Some of the passengers curled up and slept while they rode, but Jessie found this to be impossible for her. Even though she was still very early on in her pregnancy, few positions in the stage were comfortable enough for her. Instead of sleeping she decided to try to guess what Toby Matthews would be like.
She knew his face of course, since she held in her hand a photograph of him, but she imagined how tall he would be, and what his voice would sound like. She imagined he would be a lot taller than her, and he would have that strong silence about him that her father always had.
Not at all like John, but then I don’t want someone like John.
Thoughts of her late husband were in her mind even as she rode out west to marry another man. She tried to focus on the present, and what she had to do right now, but part of her wondered if she was making a mistake marrying so soon after John had passed.
It’s what he would have wanted I’m sure. John would never have wanted me to be alone, and with a baby on the way, I need more help now than I can manage.
Feeling justified, Jessie closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat, laying her head against the wall. Sleep may be impossible, but she would rather feel the thumps and bumps they drove over than sit there and think about John.
The trip had taken nearly 2 weeks to complete. They had run into problems with the wheels as they had passed through the Midwest, and had to stop for a few days to make repairs before they could continue on their journey.
By now, Jessie was more than ready to be done with the trip and settle into her new life. She was eager to get to California, and it didn’t seem like time was going quickly enough.
She had written Toby to tell him of her delay, and inform him she would be there Thursday evening instead of Tuesday.
And it’s finally Thursday. I declare! Those were the longest 2 weeks of my entire life. I can’t wait to get off this thing and meet Toby!
The stage came rolling into town late afternoon, and as it did, Jessie felt butterflies form in her stomach. She hadn’t been feeling as nauseous lately, but when her nerves set in, she felt sick. Part of her wanted to just stay on the stage and turn right back around and head home, but the other part of her pushed her forward, urging her to do what she had come to do.
There were people milling about the stage as it came to a stop, and at first Jessie didn’t see Toby. He had told her he would be wearing a black cowboy hat with boots that were just as black, but to Jessie, everyone looked the same. She sat back in the coach as the driver opened the door and the other passengers spilled out.
When it was her turn to exit, she stood on the top of the stairs, scanning the crowd. She finally saw him towards the back of the group, waiving to her as their eyes met. Jessie’s heart leapt to her throat as she slowly made her way down the steps and walked over to meet him.
“My, my! Well aren’t you a purty thing?” Toby gave a low whistle, and Jessie felt her cheeks flush crimson.
“Thank you, you look might sharp yourself… if it’s not too bold to say.” She answered shyly.
Toby laughed and offered her his arm.
“I know it’s all rather sudden, but I like you. I like you a lot. So, if you don’t mind, and you think you like me too… wanna go get hitched?”
Jessie laughed and put her hand in the crook of his arm.
“Well if that’s not the sweetest proposal I have ever heard!” She said through her laughter, “I would be honored to go along with you.”
They headed for the courthouse, talking as they went. Jessie wanted to get a good look at him, but she didn’t want to stare, so she only gave sidelong glances as the spoke. Toby was shorter than she thought he would be. He was still taller than she was, but he was of a very average build.
His hair was thick and black and his eyes were kind. Jessie could see herself married to him and living happily together, and from what she could tell he seemed like a good match to be a father to her child.
I suppose we can talk about those things later on, right now there’s more pressing things at hand.
Jessie listened to what Toby was saying, but she tried to look about the town as they were walking. It was clear Toby knew where they were going, and he was eager to get there.
The town was huge, and Jessie craned her neck to see as much of it as she could. She didn’t know what her new life was going to bring, but from the looks of things, it was going to be an adventure.
Chapter 5 – The Reality of Life
Their ceremony was short and sweet. Jessie wasn’t sure what to expect. When she had married John they had been surrounded by their friends and family, all eagerly cheering them on and congratulating them. With Toby, it was just her, Toby, and the preacher man.
He had his secretary stand up as a witness for the two of them, then they signed the paperwork, and were finished. Toby gave Jessie a tender kiss on the cheek, and they left.
“It’s high time we head home. I think I have enough daylight left to get the chores done before sunset if we hurry.” Toby slapped the reins on the backs of the horses, and they were off. The town faded into the background, then eventually disappeared altogether as they set out for the country.
Jessie looked up at the clear blue sky above them. It was so peaceful here, and warm. She liked the look of the rolling hills. It was a stark contrast to the rocky mountain terrain they had to cross to get there. She could just imagine her son or daughter running around in these hills, playing and laughing without a care in the world.
“That’s it!” Toby broke into her thoughts as he pulled the horses to a stop and pointed to a little house at the base of the hills.
“That is the modest little shanty I like to call home. Now, we can both call it home. I know it’s not much, but it’ll grow on you. When I have more money, we can build onto it and make it a bit bigger, but I think it will do for now.”
“I think it’s cute!” Jessie exclaimed.
They drove down to the front of the house, and Toby jumped off the wagon. He walked around to the other side and held out his arms to help Jessie down, then he motioned for her to follow him as he went indoors.
Once inside, it took a moment for Jessie’s eyes to adjust as she looked around. It was dim indoors, but there was a fireplace that would light up the whole area if a fire were lit. The sink was full of dirty dishes, and it looked as though no one had swept the floor in weeks.
There were piles of dirty laundry scattered here and there, giving the place a smaller look than it already had. Jessie scanned the entire area, trying not to form any opinions just yet.
It’s still new, and you were late in arriving. Perhaps he had it picked up a couple days ago and let it unwind a bit since I was late. I’m sure he’ll get around to cleaning.
“You will find a broom and a wash bucket in the shed around the side of the house, and the fire will warm water quickly. I’ll get one going so you can get a start on the dishes there.” Toby whistled a tune as he turned and headed out the door, leaving Jessie standing in the middle of the room, shocked at what had just happened.
Settle down Jess, you don’t know what he meant by that. Surely he doesn’t expect you to clean up the place. You just got here! Or maybe he just wants you to help him out a bit.
She turned and walked out the door to go find Toby and straighten out what had just happened. He was by the woodpile, lifting logs into his arms as high as he could stack them.
“I’m sorry Toby, but I’m confused… are you asking me to clean up the floor?”
“Well, yeah, I guess. But not just the floor, the dishes need doin’ and there’s a bit of laundry about that could stand being washed. I was going to get you a fire going so you would have an easier time starting it all.” He smiled at her, and Jessie could tell he was serious.
“Is there a problem?” He asked, a look of concern in his eyes.
Jessie forced a smile and shook her head. She put her hands in her apron pockets and looked around.
“Oh no,
there’s no problem. It’s just not what I was expecting is all.”
“What you were expecting? What did you expect? You’re my wife, so it’s your duty to cook and clean and keep the house. Heck, I thought you knew that already.”
“I better get to it then, supper will be ready in an hour, I hope you’re hungry.” Jessie smiled again and walked back into the house. She went to work on clearing the counter space as Toby built a fire and put the water on to heat, and she watched him as he headed out to the barn.
As soon as he had disappeared from view, Jessie sat down and buried her face in her hands. This wasn’t at all what she was expecting. This wasn’t what she wanted. She came out here to marry a husband and raise a family together, not to be a maid.
If I just wanted to be a maid I could have gotten hired at a hotel back home! This is crazy… what have I gotten myself in to?
She didn’t cry, because she wasn’t sad. She was confused and a little bit angry. If Toby wanted someone to do the dishes, he could have any hired help do that. It seemed like a lot of work to marry someone to get them to keep house, but perhaps he didn’t think of it that way.
Shaking her head, Jessie rose and grabbed the pot of hot water off of the fire and poured it into the washbasin.
She had said dinner would be ready in an hour, so she felt she best have it done.
Chapter 6 – Conversation and Conflict
The next few days dragged by, even though Jessie was busy. She did all of the cleaning she could see needing done, and moved on outdoors. Toby had mentioned something about a garden, and she wanted to see if there was anything she could get into the ground this year.
It was a little late in the season, so it was unlikely anything would grow in time for harvest, but if there was something already planted, perhaps she could salvage it and get it to grow a while longer.
“I didn’t do much in the way of planting. I was pretty busy putting up a fence in the back pasture.” Toby explained that night as they ate dinner.
“I see. So I take it you have lived alone for a long time then?” Jessie didn’t want to pry, but she wanted to get a feel for the life of the man she married. He was already so different than John had been, she wanted to know more about him.
“Well yeah. It was just me and my ma and pa growing up. Me an’ Pa went to take care of the outside work while Ma stayed inside and took care of the chores. It was always so nice to come home to a hot supper just waiting for me to dive into it. I missed that, so I figured I get me a wife!” He shoveled a bite of potatoes into his mouth and smiled at her.
Jessie sighed. She didn’t think he was being rude for the sake of it, but she also couldn’t believe how he viewed her as the maid. She was his wife, so she was happy to do the housework, but she wanted to be loved by him. She didn’t feel like he loved her or that he even tried to, he was just happy to have someone to put dinner on the table while he was out in the barn.
Toby glanced up at his wife. She looked sad, but he didn’t know why. She had come out here to marry him, a complete stranger. What did she want? They barely knew each other, though he did like her. He wanted her to be happy, but to ask him to love her… that was a lot to be asking of him.
He scooped the last bite of the dinner onto his fork, and said, “I have a few things I have to get done out in the barn, but I was thinking after that I would take you out to the back pasture and show you around the place if you would like.”
Jessie looked up, there was surprise written on her face, but she recovered quickly.
“I’d love to.”
The back pasture was blooming with all kinds of wildflowers. It looked like there was a blanket of snow across the top of the grass with all the white petals spread over the field. They had fields in Missouri, but Jessie hadn’t ever seen anything like this before.
She let go of Toby’s hand and skipped ahead of him. There was a sense of freedom she felt as she ran through the field. For the first time since John had passed, she felt a twinge in her heart that whispered there was still some beauty in life.
Jessie didn’t go far, it wasn’t long before she felt winded, so she sat down among the flowers.
Toby watched her gracefully fall back and lie in the grass. He thought she looked like an angel among the white flowers, and couldn’t recall ever seeing another human being that was so beautiful before. She reminded him of his mother in some ways, but there was a youthful shine about her that made him feel excited.
Jessie sat up, looking around for her husband. When she finally saw him, she motioned him over to sit with her. Toby obliged, and dropped onto the grass beside her.
“What do you think?” He asked with a smile. He covered the concern he felt about her not liking it, and hoped she would only sense the positive note in his voice.
“I love it. I feel like we own a bit of heaven right here on earth. This meadow is the prettiest thing I have ever seen in my whole entire life, and it’s ours!” Jessie laughed as she lay back on the grass, then sat quickly up again.
“I got a flower stuck in my hair, I can feel it!” She cried as she reached into the back of her braid, trying to locate the trespasser.
Toby laughed and reached for the flower that hung from the bottom of her braid.
“I would say this field is the second prettiest thing I have ever seen. I think the prettiest is sitting right here in front of me.”
He pulled the flower out of her hair and lifted it to her nose.
Jessie was caught off guard with his comment, and she felt her cheeks flush a crimson red.
“Thank you,” she said, “I think it’s time I get back to the house. Those dishes ain’t gonna wash themselves.”
Before Toby could say anything, she headed back to the house. He sat in the grass and watched her go, wondering if he had said something wrong. He felt conflicted inside. He hadn’t wanted a romantic relationship, he wanted a wife. He wasn’t expecting someone like Jessie to show up at his house, and now that she was here, he wasn’t sure how to handle it.
Toby had never fallen in love before. He hadn’t let himself. His mother had died of the fever when he was a young teenager, and the pain he watched his father endure made him vow to himself he would never love like that. It looked like it hurt too much, and that was something he didn’t want to feel.
But watching his new bride make her way back to the house, he couldn’t help but admire how beautiful she was… and wonder what that feeling was that was welling up inside of him.
Chapter 7 – Could This Be Love?
Jessie lay awake, staring at the ceiling in her room. She slept in the main bed of the house, and Toby slept on a small cot in the living room. As she lay there, wishing for sleep, she thought about Toby, and the way her life had turned out.
The morning she married John, she never would have thought she would be in this house, married to a stranger, less than 5 years later. She had pictured a different life, one that was filled with John and the children she hoped they would have together.
The afternoon she married Toby, she had felt at peace. She was eager for the future, though at the time she didn’t know why. Now she questioned what she was thinking, and why she thought he was going to love her.
You didn’t even know he existed before a few months ago, and here you are, sleeping in his house… in his bed even! If you wanted to fall in love with him, you should have worked that out before you came all the way out here to marry him.
Her thoughts were interrupted as she felt a twinge in her stomach.
She felt the baby kick inside her, and she put her hands on her tummy. It was getting close to the time for her baby to be born, and the thought of that both thrilled her and terrified her at the same time.
She liked her baby in her belly. The baby was safe there, never to get hurt, and never to be taken away from her. If Jessie had her way, her baby would never leave her.
She didn’t want to talk out loud, fearing she would wake Toby. He was generally good n
atured about things, but she knew he worked hard and needed his sleep when he could get it.
You sound like a businessman, worried that your partner is going to be too tired to work tomorrow. Could you love that man? He is kind and charming, but he still treats you like you are the maid of the place. That’s not love.
She sighed and closed her eyes, mixed emotions running through her the entire time. She wished Lizbeth were here to tell her what to do. Lizbeth always knew what to do, and she wasn’t afraid to tell everyone around her what they ought to be doing, too.
A smile crossed her lips as she thought about her rambunctious friend back home. She had written to her after she arrived in California, but there hadn’t been a reply to her letter yet. Jessie knew Lizbeth would write to her when she got the chance, she just had to be patient.
She’s probably busy running the town now. I used to be her project, but now that I’m gone, I’m sure she found someone else to raise.
Suddenly a wave of sadness crossed over Jessie. It was the first time she had felt sad since she left Missouri. It wasn’t a sadness for her friends, and it wasn’t a sadness for John. It was just a general sadness that seemed to sweep over her and grasp onto her heart like a cold fist.
She wanted to be loved, and she wanted to love again, but love seemed like a dream she had when she was young, or a dream of a dream.
Toby lay awake in the living room, also staring up at the ceiling. With the crackling of the fire in the kitchen he couldn’t hear Jessie breathing, so he only assumed she was asleep. He lay still, lest the creaking of the cot wake her.
His mind was a mess. He couldn’t get the picture of Jessie in the field, surrounded by flowers, off his mind. She had looked so perfect, and so pretty, it was like an angel had come down out of heaven and had been sitting there right next to him.
Those big brown eyes she had, framed in by those thick brown locks of hair. She was captivating, and she was his bride. He wanted to treat her well. He wanted to make her happy, but he didn’t know why he couldn’t get her off of his mind. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate on the work he had to do.
[2016] Widow Finds Love Page 2