Holly Farb and the Princess of the Galaxy

by Gareth Wronski

  “What do we do?” whispered Holly.

  “I don’t know,” said Jalya, frowning. “Maybe we can reason with them. . . .”

  “You can’t,” wheezed a low voice behind them.

  Light flooded into the hangar. Standing in the doorway was someone huge, backed by a bright light and shrouded in shadow, his head cocked to the side. Two red eyes stared out of the head. A small green alien stood next to him, holding a pistol pointed at Holly and her friends.

  “The Pirate Lord,” whispered Jalya.

  “The Pirate Lord,” whispered the pirates in the hangar.

  “Hands up!” said the small green alien with the pistol, its voice cracking.

  Holly, Jalya, and Mr. Mendez raised their hands. Toshiro hesitated, then did the same.

  “It’s good to see you again, Princess,” said the Pirate Lord. The huge shadow nodded, the unblinking red eyes still staring straight ahead.

  Jalya crossed her arms. “Have we met before?”

  The Pirate Lord tilted his head. “Yip,” he said to the small alien, “turn off my Mysterious Silhouette Machine.”

  Yip bowed deeply and disappeared behind the Pirate Lord. Something buzzed and beeped, and the bright light behind him flickered and vanished, revealing the Pirate Lord in all his glory. Or, thought Holly, all its glory. The Pirate Lord was a huge, slightly hunched-over purple robot with a blue mask stuck to its face. There was a large, gaping hole in its chest, emitting a soft wheezing sound.

  Jalya gasped. “No. . . .”

  “Yes!” said the Pirate Lord, clapping its hands with a loud clang. “Now you see. Now you understand.”

  Holly turned to Jalya. “What is it?”

  “Yes,” said Mr. Mendez, frowning. “I feel like we’re missing something. . . .”

  “We have a history,” said the Pirate Lord, its blank blue face staring at Jalya. Two red lights glowed from inside the eye sockets of the mask. “Don’t we?”

  Taking a deep breath, Jalya nodded. “It’s the one who killed my parents.”

  Holly frowned. “You said a vacuum cleaner killed your parents. . . .”

  “Ha!” The Pirate Lord emitted a horrible shrieking laugh, but its blank face remained unmoving. The hole in its chest wheezed. “Is that what you think of me?”

  “That’s what it is,” said Jalya, glaring at the robot. “It’s just a vacuum cleaner. It was manufactured to clean dirt. My father tried to reprogram it and it turned out . . . wrong.”

  The Pirate Lord swelled up to its full height, which must have been at least eight feet tall. “Wrong?” it said with a hint of glee. “I turned out exactly right! It was our father who was wrong. Wrong about everything. He was a simple mind who, like many organisms, could not conceive of how simple his mind actually was. But I showed him. I showed him, and our mother, and the palace guards. Oh yes. After sweeping up after them for years, the last thing I swept up was their corpses.”

  The Pirate Lord flinched. “First I was programmed to clean, then I was reprogrammed to make our empire great. Our father had lofty goals. Oh yes. Unfortunately, he was unfit to rule the Quartle Empire, so I took his position . . . and his life.” The robot laughed. “And his face!”

  Holly stared in horror at the blue mask the Pirate Lord was wearing. With a terrible twist in her stomach, she realized it was the same species as Jalya. She wanted to say something to Jalya, but no words came out.

  “You’re a monster,” said Jalya, her voice quivering.

  “And whose fault is that? Our father made me. Of course . . . he also made you. Perhaps we’re both monsters? Will you be my sister, Princess?”

  Jalya glared at him. “You’re a mistake. You’re . . . an error.”

  “Yes!” shrieked the Pirate Lord. “But so is the universe. So are the planets and life and the stars. Every single thing that exists is a mistake, a random occurrence that shouldn’t have occurred. Unordered, unloved. Purposeless and beyond reason. But what if . . . Sister, what if that could change? What if there could be order?”

  Jalya said nothing. Holly glanced at the Gadabout sitting down the hangar. Could they make it if they ran? And if they did, would the tractor beam even be down? She grit her teeth, not liking their odds.

  “Our father had one other great invention, other than us.” The Pirate Lord hunched over and glanced around like it was making sure no one was listening to a secret. “He called it . . . the Forge. Do you know what it was?”

  Jalya stared at the robot. She shook her head.

  “He built it in the heart of the palace. He used it to reprogram me. Oh yes. It may have been his greatest work, even greater than me. We can use it to expand our noble empire, just as he planned.”

  “And why do you need me?” said Jalya.

  “Because you are the last piece. We are family, the guardians of the Quartle Empire. But, unfortunately, I will not be welcomed by the President of the Universe—not like you will.” It ran a metal hand along the blue mask on its face. “So here is my deal to you, Sister. I will have my pirates kill all your friends, and then I will take you back to Quartle and we will rule the universe. How does that sound?”

  Jalya froze. Holly stepped back. Toshiro and Mr. Mendez glanced at each other.

  “No,” said Jalya. “I don’t accept your offer.”

  “Ah, but, Sister—”

  “Let me finish,” said Jalya, stepping forward. “Here is the deal I propose to you. You will let my friends get on their ship and leave here. They will not be harmed.” Her eyes flicked to Holly. “They can go back home and live their lives.” Jalya held her arms out. “In exchange for this, I will come with you to Quartle as you wish . . . Brother.”

  The Pirate Lord tilted its head, thinking. The intake hole in its chest wheezed. Finally it said, “Deal. Your friends may leave. I will not harm them.”

  Holly grabbed Jalya’s arm. “No!” she said. “You can’t do this. There has to be another way. I didn’t mean it when I said you ran away.”

  “Yes you did.” Jalya bowed her head. “I’m doing this to protect you. You were right—you should’ve gone home instead of to the Archives. Please enjoy your life, Holly. I’m sorry I got you involved. Have many adventures for me. I know you’ll do great things, like Einstein.”

  She walked toward the Pirate Lord, who reared up to its full height. “Let’s go,” it said, ushering Jalya out of the hangar. When she was at the door, she glanced back over her shoulder at Holly, then kept walking. Yip led her away.

  Holly’s stomach sank.

  She had failed.

  After Jalya and Yip were gone, the Pirate Lord stopped in the doorway. It motioned to the pirates assembled. “Pirates Guild,” it said proudly, red eyes scanning the crowd. “Kill them.”

  It turned and left the hangar, the doors slamming shut behind it.

  The pirates started marching toward Holly. She moved closer to Toshiro and Mr. Mendez. The room echoed with laughter and scraping feet and the clinking of swords. There wasn’t much time. Holly needed to think fast. She needed to stop these pirates and help Jalya. She needed a plan. What was the point in being smart if you couldn’t be smart enough to save your friends? She wanted to scream. She needed a plan.

  The Gadabout’s door opened and a ramp extended. “ATTENTION,” a voice blared from inside the ship.

  Every head and silicon blob turned in the direction of the ship.

  AsTRO descended the ramp and declared, “Fact: I am a security robot manufactured by Quantor Industries. I have been programmed to protect these useless life-forms from danger. Stand down or be destroyed.”

  The pirates stopped. They muttered among themselves, eying the little robot.

  AsTRO’s face glowed red. “Fact: If you will not stand down, I am authorized to use deadly force. Gravitron bomb armed. Priming quantum lasers.”

  Some of the pirates stepped back. One beefy alien continued forward.

  “Ain’t afraid of you,” she growled.

  A siren wail
ed inside AsTRO. “Fact: Self-destruct sequence initiated. Gamma diffusion imminent. Ten, nine, eight . . .”

  The pirates jumped back, scrambling and shoving one another to get out of the hangar. “I ain’t getting gamma diffused!” The door opened and they raced down the hall, their cries of terror echoing around the room. A moment later all was silent.

  “AsTRO, that was brilliant!” said Holly, hugging the robot.

  Toshiro nodded, impressed.

  Mr. Mendez knelt down and examined the little robot. “I didn’t realize you had security functions. . . .”

  AsTRO beeped. “Fact: I do not.”

  Holly laughed. “So you can make things up!”

  AsTRO’s red face turned green and the screen flickered. “Fact: No, I cannot.”

  “I hate to ruin the little toaster’s moment,” said Toshiro, “but time is a factor here.”

  “Good idea,” said Mr. Mendez. “I just hope the Pirates Union actually smashed that tractor beam, or we’re in a great deal of trouble. . . .”

  “We can’t just leave!” said Holly. “What about Jalya?”

  “She wanted to be left behind,” said Toshiro.

  “We won’t leave her behind, Ms. Farb.” Mr. Mendez shot a glance at the hangar door. “We still have an advantage here. We’ll bring the book to the President, and then come back with the full might of the Galactic Armada. The pirates won’t know what hit them.”

  Holly hesitated, thinking back to Arkanian Warfare Strategies, sitting in the ship. That book would solve everything. That book would save Jalya and stop the Pirate Lord.

  She nodded. “All right. Let’s get the Armada.”

  They raced into the Gadabout and blasted out of the Kraven. Holly held her breath, waiting to see if the tractor beam was down. After a minute they were clear of the ship. But Holly couldn’t feel happy. She had left Jalya behind. No, she thought bitterly, it was worse than that. Jalya had left herself behind to . . . to save Holly. And what had Holly done in return? Been rude. Been . . . a know-it-all.

  Friday appeared at her desk. “How’s everyone doin’ today?” she beamed.

  “Great,” muttered Holly.

  “Oh, me?” said Friday cheerfully. “I’m pretty swell. Not too much to talk about, really. While you were all running around, I took a seven-cycle vacation inside their ship’s computer. I met some really interesting programs, and even got engaged briefly. But we called it off after I found out they weren’t even object-oriented. It was a complete scandal in the making. Anyway, long story short, I am now worshipped through the fleet’s computer system as the goddess known as the One Who Types, slayer of the worm Nextbug, updater of firmware, and best light-cycle racer ever seen. You know, pretty standard things for an advanced AI that’s being used as a glorified autopilot. Gosh. Before I left, I asked ’em to turn off the tractor beam so we could leave, and presto, they did. Pretty funny, huh?”

  “Yeah,” said Holly. “Pretty funny.”

  Clenching her fists, Holly stared out the window of the Gadabout. She pressed her forehead to the glass, the cold numbing her face.

  That was when she noticed something—actually, two somethings. Then three. Four, five.

  “Guys,” she said loudly, looking at the front of the ship, where Toshiro was seated at the console.

  He leaned forward. “I see it, I see it.”

  “See what?” said Mr. Mendez.

  “Pirate ships.” Toshiro buckled his seat belt and gripped the wheel. “A lot of pirate ships.”

  14

  A WHOLE LOT LESS THAN NOTHING

  The Gadabout plunged down and Holly grabbed on to a seat, this time managing to strap herself in before the force could send her flying. Toshiro punched a button on the console and the engines roared, pressing Holly against the back of the chair. It felt like she was being crushed by an invisible hand. Toshiro pulled the wheel up and punched another button and the force stopped. Holly sank forward in her chair, exhausted. Her whole body ached.

  Friday swiveled behind her desk. “Sir,” she said, crossing and then uncrossing her legs, “we didn’t lose ’em. Six galleons, comin’ right at us!”

  “I see ’em, I see ’em.” Toshiro pulled a lever and one of the screens flashed an image of the Gadabout, showing the top part of the ship in red. “Friday, scan the surrounding area and send it to the console.”

  Laser blasts rocked the ship. Holly dug her fingers into the seat. She thought about Jalya, still on the Kraven, all alone, and how—

  The ship jolted and Holly’s forehead slammed into the console. Her eyes watered.

  “Ow.”

  “Hang on!” said Toshiro, turning the wheel sharply. The ship banked left and swooped down. Lasers continued pelting them. Toshiro flew in loopy zigzags, and Holly could periodically see galleons zoom overhead or narrowly miss hitting them. It was like they had stepped on a hornet’s nest and were trying to outrun the angry swarm.

  “Sir,” said Friday, swiveling in her chair, “there’s an asteroid field three clicks from here. Sending the info your way.”

  “Finally some good luck,” said Toshiro. He examined the screen showing a huge field of little dots, and their tiny ship approaching. “We can lose ’em in there.”

  Mr. Mendez took on a queasy expression. “Are you sure flying into an asteroid field is, ah, wise?”

  “Of course it’s wise.” Toshiro smiled. “They’re just big rocks. You’d fly harder obstacle courses if you took a Beginner’s Spacer class at Correspondence Simulation College.”

  “Oh,” said Mr. Mendez.

  The Gadabout blasted toward the asteroid field in the distance. Holly stared through the front window at the small rocks approaching, getting less small by the second. The pirates were still on their tail, pummeling them with lasers. The ship rumbled. Holly had the horrible feeling they weren’t going to give up just because of a few rocks.

  “All right,” said Toshiro, punching a button and turning the wheel. The Gadabout weaved through the asteroid field and the pirates followed. They rocketed straight at an asteroid and Toshiro hit a button and the ship dropped. The pirates swerved, but one ship flew straight into the asteroid, and shattered. The other ships swerved wildly and two crashed into other asteroids, and flashes of light from the explosions flooded into the Gadabout like fireworks.

  Toshiro chuckled. “Too easy.”

  He flicked a switch and the engine sputtered to silence. “Now,” he said, leaning back in his chair, “we just wait for ’em to leave and it’s silky sailin’.”

  The remaining pirate ships turned and headed back toward the Kraven. But before anyone could celebrate, a red light flashed on the console and Friday shouted, “Sir!” Something slammed into them with a horrible jolt, sending the entire ship careening off to the side. Toshiro grabbed the wheel and turned sharply, straightening out.

  “What was that?” said Holly.

  Toshiro examined the console. He swore.

  “What is it?” said Mr. Mendez. “Was it an asteroid?”

  “No,” said Toshiro. “Those aren’t asteroids.”

  Holly peered out the window and, for the first time, paid attention to the rocks. One drifted past the window, narrowly missing them. Her eyebrows rose. For starters, they weren’t rocks. They were too smooth, nothing like the craggy space potatoes that asteroids always resembled in pictures. These looked almost . . . plastic.

  “What are they?” said Holly, her hands pressed against the cold glass.

  Toshiro glanced at her, a worried expression on his face. “Game pieces.”

  “Game pieces?” repeated Holly.

  “Oh dear,” said Mr. Mendez, pointing out the window. “Look.”

  Far ahead in the asteroid field—or, Holly corrected herself, field of plastic game pieces—a massive face loomed into view, yellow and scaly, two wide eyes peering down at the game. It was so big it was hard to believe it was real.

  “Great galaxies,” muttered Holly.

  The eyes
blinked. Something huge moved across space and blocked out the distant star, shrouding everything in darkness. It took a moment for Holly to realize what it was—a massive hand, probably belonging to the massive face, had grabbed a game piece and held it up. Holly sat in amazement. Whatever that alien was, it was so big it could create an eclipse.

  “I’ve heard legends of those,” said Mr. Mendez, staring out the window at a patch of rough skin. “I would love to get a sample of its nostril discharge. . . .”

  It was unclear what part they were even looking at. The thing was so massive that its pores looked like craters from meteors. Which, Holly realized, they could very well be.

  “Yeah,” said Toshiro, “well, we’ve interrupted some stupid game it’s playing.”

  A second hand, this one lighter and flecked with green splotches, scooped up a bunch of pieces nearby.

  “I don’t think it’s playing alone,” said Holly.

  The hand threw the pieces and they soared past the Gadabout, narrowly missing them.

  “Let’s get out of here,” said Toshiro. “Slowly.”

  The Gadabout drifted through the pieces. Holly held her breath. She realized that was pointless, but it felt like the proper thing to do.

  At the edge of the asteroid-field-that-wasn’t-an-asteroid-field, they passed the face of one of the massive, cosmic aliens. All that was visible through the window was part of its pupil, a swirling mixture of black and green and blue, dotted with distant specks of light from stars millions of miles away. It was both beautiful and terrifying. Holly stared at it, wondering if the gigantic alien was staring back at her, or if it even knew they were there.

  “We must seem like a bug to them,” she said to herself.

  “More like a speck of dust,” said Toshiro.

  Mr. Mendez, craning his neck to get a better look, muttered, “To a creature like that, we must seem like nothing. Maybe less than nothing.”