by Tena Clark
One hundred years of delay have passed since President Lincoln freed the slaves, yet their heirs, their grandsons, are not fully free. They are not yet freed from the bonds of injustice. They are not yet freed from social and economic oppression. And this Nation, for all its hopes and all its boasts, will not be fully free until all its citizens are free.
I was ten years old, and I felt like I’d finally met someone who felt the same way about things that I did. I had never understood why Virgie wasn’t allowed to ride in the front seat of our car when my father drove her home after work. My parents had little interest in Kennedy, and absolutely no interest in integration or in the civil rights movement that was gaining traction as I came of age. As far as my parents and their friends were concerned, everyone in Mississippi was perfectly happy with the status quo.
Hearing Kennedy’s words had a profound impact on me. I looked around at the African Americans I knew and loved—my nanny, Virgie, her best friend, Beulah Mae—and felt in my bones that the legacy of slavery and racism was a poison that still infected our world. I was a little girl and couldn’t have articulated any of this at the time, but it’s what I felt in a visceral way. We were on the wrong side of history; we were on the wrong side of righteousness and justice. Kennedy’s words echoed through me and stayed with me. I was devastated when he was assassinated.
I’d always known deep down that I was different from my peers, and from others in my family. Part of it was circumstantial—I came out as a lesbian when I was twenty-one, but all my life I knew I was different. I didn’t have the word to describe what I was, I simply knew from an early age that I was attracted to girls, and I didn’t see myself as feminine or womanly in the same way my sisters did. I didn’t want to be a majorette like they had been—I wanted to marry one! Knowing I was different caused me to feel more compassion for those who live without the dignity they deserve, without rights that every human being deserves, on the fringes, and it laid the groundwork for my early activism.
I was also aware that I was a child of privilege, which gave me the motivation to take a stand on behalf of others who didn’t have the same advantages I did. I was white; my father was wealthy and powerful. I felt it was up to people like me to be part of the change, and to stand with my black brothers and sisters and resist the racism and bigotry that poisoned our world. I wanted to break the cycle that had persisted for generations. I still do.
Standing up for what you believe and being authentic is not easy and it is definitely not always popular, especially in places where outdated prejudices still linger. Your family may turn on you, some acquaintances or friends may turn on you, but doing what is right will set you free.
You grew up in a society where gender roles were clearly defined. How were you able to overcome the pressure to comply? Do you have any advice for others who are in a similar situation?
I look back on myself as a little girl, all dressed up in crinoline, my hair curled, and I wish I could hug her and say: “Don’t worry! This won’t last. You’re going to have a great life. Stay strong.” It was hard growing up a tomboy in a world full of petticoats. I remember seeing Idgie Threadgoode in Fried Green Tomatoes and thinking “That was me!” It was the first time I felt like I saw myself represented in a Hollywood film. In my town every girl dreamed of marriage, motherhood, the white picket fence. I knew I would not survive if I had to live that life.
For me, music was my savior. I fell in love with the drums when I was ten and then it just went on from there. Making music was an outlet for my aggression and frustration, my sadness and my fear. It was a safe place for me to be myself. And it was through music that I finally found the courage to embrace who I was. So my first piece of advice would be to find a creative outlet, whether it’s painting or writing or sculpture or music . . . whatever it is. Find a way to channel your feelings into something beautiful and meaningful and personal.
A second piece of advice is to surround yourself with people who love and accept you for who you are. I found those people in the most surprising places. Virgie was certainly one of the first people who silently and tacitly accepted my differences and adored me even more because of them. My friends in the music world did as well. Friends I’ve made through my church, through activism. You’ll find your tribe, I promise.
Finally, realize that a life lived as a lie will never be a happy life. As difficult as it may be, I urge you to find the courage to be your authentic self. Understand that it might be hard for the people in your life to accept it at first. Understand that there will be some people in your life who will never fully understand—and that that’s okay. You will survive, and you will thrive, but first you must be true to yourself.
What do you hope the readers take away from Southern Discomfort?
I hope people reading my book will see that there’s redemption in telling the truth. I also hope they’ll see the power of love and forgiveness. As dysfunctional as my family was, and still is, and through all the chaos, we have stayed close, and we love each other very, very much.
I hope readers will be inspired by my story to be kinder, braver, more compassionate, and more tolerant. And at the end of the day, that the message will be that love is what sustains us and unites us. Love is what heals; love is what always gets us through the hardest of times—love of family, love of community, love of the downtrodden and less fortunate, and, most of all, love of self. Love and respect. That’s what it’s all about.
Finally, I hope readers will be inspired to be an agent of positive change, to realize that one person really can take a stand and make a difference.
Are you working on anything now?
I’m busy working on a variety of music projects for film and television and of course I am as active as ever in social justice reform.
Enhance Your Book Club
1. Of growing up in the South, Tena writes, “My roots ran deep into the red earth; the land felt as much a part of me as my limbs, my heart. I hated it with a fury. I loved it with an all-consuming passion. This is the great paradox of the South.” This same sentiment appears in Southern literature, most notably in the work of William Faulkner and Tennessee Williams. Can you think of any other examples? Discuss them with your book club. What are the markers of Southern literature? How do the authors deal with their own paradoxical relationships with the South?
2. Tena remarks that upon watching To Kill a Mockingbird, she saw Scout and “nearly wept with recognition. It was like . . . watching a version of [herself] on screen.” Watch To Kill a Mockingbird with your book club. Why do you think Tena identifies with Scout? How is Tena like Scout as a young girl?
3. For Tena, helping Virgie hang the laundry is a particularly special memory. She says, “Whether it was the quiet of the surrounding fields or the sharing of a simple task or the gentle respect that she bestowed on me in asking for my help, those moments remain as dear and sweet as any I have.” Is there anyone in your life who is as special to you as Virgie is to Tena? Who are they and why are they so special to you? Share some treasured memories of them with your book club.
4. To learn more about Tena Clark and find out when she will be appearing in a city near you, visit her official site at tenaclark.com.
About the Author
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AUTHOR PHOTOGRAPH BY STEPHANIE ROCHA
Tena Clark is a Grammy Award–winning songwriter, producer, entrepreneur, and social activist. She has worked with some of the biggest stars in music and the arts, including Aretha Franklin, Patti LaBelle, Chaka Khan, Natalie Cole, Jennifer Holliday, Gladys Knight, CeCe Winans, Dionne Warwick, Patti Austin, Stephanie Mills, Yolanda Adams, Pastor Shirley Caesar, and Maya Angelou. Tena’s success spans film, television, records, and theater. She and her partner live outside of Atlanta.
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Copyright © 2018 by Southern Discomfort LLC
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First Touchstone hardcover edition October 2018
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Interior design by Jill Putorti
Jacket design by Lauren Harms
Jacket photographs: figures by: Aleksandr Sumarokov/EyeEm/Getty Images and Magdalena Russocka/Trevillion Images; dress by Jayne Chapman/Shutterstock; background by Daniela Duncan/Getty Images
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Clark, Tena, author.
Title: Southern discomfort : a memoir / Tena Clark.
Description: New York : Touchstone, [2018] |
Identifiers: LCCN 2018001572 (print) | LCCN 2018036432 (ebook) | ISBN 9781501167966 (eBook) | ISBN 9781501167942 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781501167959 (pbk.)
Subjects: LCSH: Clark, Tena. | African Americans—Mississippi—Biography. | Mississippi—Race relations—History. | Mississippi—Biography. | LCGFT: Autobiographies.
Classification: LCC E185.93.M6 (ebook) | LCC E185.93.M6 C55 2018 (print) | DDC 305.8009762—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018001572
ISBN 978-1-5011-6794-2
ISBN 978-1-5011-6796-6 (ebook)