by Measha Stone
She found her purse and a sweat jacket near the front door. Picking them both up, she glanced back at him. Would he lose his job over her? Because of her mother?
Taking a long breath in, she slid the bolt of the door open and stepped into the hallway. He’d wake up and wonder where she went. Maybe she should have left a note. Maybe she should have explained. He didn’t like loose ends; he’d want to wrap everything up.
But she couldn’t give him that. She couldn’t give him anything. Not what he deserved, anyway.
She walked out into the sunlight of the city and pulled out her phone to signal for an Uber.
What did someone do the morning after their parents were killed before them? Did they file a report? Claim their bodies from the morgue? Set up a funeral?
Shouldn’t she give her mother a memorial at least?
And who would come?
Would her mother even want her there? She hadn’t wanted her in life, why would she in death?
How could she have been so blind, so stupid for so long? Did she really want love so badly she conjured it up in her mind? Marie seemed to have done it with Tommy; it was probably a family trait.
The Uber showed just the next set of tears began to form. She wiped them away and got into the car and gave the driver directions for where to take her.
She dialed her phone and leaned her head against the window, letting the cold glass seep into her flesh.
“Julie?”
“Hi.” She took a shaky breath. “You think I can come stay with you? Just for a little while?” Julie asked.
“What’s wrong? Of course! What happened, Devin said Blake’s friend John was helping you? Where is he?” Kara shot off questions faster than Julie could absorb them.
“I’ll fill you in when I get there. Can you just text me the address? I’ll be there this afternoon.”
“Of course. Doing it now.” Kara took a breath. “Does John know you’re coming up here?”
“No. He can’t. He’s—” Julie closed her eyes and focused her mind. “We’re done.”
“Julie—”
“He can’t know, Kara. Please. I’ll explain it all when I get there.”
Another long pause. “Okay. After you get here we’ll figure it all out.”
Julie tucked her phone back in the purse, noticing the pistol was gone. John either left it at Tommy’s house or he’d just not given it back to her. Maybe he gave it back to Chris.
“We’re here,” the driver announced.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“You still haven’t heard from her?” John demanded.
Blake held his hands up in the air. “No. I haven’t heard a word. I told you yesterday and the day before.”
John dragged his hand through his hair. “You’re not hiding her, are you?” He narrowed his gaze.
Aubree walked behind Blake carrying a tray of empty bottles. Their bar would open officially in two hours. The private party they’d booked was in the process of wrapping up.
“Why would Blake hide her?” Aubree asked. “If we knew where she was, we’d tell you.”
John raised an eyebrow at her. “So, you’re not still sore about my assistance in Blake’s rescue mission at that fight?”
She rested the tray on her hip and gave him a brilliant smile. “Long forgotten.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Either way, we aren’t hiding her. You’ll have to bark up another tree.” As if on cue, Sam, Aubree’s dog barked from the back office. “He hates it back there. Bobby should be here soon, mind if I take him home?”
Blake wrapped his arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Sure. And I fully expect you to take a damn nap this afternoon. Got me?” His brow creased and he placed a gentle hand on her belly. “I mean it, Aubree. A nap, or you’ll be spending some time in—”
She pressed her palm over his mouth. Her cheeks reddened. “Shh. Okay, okay. I’ll take a nap.” She removed her hand and kissed him. “I promise.”
“Good.” He gave her swift smack to her ass when she turned. The bottles on her tray rattled, but she caught them before any fell to the floor. With a disgruntled look thrown at him, she headed toward the back office.
“When you find her, John? Be gentle. It sounds like she’s been through hell.” Her advice was given just as Aubree disappeared through the door.
“Gentle.” John thought it over. Nope. Gentle wasn’t what was going to happen. Stripping her bare, laying her over his knee, and spanking her until her ass glowed—now that sounded like a more appealing option.
“John, I’ve never even met her. She wouldn’t know to come here. If she’s not home, not at work, maybe try with Devin.”
“I did. Nothing.”
“What do you mean nothing?”
“I mean I got Kara’s voicemail, left a message, three messages, and haven’t gotten a call back.”
Blake leaned his hands on the bar. “You left a message with Kara.” He laughed. “If she’s hiding up there, Kara is helping her. She’s not going to return your call. Here.” He pulled out a napkin and plucked a pen from below the counter and scribbled a number down. “This is Devin’s number. Call him direct.”
John took the napkin. “Thanks.”
“You going to drive up there paddles blazing?”
John slid onto a barstool and shook his head. “No, I don’t know. She just disappeared, Blake.” Waking up and finding his bed empty and her clothes gone had sent him into a full panic. He’d ripped Chicago apart looking for her. The only thing he found was a statement at the police department. She’d stopped there before disappearing.
“How’s Grover handling this whole mess?” Blake asked.
“You know the force. If it can be buried it will be. I get why he got involved, Tommy threatened his brother. He was protecting his family, and I was protecting mine.”
“She’s family?”
“She’s a hell of a lot more than that.” John folded the napkin, pressing the crease at the edge.
“When you going back to work?”
John huffed a laugh. “I’m not. Gave my resignation. At least I know they aren’t looking for her anymore. They took her statement, filed it away, and closed the case. Officially they’re looking into it, but it’s closed.”
Blake nodded. “Sorry, man.”
“I’m not. It doesn’t mean shit without her.” The words hit hard as he said them. He knew them to be true, had thought them, but never vocalized them before. “Maybe if I had told her she wouldn’t have tucked tail and run.”
“So, go get her and tell her.”
John tucked the napkin in his back pocket. “When’s Aubree having that baby of yours?” John changed the topic.
Blake beamed. “Just passed the first trimester. I keep telling her I want to see a damn bump there, but she’s being as disobedient as ever.”
John laughed. The only thing he knew of pregnancy was what he saw when his sister had her baby, but he was pretty sure the woman had nothing to do with when the baby bump popped.
“Good luck with that. I’ll call you in a few days and let you know if I find her.” He tapped the counter with his fingertips and slid off the stool.
“Yeah, good luck with her too.”
John shook his hand and headed out to the parking lot. He would need luck. And his belt. The thickest one he owned.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Julie sat on the front porch of the farm house where Kara and Devin ran their BDSM resort, Whispered Desires. Thick woods surrounded the property, and the ever-changing foliage of fall gave the entire grounds a majestic feel. She’d already gone for more hikes since arriving than she had in her life.
The exercise and the fresh air did her good, though. After having to go through the whole story with Kara, she’d been exhausted. Devin wanted some answers too but didn’t push her. Julie had gone to bed and stayed there for a full day and a half.
She wondered if her mother’s body had been discovered
, or of Jimmy had cleaned up the mess by getting rid of all evidence of her existence. It hurt, more than any heartbreak she could imagine, having her mother shot right in front of her. It didn’t matter that she’d been so hateful, so deceitful, she was still her mother.
Maybe her not knowing how little her mother really felt for her while growing up had been a defense mechanism, like Kara suggested. She couldn’t face the reality of it, so her mind created a relationship that didn’t really exist.
And maybe her mind was doing it again with John. She’d felt too much with him. He’d made her depend on him, lean on him, care for him. He brought out her submission without breaking her, or without demanding she give up her own strength. He built on it instead, wanting her at his side, not hiding in the background. He spotlighted her instead of tucking her in a shadow somewhere.
She couldn’t trust it. Not now.
John’s number had been blocked from her phone after the first dozen text messages and voicemails. He would search for her until he found her, she knew that. She could have just called him, told him to back off, and maybe he would. But he had a way of making her feel like things could be better. He brought safety with him, and she couldn’t trust it—and she didn’t deserve it.
Kara had let her listen to the voicemails he left her, and Julie had been able to convince her not to call him back. She needed more time. She wouldn’t disappear forever, just until she could get a grip on how she felt.
Because she loved him. So hard, she loved him. Seeing Tommy point his gun at John had nearly killed her. Every breath in that short moment had been labored, each heartbeat rammed against her ribcage. And she’d frozen. Stilled by shock and fear.
He deserved better. A woman who could give him everything. Someone who didn’t have so much damage in her past.
He was probably pissed, but he’d see the right of it. He’d be better off now. He just needed time to see it. It was the least she could do for him.
“Kara!” Devin’s booming voice decimated the peaceful atmosphere. Julie unfolded her legs and stood from the porch swing.
“Devin, calm down.” They were in the kitchen.
Julie made her way to the back room, finding Devin standing in the middle of the kitchen and Kara leaning with her back to the kitchen counters. She knew the look on her face well; she’d worn it well enough while with John. Kara was in trouble.
“Uh, hi.” Julie walked into the room, hoping to break up the tension.
“Good. You’re here.” Devin turned his dark glare on her. Not more frightening than John’s, but nothing to be ignored either.
“Yep. Been here all week. Is everything okay?” She inched her way into the room, toward Kara.
“No.” He turned back to Kara. “It seems my wife, my pet, has been lying to me.”
“Not lying,” Kara said. She held herself up in a straight line, no cowering in her form at all.
“Not lying?” Devin’s voice softened.
“You asked me if John knew she was up here. I said he knew she’d left Chicago. Which he does.” Kara pressed her palms into the kitchen counters. Maybe she needed more help to keep upright than Julie thought.
If John were glowering the way Devin was, she’d probably be having the same reaction.
She needed to stop thinking that way. John wasn’t hers. John would never be hers.
“John called you?” Julie asked, sinking into one of the kitchen chairs.
“Yes. Apparently, he’s been leaving messages for both of you but neither of you have returned his calls. He didn’t have my number until this morning.”
“I asked Kara not to call him back. That was my fault, not hers,” Julie said.
“No, her fault for not being completely honest with me. Her fault for continuing to let me believe John knew you were here and was okay with it.” Devin pointed a finger at his wife. Considering the depth of his tone, the ire in his expression, Kara should be cowering in a ball, not lifting her chin as though she were going to do battle with him.
“What did he say?” Julie turned the topic. Kara would fight her own fight, but she needed to know if she should jump in her rental and start driving.
“Didn’t you think I would help?” He turned his question to Kara.
“You’d do what you thought was right. Which would have meant telling John she was here. She wasn’t ready to see him. She needed time,” Kara argued.
“And you didn’t think I’d listen? Have you started doubting me?” He retook his stance, moving closer to her but without threat.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just you’re so protective, and I was protecting her.”
“Hi. Guys?” Julie stood from the chair and waved a hand. “I’m right here. I’m going to grab my stuff and get out of your hair. Kara, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”
“She’s not in trouble because of you. She’s in trouble because of her. My wife. My pet seems to have forgotten who owns who around here, and what honesty between us really means.” Devin clenched his hands at his sides. “Go to your cage, leave your clothes outside, and shut the door. I’ll be down later to deal with you. It’s been a very long time since you’ve earned what you have coming.”
“Devin, I was helping a friend,” Kara said with a plea in her tone.
“You were hiding things from me again. And what is the rule we have about hiding things?”
“I’m sorry.” Kara’s voice went quiet.
Everywhere Julie went, she brought chaos. Her decision to leave John behind only became clearer as the right decision as she stood in the kitchen with Kara and Devin.
“Did you tell him she was here?” Kara asked.
“Don’t worry about her. Or John. You just get downstairs and worry about your own ass.” His voice held steady, but Julie noticed the softening of his shoulders.
Kara nodded, walking past him toward the door leading down to their private room. Julie hadn’t been down there, but she had a good idea what awaited Kara.
“Kara, I’m sorry—”
“Don’t worry, Julie. It’s not your fault.” How many times would she hear that? How could all of these things happening not be her fault?
Kara gave Julie a weak smile then opened the door and went down to the room.
Julie’s stomach twisted. Anger started to rise.
“You can’t punish her because she was helping me.”
Devin shut the door after Kara disappeared and turned his full irritation on her. “She’s mine. I’ll do what’s right for her.”
Kara wouldn’t be hurt. Devin may look like a monster when riled, but she knew it came from his love for her.
“Look. I’m sorry this has turned into such a mess. I’m just going to get my stuff—”
“Like hell you are.” Devin laughed. “You’re going to sit down right where you are and not move a goddamn muscle until John gets here to take you.”
“Don’t I get a say in this? He’s not my husband. He’s not my anything. If I don’t want to see him—”
“Well, too fucking bad, kitten.” John’s voice interrupted her before she could finish.
Julie closed her eyes. She shut him out.
“You knew he was here,” she whispered.
“Of course I did. I had to wait till he got here so you wouldn’t go running off. I’ve had enough experience with the women around here doing that, to know better,” Devin explained.
Boot steps fell on the kitchen flooring, nearing her, but she still didn’t open her eyes. She didn’t need to. Her heart already started to race, her breathing picked up. Her body knew him, felt him, craved him. And he was there. She only had to open her eyes to see him.
“Sit down,” John ordered and pushed her shoulders until her ass hit the chair again. She blinked and opened her lids.
He stood over her, glaring down at her. But below the initial stone anger, she saw relief. Unabated relief, and she wanted to cry for it.
“I’ll be outside.” Devin left through the back
door.
John put one hand on the table and the other on the back of her chair, keeping her neatly contained.
“I don’t care what made you run. I don’t care what fucked-up bullshit you convinced yourself in that head of yours. I just want to tell you something. Then you can get back to running.”
“I—”
He moved his hand from the chair to cover her mouth. Trapping her mouth, and part of her nose, making breathing harder to do. She didn’t struggle or fight him; she welcomed the touch, the harshness of him.
“Shut up.” He looked over her head for a moment then brought his gaze back to hers. “If you want to leave someone. You want to call it quits. You fucking say something. You don’t sneak out of their apartment with no note, no call or text. You don’t make them worry and agonize over you.”
His voice cracked, and he closed his eyes.
“Maybe this whole thing between us meant nothing to you. Maybe I was just some fun to have while you were dealing with some serious shit. I can understand that. But not for one fucking second was it like that for me.”
She swallowed, her lungs burned but she wouldn’t fight him off. He let enough air get through so she could withstand his lecture. Physically at least.
“I fell for you. Like really fell for you, Julie. Not because you’re hot, or because you like the kink as much as I do, but for you. You’re bullheaded and you’re strong. You don’t need anyone to take care of you, but when you let me, when you soften up and let me in, you thrive. It’s like a light shines inside of you. Because of these things, because you’re smart, because you can fire a fucking gun, because you can take a strapping and keep wanting me—I love you.”
Wait. What? She furrowed her brow and started to pull away, but he beat her to it. He shoved her back and stood to his full height.
“But I’m not in the habit of forcing women to want me. I won’t force you to come home with me, and I won’t drag you out of here.”
“John—” she croaked.
He shook his head. “You had a bullshit hand dealt to you. And this past week has been hell on you. But I won’t force you. I’m staying in cabin four until morning and then I’m leaving. Once I go, I’m gone. For good.”