He released a deep sigh and tried to empty his brain.
He was in love with Julie.
The sudden realization momentarily stole the breath from his lungs. Someway, since the night of the accident, Julie had become far more than a convenient alibi. She’d become the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
He’d be a fool to believe there was any hope for a future with her. He now had to figure out how to gain some emotional distance from her. He had to stop loving her.
More importantly, he had to make her stop loving him.
Chapter Ten
The minute Julie got home from dinner she sat at her desk and pulled up Joel’s social media page. Looking in his picture section, she was surprised by all the photos she saw of herself.
Yet, as she looked at them carefully, memories began to blossom in her mind. She remembered three months ago when a customer had come in with a hat shaped like a snarling, long-toothed vampire. Her father had loved it and bought it. Julie had put it on, made a face, and Joel had taken a picture of her.
They had taken selfies together. He’d snapped a picture of her while she was dusting the jewelry display counter and another when she’d had her first bite of sushi for lunch.
Excitement and confusion filled her at the same time. She remembered in detail when each and every photograph had been taken, and that excited her. What confused her was why Casey would have thought the pictures were somehow creepy in any way.
They were just the kind of pictures coworkers...friends took of each other. They were ordinary photos. It wasn’t like he had secretly taken pictures of her grocery shopping or getting out of her car in her driveway, as if he were stalking her.
But apparently she’d told Casey she’d thought Joel had a crush on her. She’d told her sister she’d been creeped out by it, and that’s what had her confused.
She’d worked with Joel several days since her accident and hadn’t gotten any strange vibes off him. Had he done something terrible to her that she just couldn’t remember?
She started as she heard the front door open. The alarm system began its countdown to full siren, but halted when the code was punched in. Nick was home.
She jumped out of the chair, eager to see him, to find out how his meeting had gone and to talk to him about what Casey had said about Joel.
He walked into the living room at the same time she did. His shoulders cast forward slightly and he looked totally drained of energy.
“Nick, are you all right?” She grabbed him by the hand and led him to the sofa. “You look exhausted. Did something happen at your meeting?”
He pulled his hand from hers and sat back. “No, everything went fine. I’m just beyond exhausted tonight. How did your dinner go?”
“The same as they always go. It was fine.” She studied his features. The lines of his face that she’d always found attractive were now deeper and his eyes were without their usual brightness. “Nick, go on to bed. You look absolutely sick with exhaustion.”
“I think I’ll do that.” He pulled himself to his feet.
“You can sleep as late as you want in the morning,” she said as she also rose from the sofa. “For the next few days, I’m working the evening shift.”
He nodded, as if just too tired to speak. With a wave of his hand, he headed toward the stairs.
She watched him go, wishing he’d join her in her bed, but knowing he’d go to the guest room.
She’d wanted to talk to him about Joel. She’d wanted to tell him about Casey’s new boyfriend and that her parents were moving, and she’d wanted to hear all about his meeting. But all that could wait until morning.
She returned to the kitchen where she turned off the computer.
It was late enough she was ready for a good night’s sleep, as well. She climbed the stairs, a touch of worry and guilt rising inside her.
He’d said his meeting had gone fine, but she wasn’t sure she believed it. What if the other coaches had given him a bad time about being so absent? Had he not told her that football practices had already begun and he wasn’t attending them because he was too busy babysitting her?
The last thing she wanted to do was to cause him trouble where he worked. How much was she really interfering in his life? Or maybe she was just imagining things. Maybe he was simply a tired man and everything would be fine in the morning.
However, the next morning he was unusually quiet and withdrawn as they sat together at the table having coffee.
“Is something wrong, Nick? Have I done something wrong?”
“Not at all. Why do you ask?” His eyes were dark, guarded, as he gazed at her.
“You just seem rather distant,” she replied.
“I’ve got a lot of things on my mind.” He raised his cup to his lips and averted his gaze from hers.
“Is there anything I can help with?” She hated seeing him this way, without the sparkle in his eyes and the beautiful smile on his lips.
“No. I’ve just got some things I need to work through in my head. So, tell me about your dinner last night.”
“We went to Brewsters,” she began.
“I love their food. Several of us sometimes go in there to get a tenderloin sandwich after games.”
“I’ve never tried their tenderloin. I’m all about their fried mushrooms,” she replied, pleased to see him start to relax as his eyes began to sparkle.
“Nothing better than good, fried bar food. I’m glad you’re a woman who doesn’t eat rabbit food for every meal.”
She laughed. “That’s so not me. Sure, I watch my weight, but I also indulge my love of junk food whenever I can.”
“Were there any surprises last night? Any flashes of memory?”
She shook her head. “The biggest surprise is that I didn’t remember that my parents are in the process of moving into a senior living place. I didn’t have any flashes of memory until I got back here.”
He raised a brow. “What happened when you got back here?”
She explained to him what Casey had told her about Joel. “I remembered when all the pictures were taken as I looked at them. He does have a lot of pictures of me on his social media, but remembering when they were taken, they don’t seem odd at all to me.”
“And you didn’t get any strange feelings about Joel?”
“None. But Casey said before the accident I was creeped out about him. I’ve worked with him a couple of times since the accident and I haven’t felt creeped out at all.” An edge of frustration leaped into her voice. “Dammit, I need my memories back right now.”
“I know you’re anxious to get them back.” He paused to take a drink of his coffee. “I didn’t get to Joel when I was checking social media for all the people who worked at the shop. He was one of the last names you wrote down.” He drained his coffee cup and stood. “Let me check him out right now.” He moved from the table to the hard-backed chair in front of the desk.
She got up and walked over to stand just behind him, enjoying the freshly showered scent of him that stirred a sweet, hot desire inside her. As he waited for the computer to boot up, she moved even closer to him and placed her hands on his shoulders.
She loved the play of his muscles beneath his T-shirt. She remembered how his warm, bare skin had felt against her when they’d made love.
She hungered to repeat the experience. Even though she didn’t have her memories of him before, at least they were building new memories together every day.
He pulled up Joel’s pages and leaned forward, displacing her hands from him. “You specifically remember when these were all taken?” he asked.
“Each and every one,” she replied. “And I didn’t feel anything odd or creepy when we took them. We were just goofing around at work.”
He turned around in the chair and she stepped back from him. “And
yet you told your sister he was creeping you out.”
“That’s what Casey told me.”
They moved back to the kitchen table. “I worked with him and didn’t feel a bit uncomfortable,” she repeated, struggling to make sense of it all.
“When do you work with him again?”
“I think maybe tomorrow night,” she replied. “But I think my dad is on the schedule that night, too.”
Nick held her gaze intently. “Have you told your family about everything that’s going on?”
“No. I haven’t mentioned anything about the phone call or the doll. I haven’t told them that somebody is after me for something I’m not supposed to tell.”
“Why haven’t you told them?”
She frowned thoughtfully. She knew the answer and she was slightly ashamed to say it out loud. “Right now the only person I completely trust in the whole wide world is you.”
“Then you think one of your family members is responsible?” He looked at her with a touch of surprise.
“I don’t know,” she replied, the frustration back in her voice. “I certainly don’t want to believe that, but right now I don’t feel comfortable talking to any of them about this. There’s a little voice in the back of my head that keeps whispering I should keep all this a secret where they are concerned.”
“You need to remember, Julie.”
“I know, but I feel like the harder I try, the less likely it is to happen.” Anxiety tightened her chest. Her missing memories not only had her at risk, but she also thought some of the distance she felt from Nick was because of those missing memories.
“Nick, my lack of memories shouldn’t play a role in our relationship,” she said softly. “Even if I don’t remember being in love with you, I’m falling in love with you all over again.” She felt the warmth that leaped into her cheeks at this confession.
He scooted his chair away from the table and stood. “But it does make a difference to me. Every time I touch you, I feel like I’m taking advantage of you because you can’t remember me.”
“I love it when you touch me. Nick, the last thing you’re doing is taking advantage of me. If anything, I’m taking advantage of you by wanting you here with me all the time. The last thing I want to do is interfere with your work.”
“Speaking of work, I do have some phone calls and other business to attend to this morning. If you don’t mind, I’ll just head on up to my bedroom to get to it.” He looked at some point just over the top of her head. “Just let me know if you need anything.”
She watched him go, her heart thudding a dull rhythm. Was he tired of her? Tired of the drama that filled her life right now? She couldn’t blame him if he was. He’d been a prisoner to her drama, trapped with her because somebody was after her and she couldn’t remember why. Dammit, she was tired of it all.
She didn’t remember loving him, but she had to do something to remind him of loving her. She just wasn’t sure what to do to change the dynamics between them right now.
Somehow they had gotten all messed up since the night they had made love. She desperately needed to remember everything that remained in the shadows of her mind. She felt as if everything she held dear was slipping away from her.
Three days later nothing had changed. Nick continued to be distant and Julie continued to fear that the man of her dreams was about to walk out of her life.
They were a subdued pair as Nick drove her to work at four o’clock. The past three days had been difficult ones. Between meals, he’d kept himself holed up in his bedroom. During meals, their conversations were slightly strained.
She released a deep sigh as he pulled up at the pawn shop’s back door. “I’ll be back here at nine thirty to pick you up,” he said, his gaze focused on the steering wheel.
She reached out and curled her fingers around his upper arm. “Nick,” she said. His green eyes finally looked at her. “I don’t know what’s going on between us right now, but I don’t like it. You’re withdrawing from me and I don’t know what to do about it. I miss you. I miss us.”
His eyes darkened in hue. He reached out and dragged a finger gently down her cheek. “I’m going through some things right now, Julie.” He pulled his finger back as if her skin had burned him. “I just need a little space.”
“Is it anything I can help with? I mean, whatever is happening, we’re in this together, right?” She fought the impulse to tighten her fingers on him, the desire to keep him close to her forever.
He shook his head. “This is something I need to work through myself.”
What issue could he have that he was working on? She wanted to ask him if they were in trouble. If his feelings for her had changed. But she was afraid of the answer so she didn’t ask. “Okay, then... I’ll see you later,” she said and got out of his car.
As she opened the door to the pawn shop she wasn’t sure what she feared most: the person who had left the doll for her or the possibility that Nick might leave her.
She’d never been a needy person before. But her life felt so wildly out of control right now and Nick was the only thing substantial she had to hang on to.
She was grateful that she was working with Max, even though he was irritated that he was taking over Casey’s shift. Apparently, Casey had the flu. At least, that’s what she’d told Max when she’d called him to tell him she couldn’t work tonight.
Julie was glad to work with her older brother, who was superefficient and quick in dealing with customers. Casey usually flirted with all the men who came in and took forever to do a fairly simple pawn or sale. Julie also spent half her time working with Casey trying to get her out of the office where she’d sit and paint her fingernails or talk on her cell phone.
Still, it was a fairly difficult and busy night. Whenever the end of the month approached, more people came in to pawn items, desperate for a little money to get them by until their disability or pay check came in after the first of the month.
It was getting toward the end of the night when Ed Graham walked in. Julie stifled a groan. Ed was a frequent customer and usually threw a tizzy fit when they didn’t offer him what he believed his “treasures” were worth. It was funny that she remembered him but couldn’t remember the really important things in her life.
Max was busy ringing up a woman who was buying dozens of DVDs and Julie steeled herself as Ed stalked up to the counter.
“Ed.” She greeted him with a pleasant smile that he didn’t return.
“You’ve got to do me right this time,” he said. “You’ve screwed me over and over again, but I need three hundred bucks until the third of the month.” He dug into his pocket and withdrew a pocket watch. “This belonged to my daddy and his daddy before him.” For a moment he held it tightly in his meaty fist and then laid it down on the countertop.
Julie grabbed a jeweler’s loop and took a closer look at it. There was nothing special about the watch. It wasn’t even fourteen karat gold.
“Ed, I can’t give you anywhere close to three hundred dollars for this,” she said.
“Dammit, Julie. It’s an antique. It’s got to be worth that.” His broad face began to flush with anger and his nostrils flared. “So, how much can you give me?”
“No more than fifty,” Julie replied.
“Fifty?” The word exploded out of him like a gunshot. “You’ve got to be out of your freaking mind.” He grabbed the watch and shoved it back in his pants’ pocket. “I knew you’d try to screw me again. You all are nothing but a pack of shysters. This will be the last time I’ll ever come in here to do business.”
As he stormed out the door, Max looked over at Julie and grinned. “He’ll be back. He always comes back.”
Julie knew Max was right. Ed Graham was one of their regulars and, if he stayed true to form, he’d be back tomorrow or the day after and take whatever they were willing to give him for
the pocket watch.
It was just after nine when she and Max found themselves alone in the shop. “Since I wasn’t even on the schedule to work tonight, can you close up so I can go ahead and get out of here?” he asked.
“No problem,” she replied. Nick would arrive at nine thirty to pick her up and she certainly didn’t anticipate a rush of customers at this time of night. It was rare that anyone came in after nine in the evening.
Minutes later Max was gone and Julie was by herself in the shop. And it didn’t take her long to feel a little creeped out. She checked the clock. Ten after nine. To hell with it, she was closing up shop now.
Out of one of the cash registers’ drawers, she grabbed the key she needed to lock up and then headed for the front door. She’d just locked the door when the lights went out.
She froze. What now? Did a fuse blow? It happened rarely, but it did happen. The only illumination now was from a nearby streetlight and that barely seeped into the shop.
There was a rush of air as a big shadow appeared out of the darkness. The shadow slammed into her. Her breath expelled out of her as she flew backward and to the floor. The back of her head banged against the wood and a moan escaped her.
Still, she scrabbled backward using her feet and elbows, her brain frozen with fear. Not a shadow...a person. And there was no question that he intended to hurt her.
She gasped for breath and finally released a scream as he grabbed her by the ankle and began to pull her toward him.
His grip was strong, so damned strong. Kicking and twisting, in the back of her mind she knew this wasn’t a robbery attempt. In the faint light she saw him: a well-built man clad all in black and wearing a ski mask.
If he wanted to rob the store, he could have just waited fifteen minutes for her to leave. In horror she recognized he was after her. He’d been hiding someplace in the store and had waited to attack until she was all alone.
“What do you want?” she screamed as she fought to get away from him.
“I want to make sure you never tell what you know,” he roared. He threw himself on top of her and wrapped his gloved hands around her throat.
Desperate Strangers Page 12