I have [held a gun] now. I know how to shoot an air gun, but only because I asked.
THE FIRST OVERSEAS TOUR
Then it was make-or-break time for me. We went to [Australia and] New Zealand, [beginning at] Alice Springs. This was the real hard crunch, the hard end of being the Princess of Wales. There were thousands of press following us. We were away six weeks and the first day we went to this school in Alice Springs. It was hot, I was jet-lagged, being sick. I was too thin. The whole world was focusing on me every day. I was in the front of the papers. I thought that this was just so appalling, I hadn’t done something specific like climb Everest or done something wonderful like that. However, I came back from this engagement and I went to my lady-in-waiting, cried my eyes out and said: ‘Anne [Anne Beckwith-Smith], I’ve got to go home, I can’t cope with this.’ She was devastated, too, because it was her first job. So that first week was such a traumatic week for me, I learned to be royal, in inverted commas, in one week. I was thrown into the deep end. Now I prefer it that way. Nobody ever helped me at all. They’d be there to criticize me, but never there to say: ‘Well done.’
I was thrown into the deep end. Now I prefer it that way. Nobody ever helped me at all. They’d be there to criticize me, but never there to say: ‘Well done.’
When we came back from our six-week tour I was a different person. I was more grown up, more mature, but not anything like the process I was going to go through in the next four or five years. Basically our tour was a great success. Everybody always said when we were in the car: ‘Oh, we’re in the wrong side, we want to see her, we don’t want to see him’, and that’s all we could hear when we went down these crowds and obviously he wasn’t used to that and nor was I. He took it out on me. He was jealous; I understood the jealousy but I couldn’t explain that I didn’t ask for it. I kept saying you’ve married someone and whoever you’d have married would have been of interest for the clothes, how she handles this, that and the other, and you build the building block for your wife to stand on to make her own building block. He didn’t see that at all.
The first foreign trip we took William to was Australia and New Zealand. That was for six weeks. That was great – we were a family unit and everything was fine. It was very tricky, mentally, for me, because the crowds were just something to be believed. My husband had never seen crowds like it and I sure as hell hadn’t and everyone kept saying it will all quieten down when you’ve had your first baby, and it never quietened down, never.
We never had a fight [about taking Prince William on tour]. The person who never got any credit was Malcolm Fraser who was then Prime Minister [but wasn’t by the time of the tour]. He wrote to us out of the blue. All ready to leave William. I accepted that as part of duty, albeit it wasn’t going to be easy. He wrote to me and said: ‘It seems to me that you being such a young family would you like to bring your child out?’ And Charles said: ‘What do you think about this?’ I said: ‘Oh, it would be absolutely wonderful.’ He said: ‘Then we can do six weeks instead of four and we can cover New Zealand as well so it would be perfect.’
I said: ‘Wonderful.’ It was always reputed that I had had an argument with the Queen. We never even asked her, we just did it. It was very nice. We didn’t see very much of him [William] but at least we were under the same sky, so to speak. That was a great fulfilment for me because everyone wanted to know about his progress.
OTHER FOREIGN TRIPS
President and Mrs Göncz of Hungary, I had an instant rapport with them. I got out of the aeroplane and we held hands. Extraordinary, it felt so normal me doing it. It was on the front of all the papers at home. I remember thinking: ‘What’s so odd about that?’ It all got very intense after that with the public. Sudden shifts but I couldn’t understand it. I had no one to talk to about that with. I just thought I was growing up. Put it down to experience.
I thought that was rather wonderful, very special [an audience with Pope John Paul II]. I was totally overwhelmed. I was so intimidated by the set-up. When you’re sat there with this man in a white frock, it was quite strange. I said one thing to him. I plucked up courage and said: ‘How are your wounds?’ He had recently been shot. He thought I was talking about my womb! So he thought I was having a baby! So after that mistake I went very quietly.
In Spain I wasn’t well at all, tiredness, exhaustion, bone tired. I told everybody I was tired but it was the bulimia taking a grip of me. Portugal was the last time we were close as man and wife. That’s going back six or seven years ago now. Then Majorca [on holiday with the King and Queen of Spain], the first trip I spent my whole time with my head down the loo. I hated it so much. Because they were all so busy thinking Charles was the most wonderful creature there’s ever been and who was this girl coming along? And I knew there was something inside me that wasn’t coming out and I didn’t know how to use it, in the sense of letting them see it. I didn’t feel at all comfortable in that situation.
No one has ever taught me how to talk to people. And sometimes you have an interpreter, depending on how complicated their English is. A brief comes from the Foreign Office, but you know what not to broach.
CHRISTMAS AT SANDRINGHAM
It was highly fraught. I know I gave, but I can’t remember being a receiver [of Christmas presents]. Isn’t that awful? I do all the presents and [Prince] Charles signs the cards. [It was] terrifying and so disappointing. No boisterous behaviour, lots of tension, silly behaviour, silly jokes that outsiders would find odd but insiders understood. I sure was [an outsider].
TROOPING THE COLOUR
Everybody mingles around. And everybody who wants to avoid each other avoids each other, and those who want to talk to each other talk to each other. There are too many of us.
THE BIRTH OF HARRY
Then between William and Harry being born it is total darkness. I can’t remember much, I’ve blotted it out, it was such pain. However, Harry appeared by a miracle. We were very, very close to each other the six weeks before Harry was born, the closest we’ve ever, ever been and ever will be. Then suddenly as Harry was born it just went bang, our marriage, the whole thing went down the drain. I knew Harry was going to be a boy because I saw on the scan. Charles always wanted a girl. He wanted two children and he wanted a girl. I knew Harry was a boy and I didn’t tell him. Harry arrived, Harry had red hair, Harry was a boy. First comment was: ‘Oh God, it’s a boy’, second comment: ‘and he’s even got red hair’. Something inside me closed off. By then I knew he had gone back to his lady but somehow we’d managed to have Harry. Harry was a complete joy and is actually closer to his father than perhaps William at the moment.
We were very, very close to each other the six weeks before Harry was born, the closest we’ve ever, ever been and ever will be. Then suddenly as Harry was born it just went bang.
[Prince] Charles went to talk to my mother at Harry’s christening and said: ‘We were so disappointed – we thought it would be a girl.’ Mummy snapped his head off, saying: ‘You should realize how lucky you are to have a child that’s normal.’ Ever since that day the shutters have come down and that’s what he does when he gets somebody answering back at him.
[I chose the names William and Harry because] the alternative was Arthur and Albert. No thank you. There weren’t fights over it. It was just a fait accompli.
RELATIONS WITH THE ROYAL FAMILY:
THE QUEEN
The relationship certainly changed when we got engaged because I was a threat, wasn’t I? I admire her. I long to get inside her mind and talk to her and I will. I’ve always said to her: ‘I’ll never let you down but I cannot say the same for your son.’ She took it quite well. She does relax with me. She indicated to me that the reason why our marriage had gone downhill was because Prince Charles was having such a difficult time with my bulimia. She told me that. She hung her coat on the hook, so to speak. And it made me realize that they all saw that as the cause of the marriage problems and not one of the symptoms. I kept mysel
f to myself. I didn’t knock on her door and ask her advice, because I knew the answers myself.
I get on very well with them [her parents-in-law] but I don’t go out of my way to go and have tea with them.
PRINCE CHARLES
... he wanted to try and have a home life of some sort, but he didn’t know how to do it because he’s never been taught.
[I was] accused very early on of stopping him shooting and hunting – that was total rubbish. He suddenly went all vegetarian and wouldn’t kill. His family thought he had gone mad, and he was ostracized within the family. They couldn’t understand it and they were fearful of the future – all the estates have things that need to be shot on them. So if the heir wasn’t going to take an interest, panic was going to set in. It was an influence well before me, but it all came back eventually in his own time. He does that – he has these crazes and then he drops them.
The one thing I’ve always prided myself on – if I may be so bold – is that I’ve never been a selfish person. But Charles was always telling me I was being selfish, and I sort of believed it.
I never wanted to get rid of anyone [in Charles’s group of friends]. I just wanted to keep my head above water. It was Charles’s choice when we first got married not to run around with the PTs [Palmer-Tomkinsons], with the PBs [Parker Bowleses] and everything. It was his decision; he wanted to try and have a home life of some sort, but he didn’t know how to do it because he’s never been taught. So the whole thing just evaporated.
Stephen Barry [Prince Charles’s valet] was very good to me. We got on terribly well. On our honeymoon, Stephen and I were standing outside looking out at Egypt and he said to me: ‘Now the boss is married, it’s time for me to move on. And I can see he’s in good hands now, and I’d like to move on.’
[Charles’s clothes] He had an awful lot but he had very little. For instance, he had ghastly Aertex pyjamas that were honestly, simply hideous, so I bought him a silk pair, that sort of thing – and shoes. Yes, they were well received. He was absolutely thrilled.
[Charles as a father] He loved the nursery life and couldn’t wait to get back and do the bottle and everything. He was very good, he always came back and fed the baby. I [breast] fed William for three weeks and Harry for eleven weeks.
[Charles’s attitude to Diana] Once, we were in the swimming pool at Highgrove and I was telling him [William] off, and he turned around to me and said: ‘You’re the most selfish woman I’ve ever met. All you do is think of yourself.’ And I was so stunned. I mean, this is seven years ago. I said: ‘Where did you hear that?’ ‘Oh, I’ve often heard Papa saying it.’ The one thing I’ve always prided myself on – if I may be so bold – is that I’ve never been a selfish person. But Charles was always telling me I was being selfish, and I sort of believed it.
[When Diana danced on stage with Wayne Sleep at the Royal Opera House at an event for the Friends of Covent Garden] he was horrified. He said I was too thin.
[On sleeping separately] The snoring could be heard through two doors. Four times a night I’d be woken up. And then it became a habit. He just got fed up and went into his dressing room.
QUEEN MOTHER
[The Queen Mother’s 90th birthday] Quite grim and stilted. All her household are anti me. My grandmother [Ruth, Lady Fermoy] has done a good hatchet job on me.
PRINCE PHILIP AND PRINCE CHARLES
Very tricky, very tricky. Prince Charles longs to be patted on the head by his father while his father longs to be asked advice instead of listening to Prince Charles giving advice. After all, it was my father-in-law who started off the environmental thing, but it was Charles who got listened to.
PRINCE ANDREW
Andrew was very, very noisy and loud. It occurred to me that there was something troubling him. He wasn’t for me. Andrew was very happy to sit in front of the television all day watching cartoons and videos because he’s not a goer. He doesn’t like taking exercise – he loves his golf and it’s rather touching. But he gets squashed by his family the whole time. He’s dismissed as an idiot but actually there’s a lot more that hasn’t arisen yet. He’s very shrewd, believe it or not, and very astute.
The big brother [Charles] was very jealous of [Andrew going to the Falklands war] because he wanted to go out and do something.
Sweet Koo [Kathleen Dee-Anne Stark, an American film actress] adored him. She was terribly good to have around. Very gentle and looked after him. All her energies were directed at him. Very quiet. They suited each other so well. Met her lots of times.
[On Andrew and Fergie] I only know two single girls who are from ‘good breeding’ stock: Susie Fenwick, who’s now married, was one, and Fergie was the other. I didn’t actually notice anything going on, but then Andrew would ask if he could bring Sarah to come and stay at Highgrove. Things like that happened. They were all over each other. I didn’t advise them. I just said that I was there if they needed me.
PRINCESS ANNE
We’re always supposed to have had this tricky relationship. I admire her enormously. I keep out of her way but when she’s there I don’t rattle her cage and she’s never rattled mine and the fuss about her being godmother to Harry was never even thought about. I thought to myself: ‘There’s no point having anyone in the family as godparents as they are either aunts or uncles.’ I said: ‘The press will go for that’, and Charles said: ‘So what?’ They had this great thing about she and I not getting on. We get on incredibly well, but in our own way. I wouldn’t ring her up if I had a problem, nor would I go and have lunch with her but when I see her it’s very nice to see her. Her mind stimulates me, she fascinates me, she’s very independent and she’s gone her own way.
OTHER ROYALS
I’ve always adored Margo [the late Princess Margaret], as I call her. I love her to bits and she’s been wonderful to me from day one. Everyone keeps themselves to themselves. The Gloucesters – they are a very shy couple anyway. Feel sorry for her [the Duchess of Kent]. Would look after her if I had to.
DIANA’S MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER AND THE ROYAL FAMILY
Mummy was quite special to look at when I was younger. She’s dynamite. Not unlike Princess Grace, in a funny sort of way.
Mummy sticks up for me, whereas my grandmother goes out to lacerate me at any opportunity.
My mother and grandmother never got on. They clashed violently. Mummy sticks up for me, whereas my grandmother goes out to lacerate me at any opportunity. She feeds the royal family with hideous comments about my mother, about her running away and leaving the children. Whenever I mention my mother’s name within the royal family, which I barely do, they come on me like a ton of bricks. So I can never do anything in that department. They’re convinced she’s the baddie and that poor Johnnie [her father] had a very rough time. Now, I know it takes two to get in a situation like that. The four of us never knew what happened and we don’t actually want to know. But Mummy’s come off very badly because Granny’s done a real hatchet job on her. And my husband won’t even talk to her.
[On Diana’s mother’s relationship with Peter Shand Kydd] She wanted him out the house, so he went. He was a bit of a manic-depressive and a drinker. And when Mummy heard that he’d fallen in love with another lady she went spare. It was like a teenage crush. I used to ring her up and she’d cry down the telephone. I’d tell her: ‘You know, Mummy, you’ve had two goes at marriage, and if you can’t get it right you’ve got to look at yourself. I’m stuck in this one, and I’m worse off than you.’ She didn’t like that. ‘You must let me cry, you must let me cry.’ So I said: ‘You can cry as much as you like, it’s very good to cry, but you’re not getting any sympathy from me.’
THE MEDIA
[The press attention] was like Marilyn Monroe publicity. She only had to click her heels and the whole world was at her feet. It was very odd. I’m never comfortable in it. Never ever. I was absolutely mesmerized by the whole thing. I couldn’t believe it. [The royal family] all thought: ‘Oh she’s got lots of press, sh
e must be doing all right.’
One of the worst things that ever happened was when we went to Wales after the flooding [in 1987]. There’d been a tremendous amount of press about Charles and I being apart, and we got into the jet and I burst into tears. He said: ‘Oh God, what’s the matter?’ And I said: ‘I’ve had a very bad time with the press.’ Because they’d literally hunted me. And he said: ‘Well if you were in the right place none of this would happen’, indicating that I should be up in Scotland. But I said: ‘I choose to work, because that’s my role in life.’ And it was terrible, he completely ignored me.
It was a real cry for help. I wasn’t blubbing because I’d just turned the taps on. It was just desperation. And it showed in all the photographs.
[On avoiding appearing on It’s a Royal Knockout] I said to Charles: ‘Why aren’t we being involved? Why aren’t we doing this?’ He said: ‘You must be joking! Neither of us are doing it.’ Thank God we didn’t, we were so appalled when we saw it. But leading up to it, I didn’t want to be left out.
[On the interview with TV broadcaster Alastair Burnet in 1985] I was basically bribed to do that. First of all, American Network was going to do it and I said I didn’t want to do it. And Charles said: ‘Okay, I’ll do it.’ They came back and said: ‘No, no – we want both of you, or we don’t want any of you.’ So I said no, so they dropped Charles and then ITN picked it up and said: ‘If your wife does it with you, we’ll pay you such and such money.’ So there was the bribe – into the charities’ trusts, not to us individually. So that’s how that happened. He [Alastair Burnet] followed us around for eighteen months. [It was] very strange.
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