by Michael Rigg
I looked at the darkness outside the beam of light. "We didn't know! We still don't!"
No reply came back. Bryce motioned for me to continue. "Please..."
"Ray was obsessed with 9/11 because... Because his father was killed in the attacks." I sniffed. "When Josh figured out we could affect time with this thing, Ray got it in his thick skull that he could jump in and change it all." My laugh was shaky as I wiped the tear from my eye. "He sure did."
Bryce stepped closer to me. "But how did you...? Because he was part of your team? You felt responsible? Is that why you followed him?"
I turned and stepped up to Bryce. I put my arms on his shoulders and peered deeply into his eyes. "Because I'm Jennifer Simcoe. Ray wasn't just a member of my team, Bryce. He wasn't just the most brilliant computer tech in the world. He was my husband."
As this cascaded over Bryce like a dam bursting, his eyes widened and he looked out into the darkness all around. His mouth moved but he didn't say anything.
I said, "I'm sorry, Bryce. I didn't know until just now."
He shouted to the room. "How could you do this to her!? Why didn't you give her back her husband, let her join him?"
Adam's voice came back from all around us, an echo we couldn't trace. "We took no one. He stepped through. She stepped through."
"You marked her!"
Jeanette said, "It was necessary to track those who do not belong, so that we may repair reality."
"Repair reality!" Bryce's voice rose. The veins on his head throbbed. "What do you think happened! You knew she would do this, so you marked her! If you knew it, you could have changed it!"
Adam: “No. It would have upset the order.”
Bryce raised and lowered his hands. “It did that anyway! This is all your fault!”
I reached out and touched his arm. “Bryce, no.”
He ignored me and continued to shout at the inky black around us. "Change it back!"
Jeanette: "We cannot."
Bryce looked at me, then to the mirror, then back to the room. "What if she went through again? Could she go back?"
I reached out with both hands and squeezed Bryce's shoulders. "No. No, Bryce. I can't go back. I can only change things again."
"What if I went in?"
I held him tighter. "No, Bryce!"
"What if we both went in?"
"The effects would be indeterminate," Adam said. "Chaos would occur and we would need to create order again."
It was my turn to rage at 'God'. "How can you call yourself the all-knowing, all-mighty when you can't tell us what would happen if either of us went through?"
Jeanette laughed. "We create order from chaos. We do not create chaos." Adam added, “That is your doing. You were born to create chaos. We were born to create order. It is how it's always been.”
Bryce shouted at the darkness. "She's right! You're no God! You're not angels! You're demons!"
As his voice echoed around the dome, I looked at him, searched his profile. This was killing him. He really had fallen in love with me, but it's not where this all started. It started with him wanting to save me, to send me back to Ray though neither of us knew it at the time. In the short time we'd had together, Bryce had fallen in love with me and now he knew he had to let me go. He also knew that letting me go would be no guarantee I would end up where I belonged. If the Clockwork-aliens-Gods were even only slightly on the level, there was no telling what would happen if either of us stepped through.
I touched his cheek to pull him back to me. "Bryce."
Our eyes met. His were as moist as mine.
He spoke softly. “I'm sorry they did this to you.”
I smiled. “I'm not. To get to know you, to live in your world even for a few days, was...” Then I took a deep breath. “Take me home.”
“What?”
“Out of here, back to Seven Orchards. Take me home.” I don't know where it came from. Maybe it was the realization that stepping through that damn looking glass would only start this whole mess all over again. Maybe it was finding something new and realizing I could never get Ray back.
He slowly shook his head. “It's not right. You don't belong here.” He nodded toward the pool. “You belong with your husband.”
I wrapped my arms around him and felt my eyes burn with tears. I couldn't stand to look in his eyes and see how much this was killing him. And I didn't want him to see in my eyes that I saw that he was right. I loved Ray. I dove into the unknown after Ray. Ray was the love of my life and I either had to decide that he was gone forever, or make another futile attempt to find him.
"I-I'm not sorry we ever met," he stammered. "But if there's even a slight chance that you could be reunited with your husband, you should take it."
"But—"
"But nothing, ...Jennifer. You can go anywhere through time and space with this thing. Now I ain't sure how it works, but if you concentrated hard enough, I'll bet you could go back in time to stop him from coming through. If not, maybe you and he will end up together in some jungle somewhere fighting dinosaurs."
My lip twitched at Bryce's attempt to make me smile in all this. It nearly worked. "There are no guarantees," I whispered.
His smile was as gentle as it was sudden. "Then we defy them."
"What?"
"We either both go or neither of us goes."
"Bryce?"
"I'm serious." He held me in his arms and whispered to me, "I may be a fool at times, but my life has changed so greatly in the past couple of days that I'm practically in the same cauldron with you."
"No you're not, Bryce. Don't do this. You have Lucien and Adeline and mother."
"I have you."
I blinked. Tears rolled out. "No..." I shook my head. "Bryce... I don't. I can't."
"I would gladly give it all for you." It seemed like too much of a sacrifice, but this truly was the apex of Bryce's reality. I could see that now. War, a broken country, a destroyed family, all—as I'd said before—because of me.
"But you don't have to. I don't belong here. I'm the one who doesn't fit! I may never be able to go back to what it once was, but I can't stay here. I shouldn't stay here."
"But—"
I pressed a finger to his lips. "You said so yourself. Maybe there's a way I can find him. Maybe I'll just keep looking for this place everywhere I go and jumping through until I find him again."
"Alice."
I know it was another slip, but it was proof enough that he didn't recognize me for who I truly was. I was a commando, a technician, a highly trained operative in a reality where terror cells and nuclear warheads and cyber espionage existed. This was not my world, and Ray or no Ray, I couldn't stay here.
He didn't correct himself, but I could see in his eyes that he was thinking the same thing. In his eyes I saw his heart break. He will always think of me as Alice in Wonderland, the woman who fell through the looking glass into his world.
And I would always think of myself as Ray's widow, always secretly wishing we'd left the NSA and pursued other dreams.
I wouldn't even know where to begin in a world like this. I wasn't part of this. Sky cars and blimps and a never-ending American Civil War where ghouls and witches roamed the countryside. I might have stood a chance had they not given me back my memories. It seemed whoever these beings were, their sole purpose was to torture me.
I slowly shook my head as Bryce looked into my eyes.
He held me tighter and kissed me on the cheek. I reached up and guided his chin until our lips met, and I kissed him one last time. "I'll never forget you."
He smiled and quirked an eyebrow at the darkness around us. "I think you will."
"I'll try not to this time."
Bryce took a deep shaky breath and addressed the darkness. "If she does this, will I at least remember her?"
"All realities will change," Adam said through a yawn. "All times will change," Jeanette said. "Nothing remains the same."
I reached up to my neck, then under my hair to unclasp the chain to the bronze heart Bryce had given me. "Here. Take it. Something to remember me by."
He shook his head. "No. No, I can't. You keep it."
I smirked. "Bryce, you saw how I come out on the other side. I won't be wearing it anymore. I won't be wearing anything."
We looked at each other with the bronze heart dangling between us, then I took his hand and lowered the chain into his palm before curling his fingers over it. I tip-toed up to him and kissed him again. "Something to remember me by... at least for the next few seconds."
"I love you."
I smiled in response. Then I took one last look around the dark room, sensing the greedy dark eyes of “Adam” and “Jeanette” on me. I turned and stepped up to the edge of the silvery pool like a diver at the Olympics.
Bryce reached out and touched my arm. He smiled at me with lips clamped tight to hold back his feelings. He blinked and nodded. "Remember." His voice cracked. "Think hard about where you want to be. Maybe it'll work."
I nodded slightly. "Relatively speaking, I was close the last time."
He raised his hand and waved goodbye. It was the saddest, weakest, most heart-rending gesture I had ever seen. Bryce's heart was torn open in front of me, but so was my own. I'd lost my husband, my life.
I shrugged. "Ray and I had always talked about having children. I always wanted a boy."
Bryce suddenly smiled. "You can name him Lucien."
I laughed and another tear found its way out. If I was going to do this, I'd have to do it now. "Thank you, Bryce, for saving me. For bringing me back.”
He nodded and raised his hand. “I won't let them make me forget you.”
“See you in the next world."
Then I closed my eyes, and stepped into the mirror.
EPILOGUE, “Monuments of the Citadel”
September 11, 2025
My sister called out to me. “Bryce!”
I always hated how drafty the halls of the Thinking Machines were. In all the years I've been coming here with my father, it was always a wonder that I never caught my death of cold. I stood at one of the tall panels that allowed access to the main corridor that divided ADAM and EVE. It was an enormous brass-lined panel set in polished oak with a number of switches and lighted tubes. Each switch corresponded to a different tube of light by a different switch. The trick to memorizing the code was in the geometry of switches and lights.
I was half-way through the second sequence when I heard heels clicking on the floor behind me.
"Bryce, we're going to be late."
I glanced over my shoulder to where my sister stood impatiently in the chilly marble corridor. "In a moment, Adeline. I need to consult with ADAM on a matter of delicate importance."
"It's freezin' in here!"
"Don't whine, Adel. It is very unbecoming. Besides, I feel the same and want to be done just as quickly as you."
"But we'll miss President McFerran's speech."
It was another ploy to light a fire under my behind, but I wasn't about to fall prey to Adeline Landry's machinations yet again. "As the former Lady's military adviser, I believe I have certain dispensations when it comes to keeping time with President McFerran. She will forgive our tardiness."
"Yours maybe," Adeline huffed, "but not mine."
Another set of clicking footsteps approached. I was about to be out-numbered. "Come on, brother. You already spent an hour with EVE. How much longer is this gonna take?"
I stopped and turned to Savannah. It was hard to believe she was our younger sister. Now a young woman with curly golden tresses, she looked more like a Lady of Grace than a simple teenaged stable master. "More than likely another hour. Why don't you and Adel take a stroll outside in the monuments?"
"The monuments?" Savannah said as she shifted her weight to one hip and crossed her arms over her chest.
"At least pay your brother Clayton a visit."
"We laid flowers on him just last month," Savannah whined.
It was hard enough having to lay my older brother to rest after he took a bullet while fighting the Imperials on Wall Street. The fact that Savannah and he did not get along was a constant rub, particularly after the man's untimely death. Not only was Clay a damn fine soldier, he was one of Lady McFerran's favorites and would have been elected to her cabinet had he survived the final battle of the last war.
"Come on," Adeline whispered to her sister as I returned to the agitating business of setting the unlocking code, "We'll go see Clay."
As they moved on, I turned and caught Adeline's eye. I gave her an appreciative smile and nod. "It won't be as long. I promise."
"Better not be, General Landry," Adeline smirked back. "You know how I hate wearing gowns." I chuckled and gave my sisters a wink, "But the two of you look divine."
Savannah turned and flared her nostrils at me just before they disappeared around a corner. I turned back to the panel and input the final two numbers. The enormous stone door next to the panel rumbled open and an even colder blast of air wafted out at me.
A dark-eyed, silver-haired attendant wearing a fleece jacket looked at me and offered to help me into a similar covering. I waved off the jacket. In over 165 years the fashions of gentlemen in the profession of soldiery had not changed. My long wool frock coat of Republic blue and decorated with the pomp and brassworks of my rank kept me warm in all climes.
I nodded to other machine attendants as I made my way down the corridor and turned toward the wide hall that entered ADAM's innards. The paper on which I'd scratched notes from EVE was clutched in my left hand, and I could feel my knuckles whitening as I gripped it with enough pressure to crush its molecules. I just didn't want to risk losing it in a pocket or dropping it where a draft of cycled air would whisk it away. I'd hate to spend another hour pulling this intelligence from EVE.
"General Landry," a young machine attendant nodded and pulled aside a red velvet curtain on one of the many booths. "It is good to see you back, sir."
I smiled and offered the young silver haired woman a nod. I stopped to converse with her a moment out of respect. The machine attendants were often thought of as no more than servants, but without them ADAM and EVE would die. "How are you this fine morning, Jeanette?"
Her dark eyes smiled. "I'm well, sir. Well. How is the weather today?"
Unfortunately, the attendants worked fourteen to twenty-hour shifts with very few breaks. All of them were housed within the enormous blockhouse where the machines were kept safe. They were rarely able to see the light of day. That's why so many, like Jeanette, were so pale, their skin almost translucent. "I don't think you'd care for it. It's up near eighty-five today and the sun is hot as blazes."
She turned her ghostly gaze toward the curtain, the hall, the doors beyond and the doors beyond those. There was a sadness in her eyes, or curiosity, I couldn't be sure which. "Why don't you head on out and enjoy a smoke break for a spell.” I winked. “Enjoy that gruelin' weather?"
The young woman's eyes brightened slightly. "I don't know if I should, General." I offered her a wry smile. "I promise not to tell, Jeanette. You're one of my favorites here." I flashed her a wink. Attendant Jeanette half curtsied and stepped away from the alcove. "I think I'll just go see for myself how warm it is outside."
I pursed my lips and nodded. "Give my man a nod if you see him outside and let him know I'll be along presently."
"How is Lucien these days?"
"Fat as ever," I chuckled, "But you
can ask him yourself."
"Thank you, sir."
I waited until the attendant was out through a side access door.
I stepped into my booth and closed the curtain behind me. Then I took a seat in the padded leather chair and reached out for the bulky brass head set that covered the top of my head and ears. Through the ear cups I could hear ADAM's breathing, the distant hiss and whine of far away steam turbines, the crackle of glass tubes and the skittering clicks of brass keys on punch paper. I unfolded the paper in my left hand and set it to the right of the machine controls before me, then I pulled the activation lever.
"Good morning, ADAM. This is General Bryce Landry of the Presidential Guard, former vice president of Landry Holdings."
A voice whispered back, an young man's voice that carried the tone of power and authority... and a bit of familiarity. I imagined somewhere deep within the heart of the machine was a man who translated the punches and clicks of the old Thinking Machine into words I could understand. "Good morning, General Landry. How do you feel today?"
"I am well, ADAM. Thank you for asking."
"To what do I owe this honor? It is my understanding that most of your dealings are with my sister."
I smiled at the thought of a machine thinking it had a sibling, but I knew what it meant. "EVE has served me well with advice of a military nature, but she has given me pause, sir."
"Explain pause."
I glanced to the paper. "We have enjoyed peace since the formation of the Republic nearly ten years ago. The people have voted Lydia McFerran into her second term of office. New corporations have formed across the Republic. The Overwatch has been deployed as Borderwatch for any threats from overseas."
"There will be no threats from overseas."