A Flicker of Light

by Kagan, Roberta

  Chapter 11

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  he baby changed and matured with each passing day. A glimpse into his strong-willed personality was apparent in his tiny, determined jaw. When Petra tried to put him down to sleep, his fists balled up and his face reddened as he cried out in protest. But the child loved Siegland and quickly came to recognize every line on her kind, familiar face. When he reached for her, which did more frequently than for his own mother, she responded with a fierce, protective adoration that she had never known before. Siegland enjoyed every moment, and she spoiled him. Hans could not so much as whimper before she lifted him out of his cradle and gently rocked him until he closed his eyes and slept. At night by the fire, Klaus played with Hans with the toys that he had made for him, and the old dog licked the baby’s face.

  By mid-summer, Petra had grown strong and in desperate need of a change of scenery. Siegland offered to watch little Hans while she went out to help Klaus on the farm. Grateful for the break from routine, she agreed. Petra learned to milk the cow, gather the eggs from the hen house, and feed and tend to the plow horse. She helped with the crops to the best of her ability, and informed Klaus proudly that she would be there to assist in the harvest as well. Never having had any help from anyone, the old man welcomed this new daughter in a way that surprised even him. He enjoyed teaching and showing off his expertise in his work, and she learned quickly. Klaus soon discovered what Siegland had always known: children filled a household with tremendous love. At first, fear of the Nazis had made him consider sending Petra away, but now he delighted at having the mother and child living with them. The bond had progressed to such a degree of intimacy that often the couple forgot that they did not share bloodlines with their adopted daughter and grandson.

  That summer brought the smell of lilacs. The fields were bursting with wildflowers in shades of magenta, lilac, plum, and bridal pink, interspersed with patches of hardy yellow dandelions. Raspberry bushes sprung up, randomly scattered amidst the other plant life, offering their fruit to all who passed. Grass covered the forest-green hills as far as the eye could see. Warm weather and bright sunlit days found Siegland and Petra sipping cold lemonade as they sat on the porch, rocking Hans in his cradle. In June, the Bruchmeiers’ strawberry patch blossomed, bursting with sweet berries they ate right from the vine. Siegland baked pies and canned jams with the succulent wine-red fruit. Life had slowed to a comfortable pace. Petra had taken on a healthy glow, and her golden locks floated about her head, streaked by kisses from the sun’s rays.

  Fall arrived, ushering in harvest time with it. The last of the strawberry crop sat in bushels along the side of the barn beginning to rot. Tonight, the women were determined to boil and preserve the remainder of the fruit for the coming winter. Petra helped Klaus to ready the farm, for soon the workers would come to help with the harvesting of the other crops. Siegland sat outside, her face blissful as she rocked the baby in the fresh air. She’d covered his head with hats she’d knitted to protect him from the sun and weather.

  Chapter 12

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  he countryside outside Munich is a magnificent sight in autumn. The leaves are an array of color - some a rich burgundy, others pumpkin orange, and still others a warm burnt umber. Across the land lays a thin, painted blanket where gusts of wind had distributed the foliage. Thick beds of grass cover the hillsides, turning from vivid shades of green to an aged golden hue. Many days are still sizzling as the summer sun makes her final exit to allow for winter’s arrival. But even on the warmest days, an occasional cool breeze blows through as a gentle reminder of what is to come.

  And so, on such an afternoon in late fall, a black Mercedes clamored up the road toward the little farmhouse. Klaus stiffened as he saw the automobile approach. Siegland gripped little Hans tighter, and Petra stopped working to watch, almost paralyzed with fear as the two men in black uniforms approached.

  “Good morning, Herr Bruchmeier.”

  “Good morning.”

  “Good day,” the Nazi said as he smiled at Petra. “I am SS Officer Schrielner, and this is my associate Officer Hauptman. We’ve come to inform you that there is a bit of a problem. A murderer is loose in this area, and it seems that he has killed a young man with an axe. It is imperative that you be very cautious and that you report any strange occurrences to the authorities immediately. There is even a possibility that he may be a Jew, although we are not sure. However, as you know, these Jews are very clever, evil and quite dangerous, so you must take great care, especially with such a lovely young woman here on the premises.” His eyes combed Petra’s body before he slowly turned his attention back to Klaus. “I trust that you will be sharing those strawberries with our soldiers. Of course, when your crops come in we would be happy to supply you with free labor as I believe we have done in previous years, providing that you help to feed the German army. I have no doubt that you would be honored to assist your own countrymen.”

  “Yes, certainly, we will be happy to.” Perspiration gathered at Klaus’ temple. He did not wipe it for fear that the officer might detect his anxiety.

  “And who is this young lady? And the baby? You have no children that we are aware of,” the Nazi said, taking an embroidered handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping the sweat from his forehead as he studied Petra. “Warm day, yes? Perhaps one of the last ones this year. Soon comes the dreaded winter.”

  He smiled at Petra. What a pretty thing, he thought, although a bit too slender for his tastes. Unconsciously, he licked his lips as he considered future possibilities. A night of wild abandon, perhaps, something his wife need never find out about. This golden-haired girl tucked away on a farm out in the country might be just the thing he needed to spice up his life.

  “We were not so lucky as to have children of our own; she is my husband’s brother’s daughter. Her future husband is fighting at the Russian front, and she is waiting for him here,” Siegland said.

  “And where is your home, young lady?” Too bad there is a future husband involved, especially a soldier fighting for the Fatherland, he thought. Even if they are not yet married, it would still be wrong to pursue her. Ah, well, nothing would have pleased him more than an affair with an attractive young girl. Never mind, he told himself, he would visit the women at the Lebensborn. There he could engage in extramarital sex and help the cause at the same time. A smirk came to his lips as he considered his own cleverness. Still, it would be nice to see what she looked like naked. And who knows, she might just get lonely while she waited, and find that she needed a man to keep her warm at night. No harm done if she came to him. Of course, in that case he would be ready to oblige.

  “My father is dead, and my mother is in Poland. She moved there before the war, but I wanted to be here in my native Germany.”

  “Very wise, good choice, and what is your name?”

  “Petra.” She hoped that she had done a satisfactory job covering her Norwegian accent.

  “Hello Petra.” The other officer, who stood beside him, smiled and nodded his head as he too watched Petra with an intense stare. The thick lenses of his glasses made his blue eyes look enormous, wild, and strange.

  Although still slim, Petra’s body had filled out since she had moved in with the Bruckmeiers. Her breasts stood firm and full, while her hips fell in rounded curves. This officer did not miss the budding nipples of her breasts as they strained against her blouse. A crooked half-smile came to his lips; when Petra caught sight of it, she shivered slightly.

  “Why don’t we just take a few crates of those juicy berries with us right now? In a week or so we’ll bring some labor to help you with your harvest. That sounds good, yes? It seems like you have a crop of asparagus quite ready to be brought in,” Officer Hauptman said.

  “Yes, take the strawberries; it is my pleasure. The asparagus is almost ready, too. And let me carry these crates of fruit over to your auto.” With his strong arms, Klaus lifted the two large crates and brought them to the car. Then he put them in the
back seat, careful not to scratch the leather. Petra cast a glance at Siegland as the car pulled away.

  Relieved, but shaken, for the moment Klaus stopped working. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the perspiration from his brow. Then he walked to the house. His old heart had pounded so fiercely that he now suffered exhaustion and felt unable to continue his work for what remained of the day. Rest, he needed rest. At his age, the exertion of his work, coupled with the jolt he’d suffered as he considered possible arrest or detention, had caused a sharp pain in his chest that surged down his left arm. Siegland and Petra were worried. His face had turned a dark red, and cold sweat covered his entire body. Siegland ran him a lukewarm bath, and he stayed in the bathroom for more than an hour, wiping a cool towel across his forehead. For at least forty minutes, he had difficulty breathing as he panted like a bird in a cat’s clutches.

  Chapter 13

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  ogether, the women prepared the evening meal. With little Hans at play on the floor between them, they chopped, sliced and diced. Siegland and Petra worked together as a unit, each knowing instinctively what the other was doing. Watching her tiny son, Petra’s heart swelled. At first she had wanted a girl, but once she saw this child, his defenselessness made her ache with love, and he owned her. Fiercely protective, like a mother tiger, she knew she would give her life for the little boy who sat banging the wooden soldiers that Klaus had made for him.

  With a large, serrated knife, Siegland cut the onions. Both women knew that possession of these vegetables would be considered a crime, and they looked at each other conspiratorially. When Siegland finished chopping, she poured the contents of the cutting board into a large pan sizzling with melted butter. A hearty aroma filled the room as Petra stirred the sauté.

  “Tell me more about your Hans,” Siegland asked as she began dicing the green peppers.

  “Oh, Hans. Wonderful Hans. It was so romantic. When he first marched into Norway with the rest of his unit, wearing the Wehrmacht uniform, he looked so proud and brave.”

  “You saw the troops march in to your village?”

  “Oh yes, my girlfriends and I stood out on the street with the rest of the town as they marched in. At first, I experienced some apprehension, but once my eyes locked with Han’s eyes, well, then I forgot to be afraid, I guess.”

  “Yes, love can be like that. It can make you do things you would not normally do.”

  “Oh that is so true. Of course, at that time I knew nothing of the Nazis or what they could be capable of. I saw only a young, attractive man, tall and proud in his uniform.”

  “Hans was a Nazi?”

  “Oh, no,” she laughed. “His brother belonged to the SS. I never met him, and at that time I had no idea what SS meant. But Hans really had no interest in such things. He’d been drafted and planned to leave the army as soon as possible. It’s funny, but Hans considered himself to be a farmer at heart. His parents owned land and we decided that we would live on his parents’ farm after the war. I knew nothing of country life, but he told me that he would teach me. Isn’t it odd that I have found my way here? He would be so proud to see me making bread and cheese. He used to tease me and say that I would have to learn these things if I planned to make him a proper wife.”

  Laughing, Siegland brought over a handful of bell pepper chunks to add to the sauté. “You’ve been doing a very good job learning to live on a farm. So, how did he ever know where to find you again after the march through your village?”

  “After they walked through town, I thought that I would never see him again, but I did. Two days later, after I had almost forgotten about those deep blue eyes, he walked into my father’s place of business and took a seat at a table away from the bar. I waited on the tables that night, so I had to go over and ask him what he wanted. He had plenty of money. I saw the large wad of bills that he pulled out of his pocket. Without any hesitation, he ordered lots of food and beer. Then he asked me to join him. My father had rules about sitting with the customers and - him being a German and all - I knew that it would not be a good idea. So I told Hans that I could not join him. But he insisted. So I sat down. My father glowered at me from behind the bar with a terrible and threatening look on his face. I stayed at the table with Hans for only a moment, and then I got up with the excuse that I had to take care of the other tables. But Hans refused to give up that easily. He came again the following night, and then the one after that, until he finally understood that I could not talk to him with my father standing watch. So he slipped me a note with a very large tip that asked if I would meet him at the seashore that night after work. I don’t know where I got the courage. I had never done anything like that before, but those eyes held me captive, you know?”

  “Yes, child, I do.”

  “After work I went home with my father, and told my parents that I suffered from a bad headache and needed to go to bed. I went up to my room and changed clothes. Then I waited quietly until I had no doubt that they had fallen asleep. Once the house was quiet, I climbed out my bedroom window. I walked to the shore. When I got there, Hans had not arrived. I was so sure he had made a fool of me. I felt hurt and rejected. So I turned to go back home, and then I saw him in the distance walking toward me. I will never forget how his broad shoulders and thin waist looked in the shadow of the moonlight. We talked for hours that night. I finally left as the sun rose. Before my family got out of bed for the day, I quietly slipped into my own room, changed into my night dress, and hid under the covers pretending to be asleep. The following night I did the same thing. We met at the seashore; then he took me out for a very expensive dinner. You must understand that money had become scarce in our little village, and he seemed to have so much to spare. He bought me a dancing dress and a comb inlaid with real emeralds for my hair. His generosity left me speechless. My cousin had a baby and her breast milk never came in, so she could not nurse. Try as she might, she could not find milk in the store, but Hans had access to everything I asked for, and he brought it without question. For weeks we met like that, in secret. Then one night when the moon looked like a glowing silver ball as we lay on our backs gazing up at the stars, Hans told me about his family, his dreams of farming, and how the Nazi Party had forced him to leave it all behind to join the army.

  “Without warning, he turned and kissed me. I had never been kissed before, and it seemed like a dream. Then we kissed again, and again, and before I knew it things had gone too far. I can’t say that I am sorry, or that I would not do it again. I have a beautiful child, whom I love with all of my heart, but Hans is gone now and I am not sure what would happen if I went home. I like to believe that my parents would be happy to see me, especially with their only grandson, but I cannot say for sure. My father, like me, I guess, is very stubborn. He might not ever accept me back, but then again, he might. It is so hard to say. Until I found you and Klaus, I’d hoped to find my way home. I had no other place to go. But now I feel like this is home and you are my family.”

  Siegland embraced Petra, “We are your family and you are ours - you and little Hans - and we hope that you will stay here forever.”

  “I will stay, but someday I must return to my home, even if it is only for a visit. I must see my family again and let my parents know that they have a grandchild.”

  “Of course, I understand, and if you decide to move back, I will understand that too. But I would miss you, and you must promise to come always and visit.”

  “Of course, but I’m not leaving right now. Besides,” she smiled, “I made a promise to help Klaus bring in the harvest this year.”

  “Oh child, that will be very hard work. The Nazis will bring us some of the prisoners to help out. They don’t take money, just some of the crops. Lots of the crops, usually - for the soldiers, I think.”

  “Prisoners?”

  “Yeah, they came from the camp for the last few years - Jews mostly - very skinny and sickly looking. Some were little children.
I can’t help but feel sorry for them. I had to go in the house when they were here. It made me sick to look. When the guards would beat them, I could not stand it. One time it was so hot and I brought out water to them because they all looked so miserable in the heat. The guard told me that it was not my problem; that I shouldn’t try to take care of them. But I told him that I wanted to give them the water. Finally, he let me. You should’ve seen them; the poor people were so thirsty. They drank so fast; some of them threw it right back up. Anyway, this is a sad story, and we don’t want to be sad now, do we?”

  “No, we don’t.” Petra said but she could not get the picture of the Jews out of her mind. She thought of little starving children clearing the fields of crops, and she thought of her own child. What would she do if little Hans had been one of those children? The thought sickened her.

  “This year, the other farmers are saying that they will be bringing Poles. Maybe it will be better.” Siegland lowered her voice, although there was no one else around to hear, “I will tell you a very big secret. We must not let the Nazis take all of the food. So I will tell you what we will do, but if you say anything, even by accident, we could be in big trouble - arrested, maybe put in one of those camps, even.”

  “I understand.” Petra wiped her hands on a kitchen towel, sat down and faced Siegland, “Go on.”

  Chapter 14

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  etra and Siegland sat on the porch outside the house. Against the side of the barn, several bushels of newly-picked crops stood in a row.