His chest ached with regret. He averted his gaze, unable to look at her and tell her about all of his elaborate lies.
“I was at the wrong place at the wrong time that night.”
As he thought about his intentions and the reason he’d been on the street, it felt as if it had all happened in a nightmare or to somebody else.
“You were unconscious in the car and I made an impromptu decision to pretend to be your fiancé. I only intended to pretend until you got medical help, but then the responding officer took me to the hospital and I couldn’t tell him I’d lied to him about our relationship. Then you regained consciousness and believed I was your fiancé, and I only intended to continue the pretense until you came home.”
“You use the word ‘pretense.’ Call it what it was, you lied.” Her harsh tone made him look at her again.
Her arms were folded tight across her chest and looking at her caused a new pressure to build inside him. Her eyes were bright with anger, but her lips trembled with a vulnerability that spoke of pain.
He nodded. “My initial impromptu lie spun way out of control. When I brought you here and saw the damage in the room, I knew you might be in some kind of trouble. I didn’t want to tell you the truth then. You got that threatening phone call and I didn’t want to bow out of your life.”
He leaned forward. “Julie, our relationship started with my lie, but it became real to me. I’m in love with you. I don’t just want you to be my pretend fiancée, I want you to be my wife.”
A laugh escaped her. A bitter sound that shot a sharp arrow into his heart. “I don’t know you. I don’t know what all you lied about. I don’t even know if your name is really Nick Simon or not.”
“That really is my name and I really am a high school physical ed teacher and coach. I didn’t lie about who I am, and the feelings I have for you are very real.”
He couldn’t stand it any longer. He had to touch her. He scooted closer to her and tried to ignore how she stiffened at his nearness. He reached out a hand toward her, but she jumped up off the sofa before he could make any contact.
“You allowed me to make love with you without telling me you were a stranger in my life.” For the first time, tears glinted in her eyes. “You let me fall in love with you, knowing all of it was a lie.”
“But that part wasn’t a lie,” he protested. “What I feel for you is real and, if you look deep in your heart, I know you’ll realize the love you feel for me is just as real.”
She swiped at a tear that trekked down her cheek then raised her fingers to her temple and rubbed. “I need you to leave.”
He stood. “Julie, don’t throw this all away. I’m sorry. I’m so damned sorry about everything.” A simmering desperation filled him. He had a feeling that if he left here tonight it would be the end of any hope he had to have her in his future. “I love you, Julie, and I need you in my life.”
“And I need you to go,” she replied. She dropped her hand to her side and didn’t meet his gaze. “I thought Casey’s betrayal of me was the worst I’d ever know. But this...? You...have utterly gutted me.”
He remained in place, willing her to look at him again, but she kept her gaze averted as tears slowly oozed from her eyes. She looked broken and the fact that he was responsible for that ached in him.
“Please go,” she said softly. “You can come back and get your things tomorrow or the next day. And leave my house key on the table.”
Dammit, he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to pull her into his arms, somehow make her see that they were meant to be together forever.
He hesitated for what felt like a lifetime, a wealth of pain stabbing his heart. Then, with deep resignation, he pulled his key ring from his pocket. The silence between them was deafening as he took her house key off and laid it on the coffee table.
“It would have been so much easier if we’d really met in a coffee shop a year ago,” she said softly. She finally met his gaze and in the depths of her eyes was the darkness of pain, of betrayal so great it stole his breath away.
He thought about her words and released a heavy sigh. “Julie, I wasn’t a good enough man for you a year ago.”
He hoped she’d stop him as he walked toward the front door, but she didn’t. He held on to a modicum of hope until he stepped out the door and heard it slam and lock behind him.
Would he get an opportunity to talk to her tomorrow? Or would she pack his things and place them on the front porch? At least he was leaving with the knowledge that she was safe now, although there would certainly be emotional fallout from Casey’s actions.
Fighting against the wave of heartache that threatened to consume him, he got into his car. He’d been a fool to think she would be able to easily forgive him. He’d been completely delusional to ever believe there would be a happy ending in this.
Now he was left with a fiery love for a woman he’d probably never have in his life and a gun he didn’t want in his glove box. At least he could do something about the gun.
It was representative of the man he had been, an angry animal who had lost all of his humanity and dignity to grief. He wasn’t that person anymore and he couldn’t ever imagine becoming that person again, no matter what happened in his future.
He headed north, his headlights cutting through the darkness of night. He couldn’t go home before getting rid of the gun. It was the last piece that tied him to a dark past.
As he drove, his head replayed each and every moment he’d shared with Julie. She’d helped him not only get his sense of humor back, but also his passion.
He’d looked forward each morning to getting up and spending time with her. He’d wanted to be there with her for all the good times and the bad.
A hollow wind blew through him as the landscape in front of him washed out like a watercolor painting. He wiped the sudden, unexpected tears from his eyes.
He passed the spot on the highway where Casey’s car had been parked and the woods where Julie had run for her life. Thank God, at least the danger to her would be no more.
She’d been so closed off from him. He clenched his hands more tightly around the steering wheel. Could he really blame her?
He was guilty of wanting her enough to take her to bed, to make love to her. He was guilty of lying to her over and over again about the little things that made up a real life, only in this case it had been a false life that he’d invented.
He turned onto a narrow road with thick trees on either side. This road would take him to an old dock on the big lake north of the city.
Although he deeply regretted hurting Julie, it was difficult for him to regret the forces that had brought them together. He wouldn’t take back a minute of his time with her. He would cherish the memories of loving her forever.
He reached a small parking area and pulled his car to a halt. He turned off his lights, then reached into the glove box and retrieved the gun and a small cleaning towel he kept there to occasionally wipe off his windshield.
As he got out of his car the hot, sultry night air quickly embraced him. He walked out onto the dock and sat at the edge. His father used to bring him fishing here when he was a young boy. Nick hadn’t been back to this dock since his father and mother’s death.
For a moment his head filled with happy memories of those times with his dad. If he’d had his parents’ support when Debbie had been murdered, would he have walked the same path of rage and revenge? Probably not. But when that murder had occurred, he’d been all alone and ripe to fall in with the other men who were in the same mental hell.
Wiping down the weapon, his thoughts turned to the five men in the pact. He assumed their plans would go forward and more deaths would occur. He wished he could make them understand that the way to ease pain and heartache wasn’t murder but was, instead, love.
It sounded like a damn cliché, but maintaining that kind of ra
ge for any length of time only ate up your insides and made it impossible to move on. No amount of vengeance would bring back their loved ones.
In any case, the pact no longer mattered. He was out. He would never see those men again unless it was a chance meeting at the grocery store or on the street.
With the gun carefully wiped down, he stood. This was the last thing that tied him to a killing rage, to a darkness he knew he’d never plunge into again.
Drawing a deep breath, he threw the gun into the water. He knew from those days of fishing with his father that this particular area was filled with crappie beds. He hoped the gun would tangle so tightly in them that it would never be found again.
The moon overhead was big and bright, reflecting on the water that occasionally rippled with fish or insects. For the first time since arriving, he became aware of the cacophony of sound that surrounded him. Insects clicked and whirred and the deep bass croaking of a bullfrog filled the air.
As his thoughts returned to Julie, burning tears blurred his vision. He’d never wanted anything as badly as he wanted her. He sank back down to sit on the dock and allowed his tears to run free. The ball was now in her court and he had the terrible feeling that she’d never be able to forgive him.
Chapter Fourteen
Nick.
Julie woke with his name on her lips and tears in her eyes. The heartache that rocked through her was definitely more painful than the bruises and scratches she’d sustained from her ordeal the day before.
Minutes later she stood beneath a hot shower and tried to halt the seemingly endless supply of tears she had. She told herself she was weeping because her knees and elbows were bruised by her tumble over the tree root.
Every muscle in her body ached from her exertions the night before. Her own sister had wanted her dead. She had plenty to cry about, but she couldn’t fool herself. This morning her tears were solely for the loss of Nick.
Last night after he’d left she’d cried for hours, not knowing if she was crying because of Nick’s betrayal or Casey’s. She’d never felt so alone.
He loves you, a little voice whispered inside her as she dressed for the day. But did he really? How could she accept words of love from a man who had lied to her so many times about so many things?
It was funny...she’d believed herself madly in love with him the minute she’d been told that her fiancé was in the waiting room at the hospital. She hadn’t questioned that love the entire time they’d been together. Even though she couldn’t remember him, she’d fallen in love with him all over again.
He’d stood by her side through the worst things that would ever happen in her life. He’d done his best to protect her from danger when he could have just walked away.
She was so confused. But the one thing she wasn’t confused about was the fact that she was madly and deeply in love with Nick.
She’d just sat to have a cup of coffee when a knock fell on her door. Her heartbeat accelerated. Was Nick here to get his things already? She wasn’t ready to face him yet. She was still sorting out her emotions where he was concerned.
When a second knock sounded, this one louder than the last, she reluctantly got out of her chair and hurried to answer. She didn’t know if she was glad or disappointed that it was her mother.
“Mom,” she said in surprise. Her surprise went to shock when her mother pulled her into a tight embrace. It had been years since Julie had been really hugged by Lynetta.
She finally released Julie and cleared her throat. “I smell fresh coffee.”
“I was just sitting down for a cup,” Julie replied.
A few moments later they were both seated at the table. “I had to come by and check on you,” Lynetta said. “I’m so sorry for what you went through last night. Your father and I feel partially responsible.”
Julie looked at her in surprise. “It isn’t your fault.”
“We’ve always been too easy on Casey. We didn’t discipline her like we did everyone else and she chose the wrong paths and the wrong people.”
Lynetta appeared older today than Julie had ever seen her.
“We spoiled her rotten and when we tried to cut the financial ties, she chose the easy path.” Lynetta shook her head. “I still can’t believe they were selling drugs out of the pawn shop.”
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
Lynetta quickly covered Julie’s hand with hers. “There is absolutely no reason for you to apologize for anything. What Casey did was beyond inexcusable, first by selling drugs out of the shop and then in driving you someplace where that man could kill you.” Her face paled. “I don’t know what we would have done if they’d been successful and we’d lost you.”
“You would have been able to hire somebody to work at the shop and take care of the books,” Julie replied.
Her mother stared at her for a long moment and then anger flashed from her eyes. “Is that what you believe about us? That we only care about you because you’re a good worker?”
Lynetta’s eyes filled with tears and she squeezed Julie’s hand. “Oh, honey, if that’s what you believe, then your father and I have really messed up. I couldn’t give a damn what you do or don’t do in that shop. You’re my daughter and all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be healthy and happy.”
Julie burst into tears. Her mother’s words soothed a part of her that had been wounded for a very long time. She finally pulled her hand from her mother’s to wipe at the tears. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that,” she finally said when she regained control.
“Then I wish I would have told you that every single day of your life,” Lynetta replied. “You’re my firstborn daughter, Julie. I couldn’t wait for you to be born. You filled a space in my heart that had been empty and you’ve made me very proud to be your mother every day of your life.”
“I want to quit working at the shop.” The words tumbled from Julie’s mouth before she’d known she was going to say them. She held her breath to see how her mother would react.
Lynetta sat back in her chair, her features registering surprise.
Julie had been through a man chasing her around in the woods in an attempt to kill her. She’d also survived the man she loved telling her that love was built on lies. She suddenly felt strong enough to go after what she really wanted.
“I want to go back to school and get a nursing license,” she said.
“A noble profession. Your father and I would support you a hundred percent if that’s what you want to do.”
It was Julie’s turn to be surprised. “I expected you to freak out and try to talk me out of quitting the shop.”
“I told you, I want you happy, and if being a nurse is what makes you happy, then go for it. What does your fellow think about it?” Lynetta frowned. “As a matter of fact, where is Nick? I figured he’d be here with you today.”
A renewed sense of pain speared through Julie. “We had a fight and he left last night.”
“So, it was a serious fight?” Lynetta asked, and Julie nodded. “I hope you two work it out. I’ve never seen a man look at you with such love as Nick has when he looks at you.”
“Really?” Julie stared at her mother intently.
“Really. That boy is head-over-heels in love with you. Trust me, your father sometimes still looks at me that way. That’s the kind of love that will last a lifetime.”
Julie couldn’t help the way her heart swelled at her mother’s words.
* * *
AN HOUR LATER she was still thinking about her conversation with her mother. She’d been both surprised and relieved by her mom’s response to Julie telling her she wanted to quit working at the shop. She had definitely underestimated the love and support her parents had for her.
Was she also underestimating Nick’s love for her? Was it possible she could get past all the lies he’d told her? Could
she really believe his love was real when so many things had been pretend? She really didn’t know.
There were questions she still needed to have answered. What had he been doing out on the street at midnight on the night of her accident? What, exactly, was true and what was false?
She didn’t know where he lived. Did he really have a murdered wife? What about his parents? Had he lied about them being killed in a car accident?
Despite how angry she’d been with him, there was no question she couldn’t imagine how she would have gotten through her ordeal without him.
He’d been there for her on the night of the horrible phone call and when the doll had been left for her to find. His arms had been the ones she’d wanted around her both on the night she’d been attacked in the pawn shop and yesterday when he’d pulled up behind the police car.
Why hadn’t her heart told her immediately that he was a stranger? Even if her brain had malfunctioned with the amnesia, why hadn’t her heart or instincts told her that their love wasn’t real the moment he’d come into her hospital room?
The problem was...it didn’t matter that she had no memories of him before her accident. Since that time she’d fallen helplessly in love with him.
She jumped as the phone rang. For just a brief moment she gazed at it in fear.
It’s okay, a small voice whispered in her head. The danger has passed.
She answered.
“Julie?”
She squeezed her eyes tightly closed at the sound of his deep voice. “Yes?”
“Uh... I was wondering if now would be a good time for me to come over and get my things.”
Her heartache deepened. He hadn’t called to say he loved her. He hadn’t called to tell her he couldn’t live without her. He’d called to get his things.
“How about in an hour,” she replied.
“That’s good with me as long as it’s good for you,” he said.
“Then I’ll see you in an hour.” She quickly hung up the receiver and sank down on the sofa. She didn’t know why she hadn’t told him to come over right now.
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