“That makes me feel much better,” I said.
Bex left us alone to sit on the stairs, and Jared pulled me from the bench to sit beside him on the bed. He didn’t speak for a long time, lightly brushing the skin of my arm from wrist to elbow with his fingertips.
“Do you understand what could happen?” he said softly, his eyes still focused on my arm.
After a short pause, I took a breath. “Yes.”
He meant my death. Dying at the hands of the most inhumane, cruel beings on three planes wasn’t peaceful—I’d planned to die in my sleep—but it was an end. I wondered what would take place in that moment and what ways Jared would suffer in the days following my death.
His eyes were dark, the skin around them tight but tired. The helpless feeling surrounding us was suffocating.
“I know what Father Francis said,” Jared said, his voice breaking, “but I can’t believe that. I have to see the book for myself to be sure. There has to be a reason our fathers wanted it so badly. Gabe must have known there was a way to stop it.
“Stay with me,” I said.
“I can’t.”
“Just for a while. Just until I fall asleep?”
Jared met my eyes, and I could see that he would let me win.
We lay together above the sheets, silent and thoughtful. I imagined Jared was carefully plotting a way around Donovan and Isaac in his mind, praying for a conclusion. Shax had stayed one step ahead of Jared—even Kim, his secret weapon—and he was frustrated.
Jared’s arms tensed. Bex’s light footsteps rushed down the stairs and the front door opened. After a few moments, another set, heavier than the first, returned with him. Kim appeared in the doorway, out of breath and wide-eyed.
Jared sprung from the bed, pulling on his jacket. “Stay with her, Bex.”
“I should go,” Bex said.
Knowing they were going to try to capture the book, I jumped from the bed, pulling on a pair of sneakers. “He should go. I’ll go too, and if anything happens, Bex can help.”
Jared frowned while he made his decision. “Nina . . .”
“We don’t have time for a lecture,” I said. “You know you have a better chance if Bex is there.”
He nodded, clearly conflicted. “Let’s go.”
The streets were filthy, lined with mounds of dirty snow. The Escalade flew at three times the speed limit, racing against the moment Shax realized we’d found him.
Jared slammed on the brakes in front of an old apartment building on the outskirts of town, and he and Kim rushed in. Bex was stoic, waiting patiently for a signal. My knees bounced nervously as I bit at my thumbnail.
“Here,” Bex said, pulling a handgun from the back of his pants. “If I go in, keep this with you. The safety’s on, so—”
“Take it off before I fire, I know.”
Bex smiled. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t go in.”
The waiting was excruciating. The night was too quiet, the building too dark. I had expected immediate flashes of gunfire and for Jared and Kim to run out, with snarling, misshapen beasts in pursuit.
Bex picked at his nails, seeming bored but patient. I checked my handgun again, making sure it was loaded and ready.
“We really need Claire here. We have to figure out how to get the three of us in the same room with Shax and keep you protected at the same time.”
“You’re just itching to get one in on him, aren’t you?” I smirked.
“On Shax?” Bex said. “Jared’s fought a hundred of ’em. They react to me the same way they do Kim. They won’t come near me. It’s irritating.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, but it better not be because of my age or anything like that. I’m ready,” he sniffed.
“You are,” I said, my voice absent of sarcasm.
Bex turned to me with a small smile, reminding me of his innocence. “Yeah?”
“Absolutely. How much time have we spent together, with Jared nowhere in sight? I’m the hardest taleh case there is—dirty cops and demons after me day and night—and I don’t have a scratch. Maybe they stay away because they’re scared?”
Bex nodded, satisfied. “Yeah. Probably so.”
Suddenly, Jared and Kim appeared, walking slowly from the back of the building.
“No go?” Bex asked as Jared slammed his body into the driver’s seat.
“They were already gone,” he seethed, his jaw muscles fluttering under his skin.
“Shax is playing games with us,” Kim said. “Otherwise, he’d move it out of town or out of the country. He wants you to doubt your judgment, and he’s using me to bait you, to wear you out.”
“There has to be another way,” Jared said, slamming the shifter into gear. “We’re making the same mistakes.”
“Are they all the same?” I asked.
Jared, Kim, and Bex turned in my direction.
“The books. Are they all the same? You said there were others. Is there another one we can get to? One that belongs to a demon that doesn’t know we’re coming?”
Jared and Kim traded glances.
“It’s not a bad idea,” Kim said.
“Waste of time,” Bex replied.
“Nigh, Shax’s book is the only one that we know of that has been brought to this plane. The others . . . We’d have to go to Hell to get,” Kim explained.
“So that’s out,” I said.
“Unless,” Bex began.
“No,” Jared said, cutting him off.
“Unless what?” I said, touching Bex’s arm.
“We could talk someone with access into getting one.”
Jared sighed. “No one is going to do that, Bex. It would start a war.”
“Samuel would.” A small amused smile touched Bex’s face.
“Enough,” Jared said, pulling into Cynthia’s driveway.
We all stood in the driveway, tired and looking a little lost.
Kim stretched and then patted my backside. “See you in class tomorrow.”
I shook my head in disbelief. She was so unaffected by it all. Kim ducked into her Sentra and slowly pulled away, more than likely heading to her dorm room at Brown.
The headlight of Bex’s motorcycle shuttered as Claire pulled into the drive. She was noticeably upset.
“What is it?” I asked, watching her place the bike on its kickstand.
She fidgeted and then put her hands on her hips, looking down to her boots. Her long bangs fell into her eyes as she procrastinated. “I missed one.”
“Who?” Jared said.
“Kit Anderson.”
“That will be a problem,” Jared replied.
I frowned. “Who’s Kit Anderson?”
“Ryan’s partner,” Claire said, combing her hair back with her fingers, frustrated.
“You sure?” Bex asked, surprised.
“Ryan went to his house tonight,” Claire said. “Donovan called while he was there. Anderson was only on the phone for a moment, but it was Donovan.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
They all craned their necks at me.
Claire made a face. “What do you think, Nina? I’ve got to get rid of him.”
My mouth fell open. “But it’s Ryan’s partner. He just lost his whole unit. You’re going to kill his partner?”
“Better than you,” Bex said, climbing onto his bike.
“Where are you going?” Jared said.
“Home. I need to check on Mom and make some calls.”
Jared nodded and then looked at me. “Let’s get you inside. You’re cold.”
I looked down at my ensemble: a coat over my robe and tennis shoes. I’d been in such a hurry to ride along I’d barely dressed. “Okay,” I said, following him inside. Jared had told me over a year ago that he could sense my feelings, but I would never get used to him noticing them before I did.
In my bedroom, I kicked off my sneakers and peeled off my coat, falling into the bed. Jared crawled into bed beside me, outlini
ng my body with his. Jared’s warmth was like being submerged in light; being so close to him was unlike any calm I’d ever felt in my life—even as a girl, when Jack was alive. Jared’s presence causing the nightmares was the worst punishment of all.
Jared sensed my unease, and he pulled me closer. “Stop thinking,” he whispered in my ear. His soft lips grazed the gentle fold of my ear as he spoke, and I nuzzled closer to him, hoping Gabe would let him stay just one night.
Sleep came quickly, despite the excitement of chasing after Shax and my discontent.
It felt as if the moment I closed my eyes I was awake, covered in sweat and screaming for my father. Jared held me, this time silently. There was nothing left to say that hadn’t been said already. Reassuring me that it was just a bad dream was pointless.
“Coffee?” he said.
“No,” I said, pulling on his shirt. “Don’t leave me. Just stay,” I said between breaths.
He kissed my forehead, whispering sweet comfort in French in my ear. I didn’t know what the words meant, but it was so soft and soothing, I was relaxed against his chest in moments.
I took in a deep breath, inhaling his incredible scent. A tingling traveled the length of my body, and I extended my neck to kiss the lobe of his ear.
“Nina,” he warned.
“I miss you,” I said, kissing tiny sections of his skin until I reached his lips.
“It’s not a good time for us to—” he began, but I kissed him, cutting off yet another lecture.
“I don’t care,” I said, tears filling my eyes. “I need to forget, just for a little while. Help me forget.”
Jared looked deep into my eyes, weighing a decision, no doubt. I leaned against his mouth once more, and this time he returned my kiss, cautiously giving in. His soft full lips worked against mine, but not in the way I wanted. I could still feel a wall between us.
I pulled his t-shirt over his head, but when I tugged at the belt of my robe, he gently held my wrist. “Sweetheart . . .”
The frustration and fear finally boiled over, and I fell into his chest. Tears pooled between his chest and my cheeks.
Jared gently cupped my shoulders and held me away, looking into my eyes. “Don’t cry,” he said with a frown. “Please don’t . . .” He trailed off, sighing at the messy sight of me.
“I can’t stand this.” I shook my head. “I can’t stand this, anymore. If I can’t be with the man I love . . . What is the point in being alive if I can’t live?”
Jared made a hush sound and kissed my forehead. His lips made a trail down the bridge of my nose, and when his lips met mine, he leaned me back, tenderly against the bed. I shamelessly took advantage of his moment of weakness before it passed.
My fingers dug into his shoulders, and I kissed him in the way I reserved only for our most intimate moments. Jared reacted exactly the way I wished he would, pushing away from me just enough for me to untie my robe. Jared lowered his body, letting his skin warm mine.
My heart raced as Jared’s mouth made a wet line down my neck. My knees arced on each side of him, every part of me waiting eagerly for Jared to ignore the voice in his head warning him against such unreasonable human desire. As loud as those voices might have been, he could sense my need to be with him in that way. I knew that would drown out any noble protesting.
For the first time in months, we lost ourselves in each other. Not a single moment did I worry or regret, and neither did Jared—until it was over.
Peacefully against his skin, my head rose and fell with his deep breath. “Don’t say it,” I said with a smile.
“It’s a little late to say anything,” Jared said, kissing my hair.
I frowned, unhappy with his response. Instead of insisting that he show just an ounce of happiness about what had just happened, I decided changing the subject would be more effective. “You know the Christmas party is next weekend.”
“I know,” he smiled, beginning to relax.
I stretched. “I assume you’ve bought a suit.”
“I did.”
“I need a dress,” I said, my brows pulling together.
Jared laughed, momentarily forgetting about anything but the mundane details of our normal life.
We giggled and snuggled until the sun filtered through the curtains, and then Jared walked across the room to dress. I turned on my side to watch him, propping my head with my hand. Knowing how many bullets and wounds he’d sustained in the last few years, I was amazed that his skin was flawless. Every inch of it.
“What are you plotting over there?” Jared asked, smiling.
“Absolutely nothing, I’m simply appreciating your form.”
He pulled a pair of light blue boxer briefs up his legs and over his bare backside. “Is that so?”
I pulled the sheet across the room with me, hunting for something casual to wear to Brown.
“That’s not fair at all. I should be allowed to appreciate as well.” He smiled, but that smile quickly faded as he pulled me behind him.
Bex knocked twice before walking in. “Geez! Really?” he yelled, closing the door.
“Knocking doesn’t count if you just walk in!” Jared growled.
I backed into the closet, mortified.
The door opened again and Jared sighed. “We are allowed privacy,” he said, his voice low and angry.
“I’ve seen it all before,” Claire said. “Hey,” she smiled, poking her head into the closet. “You wanna hang out today?”
“Don’t even think about it,” Jared warned.
“She’s learning, isn’t she?” Claire snapped. “She’s got to see it sometime!”
“She’s not learning that,” Jared said.
“You’ve got business today anyway,” Bex said.
Kim walked in, confused by the number of people in the room, coupled with our lack of clothing. “I’ll just wait outside.”
“I’ll go too,” Bex said.
Jared glared at Bex and then at Claire. “She’s not ready.”
“I need her for a distraction in case Ryan shows up,” Claire said, irritated that she had to explain.
“Use her as bait?” Jared seethed. “No.”
“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on and let me make the decision?” I said. Being spoken about as if I weren’t in the room was quickly becoming my least favorite thing.
“Claire’s going to take out Anderson,” Jared said, frowning.
“You’re going to kill him?” I asked. Claire nodded. “Right now?”
She watched me, annoyed.
“But I have class,” I said, completely aware of how absurd the words sounded.
Jared pushed Claire and Bex backward. “That settles it. Out.”
Claire ducked under her brother’s arm with little effort. “If Ryan shows up, you could help,” she said, appealing to my better nature. “Otherwise, it could get ugly. He might try to protect Anderson.”
“Wait,” I said. “Just let me think about this for a minute.”
Jared froze and then turned to face me. “This is a bad idea. We can take him out to lunch or something to distract him. I’m not letting you get in the middle of one of Claire’s hits, so—,”
“Kim has class too,” Claire said, her voice smooth and persuading. “Jared needs her help today.”
“She doesn’t go to class half the time anyway and still has a four-point-oh,” I grumbled. “Watch you take a man’s life?” I said, unsure.
“Yes,” Claire said, “and help if Ryan shows.”
“What about the lunch idea?” I asked, looking to Jared.
“Ryan’s on duty,” Claire said. “I can’t wait around for him to take a lunch break. It doesn’t work that way and Jared knows that.” Claire snarled her lip at Jared.
I nodded. “Okay.”
I walked into the closet with a purpose, shutting the door behind me. It was finally quiet, but only for a fraction of a second before Claire was banging with her fist. “Let’s go, princess. I don’t have
all day.”
“I’m coming!” I growled. Black jeans and a black turtleneck seemed like appropriate assassination attire, completed by tying my hair into a tight, low bun. When I emerged, Claire’s face lit up.
“I have boots that would look amazing with that.”
“I can’t wear stilettos on a hit,” I said, annoyed with her sudden cheerful demeanor.
Claire wrinkled her nose. “Why not? I do it all the time.”
With that, we all made our way down the stairs and out to the drive.
Jared tugged on my arm before I ducked into Claire’s Lotus. “Claire will keep you safe. Just keep your head down, okay? Do everything you’re told.”
“I promise,” I said. Jared was still nervous, despite trusting his sister’s capabilities, and although I sympathized with his feelings, it was nice not to be the one worrying for a change.
Jared kissed my cheek before disappearing behind the black windows of the Escalade. Kim hopped into the passenger seat, but not before waving to me like a child leaving for the zoo. I shook my head and waved back.
“Today!” Claire snapped, revving the engine.
Bex and I piled into the passenger seat beside Claire. She drove us to North Providence and turned on Mineral Spring Avenue, parking in a McDonald’s parking lot not a block from the red brick walls of Ryan’s police station.
“You’re kidding. It’s seven in the morning! You’re going to gun down a cop in broad daylight?” I said in disbelief.
“Will you pretend I know what I’m doing for two seconds?” Claire snapped. She slipped on her large glasses and nodded to an officer walking out to a cruiser.
“Anderson?” I said.
“Yep,” Claire said, waiting a beat after Anderson pulled out onto the road before she turned the wheel and pressed on the gas to follow.
She stayed so far behind the black and white that I thought a few times we’d lost him. Claire’s eyes were focused, however, and what I couldn’t see, she saw as if it were right in front of her.
“Okay,” she said, slowing by the curb. “Let’s set up shop,” she said to her brother.
Bex nodded once, pulling a hot pink duffel bag from the back seat.
I eyed the bag and then smiled at Bex.
He rolled his eyes. “I’ve tried to get her to bring black ones. Or even brown or green. She won’t.”
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