by Osar Adeyemi
The pastor's message later that day was also centred on forgiveness. Yemi was a little irritated. Obviously she was not going to gain much from the church service. She would have to listen to a recorded tape when she got back home, something that would strengthen her for the week ahead.
She had not seen Akeem since the last time he had come to her house. She knew he was still seeing Lois. Ka-Tell had won an award recently, and Lois had attended the ceremony with Akeem. Yemi had seen their pictures in the papers. The press referred to her as Akeem's girlfriend, which was just as well; they shouldn't make too much fuss when the divorce became public.
But a few days later, she decided to call him to talk about Aleena attending church with her. Akeem had dropped all pretences of attending church, and since Aleena was with him on Sundays, it meant she didn't go either.
"I don't think that suits me, Yemi," Akeem told her coolly. "That would technically mean I get to see her for just one day in a week."
Yemi sighed. She had been expecting this. "Not really. It's just going to be a few hours short of the time she currently spends with you. She still comes to you on Friday evenings, and I can pick her up on Sunday morning on my way to church, or your driver can bring her to my place."
"I let Aleena sleep late on Sunday mornings, so I'm not sure how that will work," he replied. "Let me think about it and get back to you."
She had to be satisfied with that, but when he did not call her after two weeks, she knew he wasn't keen on the idea. However, she made up her mind that she was not going to let the matter rest. She wanted her daughter to know God, and the earlier she did, the better.
"Just pray about it, Yemi," Abby said when Yemi told her about it. "God can work on Akeem's heart, and you'll be surprised how easily he will agree to your request." She smiled as she looked at Yemi. "You're still a wonder to me. Self-righteous little moralist now so hungry for the things of God!"
"I still wonder at myself," Yemi admitted ruefully. "I've just been so blind all these years."
Abby looked at her carefully. "How do you feel about the divorce now?"
Yemi frowned. "How do you mean? I'm still going ahead with it, of course."
"Have you thought about letting go? Forgiving Akeem and trying to mend things with him?"
Yemi stared at Abby. "Akeem is in a serious relationship with another woman, or have you forgotten that? The last time we saw each other, he told me he had no interest in me anymore, and that's okay with me too."
"Forget about what he said. Just work at genuinely forgiving him. You'll be amazed what God will do."
"Akeem does not even believe in God. And it's not just about him; his family hates me. Even if I mend things with him, which I'm not interested in doing, how can I ever go back to such a family?"
"One step at a time, girl, and trust God."
Yemi shook her head. "Even I won't trouble God that much. He's brought so much peace and joy into my life, and I'm really grateful, but concerning Akeem?" She shook her head. "Let's just forget about him. He's a closed chapter in my life."
She found herself feeling uneasy for the rest of the day. Uneasiness and unrest had been a normal part of her life before she got born again, and she cherished her relationship with God and the ensuing peace it brought to her. So anytime she felt somewhat uneasy, she could retrace her thoughts or steps to when it started, repent of anything she had done or said, and she would again feel that cherished peace enveloping her.
She did so now, and she knew that she had started feeling that way right after her discussion with Abby. But, Lord, I was just speaking the truth as I felt it to be. There are too many complications concerning my relationship with Akeem and his family. It's better to just let things be.
She didn't feel any better. She watched T. D. Jakes's program on TV later that night. His message was based on the almightiness of God. "I am the Lord, is there anything too difficult for me?" was one of the Bible verses that T. D. Jakes used. That phrase stuck to her heart. She pondered on those words as they kept ringing in her ears.
As she lay down later that night after putting Aleena to bed, the scripture came to her mind again. The thought of her in-laws flashed through her mind almost immediately.
"She will never be a part of this family…" Her mother-in-law's words that she had overheard that day in the Kadiri country home came back clearly to her again, as did the disdainful looks she had gotten over the years and the constant rejection and attempts to humiliate her publicly. She shook her head and tried to push the hurtful thoughts away. How could she ever forgive them? She thought of her son. How could she ever forgive Akeem?
"I've given you everything, Lord," she whispered. "I've held nothing back. The Kadiris hurt me too badly, and I don't ever want to be vulnerable again."
She kept talking to God and trying to convince Him why her decision was the best as she faded off into a restless sleep.
∞∞∞
Akeem looked lazily around the function hall of the five-star hotel where Hasan and Fayona were celebrating Fayona's birthday and their wedding anniversary. Everyone was looking sharp. The men were in tuxedos, the ladies in glamorous evening dresses. He missed Lois's vivacious presence. She was playing hostess to her dad at an event and could not attend.
He almost did a double take when he saw Tanya approaching their table with Shona. She looked so different from the woman he occasionally saw at the office. The wine-coloured evening dress she was wearing did her figure all sorts of favours and set off her light-complexioned skin beautifully. Religious or not, this girl was attractive.
"Good of you to come, Tanya," Justin said to Tanya as she joined them at the table. "And I must say that you're looking very pretty."
Akeem tilted his head to an angle as he surveyed her up close. "Very pretty indeed."
"Thank you, sir," Tanya replied.
"Please call me Akeem. I much prefer it. Plus, I want to forget about the office tonight."
"But, sir," Justin quipped, "what if we occasionally forget to call you Akeem, sir?"
Akeem faked an irritated frown. "I wonder why they had to put me at the same table with you?" He turned to Fadel, who was sitting beside him. "Is it too late to ask for alternate sitting arrangements?"
"Just ignore Justin," Sara replied.
Tanya smiled at their ribbing but he could see that she was still a bit self conscious. The stand-up comic came on a few minutes later. Akeem saw Tanya smiling politely but he knew she was struggling to understand the jokes he was telling. Akeem hid a smile. Tanya had lived all her life in England, and one would need to have lived in Nigeria for a while to understand those jokes.
He took a sip of his drink and turned to her. "So, how did you find the church you went to?"
She looked surprised that he had remembered. "It's really nice. I decided to stay with them. I'm going through the membership classes at the moment."
"Is that some sort of orientation?"
"You got it. They are classes designed to help new members know what the church believes in and how it operates. Which church do you attend, Mr. Kadiri?"
"Akeem," he corrected, and she smiled. "I really don't go to church much."
"Um…"
He arched his brow. "Um? Is that bad or good?"
She laughed. "Um…neither."
He smiled. "I'm sure you'd have said more if you didn't have 'boss' stamped all over me. So c'mon, forget about me being your boss and explain the 'um.'"
Tanya looked at him for a moment as if deciding if she should continue or not. "Have you always not gone to church?" she finally asked.
"I've been there a few times but lost interest. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against church, and if it makes people happy, why not?" He took another sip of his drink. "I just don't like some of the teachings."
"Teachings like what?"
He smiled. "Teachings that brainwash people into thinking that their lives or outcomes in life are dependent on a higher being."
&nb
sp; "By a higher being, I assume you mean God?"
He smiled. "There you go. You say "God" like you expect everyone to believe he exists."
"Oh, but He does."
"How do you know? From what you've been taught?"
Tanya shook her head. "No, from what I've experienced."
"From what you think you've experienced," he corrected.
They argued back and forth. He had to say he was impressed, though. This woman knew what she was talking about. And misguided or not, she was very confident in her beliefs.
Shona came back to the table and listened to them. "I've been talking to Akeem for a long time," she said, rolling her eyes. "Now I just pray for him, but maybe you'll do better than me, Tanya."
"Akeem will become a believer someday, and he will go farther than all of us," Justin stated.
"Dreams are absolutely free." Akeem grinned. He shook his head as he looked at Justin. "But I can't even believe a smart guy like you can believe all that stuff you've been fed!"
"The gospel has nothing to do with smartness. It's actually very simple, and that's why people miss it."
"You tell him 'im, Justin," Fadel quipped. "He needs to change all those heathen ideas of his."
Sara turned around to look at her husband. "Honey, don't even start! At least we all know Akeem's stand. Where do you stand?"
"I'm still trying to get a religion that suits me," Fadel replied loftily. "I'll let you know when I do."
They all looked up when the compere announced that they could start making their way to the buffet tables for dinner. Akeem was not really hungry, so he just picked up a few bits and pieces and returned back to the table.
"Some wine for you?" he asked Tanya as he attempted to pour some champagne into her glass when they returned to the table. She started to decline but stopped when she saw the teasing look in his eyes. He had already noticed that she had stuck to non-alcoholic beverages all evening. He poured himself a glass of wine and then poured some of the non-alcoholic fruit wine she had been drinking all evening into her glass.
"Mine is only twelve percent alcohol. Does that make me a candidate for hell?" Akeem teased.
"I don't drink alcohol by choice. It's hard enough being sensible when sober, not to talk of when one's under the influence of alcohol."
"Hmmm…first reasonable argument I've heard from a non-alcohol drinking Christian," Akeem replied, lifting up his glass of Dom Perignon to her before taking a sip. "You're still missing something, though."
She lifted up her own glass and took a sip. "Very nice…and just imagine, my ability to make sound judgement remains unimpaired too."
He chuckled at her statement. "My ability to make sound judgement also remains unimpaired."
"What do you do at Ka-Tell?" Sara asked Tanya.
Akeem looked over at her. There was something about the way she was looking at Tanya, as if she suspected that there might be something going on between Akeem and her. Akeem smiled. He had a strictly "no dating staff" policy. Anyway, with her religious views, Tanya probably wouldn't even touch him with a long pole.
"I work as a business analyst."
"Is that what you did in England?"
"More or less," Tanya replied.
But just as she was about to continue, the compere announced that Fayona and Hasan were about to take the floor. Everyone's attention turned towards them. Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me" began to play and Hasan drew his wife gently into his arms. He touched Fayona's cheek with his finger before bending his head down to kiss her, and there were catcalls and whistles all around. Akeem watched them. They were still as loved up as when they first met—lucky for some.
"So think about what I told you," Akeem said to Tanya later that evening. "You've got to discard what you've been taught and analyse everything like the intelligent woman that you are."
"I have a personal relationship with God, so it's not a question of what I've been taught."
He looked at her thoughtfully. He wanted to puncture her theory. "Let's put this confidence of yours to the test, shall we?"
"I don't need to test God. I know He is real."
He laughed. "You're already chickening out. See, that's the problem with you guys. You're all talk and little action, but I'm not going to let you get away with this." He was amused at the wary expression that came over her face. "You said God exists? Prove it. Are you ready?"
Tanya just looked at him and did not reply.
He was not deterred by her silence. "There's this person I know who is so implacable." He swirled the drink in his wineglass as he looked at her face. "I want you to tell God to make this person do something uncharacteristic, and if this happens, then pronto, I'll become a Christian. I'd even join a membership class somewhere. Deal?"
"God does not need to prove himself…" Tanya began.
He held up a hand. He had been right. Confident or not, this woman was no different from all the other so-called Christians he had met. "Save it…I was just trying to see if you can put your money where your mouth is. I'm pretty sure what I believe, and so far it's not failed me. But you guys are the ones who need to check all these stories you throw around." He smiled slightly again, trying to lessen the harshness of his words. "That's just my viewpoint, Tanya, no offence meant."
She maintained eye contact with him. "No offence taken. But God is real, very real."
He shot her a mocking glance before changing the topic.
∞∞∞
"So invite your friends, family, and even your enemies…" Pastor Ben was saying as he rounded up his message with a reminder about the programme they were having a few weeks later.
Enemies? Yemi thought to herself as she popped her phone into her bag. How could a Christian have enemies?
What would you call the Kadiris? The thought crept in so quietly that it startled her. She froze momentarily as she tried to process the question. Where had that even come from? The Kadiris were not her enemies. They were her evil in-laws—or soon to be ex-in-laws. They hated her and had tried to make life uncomfortable for her. Hating them back was only just natural. She didn't start the fight. They had.
That makes them your enemies, then. She shook her head. No, she didn't have enemies. She had nothing to feel guilty about. They were wicked people, and they deserved the way she felt about them.
But from that moment onwards, her peace fled her again. She had managed to push the disturbing thoughts away the last time they had plagued her, but this time the uneasiness seemed like it had come to stay. Worse still, she found it difficult to pray.
The next day, Yemi had a thoroughly miserable day at the office. Not that anything unusual happened—the battle was within her. Her peace was gone, and she had no joy in her spirit.
She Googled the meaning of the word "enemy" and read through it. Someone who had ill feelings towards her and whom she also wished ill. That was so apt. She wished the Kadiris ill. She constantly hoped Nadia would experience problems in her marriage the way that she had. The only person she really didn't wish any ill was Akeem, and that was because of Aleena.
She got home that evening and called Sesan. She felt she had to talk to someone or she would burst.
"So what do you think, Shez?" she asked him. "Are these feelings I'm having just a figment of my imagination? Maybe just my emotions running amok?"
"I think God is trying to talk to you," Sesan replied quietly.
"Shez, they hurt me too badly. I was just a young girl. My in-laws gave me no chance, gave my marriage no chance to succeed. How can I forgive them?"
"You have to let go, Yemi," Sesan said gently. "It's for your own good as well. The hatred you have towards the Kadiri family can't be healthy."
"They don't deserve it."
"No one really deserves forgiveness. We all err, yet God forgives us. Let go, honey, and let God heal your heart."
Yemi put down the phone slowly after their conversation. So many emotions were raging through her. It would have been easier
if her in-laws were repentant, but they were not. She had seen Nadia just a few weeks earlier at a grocery store, and she had looked the other way, pretending she had not seen Yemi. That had suited Yemi just fine, and she had done likewise.
"They hurt me too much, Lord. I can't let go," she kept repeating to herself.
She attended the midweek service the next day and found it difficult to connect during the worship session. She felt so heavy within herself. On getting home, she could not concentrate on any task she tried to do, and she gave it up and decided to have an early night.
As she lay on the bed, tossing and turning, Sesan's words kept coming back to her. "Let go and let God."
"Not that easy," she thought to herself wearily. "I don't even know how to."
∞∞∞
The next few days went by slowly for her. She went about her work mechanically. She missed the peace and joy that had been hers since she gave her life to Christ, but despite all this, she still struggled within herself.
She got home the following Friday, helped Aleena with her homework, and then went to her room. Akeem was travelling over that weekend, so Aleena didn't have to go over to his place.
She went to bed early but found herself awake a few hours later. She looked at her bedside clock; it was a few minutes past midnight. She tried to go back to sleep but could not and sat up in bed.
She decided to study her Bible and hopefully fall asleep while doing so. She had been studying the book of Acts, and she opened to it. She flipped to chapter seven, which was the next chapter she was to read, but instead of falling asleep as she had hoped, she became wider awake as she read. It was the story of Stephen and how he was martyred. She was struck by the last prayer he had prayed before he died as he was being stoned: he had prayed that that God should forgive those people stoning him. She could not comprehend that.
The people stoning Stephen had not repented. They had not asked him for forgiveness. In fact, the last picture Stephen probably had before he died would have been that of faces filled with hatred. What a painful way to die.