“Good.” Beck smiled. “What did you decide on so I know what to call him?”
“Phoenix.” I replied. “His name is now Phoenix.”
Randy must have heard the name when he stepped into the kitchen. “You named him Phoenix?” he asked.
“Yes,” I nodded. “Actually, hating to say it, Alex said something last night that made me think of the name.”
“You picked the right name,” Randy said. “Immortality. Survivor. Out of the ashes.”
I snapped my finger and pointed. “That’s what Alex said. Out of the ashes.”
Beck kept looking at the baby. “I like the name. Fitting. Good choice.”
“Thanks.” I smiled. “Where is everyone?”
Randy answered. “Missy is cleaning up. Bill is messing with that radio unit Alex gave him and your boy is helping Alex get things ready.”
Beck added. “Alex wanted to make sure we had everything ready to go.”
I huffed out. “I wish he wasn’t going. I hate him.”
Beck laughed out my name and shook his head.
Randy gasped. “Mera, hate is a strong word.”
I shrugged. “I’m sorry. I do. He’s not nice. He’s callous. He knocked me out and has yet, yet, mind you, to even apologize and the worst was he told me last night that Phoenix is gonna die in a day or two.”
Beck raised his eyes slowly. “He said that? That’s really cold.”
“I know.”
Randy reached out and rubbed Phoenix’s head. “He’s not dying. Not at all. He defied the odds already.”
“I know he’s not dying.” I said confidently. “That’s why it pissed me off about Alex. I hate him. Actually, I don’t think anyone will like him.”
At that moment my enthusiastic son burst into the kitchen proclaiming, “Dudes, Alex is like the coolest.”
I gave up and at that moment, before losing my cool, opted for a shower.
****
The Survival Haven truly was a haven, even if I hated to admit it. The trek across country for my daughter appeared to be a lifelong dream mission of Alex Sans, one he had been planning for his entire life, but just didn’t know. Making his way across the barren world. Although that didn’t surprise me from a man who started a business called Survival Haven.
Between him and Beck we were covered. Alex had everything. He pulled out maps and charted where we could run into problems. He checked the vehicles for road worthiness and got them ready. He packed two extra car batteries, had a small gas-run generator which would be used to power up a pump, a pump specifically created by Alex to retrieve gasoline from gas stations.
As long as there was a gas station, power or not, we’d not run out of gas. He packed up food, protein bars, water, medicine and those thin space age blankets that Bill was in awe over.
There was a lot put into that van. I hadn’t a clue what all was there.
I’m sure Alex did.
We would leave my SUV behind and take the trip with two vehicles. A small car and the conversion van which would be used more for carrying supplies.
While both Beck and Alex stated that we could probably find what we needed en route, it was better to bring it just in case.
But out of all the nifty gadgets and things that Alex packed for us, I was the most grateful for that old-fashioned radio system.
Bill was deemed radio man because Alex called him the tech-ru, short for technological guru. The radio wasn’t working quite right when Bill sat down with it, but damned if he didn’t get it working and we not only received a signal, we spoke to a man in Northern California.
It was a short conversation, but the man assured us that out west, as rumored, things hadn’t yet fallen apart.
That was good to hear.
But that was California. I needed to know about Seattle.
The weak signal we had on the phone two days earlier had diminished.
No more speaking to Jessie.
I was in the dark about my daughter and could only hope that like California, Seattle Washington was holding its own in the dark days we faced.
We were getting ready to move on, and it was pushing noon. We were pretty much just waiting on Bill who was the last to take a shower.
Missy sat on the porch still cradling her children’s clothing. She was reluctant to go with us, but Randy talked her into it. Beck was by the van; Alex kept making trips in and out of the house for items. Randy sat on the step of the porch fiddling with what looked like a small pad computer. And me, I was at my wits’ end with my son.
Holding Phoenix, I listened to Danny rattle on.
Alex this. Alex that. Alex had this and Alex knows that.
“Enough already, Danny, Please.” I snapped. “Okay? Enough about Alex. If you’re going to find a male figure to praise, how about Bill; he developed that game you like. Or Randy.” I indicated to where Randy sat on the steps. “He’s nice. Or Beck, he served his country.”
“Alex served this country. Why don’t you like him?”
“Because he is mean to Phoenix and he knocked me out.”
“He said you were standing behind the door, he didn’t see you and it was your fault.”
I gasped out. “He said that? He’s an asshole.”
Alex came out of the house with a box, stopped and said, “Who’s an asshole?”
“You.” I replied.
“Man, you’re tough.” He leaned forward to peek at Phoenix.
“Don’t.” I pulled him away. “You didn’t want to look at him yesterday. Don’t look at him today. He’s alive, you know, in case you’re wondering.”
“Good Lord, woman, the mood. It’s not conducive to traveling. Here.” He reached to the box. “Fresh bottle of whiskey.” He lifted a fifth. “If you wanna crack one open for an afternoon hit.”
My response to that was a snare. Just one evil-looking glance his way.
He, of course, laughed and that annoyed me. He walked to the steps, paused and said to Randy. “What’s that you got there, stud, ain’t never seen a computer like that.”
“And you won’t.” Randy replied. “Or wouldn’t. My wife worked for the manufacturer. They were going to revolutionize the industry. Solar powered. But, the juice is low because I didn’t power it up yesterday to charge.”
Alex whistled. “Nice. You trying the net?”
Randy shook his head. "Just playing. Passing time. Keeping my journal.”
“Hmm. What version of Windows is that? It doesn't look familiar.”
“Windows?” Randy asked.
“Ain’t that the truth? I’m a Mac man myself.” He stepped off the porch and headed to the van.
Why was Alex in such a good mood? I didn’t get it. Again, I could only attribute it to the fact that he had been waiting on the apocalypse for so long, it was a dream come true.
When Bill finally came out of the house, Randy stood. He placed his computer away and reached out his hand to Missy. “You ready?”
“Am I riding with you?” she asked.
“If you want. I’m driving the car.”
“Then yes.” She grabbed his hand. “Yes, I am.”
Missy baffled me, the whole situation. It definitely played a part into my factoring of reasons why I didn’t like Alex. This was a woman who went camping with him. His girlfriend. So why hadn’t they spoken two words since we returned from finding her children? Why did she need to find comfort and solace with Randy, a stranger, instead of a man she probably knew intimately?
Those were things I’d find out. Not that they were important, but it would help keep my mind off of Jessie and worry about her as we made our way out west.
It was indeed time to go.
Alex locked up the shop, hung the ‘closed’ sign and we were off.
21. Another Night Closer
There are certain things that are taken for granted. I know at least I took them for granted. One of them was normalcy. I expected a normal drive and for the most part it was. Interstate 80 was alway
s, to the best of my memory, an easy highway. It was flat and never brought us near any major cities. Although South Bend, Indiana, wasn’t a major metropolis, for safety’s sake, we took a small detour and picked back up on 80 after South Bend.
It didn’t surprise me that Alex liked country music. It wasn’t the newer catchy stuff; it was the old twang country. Thank God Beck kept turning it off and claimed he needed to be able to hear the CB radio, should Randy contact him.
He was in constant contact with Randy who seemed to lag behind. That was a sense of irritation to Alex. But I kept thinking that the drive through Indiana had to be painful for Randy. He was returning to the home state that he left; the one he had run from after his family had died.
An hour into the drive, I finally broke down and let Bill and Danny hold Phoenix. Bill held him like a china doll, where Danny made me nervous. Bringing back memories for me of when Jeremy was born. Danny was all of four and he so much wanted to hold his little brother. But by the time Jeremy was six months old, the tiny infant was nothing but a mere live action figure for Danny.
I had to watch him constantly with Jeremy. He’d pose him, lift him, and hide him.
Jeremy.
Every single time I thought of my son, I wanted to break down. My chest grew heavy as my heart sunk. I wished with all my might that I would be overcome with good memories instead of thoughts of his death, remembering him with fondness instead of crawling into a pit of despair and envisioning his final, horrible moments of life on this earth. What went through his mind, what was he thinking. Did he see us with him? Did he so want to reach out and ask, “Mommy, what’s going on? Help me.”
Or did he simply leave before his body was finished. That was what I hoped for.
It would be a while, if ever, that I’d find happiness in memories of Jeremy. It didn’t help me that everyone who remained was in the same boat: Beck, Randy, and Missy. Like them, I lost and I wanted my son back. I wanted everything to change, for it all to be a nightmare.
It wasn’t.
But unlike Beck, Randy and Missy, I had Danny and Jessie, too. I was fortunate.
And now I had Phoenix to care for, as well.
If I could ever get him back.
It was odd riding in the van with a baby not in a car seat. We didn’t have one and we all weighed the consequences, agreeing that a car seat was less mobile should the baby have to be moved from the van in a hurry.
Phoenix wasn’t cradled in Danny’s arms. Danny had his legs up on the seat and the baby rested against his thighs facing him.
“Danny, please hold the baby. What if we hit a bump and he rolls off of you.”
“I got him, Mom. Honestly.” Danny lifted this little hand. “Look how tiny he is. He’s not going anywhere.” He peered down at Phoenix. “You’re tiny, huh.” Then Danny chuckled, playing with Phoenix’s fingers. “Man, they don’t seem real, do they? So small.”
Bill reached across touching the fingers. “And look at these nails. When they grow, how do you cut them? Really. I’d be scared I’d clip his fingers.”
From the front seat Beck replied. “Bite them.”
“Bite them?” Bill asked.
“Yeah,” Beck answered. “Like you do your own. It’s safer.”
Bill fluttered his lips. “Sounds kind of gross, if you ask me.”
“It’s not gross when it’s your kid,” Beck said.
“But it’s not anyone’s kid,” Bill said. “Who will bite his nails? I won’t.”
Even from where I sat, I could see Beck roll his eyes. “I will,” Beck said. “Okay. Why are you worried about his nails right now?”
Bill shrugged. “Just bringing it up. A thought.”
I watched as Danny looked super close at the fingernails. “They aren’t real nails. Sort of like thick skin. It’s weird.”
I gasped and shrieked when I saw Danny bring Phoenix’s hand to his mouth. “What the hell are you doing?” I pulled the baby’s hand away.
“Just seeing if they were bitable.”
“There you have it” Beck said to Bill. “Danny will bite his nails. Obviously he’s not grossed out by it.”
Then Alex interjected. “His nails are soft because he’s early. Give it a couple weeks.”
“So you’re saying he’ll be alive in a couple weeks?” Sarcastically, I asked.
Alex lifted his sights to the rearview mirror and his brown eyes caught mine. “Why the attitude?” he asked. “You haven’t been nice at all to me this whole trip, actually since last night.”
“That’s because you’re an asshole.”
“Yeah, well, you said that so how about this time telling me why.” Alex said.
“Two main reasons. One, you knocked me out . . .”
“And I apologized.”
“No you did not,” I stated firmly. “Not at all.”
“Then I’m sorry. Better?”
“No.” I shook my head. “You didn’t mean it.”
“I give up.”
“Good.” Exhaling, I reached over and took Phoenix from Danny.
“What’s the other reason?” Alex asked. “You said there were two.”
“You said you gave up.”
“What, the other reason?”
“The baby.” I said. “You were cold and callous and said he was going to die.”
“That’s it?” Alex laughed. “That’s why I’m an asshole, because I was being honest with you? “
“You wouldn’t even look at him,” I said defensively.
“You know what?” Alex lifted one hand from the wheel. “I’m sorry. I am. Can we get past this please? Please.”
“And . . .”
“And?” Alex’s voice cracked as he asked. “I thought you said there were two reasons.”
“Three. Why doesn’t Missy want anything to do with you?”
Alex laughed. “That’s not a reason.”
“It is,” I said. “She’s your girlfriend and wants nothing to do with you.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.” Alex defended. “Why would you say that?”
“You went camping together.”
“Doesn’t make her my girlfriend; she’s my friend.”
Beck, trying to change the energy of the van and obviously the subject, spoke up. “You know what? Speaking of Missy, let me radio back there to see how they’re doing?”
“Yes, do that.” Alex directed. “And ask him why in God’s name why he has to stay twenty car lengths behind us.”
Beck picked up the CB. “Randy, come in.”
I just so happened to glance to my right and Danny was smiling. “Is this funny?”
Danny bobbed his head. “In a way.”
“Well I’m glad . . .”
Alex’s ‘shit’, made me look up. He was looking ahead. “Brace the baby.”
His stern, serious order instinctively caused my arms grip the baby to my chest. Before I could murmur out a ‘what’, I heard Beck say, ‘Braking.’ And in a split second, my body flung forward as Alex slammed on the breaks.
It wasn’t our speed as much as the sudden need to stop that caused the van to skid then turn sideways before it came to an abrupt halt.
I would have been on the floor had Danny not grabbed hold of me.
Half way off the seat, I checked on Phoenix. He was fine and started to cry. It was a good thing that Randy did travel far behind us, because I believe he would have slammed right into us. Straightening myself back onto the seat, I didn’t need to ask why we stopped. As soon as I raised my head and peered out my window I saw it. How could I not? The sight of it made me clasp even tighter to Phoenix.
The road was gone.
It wasn’t just gone, a huge cavern formed in the road; I looked left to right out of the window and it extended as far as I could see. But maybe it was just my limited view, I thought. So, like the others, I stepped from the van.
It took my breath away, both in devastation and in beauty.
The van perched all but tw
o feet from the edge of where it appeared the earth just dropped.
Like standing on the edge of the ocean, I didn’t see an end.
Beck didn’t know what to say, he ran his hand down his face. “What could have caused this?”
“Dude,” Danny ran close to the edge. “It has to go down hundreds of feet. Straight down.”
I reached out but not too close. I never looked to see what was down there or what it looked like. “Danny, get away from the edge.”
“Mom, please. You think I’m gonna fall?”
“Yes. Please. Step back.”
“Mom.”
“Beck?” I shifted my eyes to him.
With one step to the side and swoop of his arm around my thin son’s waist, Beck pulled him back for me.
Bill stated. “Sink hole. Has to be. They’re usually round.”
“It's like the other half of the country is gone,” I whispered out.
I hadn’t paid attention at first, but Alex went to the van and returned with binoculars. He stared out across the hole then handed them to Beck.
I finally noticed Randy as he stood in shock with Missy. “Randy, you lived in this state. Did you know about this?”
He shook his head. “Not at all. Of course this is further west than I was.” He stared out with almost a sad look on his face. “I can’t believe it caused this.”
“What?” I asked. “You can’t believe what caused this?”
“The uh . . . Rapture or whatever it is.” He stammered his words.
“It’s not the Rapture,” I snapped. “Geez. At least it was a good thing you had time to stop.”
“I watched him brake a few seconds before Beck said anything.”
Beck and Alex kept exchanging the binoculars. I was waiting on what they had to say.
Alex had one hand on his hip, shook his head and blasted, ‘Fuck!’ He paused when it echoed back to him. He nodded and smiled as if he were impressed by that,.
With a wave of his hand he gathered us all closer. “Alright,” Alex said. “Good news and bad news. Good news is it looks like the hole is only about three miles across.”
Beck took over from there. “Bad news is, north to south we can’t determine how far it goes.
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