Jeff snorted. “Hell of a lot of trouble you went through for a free burger.”
Cody sent him a look that let him know exactly where he’d like to bury his fist. He doubted he’d even taste the food. Not that he expected much. He figured Lucas’s parents would be just like his grandmother’s boyfriend, choosing a place based on whether they offered free pie with a heaping portion of laughably bland food.
“Whatever.” He touched the back of his neck. Gawd. Stop it. Forget the clothing. Looking like he had one of those twitching disorders might be the bigger worry. This was the stupidest idea he’d ever had.
“I’m going to go find Raven,” Jeff said.
“What are you doing?” Lucas kept looking over Cody like he was a freaking Where’s Waldo? book. None of his usual awkward Labrador loping, Lucas strode purposefully to the elevator and hit the Up button.
“We’ll be back,” Lucas called to Jeff before hauling Cody into the elevator with him.
“The fuck?” Cody asked as Lucas hit the button for their floor. “You don’t want me to come, you can say it—”
“Of course I want you.” Lucas stole a page from Cody’s playbook and crowded him into the corner. Dude had all sorts of toppy intensity today that Cody found strangely appealing. He tried not to think about the last time he’d been alone in an elevator with Lucas. Or what Lucas had started a few hours ago.
“Then what the heck are you doing?”
“Undoing whatever you’re doing.” Lucas stepped back, gesturing at Cody’s clothes. “This isn’t you.”
No, it’s you. I did it for you.
“You got a problem?” Cody’s voice came out far too defensive, but he couldn’t rein in his frustration. He couldn’t even manage this without screwing up.
“I . . . appreciate the effort.” Lucas’s face squinched up, like he was thinking too hard about how to be tactful.
Cody kept silent. Fuck effort. He stuck his hand in his pocket, rolling his earrings around. Lucas didn’t really get what Cody had done—what he was offering. Hell, he didn’t even know what he was doing himself. He followed Lucas into their room.
“Fix yourself back to normal.” Lucas put his hands on Cody’s shoulders, steering him toward the closet.
“You want me to change clothes?” Cody looked back at him. Lucas might have been cute when he got all toppy, but the last thing Cody wanted was to play dress up. “Now? Don’t you want to be getting to the restaurant?”
“I want you back to you.” Lucas gave him a weird, almost tentative grin. “You don’t have to change for me. Or them.”
“I think maybe you have a Goth kink.” He desperately scrambled for some lightness, something to break the emotions threatening to overwhelm him.
“I think I have a you kink.” Lucas smiled. “But yeah, feel free to go nuts with the eyeliner and the hair gel.”
“How about I kiss you instead?” The wave of emotion pulled at him, tugging him under. He needed Lucas to cling to. Needed to hold him. Needed to reassure himself that Lucas was back, that he hadn’t lost him. Needed to claim Lucas with his tongue and teeth and fingers digging hard into Lucas’s hair.
And thank the fuck, Lucas seemed to need the same thing, his fingers wrapping around Cody’s belt loops, pulling him closer, his mouth welcoming him. Home. It was right here, in Lucas’s breath and his scent.
Lucas kissed Cody like they had all the time in the world. Finally, something made sense. When Lucas had seen Cody in the lobby, looking profoundly uncomfortable in a shirt that fit him all wrong and none of his usual . . . decoration, Lucas hadn’t known what to think.
Lucas had grown so used to Cody’s look of punk jewelry and spiked hair and look-at-me clothes that seeing him stripped of his style felt a bit like looking at a shaved cat—like Cody was missing an essential part of his nature.
“I don’t want you changing your style for me,” he said, pulling back slightly. “You didn’t have to change clothes to get food. And what do you care what my parents think of you?” His breath caught, waiting. Hoping. Didn’t really matter what Cody thought of his parents—he wanted Cody to care about him. About them. About what they’d had.
“Don’t want to make things worse for you.” Cody addressed the carpet. “Week’s been shitty enough. Might as well book the same flight back as your folks. I couldn’t . . . my plan failed. And turns out people want us gone, but I couldn’t make it better . . .” He trailed off, his voice little more than a whisper.
“You didn’t . . . ?” Lucas had wanted to ask all week, but he’d kept talking himself out of it. Whether Cody had blown Dane wasn’t really the point—Cody’s messed-up priorities were. But now his heart tripped over itself with fresh hope—like a glimmer of sunshine amid the storm that had wrecked everything.
Cody shook his head. “I . . . froze. Couldn’t do it.”
“Because of me?” Hope rose in Lucas’s throat, tickling the roof of his mouth and making him swallow hard.
“Because of me.” Cody’s voice was hard, and he still hadn’t met Lucas’s eyes. “And yeah, us . . . not that it matters anymore.”
“It could matter,” Lucas said, conviction flooding his chest. “I’ve missed you.” He had missed him even when they were right next to each other in practice. Even when asleep, his hands had cast around like they were searching for Cody’s warmth.
“Yeah?” Cody’s eyes were bright as he finally met Lucas’s gaze.
“And you’re wrong. You’re enough. More than enough. Exactly how you are.” It was what he should have said when they fought, but now he wanted to find a way to show Cody.
“I . . . don’t know. I’m not the right guy for you. And even if you don’t think so, we’re gonna be eliminated this week. Not sure—”
“How about we do a great job no matter what?” Lucas didn’t want to think about elimination right now, not when he could see what he really wanted right in front of him. No matter if they won or lost, he wanted Cody however he could get him.
“We’re gonna look like idiots,” Cody grumbled, but he didn’t let go of Lucas’s hand.
“Yup.” Lucas couldn’t help grinning. “We are. The M&Ms once had to perform wearing mouse ears and giant bow ties. It’s what a cappella does. The audience will love it even if the judges hate it. And if we’re going to lose, let’s do it together.” Together. The word swelled inside his chest, pushing out oxygen and replacing it with hope.
“Together.” Cody licked his lips, like he was testing out the concept. “Means that much to you?”
“Yeah,” Lucas whispered. When he met Cody’s eyes, he understood that they were talking about more than the show. “You’re wrong—you are the right guy for me.”
“You sure about that?” Cody fiddled with his pants pockets.
“Yeah.” He smiled. Cody looked away, but not before Lucas saw the beginnings of a smile forming on Cody’s lips. “And you can start by sticking your earrings back in.”
“Yeah?” That got a real smile out of Cody, one that Lucas felt straight to his toes. “Well, because you asked so nice . . .” With his cocky attitude restored, Cody made quick work of putting on one of his studded belts, slipping into his combat boots, and tugging his hair into its usual purposeful dishevelment.
Lucas liked this Cody a lot better than sad panda Cody. The unsure, awkward Cody had been mainly Lucas’s own doing, but as much as he liked Cody back to normal, he also loved the little glimpse into Cody’s true feelings. Cody might not ever say the words, but Lucas knew he cared.
After all, this was the Cody who wouldn’t remove his earrings for national TV, who didn’t compromise his look for record producers, who wore eyeliner simply because it would freak some people out. Cody liked freaking people out. And he’d gone and put all that away for Lucas. The gesture was more than a little humbling.
“Ready?” Cody asked as he stuck his black plastic earrings back in.
“Now I am,” he lied. Ready for Cody? Absolutely. Ready for his
parents? Not so much.
Not surprisingly, his parents had opted for a budget chain hotel out in the burbs and had suggested a nearby restaurant. Raven and Jeff had spent the first half of the drive teasing Lucas and Cody about the delay in leaving.
“So, how are we playing this?” Raven asked as they began to navigate the twisted maze of interstates necessary to get out to Glendale. “Are we keeping you and Cody on the down-low?”
Much as Lucas liked her we statement, he hated the question.
“No.”
“Yes,” Cody said at the exact same time. “Wait. No? Seriously?”
“Seriously,” Lucas said, with far more conviction than he felt. He’d wrestled with this most of the afternoon. “I don’t want to keep us a secret. Lying would only make things worse.”
He should have figured that out a few weeks ago. But coward that he was, he hadn’t been ready to stop hiding behind the shadow of his parents’ expectations and rules. They were already pissed about the show and disappointed in him. Keeping Cody a secret wouldn’t accomplish anything except drive Cody away—and that was the last thing Lucas wanted.
“Word,” Raven said, winking at him in the rearview mirror.
“Gee. I can’t wait for dinner,” Jeff said, a resigned sarcasm to his tone. He slumped back in the passenger seat. “Your parents are going to go ape shit. And the rest of us get to spend the evening in dysfunction land.”
“Dysfunction?” Lucas startled, his back muscles drawing up. He’d never once thought of his family that way. Dysfunction was for other families. The ones that fought loudly or banished people or drank too much or made terrible parenting choices.
“Every family is dysfunctional,” Jeff said. “We just get to watch yours in action. Goodie.”
“Be quiet,” Raven said to him.
Lucas frowned at the unfamiliar landscape outside the window. Could Jeff be right? Maybe there was a quiet dysfunction in the way his family handled conflict. And his parents were way more judgmental and intolerant than he’d wanted to admit. He exhaled hard, his breath rushing past all the stuff he was trying to process.
“You don’t have to tell them,” Cody whispered, taking Lucas’s hand. They were crammed into the Beamer’s tiny backseat, their legs rubbing together. “They’re already mad enough.”
“Yeah, I do,” Lucas whispered back, squeezing his hand. “I meant what I said. I want to be together. Really together. And I can’t do that if I’m worried about how they’ll react.”
“All right.” Cody didn’t sound convinced.
“And maybe it will go better than you guys think.”
“Not,” the other three said in unison.
They met up with his parents outside the restaurant. Thousands of restaurants in LA, but his parents were never the type to try local places. True to form, they seemed a bit stiffer than usual outside of their comfort zone. His mom offered tight smiles to each of the band members. Lucas could still see a lecture waiting to happen in his dad’s eyes—carefully suppressed, but there nonetheless.
“You guys ready?” Lucas’s dad put his arm around his mom, leading the way to the big double doors. His dad managed the sort of fake heartiness he usually reserved for orientation week. “I hear they have a new pie.”
Jeff and Raven followed, leaving Cody and Lucas to trail behind. Lucas’s dad launched into his usual spiel about how no pie was as good as the ones Lucas’s mom made.
Beside him, Cody snorted.
“What?” Lucas asked.
“Nothing.” Cody chewed his lips around a grin. “Just a bet I had with myself. About pie.”
“You planning on getting some?”
“You have to ask?” The look he gave Lucas was hot and dirty. Lucas knew he shouldn’t respond in kind, especially with his parents fifteen feet away, but he couldn’t keep from grinning like a fool.
Cody was certain Lucas had fooled himself into thinking that things couldn’t get any worse with his parents. Cody, on the other hand, knew firsthand that mildly disapproving giving way to openly condescending still left room for actively opposing and outright rejection.
Waiting to see what Lucas would say and when made dinner a tense dance. Jeff and Raven had quickly claimed the far end of the table, leaving Cody and Lucas across from Lucas’s parents. Cody had studied his menu like a best-seller—clinging to a reason not to meet Lucas’s dad’s shrewd gaze. Lucas was shredding napkins, something Cody hadn’t seen him do in weeks. He noticed Jeff and Raven eating faster than usual—probably so they could bail quickly. He wished he had that option. Instead, the awkwardness kept dragging out.
“So it’s good that Trevor got to stay, too,” Lucas’s dad said to him. “Thought he’d come along for dinner?”
“Busy with his group,” Lucas said flatly, picking at a fry.
“Oh, dear.” Lucas’s mother frowned. “Is he having trouble here, too? I worried you two would struggle, but I figured you’d at least have each other.”
Cody couldn’t help coughing into his salad at that.
“He’s fine. We don’t hang much right now because things are kind of nuts.”
“We’d hoped that this summer—”
“He’s crazy about you.” Lucas’s mother jumped into Lake Shitty with both feet. But for the first time all evening, Cody agreed with the woman. Trevor did have a giant crush on Lucas, and Lucas was too freaking blind to see it. The puppy crush combined with Trevor’s judgy stares made Cody’s jaw hurt.
“And he’s a good kid,” Lucas’s dad added, heavy emphasis on good. They had asked all the usual questions while waiting for the food to come—where Raven, Jeff, and Cody were from, what they’d majored in, what parts they sang. Cody hadn’t missed the knowing glances the parents had traded when he’d admitted having no college.
Good kid or not, Trevor wasn’t getting Lucas. Cody didn’t bother trying to hide his glare.
“Ah. Yeah. I’m kind of seeing someone here.” Tension was oozing off Lucas now, his forehead getting sweaty. Cody knocked ankles with him, trying to remind him that he wasn’t alone.
“Oh?” The pair of them sounded like concerned owls. They turned their hawkish gaze on Cody.
“I’m with Cody.” Lucas sounded way more certain than Cody would have predicted. Lucas had a way of making even his opinions sound like questions when he was nervous, but he met his parents’ stares without flinching.
“With?” Lucas’s dad removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You mean like dating?”
Cody was pretty sure that in all the articles good ol’ Dick had published on gays, what to say when your son brought home a slightly Goth punk hadn’t come up. The man seemed to be in some serious denial, floundering around for the PC way of asking Lucas what the hell he was up to.
Jeff snort-laughed hard enough to spew soda. “Sorry. Sorry.” He grabbed for napkins. “It’s just they room together. I’m not sure how you can date someone you’re already living with.”
“You room together?” Lucas’s mom’s eyebrows touched her perfect blond bangs. Her circa 1985 bob didn’t move even as she shook her head. “No, that can’t be.”
“I’m shutting up now.” Jeff took the remaining two bites of his burger.
“The show made them room together.” Raven made everything a thousand times worse trying to smooth over her idiot boyfriend’s verbal diarrhea.
“They made you?” Lucas’s father raised his voice before lowering it again. “What kind of show is this?”
“The one I’m on.” Lucas sighed heavily. “The show might have made me switch rooms, but everything else was my own . . . idea.”
“Oh, Lucas.” His mom looked near tears.
“Lucas. Can you show me where the restrooms are? Now.” Dick No Wood stood up, looming over Lucas using a voice Cody bet made freshmen cower under their desks. Unfortunately for Dick, Cody didn’t cower. Cody straightened his shoulders and met him stare for judgmental stare.
“Um. Okay.” Lucas
glanced around the restaurant like he was trying to decide whether private lecture beat public confrontation.
Before Cody could stop him, his dad pulled Lucas away like he was some eight-year-old throwing a tantrum over ice cream in the restaurant. Oh, hells no. Cody didn’t care how much Lucas loved his dad—he didn’t get to treat him that way. Cody pushed away from the table.
“This really isn’t your business,” Lucas’s mom said, trying to grab for Cody’s hand.
“The hell it’s not.”
Chapter Twenty
Lucas’s dad led him over to the video game alcove. In another lifetime, a roll of quarters would magically appear from his dad’s pocket and they’d play the driving simulator game until their food came. But those days seemed centuries ago, like they’d happened to someone else.
“This show has wreaked havoc on your values.” His dad raked a hand through his faded blond hair. “First the stunt this morning, then this room swap thing, and now you take up with that kid.”
“It’s not the show’s fault, Dad. And Cody’s not a kid. Neither am I.”
His dad ignored this, taking a deep breath before launching into more professor speak. “After all the time we spent discussing relationships—”
“You mean all the time you spent writing about relationships,” Lucas said. “You’ve kind of used me as an example, but I’m not sure I want to be an example anymore.”
“What? Of course you want to be an example. You signed the school honor code. I dedicated the book to you.” His dad’s face turned a mottled shade of red.
That stung. He knew his parents hadn’t been required to take up LGBT rights with the same fervor as they had cheering for John’s baseball team or attending Rebecca’s and Sarah’s club meetings. They could have given him the cold shoulder back when he came out. Made him an outcast. But they hadn’t done that and he was grateful.
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