by Anna Cackler
I didn’t even have the energy to groan in despair at my car’s poor condition. I felt drained, empty.
I drove home in the miserable drizzle, trying my best not to over-analyze my six year friendship with Finn. I was looking for any other clue that I had missed that would have warned me. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so freaking blind?
Karma, I think, is the best way to describe what happened next. Good old fashioned fate. I pulled up to the intersection of Fourth and Pine, still mulling over what I thought had been a steadfast and purely platonic relationship, when Oscar’s engine sputtered and died.
“No,” I said, jolted out of my own personal Hell. “No, no, no!” I turned the key in the ignition three times, but the engine just would not catch. “No! No! No!” I moaned at my steering wheel. “Don’t do this to me!”
The light turned green, but I still couldn’t get the engine to start. Someone behind me honked their horn. I glanced up in the rear view mirror and froze solid. There, unmistakably clear in my rear view mirror, sat a red Chevy truck.
What did I say? Karma? Oscar had only stalled out twice in all the time I’d had it, and both times I’d caught Ethan Cavanaugh behind me.
Ethan got out of his truck and jogged through the drizzle to see if I needed help. His dark skin against the gray day only further reminded me of those black and white photographs.
“Did it stall out again?” he asked as I rolled down the creaking window.
I nodded miserably. Any other day I would have been screaming mad, but today I was just numb.
“Here, let me try.” He opened my door for me. I didn’t get out, but scooted over to the passenger’s seat. He climbed in and tried the ignition a few times, pressing gently on the gas. I watched him work in silence. He really was gorgeous--the stereotypical tall, dark, and handsome man that came to the aid of the damsel in distress. How could a guy like this ever have noticed a girl like me?
I shook my head miserably. I could have asked the same thing of a guy like Finn.
“It’s no good,” he said. He looked around, thinking hard. “Look, there.” He pointed to our right at a mostly empty parking lot in front of Terry’s Bar-B-Q. “We’ll push it there then you can have it towed.”
“Great,” I said. “You think you and I can push this stupid thing?”
He grinned at me. “Probably not, but they can always help us.” I looked around us to find that three or four guys and a couple of women were standing around watching us. They were all stuck behind me.
“Oh.”
Ethan was right. With the assistance of the other onlookers, who gladly offered to help us push, we were able to roll Oscar right into Terry’s parking lot with no problems. My car squeaked and groaned into an empty parking spot, making everyone laugh and joke about its horrid state.
“What did you do to this poor thing?” a blond woman asked, laughing. “I’ve never seen a car so green.”
I had to force myself to laugh with her. How sad is that?
Once Oscar was out of the road, our curious bystanders and helpers cleared off pretty quickly. I stood with my arms crossed in the frigid rain while Ethan moved his truck out of the road to park next to my car.
“Now what?” I asked when he cut the engine.
“Now we find a phone,” he said. “Which mechanic do you use?”
“Auto Stop.”
“Okay. You wait here. I’ll run in and call a tow truck.”
“No, I’ll come too. I need to call my Dad first.” We asked at the hostess desk of Terry’s Bar-B-Q for a phone, and she let us use hers right there by the door.
“Just let me know if you need something else,” she said with an inviting smile.
“Thanks,” Ethan said, flashing all thirty-two of his teeth at her. The pretty hostess, who had to have been in her early twenties, blushed scarlet and I shook my head in disbelief. Had I been that charmed in the beginning too?
Dad wasn’t terribly surprised when I told him what had happened. “Just call the tow truck like Ethan said,” he said. “Call Marty’s. He’s pretty cheap. I’ll come by and pick you up. Don’t go anywhere.”
“I won’t,” I said. “Thanks.”
“See you in a bit.”
“Okay.” I hung up the phone and turned to Ethan. “He said to call Marty’s.”
He frowned. “I don’t know that number.”
“What, did you know the number of another tow company in town?”
“Very funny.”
“Hold on,” the hostess said eagerly. “I’ll find a phone book.”
Ethan turned his dazzling smile to her again. “Thanks.”
He called the tow company for me when the hostess returned with the directory, and before long we had stepped back out into the wet parking lot to wait. I pulled my jacket tighter around my body and shivered.
“Dad’s going to be a while longer,” I said. “You don’t have to stick around. I’ll be fine.”
“No, I’ll wait with you. Get in my truck. It’ll be much warmer than yours.”
I hesitated in the parking lot, but in the end the cold got the better of me. “Yeah. Thanks.”
I climbed into his passenger seat and stared out of the windshield at the gray day. Ethan started the ignition and a blast of hot air washed over my face. It felt so good that I couldn’t help but relax a little.
“So how was your first day back?” Ethan asked, leaning casually back in his seat. “Boring as usual?”
“Sure,” I said, but my body had tensed up again. “Crazy how you got stuck behind me again when Oscar stalled out.”
“Karma, I think.”
I smirked. “Yeah, that’s the word I had in mind.”
“You know, I’m starting to think your car is divine intervention materialized,” he said.
“What?”
“Well think about it. The first time it stalled, I got stuck behind you. If that hadn’t happened, we never would have started hanging out. We wouldn’t have gone out. And now, the second time it dies for real and who’s stuck behind you? The one person who can help you deal with it. It is why we finally get to talk again. Hell it was why we met in the first place. Divine intervention.”
“I think I liked karma better. Besides, it wasn’t because of my car, it was my mom’s reproductive cycle.”
“What?” He looked rather alarmed.
“Because that was the day Mom told us she was pregnant, which is why I was late meeting Shannon, which is why I was in front of you at that stop light.”
“You’re ridiculous.” He smiled at me and I felt that old familiar flutter in my heart. I shook my head to force that ghost of a memory away.
“What do you think the fall would have been like if you and I didn’t become friends?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Kind of boring, I guess.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He looked at me, all traces of his usual smile gone. “I’m not mad at you, you know.”
“I know.” That was a lie. I still thought he was furious. I turned to stare out of my window so he wouldn’t see the guilt splayed across my face.
“I was at first, but I thought about it and it made sense to break it off. You could have done it a little better, I think, but I’ll overlook it this time.”
I glanced up at him. He was smiling again. “I’m socially awkward.”
“No you’re not. That’s what attracted me to you in the first place.”
I blushed, but couldn’t say anything.
“I mean it,” he said. He wasn’t smiling now. “In fact, I think the whole mess was mostly my fault.” There was a short pause as he collected his words in preparation for what I suspected would be a pretty major discussion. I watched him warily. “Do you remember when you asked me why my family moved to Arkansas? And I answered that I ran out of pretty girls to charm?”
Oh no. Here it comes. “Yeah.”
“Well, I wasn’t joking.”
&
nbsp; “Huh?”
“Well, it wasn’t the reason for moving, but I really did date most of the girls in my area.”
“What?” My voice was pitched far higher than I’d meant, but there was no taking it back now.
“Don’t worry! I wasn’t the male equivalent of a hooker or anything. I didn’t sleep around.”
I sank down into my seat, drawing my knees up to my chest and covering my face with my hands. This was ridiculous! This was just too much for one day!
Ethan kept right on talking at top speed. “Still don’t, in fact. But I did do a lot of dating. Mostly superficial social stuff. Usually people just referred to me as ‘The Charmer.’”
Yes. He even used air quotes.
“What are you getting at?”
“My point is that the moment I met you that all changed,” he said. “Talking with you wasn’t like talking with any of my other girlfriends. It didn’t feel like dating to me. It felt, God, I don’t know. Sincere, I guess.”
“Oh no,” I moaned. “Not again.”
But Ethan didn’t hear me. “I was content just to be around you. To hang out with you. I hate to say it, but with you I was always so entertained that I generally just didn’t bother with dating you.”
“Oh my God.”
“No! No! That’s not what I meant!” he exclaimed when he saw my reaction. “I meant that I knew that it wouldn’t last! It never lasts with me. I didn’t want to drive you away because I actually genuinely enjoyed spending time with you.”
“So why did you actually date me!” It came out more as an accusation than a question.
“Because.” He shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know. I think I felt like I needed to stake a claim for your attention or something. Finn was always hanging around. Shannon I like. Margo, too, but Finn doesn’t like me much, not really. He’s always so possessive of you. You know, I think Finn might have a thing for you.”
“Oh, this is not happening.” I sank even lower into my seat.
“Anyway, so my point was that because I was so fickle about dating you, I drove you off. My fault. And I’m sorry. And I regret it because I really do miss you.”
I peeked at him between my fingers. He did look miserable. Maybe he was telling the truth. Even I’d noticed how charming he was with all the girls. Only Shannon, who was so used to being charmed, was immune to his talents, which was why the pair of them had been able to conspire together several times without incident.
“So what are you saying?” I asked. Glancing out of the window, I saw Dad’s car pull into the parking lot. “Dad’s here.”
“I’m saying that I want to forget this whole mess and start over again. As friends.”
I studied his face carefully. “Yeah. That sounds wonderful, actually. I’ve hated that it’s been so awkward.”
“Yes! Me, too! It shouldn’t be that way with friends.”
“No, it shouldn’t be. And I really am sorry about how I handled things there at the end.” I was still squirming a little from his disturbing revelations about his dating history, but I would just have to get over that. Or else interrogate him about it later. “Listen, I’ve got to go. Dad’s waiting. But I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
He grinned that familiar old grin. “Yeah. Good.”
“Thanks for helping me out.” I couldn’t help but smile back.
“Any time!” he called after me just before I slammed the door shut.
I crossed the parking lot quickly and slipped into Dad’s car. “Man, it’s cold out there.”
“Yeah,” Dad agreed as he pulled the car into gear. “They say it’s supposed to change to freezing rain Thursday.”
“Great.” I glared out the window, but quickly averted my gaze to the radio LCD when we passed the Cornell Library.
“So aside from Oscar’s untimely death, how was your first day back?”
“Uneventful. How’s Mom?”
“The same. She’s going crazy stuck in the house like she is.”
“I’d go crazy in the same situation.”
“Anybody would.”
I scrunched down in my seat and glared at the rain the rest of the way home.
The next morning Aaron had to take me to school. He had to get up half an hour earlier than usual to get me there on time, which he grumbled about the entire way.
“What’s so wrong with your junk heap again?” he asked over the rumble of his ancient truck.
“It died yesterday,” I reminded him. “It’s over at Auto Stop until Friday.”
“So I’ve got to chauffeur you around for another three days?”
“Yes, you do.” I stared out the window, my stomach rolling. I hadn’t spoken to Finn or Shannon since yesterday, and I had no idea what sort of a mess I was walking into at breakfast. Had Finn mentioned anything to Shannon? Had Shannon noticed anything if he hadn’t? What was I going to say to Finn? What would he say to me?
“What’s your deal this morning?”
“Nothing. Leave me alone.”
“You’re too quiet for it to be nothing.” He sounded truly concerned now, which made me a little curious.
I glanced at him, then turned back to the skeletal trees that were flashing by the window. “I’m just having a little guy trouble.”
“Ah, so Finn finally made a move?”
I glared at him. “So everybody knew about this except for me?”
“Keep your pants on, sheesh!” He raised his right arm defensively. “And yes. Everybody knew. I was taking bets with my buddy Andy on how long it would take you to figure it out.”
“Please tell me you’re joking!”
“All right, I’m joking.”
I glared at him. “Are you lying?”
“If I said ‘no’ would you believe me?”
“No.” I rested my head against the cold glass. “Just please no more bets on my love life, okay?”
“Whatever.”
“Or my social life.”
“Aw, come on! You’re cutting me off at the knees, now!”
“No bets!”
“If I said ‘all right’ would you believe me?” He grinned and wagged his eyebrows at me.
I thumped my forehead against the window. “No.”
Aaron dropped me off in front of the building, and his truck roared away almost before my feet had hit the pavement. I glared after him for several seconds before walking inside. If nothing else, my useless brother had made me angry enough that my nerves were no longer center stage.
“What’s wrong with you?” Shannon asked when I stepped up to our usual table. Finn was sitting next to her and, like always, he pushed a bright green apple across the table to me without looking up from his book. Today it was Bill Clinton’s memoirs.
I took the apple hesitantly and sat down. “Aaron’s being a butt face,” I said. I couldn’t stop staring at Finn through his book, and his sister noticed.
“And what’s wrong with you, now?” she asked, leaning into my light of sight.
I jumped and focused on Shannon’s face instead of Bill Clinton’s. “Nothing.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You keep saying that, and I keep not believing you.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.” I took a large bite of my apple, mostly as an excuse to stop talking.
“Hey everybody!”
Shannon and I both jumped when Ethan’s bright and cheerful voice interrupted Shannon’s glaring. Finn lowered his book half an inch and stared at him blankly.
“Ethan!” Shannon beamed. “Long time no see! What brings you here?”
Ethan sat down in the empty seat next to me. I glanced nervously at Finn, who was still staring at Ethan.
“Emily and I have decided that enough is enough.” He smiled and put one arm around my shoulders. “We’re going to start over again.”
“Really?” Shannon asked, eyebrows raised.
Finn’s eyes left Ethan’s face and slipped over to drill into my own. All I could do was return his green eyed ga
ze and hyperventilate. I was mesmerized by it. I couldn’t move. I think my mouth might even have been hanging open a little. It didn’t last long, just a couple of seconds, but those two seconds were enough to stop my heart.
Finn closed his book with a snap, grabbed his bag, and left the table--all without saying a single word.
“Okay, now what’s wrong with him?” Shannon asked. She shook her head patronizingly, clearly not that concerned. “So what’s this about enough is enough?”
Ethan removed his arm from my shoulders carelessly. “Well, yesterday when Emily stalled out again, I happened to be there. We got to talking, and decided to start over.”
“As friends,” I said. Oh sure, now I could make my voice work. Ethan grinned at me, and I managed a weak smile in return.
“Your car stalled out?” Shannon asked. “Is that why you came in the front today?”
“Yeah, Oscar’s officially dead, I think.” I placed the half eaten apple on the table and looked away from it. I was too nauseated to eat.
“Dead? As in dead, dead? As in you no longer have a car?”
“No. I should be getting it back before the weekend.”
“Good, because I think we should all go out this weekend.” She turned her satisfied smile to Ethan. “To celebrate the return of our prodigal friend?”
“Sounds great,” Ethan said. “Friday night?”
Shannon shook her head. “No good. I’ve got plans.”
She went on to fill Ethan in on everything that had happened in the past couple of months, including her impending date with Tom Noll. I tuned it out and stared at my apple instead.
“So are you going to tell me what’s really wrong with you or not?” Shannon asked me later that morning in Chemistry lab.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I was having a difficult time measuring the sulfate; my hands hadn’t stopped shaking since breakfast.
“Well I do.” She took the beaker out of my hand.
“Just drop it, all right?”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Why won’t you tell me what happened with Finn and Margo?” I shot back. She didn’t need to know that Finn had already spilled the beans on that one. Now I was aiming for pain.
“Because that’s not my business!”