C’MON! – My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation

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C’MON! – My Story of Rock, Ruin and Revelation Page 12

by Christopher Long


  Writer’s Block

  Despite my professional frustrations, writing was one area where I continued to excel. I was getting offers to write official bios and press releases for various artists and I also had been brought on as a contributing writer for the popular music and culture website, Ink19.com. It was becoming apparent that I just might have a future in writing.

  Since reading Bob Greene’s 1974 backstage tell-all, Billion Dollar Babies as a kid, I’d been drawn to stories based on the personal experiences of music biz insiders. In recent years, I’d devoured such behind-the-scenes memoirs as C.K. Lendt’s Kiss and Sell and Cherie Currie’s Neon Angel – which only further fueled my desire to write my own book. But, publishers were universally ambivalent about embracing any of my many feel-good, fan-type proposals based on my involvement with various bands that my agent had been pitching over the years. While I did have some interest from publishers, it was clear that none of them were going to sign me until I took off my fan hat. I’d have to dig deep, get real and focus my story on one particular band if I was to advance to the next level.

  *******

  CHAPTER NINE

  Ice Cream Cake

  After spending the preceding decade establishing myself as a writer, I signed with a publisher in 2009 to write a book based on my personal experiences with the self-proclaimed “Glam Slam Kings of Noise,” Poison. Entitled A Shot of Poison, my behind-the-scenes memoir arrived in stores and at online retailers via CG Publishing on April 1, 2010.

  The group’s bassist Bobby Dall and I both spent our teenage years growing up in Melbourne, Florida. Upon hitting the big time, Bobby returned to Florida from Los Angeles, purchasing an oceanside home just south of where I still lived in Melbourne. Although we didn’t know each other as kids, I was delighted to become friends with him in our adult lives through mutual acquaintances. After years of developing my friendship with Bobby and a achieving a reputation as a music journalist to his fellow bandmates, I graduated to become a member of Poison’s official touring staff in 2006. Over the next couple of years I would travel with the band as one of Bobby’s personal assistants on various stretches of their national tours. Many of my experiences with Poison were amazing. Many of them sucked. And I felt that if my book was going to have any value, I had to offer open and honest accounts of both sides of my Poison experiences.

  My 2010 book debut. (That’s Katty on the cover, donning a black wig!)

  By 2010 Poison had recorded only one full length record’s worth of new, original material in fifteen years. What new songs that were included in their otherwise now predictable concert set list were cover versions of other musician’s hits that were as tired as some of their own. And in my view, frontman Bret Michaels’s painfully obvious, burning desire to achieve solo success clearly indicated that the chance of Poison ever delivering “Talk Dirty to Me - II,” although plausible, likely was slim at best – hence I had no interest in simply regurgitating another one of my many feel-good Poison features. I needed to offer something fresh, unique and personal.

  As advance word of my soon-to-be released book began to get out, I was informed privately by one Poison staff member that I had “caused a !@#* storm” within the band’s organization. But drummer Rikki Rockett called me in February 2010 and was quite cool. “I’m not calling to yell at you about the book,” he quickly assured me. “I just have a few questions,” he added. After addressing his concerns, we went on to have a lovely half hour conversation. “I’m surprised there aren’t twenty books out on us already,” Rikki admitted as he went on to wish me well with the project. I never was personally contacted by Bret Michaels or guitarist C.C. DeVille. However, a couple of Poison insiders who I perceived to be speaking on Bret’s behalf did confess to me that Bret was the most upset of the four band members. It’s funny that in 2004 Bret autographed my arm in Nashville. I immediately had the signature tattooed (those things are permanent, ya know) and he thought I was a swell guy. By 2010 his level of fondness for me reportedly had diminished considerably.

  Bret and I in Nashville – 2004.

  About a month prior to the book’s release, I was invited under what I thought were friendly terms to meet with two longtime Poison crew members who were coincidentally in Melbourne for the day. They were on another band’s tour at the time and were working that afternoon at a local concert venue. I was eager to meet with them as I had worked with both individuals while I was involved with Poison tours over the years. After exchanging a few initial pleasantries, one person quickly ducked out of the venue’s production office while the other directed the conversation toward A Shot of Poison. And he was obviously agitated about my book coming out.

  “You’re playing with fire,” he warned as he shook his finger in my face. “But maybe you’ll get lucky. Maybe the band will perceive this as all press being good press,” he speculated. I told him that was exactly my train of thought when I wrote it. “Bull!@#*,” he fired back. “You don’t care about this band. You wrote this book to make a pile of money!” He further added that he hoped that my back was “securely covered.” When I asked if he meant legally or physically, he replied, “Both.” He also informed me that if anyone in the band took issue with even one sentence in the book that my life would be “destroyed.”

  He ended our disturbing chat by enlightening me as to my personal financial status. “You’re broke!” he told me. “And we know you’re broke. And when these guys sue you, you won’t even be able to afford to show up in court to defend yourself. And when the authorities show up at your door and haul you away for ‘failure to appear,’ maybe then you’ll reconsider having written this book.”

  Although I tried to display a cool demeanor during the meeting, I left the room feeling quite insulted and a bit freaked out. But I took the conversation seriously and to make certain that my back was “securely covered” legally, I immediately retained a prominent publishing attorney in New York. I then reported what I perceived as a physical threat to local law enforcement officials. I now had the peace of mind that I was reasonably protected. And due in part to my last minute legal expenses, concerned parties can now sleep at night knowing that despite ranking among Amazon’s top-selling rock titles in the summer of 2010, I did not, in fact, make “a pile of money” from A Shot of Poison.

  In 2010 the media seemed completely focused on Bret’s solo exploits and mega-hyped health issues. It seemed that perhaps Poison now was becoming perceived merely as Bret’s former back-up band. In 2010, one guy was publicly discussing Poison as a relevant band with a potentially bright future – and that guy was me! Okay, so maybe Poison members did appear in my book to be occasionally arrogant, egomaniacal lunatics. But hey, they’re rock stars. They’re supposed to be arrogant, egomaniacal lunatics. That’s part of their appeal – right? Had I written a book about Wall Street, I would have likely told tales of guys who wear suits, carry briefcases and engage in unethical behavior. I believe most readers would have been disappointed with a press release-type book about their favorite rockers being charming and well-adjusted personalities. Fans want their rock and roll heroes to have an edge. And Bobby Dall definitely has an edge. To me, Bobby is one of rock’s most fascinating and compelling characters and that’s how he was portrayed.

  I finally received a phone call from Bobby regarding the book just one week before its release – our first communication in several months. From uncomfortable to comical, our conversation reached various levels of intensity for nearly an hour. At one point he asked me to send him an autographed copy of the book. I did. And on the day it was to have arrived at Bobby’s house I immediately noticed that I’d been deleted from the Facebook “Friends” lists of his closest confidants and was the target of several nasty and personal online posts.

  I remember getting a call in late March from Rob Godwin, CEO of my publisher, CG Publishing. He was letting me know that the book had been printed and was being shipped to distributors nationwide that day. “Congratulations,” he t
old me. “You’re now a published author.” GULP! According to the aforementioned Poison insider, it was now only a matter of days before my life would be “destroyed.”

  At about this time I ran into one lifelong Poison insider at a Florida social event. Upon recognizing me, the guy quickly took a physical stance as if he was going to take a swing at me. I boldly approached him, grabbed him by the hair and pulled his face towards my mouth. “I love you, man,” I whispered in his ear. Immediately his scowl disappeared and his typical loveable smile returned. I hugged him and we went on our respective ways.

  As the book started to sell, I began receiving many favorable reviews from critics and book buyers. I realize nothing in life is unanimous. And I certainly did continue to have detractors, including a few (now) former friends, colleagues and media personalities. In fact, one book buyer commented on Amazon.com that my book “sucked so bad” that he wanted to punch me in the face. And one member of my own family found A Shot of Poison to be so vulgar and personally offensive that after skimming just a few pages, she ripped it to shreds and threw it in the trash. But even some of the staunchest Poison fans, who initially threatened to boycott my book, bought it and – loved it! I soon found myself doing on-air radio and television interviews in which I was not treated as a foul-mouthed rock and roll snitch, but as a knowledgeable music biz insider.

  I remember walking into an Orlando, Florida Barnes & Noble store for my first book signing in April 2010. I was taken aback to discover that the walls of the store were covered with huge, full-color posters – of me! It was completely surreal.

  I found the in-store book signing aspect of the promotional phase for A Shot of Poison to be particularly rewarding. As I traveled to various bookstores across the country, I not only had the opportunity personally to connect with Poison fans, but also to meet very young people who were less impressed by my rock and roll exploits and more interested in the fact that I was an author. It was refreshing to talk to kids with a genuine passion for reading and writing. Consequently, in 2010, I signed many books to teens and pre-teens encouraging them to stay in school, study diligently and achieve good grades. Holy cow, I’d become my father!

  I was honored to connect with young people who shared my passion for writing during my first book tour.

  I nearly was rendered speechless at one point during my 2010 hometown in-store appearance in Melbourne. As I looked up from the signing table, I noticed a particular group of ladies filing one-by-one into the meet-and-greet area. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Here they were – Jonna, Jana, Dawn, Vicki, Katie, Lisa – practically the entire female hierarchy of Satellite High School’s Class of ‘81! I had enjoyed my high school experience tremendously, but I never really fit in with the “popular” crowd. So, to say the least, I was knocked out by these gals showing up to support me, especially after all of these years. Heck, I didn’t think that they even knew who I was!

  I was blown away when my high school friends came out for my 2010 hometown book signing.

  (Photo: Addy Dick)

  Up to now I’ve experienced no book-related fallout from Poison. I’ve not been shot nor has my house been bombed. But I’ve not yet received a congratulatory ice cream cake from the band either. Although I don’t see myself ever writing another book of that nature, A Shot of Poison does stand as a pretty compelling precursor to this story. And it offered me a plethora of valuable experiences.

  2010 interview.

  (Photo: Sam Hill)

  Yet despite a public perception of success in 2010, I’d hit the wall in my personal life. And privately, I was living through some very dark days.

  *******

  CHAPTER TEN

  Damascus Road

  I finally had gotten my big break in 2010, although not in the way I had imagined in my younger days. My first book was set to arrive in stores that spring and I found myself surrounded by friends, family and writing colleagues, all slapping me on the back, congratulating me on my accomplishment. However, I still felt oddly unfulfilled and empty inside. Actually, that’s putting it mildly. And given the warning I’d received recently from Poison’s henchman that my life soon was to be “destroyed,” I also felt like a complete failure. Oh sure, my dream seemingly had come true, but when it did – IT SUCKED! My once action-packed “Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll” world was now becoming a very dark place (demons and all). But like they say, it’s always darkest just before the dawn.

  News Flash

  I’ve approached much of this book from such a lighthearted, Everyman perspective that at this point it’s probably fair to ask what kind of “demons” did I really have to deal with? I’d been sober since 2004 and my limited (illegal) drug experience was also a distant memory. Well, here’s a news flash – you don’t have to be a junkie with a needle dangling from your arm or an alcoholic, passed out, face down in a puddle of vomit, to have demons.

  I turned forty-eight in 2010 and aside from the obligatory annual Dead Serios reunion shows and occasional gigs playing drums in the local golden oldies band Burnt Toast, my rock and roll aspirations had become a thing of the past. I was now a published author, traveling throughout the year on a self-financed national book tour while continuing to earn my living working full-time as a nightclub DJ. But despite my happy-go-lucky public persona, I was becoming a very troubled soul in my personal life.

  I jokingly stated in my introduction to A Shot of Poison that I had gambled my entire life on rock and roll and all I got was a lousy book. In 2010 I began to realize just how accurate that statement really was. My lifelong quest for fame and fortune ultimately had cost me my marriage and my home. As a result, I missed out on half of my son’s life. I also had sacrificed my education and financial security. And while my mother was dying of cancer in 1999, I was out running around, playing rock star in various beer joints for a whopping $25 a night. Although I was grateful for my newfound writing opportunity, I was now questioning whether the success was worth the price.

  When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

  Galatians 5:19-21 (NLT)

  In February, my twenty-six-year-old nephew Dustin passed away following a lifetime of various health issues. I was forced to witness first-hand my sister’s indescribable agony of losing her only son. In March, my close friend and longtime business colleague, Shawn, died from pneumonia. A few weeks later, one of my first random book fans who reached out to me online shortly after the release of A Shot of Poison also passed away under tragic circumstances. In fact, I watched so many friends, family members and colleagues die during this period that I seemingly was spending more time attending funerals than performing onstage. In short, I felt surrounded and overwhelmed by death in early 2010.

  I’d invested a fortune in the careers of young musical performers who I had recently managed and I now was feeling the subsequent financial noose tightening around my neck. In fact, Poison’s henchman was right – I was broke. By 2010 I had frittered away nearly $100,000 as a result of years of bad life choices, bad career decisions and bad investments.

  I was also coming to grips with the fact that my sixteen-year-old son Jesse was becoming his own man – driving, dating and growing away from me. And he was now playing drums in his own rock band. Given his straight ‘A’ Honor Roll status, I increasingly grew concerned that Jesse would become consumed by the same “beast” that had consumed me thirty years earlier and throw away his otherwise promising future. I felt like I was losing the one thing that I truly cherished in life – my relationship with my son. And the feeling was unbearable. I’d been doing things my way, rockin’ and rollin’ through life with one foot in, and one foot out of God’s circle for
almost forty years. But the way I saw it, because I owned a few Stryper records, occasionally attended church and knew John 3:16, I was actually leading a godly life. I’d always done pretty much whatever, whenever, wherever and with whomever I wanted and it was all somehow okay because I was “saved.” However, I was about to discover that one foot is too many feet to have outside of God’s circle.

  Such people claim they know God, but they deny

  him by the way they live. They are detestable and

  disobedient, worthless for doing anything good.

  Titus 1:16 (NLT)

  It’s Raining Men!

  In addition to my longtime role as resident DJ at Siggy’s, I also acted as the club’s entertainment director. With the economy in a tailspin, the once thriving establishment was now experiencing lean times. There was substantially less customer interest in the local live band scene and the karaoke craze had also run its course. In an attempt to drum up business, I recently had experimented with various promotions from Jam Nights to Battle of the Bands competitions, but with only marginal success. In 2010, the club owner insisted that I book a Male Revue – a typically X-rated show involving semi-nude men, dancing provocatively for enthusiastic women (both single and married). Whether it’s geared toward men or women, I always found strip clubs and strip shows to be personally unappealing, and I was somewhat ambivalent about being involved with such a promotion.

  On the night of the event, I was approached by the leader and host of the Male Revue, a guy named Johnny. I immediately recognized that at just 7PM, Johnny already was impaired and he quickly articulated a concern for how and when his crew would be paid for their performance. In fact, getting his hands on a check and having it cashed ASAP seemed to be his only concern. I handed Johnny a company check and informed him that Devon, the club manager, would gladly cash it for him at the end of the night.

 

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