take.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
There was a warmth behind her eyes that filled my heart. It was a look of appreciation, of love. “Get some rest, hon, and we’ll see you all tomorrow around noon at our place, right?”
I nodded, assuring her that we’d be there. “Of course.”
With that, everyone was off and on their way and I stood at the door listening and smiling as I heard the group of women who’d now formed bonds of their own over this dinner chattering as they walked down the hallway together.
Tonight was special for so many reasons, but this, their unexpected connection, was the most precious.
“So what did ya’ll miss tonight?” Chambers asked, turning his head from his locker to Don and me. All three of us had come in off our nightly shift, Don with me of course since he’d been back in action for a few months now and Chambers on his own. His partner was out of town for the holidays so he got out of the call-in.
Don grunted, pulling his bag out of his locker, but he did so with a hearty laugh. “Dinner with my in-laws. Saved myself from my mother-in-law’s meddling and her fruitcake that gives me gas. This shift was a godsend if you know what I mean.”
Chambers tossed his head back with a laugh and I couldn’t help joining in too. Same old, Don.
Chambers slapped Don’s chest. “Fruitcake? Try my woman’s meatloaf. You’d be on the shitter for weeks. Let’s just say Chief got a resounding yes when he asked if I’d come in. I guess we both got saved from some ‘delicious’ Christmas Eve dinner. You as well, Holloway?”
“Nope. Not him. His woman cooked for him. Sent it out with him on our shift and everything.”
I looked up from tying my snow boots to Don. Though he spoke to Chambers his gaze was concentrated on me. Surprisingly enough, I couldn’t really get a read on the look. Just that it was there.
Chambers slammed his hand on my shoulder, taking a seat beside me on the bench. He drew in close. “And you actually ate it, my friend?”
Don answered before I could. “That he did.” He turned, pulling out his own snow boots from his locker. “Completely declined anything from the drive-thru when we went.”
This got a whistle out of Chambers and a light chuckle. “How’s your stomach?”
I gave him a shot to his chest with my shoulder. “Fine. Aubrey knows her way around the kitchen just fine.”
“Aubrey? She’s the one you’ve been seeing for a while, right? The one who pretty much handed my ass to me about ragging on you?”
We both had a laugh at that. Aubrey definitely had done that. She decided to take on the role of my knight in shining armor that night and I had to smile at that. “The very one,” I said, looking up at him.
He nodded with a smile. “How is she and her little girl?” The humor was absent from the question. He actually wanted to know.
“Both good,” I returned, going back to lacing my boots. “But the way her daughter, Marissa, is growing she might not be little for long. She’s getting into all kinds of things these days. We’ve actually caught her trying to escape her crib a few times,” I said, making Chambers laugh alongside me. “She also started talking, making small sentences. Crazy how quick that happened. Seems like she was only gurgling words the other day.”
“Yeah. She’s almost two now, isn’t that right?”
I blinked at the voice. Again, it had been Don. He was messing with his own boots now, and if I hadn’t heard him myself I would haven’t have believed it was he who said something.
“Uh, yeah,” I confirmed. I actually gave a small smile. “Just hit twenty-two months.”
Don acknowledged that with a nod. Again, he didn’t
look up at me but that was okay.
Chambers pulled out his phone at the sound of a text message. Grinning, he put his phone away, and then stood. “It’s been fun, guys, but duty calls. The little woman actually wants me home for some of Christmas Eve.”
Checking my watch, I realized how late it actually had gotten. Aubrey had most likely put Rissa to bed already and turned in herself. I’d have to make it up to them both with a big Christmas breakfast.
Chambers grabbed his bag and closed his locker, nudging Don with it on his way out. “Make sure you both check out the tree in the break room. White elephant exchange, you know. Gotta pick up your gifts.”
I’d nearly forgotten about that. We both said we would and I quickly got the rest of my street clothes on by slipping on my t-shirt over my white tank top. Rooting around in my locker, I grabbed my jacket and gloves, noticing the clear tension that coated the room now that it was just my partner and myself here. Don and I didn’t spend any unnecessary time together these days. It wasn’t intentional on my part, it just happened. Besides work, well, I felt we didn’t have anything in common anymore, nothing that connected us. Car rides were pretty dull, silent. We worked with each other and didn’t really talk about anything outside of that. It felt like we were both walking on eggshells these days and that seemed warranted with some of our previous conversations about the new life I had with Aubrey and Rissa. Playing nice was just easier. Neither one of us calling attention to anything outside of work.
I was almost out of the locker room when a familiar word caused me to stop.
“Kid?”
Turning, I faced my partner, wondering why he stopped me, but even more why he just stood there, seeming at odds with what to say next. I almost thought I was just hearing things, that he didn’t actually call me, call me that. Kid. In a way, the word was an understanding between us. Him the old man, and me, well, his kid.
Awkwardly, I stood there before him, not knowing whether to ask him if he called me or to just leave, but then things suddenly didn’t seem so awkward anymore. Things lightened up, they lightened up when he smiled at me.
Coming forward, he placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing. He then said something, surprising me with the very words. “Merry Christmas,” he said, “To you and yours.”
And in that moment, it felt like something changed between us, the previous vibe that rested between the pair of us turned on its head somehow. Things had been tense for months between Don and myself. Something both of us had been completely aware of since that first day he met Aubrey. Saying my tolerance for him had been hanging by a thread was an understatement, which saddened me greatly. Don hadn’t only been a mentor as my partner of eight-plus years, but also, dare I say, the father figure I never had; the only likes of which I’d lost to booze and abandonment in my own biological father. Choosing to distance myself from my partner had been hard, but in that moment, the heavy silence between us after what he said, I felt like I got back some of what we used to have, and that was friendship, the friend who’d always been there through the good and bad of my addiction, the one who always had my respect.
I gripped his hand, which he accepted, shaking it tightly, and I also gave him something else.
A smile.
“You too, old man,” I said to him, dropping his hand. “You too.”
His lips lifted in my direction. “Just try not to spoil her your first Christmas together. The little girl? They always walk all over you after that.”
Don had a couple kids of his own. Both adopted. The girls were in college now, but when they first came to him and his wife Sharon, I could imagine he knew exactly what he was talking about, muddling through a first Christmas with a newly formed family. I nodded in thanks. “I know. I’ve been through this before.”
Though a different situation. I hoped to not have too much trouble. Then again, I’d be happy with whatever came, grateful for whatever came.
He acknowledged that with a grin. “So you have.”
After tipping his head to me, he went back to his locker. I had the opportunity to leave in that moment, but asked him if he wanted to go to the Christmas tree together and get our white elephant gifts like Chambers suggested we do before we go. Don slipped his workbag over his shoulder, saying, “Sure” behind his gray beard.
We walked out of the locker room together, chatting just like old times on the road, the times before cases and awkwardness. Just a kid and his old man. We were so in tuned to our conversation that we both jumped about fifty feet when we were assaulted from the front by high pitched “Congratulations!” and the happy faces of co-workers I think we both believed had gone home for the holidays. The old man actually grabbed his heart, so I knew it wasn’t just me who’d been taken by surprise.
The set up before us blew my mind. A good quarter of the staff was here, even our chief, Greg Nichols, and though there was the standard Christmas tree and gifts that had been there for the last month, there was a banner behind all the officers that read: Congratulations, the phrase also scrolled on a decorated cake in the middle of the room, except a word was added. It said: Congratulations, Don.
Don saw what I had, eyeing the cake before eyeing me. “What’s this about, kid?”
I raised my hands. “Beats me. They didn’t tell me about this.”
“Just found out myself, guys.” Chambers made his way over to us, grinning. He shook both our hands. “Chief sent me a text,” he said, waving his phone our way. “Why do you think I told you to stop by the break room?”
“Chief just found out not too long ago,” Chief Nichols said, referring to himself. Smiling, he shook Don’s hand, then mine in greeting. The man had worked at this precinct for over thirty-years and was responsible for the reason I was still able to do my job. I’d messed up pretty bad when I was struggling, but when I requested admittance to the program that allowed officers to live in low-income neighborhoods I was given a chance to make amends for my behavior. Chief Nichols gave me that chance, and I discovered something else at the realization. I had Aubrey and her girls because of him too.
“Had to scrounge up what riffraff I could for this party,” Chief Nichols continued, joking in reference to my colleagues. “Congratulations, my friend.”
Don and I both exchanged a glance waiting to be let in on the secret. Chief Nichols simply smiled. “It’s over, Don. Finally over. The verdict of the Lopez case was just announced this evening, and I’m pleased to let you know you can rest easy. Not that there was ever any doubt, but IA always makes things tense for everybody. Even when it’s unwarranted.”
Don’s eyes shifted, thought behind his eyes. “You mean…”
The Chief nodded. “You can enjoy your holiday. The case has officially been closed, and not to be open again from what I hear. All parties are pleased with the outcome. No more Internal Affairs, and no more questioning my men or their dignity. We’re no longer under fire. The slate wiped clean.”
Now Don was well over fifty years old, but with the boisterous, “Woohoo!” he let out, pumping his fist in the air once, he had nothing on any guy half his age. He was surrounded by hugs and back pats, and even more acknowledgements of congratulations. A couple firm shakes went my way, and I took them with spinning thoughts. Thoughts of a deep gratitude that this was finally over, thoughts of relief, but even still with all those thoughts of appreciation I still had more. This was over for us here, in our own precinct with our own men, but… what about the other parties involved? Manuel Lopez and his family?
Don was pushed a cold drink, and I escaped to follow Chief Nichols who had gone to the cooler to get his own drink, a soda. He shook my hand again upon seeing me.
“A victory for you as well, Holloway, eh?” he said chugging his can of cola back. “I’m sure you’re at ease now that your partner has nothing to worry about.”
“Yes, sir,” I agreed. “I can’t help wondering about something you said, though. You said all parties were happy with the outcome?”
The kid wasn’t even armed. Just the other one who Don took down, so I can see why the judge had a change of heart. Representative Garcia fought for that. Lopez will be released in the next few years as long as he continues to exhibit good behavior. The kid’s family is ecstatic. Hell, the whole community is, which was why I said this was a win-win for everyone. Don can rest easy, and now, so can the boy’s family.”
Unexpected, I felt a similar relief. That was good news. Before, Lopez had a twenty year sentence; going in a boy and coming out a man. True, Lopez would never be able to get back the lost time, but now, maybe he’d have a chance for a future, a good long one. Chief Nichols seemed as if he’d go but I got his attention. “So why do you think Representative Garcia went after Don then? You said looking into him wouldn’t have affected anything.”
The Chief shrugged his shoulders, thinking with his soda in his hand. “Perhaps the other boy’s family wanted that, the one who died, Lopez’s cousin. But you can’t look into something that isn’t there to begin with.”
I thought about that. I guess one couldn’t, could they? If Don was innocent, there would be no point in looking into his actions any further. Don was innocent. He was.
My boss and police chief placed his hand on my shoulder, smiling. “Hopefully, the Ruiz Family will have some peace now that this is over. Right, Holloway? Anyway, Happy Holidays.”
He had no idea how much I wished that. I wished him the same, and then joined the rest of the party alongside him.
The room dark, I stepped lightly into Aubrey’s apartment, hanging my keys on the coat hook by the door. Winter chilled my bones, but upon crossing the threshold of Aubrey’s place the cold subsided. Perhaps that was part the temperature of the room and also part being home.
Only Love Page 24