by Lea Hart
“I don’t blame you. I’ve never really understood how you went out and did the job you did every day. Your willingness to take on the hard task and put yourself in harm’s way and do whatever was necessary to achieve the goal is beyond comprehension. Your unfailing courage to go out and protect this country represents the American character at its best. Everybody in this country owes you and all of the men and women in the community an inestimable debt of gratitude.”
“Honey, that’s nice of you. But it’s not necessary. I was honored to be a part of a Team of amazing men. We did it together.”
“So what do I do now? I understand I have a problem, and I want to figure out how to get to the other side.”
“We are going to find the right counselor for you, and you are going to learn how to accept the impact of the trauma, and then you’re going to learn techniques to deal with the anxiety and stress. You are going to learn new responses and habits. It doesn’t take a week or a month. It is an ongoing process, and eventually, you will experience fewer symptoms, and they will affect you less.”
“Okay. If I have a plan, then I’ll feel better. I love this house, but I’m running out of things to sew. I have to deal with the events of the last year because know I want to have children. I want to be a happy, healthy mom and…partner to you.”
Chris took her hand, pulled her up, and circled his arms around her. “Honey, I’ll take you any way I can get you. But you’re right. You have to be healthy. We have a whole future of happiness, and no one is going to take it away from us.”
“I remember telling you on our first lunch date that I didn’t want to change my life any more than I had because of Dean. I was adamant about not cowering inside and hiding. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the last couple of weeks. I can’t let it go on. It would make the struggle of the last year a tragedy if I let him take any more than he has.” Leaning her head against his chest, she let out a long sigh. “I feel okay if you’re around. It just gets bad when I’m by myself. What happens if that never goes away?”
“Then we’re going to be one of those couples who’re always with each other. I can’t think of someone I’d rather spend my time with.”
“Maybe I could make us matching sweaters as a symbol of our togetherness.”
“You probably could. I would prefer to be eighty-five before that happens.”
“You’re kind of a party pooper.”
“You understand that’s not insulting me…right?”
“Whatever.”
“I’ve got your whatever right here.” He leaned down and started kissing her all over her face. “Since you haven’t started your therapy yet, let’s go back and cope with the stress by losing ourselves in each other’s bodies.”
“All right. It will be a good way to pass the time.”
He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and then walked down the hall to their bedroom. “Yeah, that’s what we’re doing…passing time.”
***
“Chris, why didn’t you go into work today?”
“Because we have some things to deal with, so I told Derick that I was taking the rest of the week off.”
Sitting up, she pulled the sheet up to cover her body. “You have to go back to work. You can’t take time off because of me.”
He pulled the sheet down. “First thing: Don’t cover your body. You’re mine now, and I get to enjoy the view.” Leaning over, he let his mouth run over her shoulder, down her arm, and over her chest. Looking out from under his lashes, he smiled at her as he took her nipple in his mouth. “It’s my privilege to enjoy you. Second thing: I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you have the help and support you need to feel better. Rachel, you were terrorized and threatened for a year. That man put his hands on you and then destroyed your stuff. He left you on a dirty cement floor in the dark when you were injured and scared. We lost our baby because of what he and his brother put into motion. That is a lot to deal with, and we are going to start this week. No more pretending like it’s no big deal.”
“If I think about everything at once, then I’m afraid that I will fall apart and never be able to put myself together again. I’m afraid if I start crying again, then I will be lost and unable to pull myself out.” Tugging him down on top of her, she buried her face in his neck and took slow, deep breaths.
Softly speaking into her ear, he said, “I’m right here, honey. I’m not going anywhere. Let’s get the tools we need to deal with this.” He gently laid his mouth against her cheek and kissed her. “I got you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Rachel sat on the pink couch in the alcove and fluffed a pillow that she’d made the week before. At least the house benefitted from her self-imposed exile. She was trying to marry her love of bright colors with the man of the house and the Spanish architecture of the home. At times, she thought it looked great, and at others, she thought it seemed slightly schizophrenic. Right now, she thought it was pretty good. She straightened her skirt as she drank her coffee and waited for the doctor to arrive. She was apprehensive, but excited, about starting the work. She wanted to be able to step out the front door and back into her life.
She heard the bell alerting her that the side gate had been opened. She stood up and went to the doors that led onto the patio. Chris came toward her in all of his massive, sweaty glory, wearing running shorts that rode low on his hips. She admired the view and felt her tummy do a somersault. He never failed to have that effect on her. It was worse when he was half-naked. “Hi, honey. How was your run?”
“It was good. I made the big loop around the golf course and the hospital. When is the therapist due to arrive?”
“In about twenty minutes. You have to put some clothes on before she gets here.” She watched him bend over, unlace his shoes, and push them off.
“I can’t greet the woman like this?” He dropped his shorts and jumped into the pool. Cresting, he grinned. “You’re saying that this would be inappropriate?”
“You are free to do whatever you want. I just want you to know that I can do the same thing the next time the guys come over for football. If you can, then so can I.”
“Nobody sees you except me, Ms. Miller.”
“Mr. Ellis, I feel the exact same way about you. So finish your swim and cover that glorious body of yours. No need to tempt the woman with what you have.”
He swam over to the side of the pool, hauled himself out, and stood at the side as he let the water out of his ear. “I’m a beat-up soldier with way too many scars.”
She stared at him standing next to the pool as water sluiced off his body. There had never been a better sight than the one she was seeing. She threw a towel to him from the basket. “If only that were true. But you are nearly perfect, and I would like to keep you for myself.”
He dried himself off and took two steps in her direction. Leaning over, he kissed her lips slowly. “I feel the same way about you. I’ll be ready in ten minutes.” She watched him walk into the house and smiled. The man looked as good from behind as he did from the front.
***
They sat on the couch, and Chris kept his arm firmly around Rachel’s shoulders as she recounted the last year to the doctor. He’d never really heard the whole thing. He used every ounce of control he had to remain calm. This wasn’t about him. It was about Rachel getting the tools she needed. He wanted to go down to the jail and kill Dean himself. The man didn’t deserve to live after what he’d done to her.
Dr. Craven studied the couple and knew that the recounting of events was hard for both of them. It was like a wound being reopened. But the telling was important, because it often allowed people to accept the impact of the trauma. People who did that had a good chance of learning to deal with it effectively. “Rachel, tell me about the last several weeks since you’ve been home. What’s been going on?”
“In the simplest terms, I haven’t been able to walk out the front door. I can go into the backyard, and I do every d
ay. But the front door terrifies me. Everything bad is outside.”
“Do you want to be able to go outside?”
“Yes, I have a job, friends, and a life with Chris. I want to have children someday, and I have to be able to function in the world.”
“If you have the desire, then you will succeed. We can work together, and we will create some new skills for you to use when experiencing the stress and anxiety. You’re lucky to have Chris at your side. He has experience with this, and I think that will benefit you.”
Rachel glanced at Chris and smiled. “In some ways, he’s become my whole world. I don’t want to suffocate him.”
“Honey, that isn’t possible. We are together, and I like it that way. It took me a long time to find you, and I have no plans of going anywhere.” He kissed her head and squeezed her shoulder. “Rachel is worried that it’s too much for me.” Staring at her, he smiled. “I’m worried that it will never be enough. I’m crazy in love with this woman, and I would do anything for her.”
Dr. Craven studied the couple and knew that they were going to be okay. “You both were independent people before you came together. It’s normal for couples to become dependent on one another. You’ve been in extreme circumstances, so your attachment mirrors that. I’m sure, at some point, you will find your natural balance with one another.”
Chris sat up and straightened his shoulders. “I like being around Rachel all the time. I don’t want that to change.”
The doctor studied him for a moment. “Every couple is different. Every person is different. You two may have similar needs of closeness, and if that’s the case, then you have an easy road in front of you. I find couples who have needs that are different have a hard time coming to an agreement that makes them both happy. It’s good luck that you’ve found each other and your needs match up. It’s like finding the perfect pair of jeans. You don’t know why they’re magic, but they are.”
Rachel nodded her head in approval. “Exactly. You try a hundred pairs, and there isn’t really anything that different about them. Until you find the pair that fits.”
“So it would seem that you two have found a fit,” the doctor replied.
“I don’t get the jeans analogy,” Chris said, “but if you were talking about boots, then I would.”
Rachel patted his leg. “It’s the same thing, honey. Boots, jeans, or people. It’s all about the right fit.”
Dr. Craven watched the affection and care that flowed between these two, and it was refreshing. She didn’t always to get to see that in her practice. Too often, she worked with people who were never meant to be together. Of course, that wasn’t something she could ever say to them, but it was true. “Let’s get started. How about if we try to get you out the front door today? Maybe sit on the front step for a bit?”
“I’m ready. My heart is beating out of my chest, and I’m starting to sweat, but I want to do this.”
Chris squeezed her hand. “I was wondering if a goal might make this process easier. Rachel’s birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I want to take her to Hawaii.”
Rachel turned and looked at him. “You want to take me to Hawaii? How long have you had this idea?”
“Since I found out when your birthday was. Do you think you might want to go?”
“Of course I want to go. I’d love to be in Hawaii with you half-naked.” Once she realized what she’d said, her face grew red and her eyes got huge as she lifted her hand over her mouth.
Laughing, he kissed her head. “I couldn’t have said it better. So Hawaii is our goal. Let’s get you out the door today.”
She turned to him and spoke quietly. “I can’t believe I said that out loud in front of company.”
“I like it. Lets me know how you feel.”
The doctor stood up and laughed. “Goals are important. Half-naked Hawaii it is. Let’s get started.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Kauai, Hawaii
Chris drove up to baggage claim in the rental car and noticed Rachel holding herself stiff as she sat next to their luggage. He knew he shouldn’t have left her, but she’d insisted. He jumped out and took large strides toward her. “Honey, I’m here. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine. Just fine. Couldn’t be better.”
Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her head. “That bad?”
“I was fine until a van drove by to pick up a large group of people. It came up fast, and it set me back for a moment. I practiced some of my coping techniques, and I’m okay.”
He ran his hand up her back and noticed that her dress was damp. It must have been harder than she was admitting. “Good job. Remember this doesn’t happen all at once, and it’s a process.”
He felt her head move against his chest as she buried her face in his shirt. They stood in the hot sun as the tropical breeze moved around them. The airport in Kauai was nice, but they should probably try to get out of there. She lifted her head and smiled up at him. “I’m ready for my tropical drink now. I would like something with pineapple and umbrellas.”
“Your wish is my command. Let’s go.”
Chris put their luggage in the car and made sure that Rachel was settled in her seat. “We are not that far from the house. Max said that it should take us only about thirty minutes to get there.”
“How did you find this house to rent?”
“I talked to Max, who spoke with a client, who offered this house to us for the next two weeks. Apparently, we’ve saved this man millions of dollars after we closed the security gap for his company. He said he would have the house available to whoever wanted it.”
“This is one of the best birthday gifts that I’ve ever received. It rivals the time my sister and I got new Schwinn bikes when we were ten. We thought we were the bomb riding around in our neighborhood. My mom attached cool baskets that had ribbons matching the colors of our bikes.”
“What color was your bike?”
“My bike was red, and my sister’s bike was green. Sometimes, we would switch bikes and see if we could fool our friends. It only worked for a little while, until people figured out what we were doing.”
“The life of identical twins. Did the same boys ever like you both?”
“Not that I can remember. We have different taste in men, and we also have different temperaments. I have to confess that I once broke up with a boy for her when we were in high school. I think about it, and I cringe. We were awful.”
Chris looked over at her and laughed. “That is pretty bad. Why did you agree to do it?”
“Because she pulled the sister card on me, and I felt bad for her. She had been dating this guy when were juniors in high school, and he wanted to get serious and she didn’t. She was worried that his serious involved sex, and she wasn’t ready to do that in high school. She really liked the guy, and apparently, he was persuasive. She didn’t want to be tempted, so she sent me in to break up with him. It was actually pretty easy because I had no emotion attached to it. I was also immune to his charm.”
“Did the guy ever figure it out?”
“If he did, he never said anything. I’m a really good actress. I even managed to squeeze out a couple of tears. It was a pretty good performance…maybe one of my best.”
“You are the least dramatic person I’ve met. I can’t square your story with the woman I know.”
“I left a lot of my drama behind in college. The funny part of the breakup story is that I ended up kissing the guy. He asked for one last kiss, and I couldn’t come up with an excuse fast enough. He laid his lips on me and gave me kiss that was actually pretty good. I could understand why my sister needed to break up with him. A boy who could kiss like that at seventeen could probably do other things as well.”
“What’s the guy’s name?”
Rachel turned and looked at Chris, because his voice had become serious and so had his expression. “Oh…my gosh. You’re jealous.” She started laughing and slapping her knee. It took her a while to get it
out of her system.
“It wasn’t that funny.” He frowned as he concentrated on the road. They were turning down a two-lane highway with big banyan trees lining each side. The interior of the car grew dark as the trees shaded them from the sunlight. “I’m not jealous of some boy you knew in high school.”
“Then why did you want to know his name?”
“I like to have all the facts when someone is telling me a story.”
Rachel started laughing again, and he ignored her as he made his way down the road. The kid probably couldn’t kiss worth a damn. He was going to show her kissing.
Rachel leaned over, kissed his cheek, and took his hand. “I’ll bet you were an amazing kisser in high school. I would’ve loved to kiss you back then.”
“Don’t try to sweet-talk me. And for your information, I was so shy in high school that I didn’t kiss a girl until I was a senior. I’m sure it wasn’t a great experience for her. Not like yours.”
“You’re the best kisser in the world. So even with a lack of experience, I’m sure you blew her socks off.”
“It worked out. She seemed to want to keep doing it for the rest of the year.”
“What’s her name?”
“See, it doesn’t feel so good to be on the other side of it, does it?”
“Fine. I don’t know how we got on this subject anyway. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I kiss you, and you kiss me, and that’s the end of it.”
“You got that right.”