“I don’t know if I can.”
“Try,” Jared said, rubbing my arm. It was just a comforting gesture; we both knew I wasn’t cold. Bean coming sooner rather than later suddenly seemed a relief. Summer was unbearable for any pregnant woman, but considering my heightened temperature, it could mean trouble. Jared’s hand left my arm and rested on my belly.
My eyes finally shut sometime soon after entering the Bronx, and didn’t open again until we were just south of Philadelphia’s city limits. It was still dark when I awoke, and my hair was plastered against my cheek, warm and moist between my face and the console. Jared had traveled the distance in half the time it should have taken.
It wasn’t long before I processed where we were and why, and then the tears came. “Oh,” I said, wiping my cheeks. Being unsettled and upset was a strange relief. I was normal, after all.
“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart,” Jared said, leaning over to kiss my hair.
“Have you heard from anyone?”
He nodded. “Claire shot me a text. They put out the fire and found the body. They think it’s you. Everyone will probably find out in the morning.”
“My mother . . . .”
“Claire already informed her. She’ll play dumb and devastated to the police. She knows the routine.”
I let a puff of air escape my lips. “At least she won’t think I’m dead.”
“It could be Monday morning before anyone notices Sasha is missing.”
“I don’t know,” I said, picking at my fingernails. “She was on the phone in my office talking to her mother. They seemed close. Her family could file a missing persons report today or tomorrow.”
Jared nodded, deep in thought.
It didn’t feel right letting Sasha’s death go unannounced. If she typically spoke with her mother daily, she could be waiting for her call, her worry turning into panic. My hand drifted to my midsection, resting over the bump that protected our child. Sasha was someone’s daughter. Her mother had brought her home from the hospital, taught her to crawl, walk, and raised her to be the young woman she is—was. That woman, who loved Sasha more than anything else in the world, was sleeping peacefully for the last time. The moment Sasha crossed her mind—the moment it occurred to this woman to call her daughter—would be the first moment of thousands that she would feel a horrible sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. More guilt washed over me.
“Stop, Nina. It’s not your fault,” Jared said.
“I don’t suppose we can tell Beth?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
Jared only offered an apologetic expression.
We pulled into a gas station for the second time. Anyone else would have thought twice about stopping at such a nefarious-looking place in the wee hours of the morning. Bars guarded the windows, and several unscrupulous characters loitered next to the front door. Jared, however, stepped out and walked past them as if he were at the mall.
I waited in the truck, hoping none of the people staring back at me would become curious enough to wander over. Jared was only inside for a moment, and then he emerged, holding a bottle of water and something deep-fried and stuffed with cheese and chicken.
He frowned as he handed them over. “It’s not the healthiest thing, but I thought it would tide you over until we could find a decent restaurant.”
I took a bite. It was disgustingly wonderful.
Just as Jared pulled back onto the highway, my cell phone buzzed. The display lit up and I instantly tensed. “It’s Beth,” I said.
Jared sighed. “You have to let it ring.”
“She is probably sick with worry. I can’t just let her think I’m dead.”
Jared took the phone from my hand. “I sympathize; I really do. Beth doesn’t deserve that, but we don’t have a choice.”
I shook my head and looked out the window. Jared was right: Beth didn’t deserve a friend like me. She had only been patient, honest, kind, loyal, and protective. I couldn’t imagine the despair I would feel if I answered a call informing me that Beth’s car had exploded with a charred body inside. My heart ached for her. If I hadn’t been riddled with guilt before, now I was so ashamed I could barely stand to be in my skin. Tears welled up in my eyes and fell down my cheeks. If Beth ever found out that I knowingly allowed her to suffer over my death, she would never forgive me—and I would never expect it from her.
The phone stopped ringing, and the voicemail chimed, letting me know she’d left a message. I held out my hand to Jared, but he shook his head.
“Do you really want to hear the worry in her voice? You feel bad enough.”
I covered my face with my hand and shook my head. “This is awful, Jared. This is so wrong.”
Jared leaned over and kissed my temple. “I’m so sorry, Nina. I’m so, so sorry.”
I looked over at him and could see he was just as upset as I. If he could find another way, he would, but once someone knew about our life, there was no going back. I didn’t want that for Beth, either.
We continued south and by daybreak reached Maryland. The morning sun glistened on a sign that read Eden Pop.793. Trees lined the median on one side of the road; railroad tracks on the other. Other than a few billboards and a patch of land used for tractor sales, I couldn’t see much of Eden.
“That’s an interesting name,” I said.
“It fits, too,” Jared said straight-faced. “The town is just as hard to find as the garden.”
“Ha, ha,” I teased, unimpressed with his joke. “So do we have an actual destination?”
Jared smiled. “We do, now. When I saw we were on Ocean Highway, I thought of the perfect place.”
“Which is . . .?”
“Myrtle Beach.”
I smiled. “I’ve never been there.”
He met my eyes, matching my expression. “I thought it would be a relaxing place for you to wait while the investigators figure out what happened, and then when they contact us—and they will—we’ll return in a few days, upset and flustered.”
I frowned. Jared’s plan wouldn’t work. If anything, once the Providence PD followed the breadcrumbs we left for them, we would look more suspicious. Jared’s loft had already been declared an act of arson, and they had assumed it was him. Unable to prove anything, no charges were filed. But now that my car had also been targeted, he would be under investigation again. If they found out we were there at the time of the explosion, they could charge and hold us for a number of things. With every thought, my concerns compounded.
“It’s not the first time I’ve had to explain myself to the police. I promise there is no need to worry. We’ll explain our version and leave for Jerusalem as planned. If I can kill a dozen or so dirty cops in one night and keep our names out of it—”
“But her family. Don’t you think the police stopped looking back then because they dug deep enough to see what was going on? Sasha’s family will want answers.”
“Ryan and Claire will take care of it. The family will have answers. They’ll just have ones that don’t implicate either of us. You have a bodyguard that everyone knows about, Nina. Now everyone will know why. You’re a target, and Sasha was collateral damage. It’s not far from the truth, actually. The only difference is that we won’t have to explain why we fled the scene.”
Jared took my hand, kissed my fingers, and then pressed my knuckles into his chest. “I’m sorry about Sasha. She didn’t deserve to die, but you can’t blame yourself for her death. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”
I stiffened. “How can you say that? You couldn’t have known that—”
“I should have known. That very easily could have been you.” He frowned at the thought. “I’m glad it was her and not you. I know you’re wallowing in guilt about what her family will feel when they get the call, but I want you to think about the moment that car exploded. If it hadn’t been her, honey, I would have watched my wife and child die in the same moment. You can’t wish that for me.” He released my hand and wip
ed his eyes with his thumb and index finger and then sighed. “I’m just glad it wasn’t you.”
I wanted to tell him that it shouldn’t have happened at all, but I was afraid it would only make him feel worse. “First the loft, now the car . . . .” I sighed. “We won’t have anything before long.”
“We need to take out whoever the hell knows anything about explosives, that’s for sure.” He laughed once, sounding exhausted. “This being so in tune with you and Bean that I’m missing important things like a bomb on your car is also a negative.” He shook his head. “It was ignition-based, so it couldn’t have been there before you left for Titan. It must have been set up between the time you got there and when it blew. Bex would have sensed it. The only time they would have had a window is after I arrived.”
“How is that possible? You were in the Escalade a few feet away.”
“Exactly,” he said, his expression unsettled. “It was difficult to focus before . . . .”
“Before what?” I asked, knowing better. Jared had become skilled at leaving me out of the loop. It wasn’t like him to slip.
He replied with only a sigh, but he was visibly upset. It was then that I made a decision. I no longer wanted to be in the dark. I was a mother now. With so many important things at stake, it was time I took an active role in the effort to save our lives.
“Tell me,” I said.
“After we . . . . I’ve been more in-tuned to you for a while. I had just become used to wading through the mess to get to the basics of what I used to feel when you . . . when we . . . .”
“This would be a good time to forget your usual hour-long explanation and just get down to the naked truth.”
“The baby. I sense it, too. It’s amazing, but it’s also distracting. Very distracting.”
“You sense the baby?” I smiled. “So is Bean your Taleh, too?”
Jared frowned. “This whole situation is unprecedented. That would mean the baby is human, and that’s obviously not the case. Maybe it’s because the baby is a part of you. I just don’t know.”
From that point on, Jared remained silent except for the few times we made pit stops. As the sun began to set, we had just breached the outskirts of Myrtle Beach. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that Sasha’s mother hadn’t heard from her for a full day, and at any minute they would go to her home, and the panic would begin. Sasha would be reported missing any moment. The guilt began to close down around me once again, so much so that it was hard to take in the beauty ahead.
While we had been eating a late lunch, Jared had called ahead and reserved a condo at Myrtle Beach’s most Northern Point, the Grande Dunes Oceanfront. As we pulled up to the resort, I gasped at its extravagance. It worsened my sense of guilt.
“What is it?” Jared said. I could see the hope in his eyes. He wanted this to be an escape, but I couldn’t stomach maternity massages and facials, knowing my friends and Sasha’s family were going through hell.
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do. I really do. But this is not a real vacation. We’re hiding out while most of the people I know think I’m dead and Sasha’s family frantically searches for her.”
Jared nodded and squeezed my hand. “That’s the idea, but I’m not pitching a tent on the beach for my pregnant wife. You deserve a little comfort while you’re busy stressing out for everyone.”
“‘A little comfort’ would be the Super 8 down the road, Jared. This is a resort.”
“It’s beachfront, and the ocean will clear your head. C’mon.”
Jared checked in while I tried to seem completely normal about the fact that we brought two large full suitcases for a quick getaway. The staff was too pleasant, almost eager that we had arrived. I thought that strange for two reasons: one, Jared called for reservations just a few hours before; and two, we weren’t celebrities. Their behavior quickly had me convinced that they were shells, and they would attack us at any moment.
“Sweetheart?” Jared called over his shoulder.
I glared at the girl behind the desk. Her blond spiral curls bounced against her full pink cheeks. Her warm brown eyes were glazed over with the absolute captivation she felt standing before Jared. I remembered that feeling. Jared was ridiculously beautiful, and his looks and confidence alone must have made them think he was famous in some way. Okay, maybe they weren’t demons with skin, but that girl was still looking at my husband as if she wanted to eat him.
“I’m fine,” I said with my best fake smile. Other than watching a colleague I’d known for three years turn into toast before my eyes, I wasn’t sure why I was in such a foul mood. Girls like that behaving in a completely understandable way hadn’t affected me in years. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d rolled my eyes at waitresses or coeds nearly slobbering over Jared. It could be several things, but I was sure my rounding form was the culprit.
Jared returned to me and the luggage. Inside the room, Jared placed our luggage on the mattress and looked around. The room was spacious and light, not unlike any other hotel room I’d spent time in.
“This is nice,” Jared said.
“Have I ever told you that you suck at small talk?” I smiled. I walked the few steps to reach him and then pressed my forehead against his chest.
Jared laughed and kissed my cheek. “Yes.”
I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. The puffy towels smelled sterile and flowery, a quick giveaway that we weren’t at home. I groaned and stretched. A belly nearly in full bloom and a long road trip didn’t mesh well together. I felt stiff and groggy.
“Nap or beach?” Jared said. He pulled off his boots and slipped his bare feet into a pair of leather sandals.
“Both sound equally appealing, but a walk on the beach after being stuck in the car is the better option.”
“Agreed,” he said, holding his hand out to me.
We lazily walked to the near-private beach of the Grande Dunes, letting the new summer wind whip around us. The scene looked like a postcard, everything I imagined the perfect beach to be. Jared picked a spot and unfolded a blanket. He sat with his elbows resting on his knees as he looked out toward the ocean.
“It’s almost like being back in Little Corn.”
“Almost.”
Jared peered up at me. “Sit with me.”
I fidgeted, knowing I was about to play into my childish insecurities. “They were attractive.”
“Who?”
“The girls behind the desk.”
Jared laughed once and then crawled onto his knees. He leaned toward me and placed his hands on each side of my belly. “Nina, there has always been something about you that I couldn’t shake. Even when I didn’t want to love you, I was drawn to you. I couldn’t think of anything else. Now you’re my wife, and you are carrying our child. There is nothing more beautiful than that. When you’re sweaty and exhausted holding Bean, then that will be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. When I see tears fall from your eyes when we send Bean off to the first day of kindergarten . . . that will the most be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. When you comfort me each time we send our kids to training, on every one of our anniversaries, and when you’re hair turns gray, every one of those moments will be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
He nuzzled his nose into my belly and then wrapped his arms around my middle. “You always say the right thing,” I whispered, touching his ears.
He looked up at me. “If the impossible happened and something more beautiful existed, I wouldn’t notice. You have my constant, undivided attention. You always have.”
I smiled. “Only because I pay you.”
Jared’s white, wide grin was a contrast against the tan tone of his face. “Not anymore. When you marry your boss, you can pay yourself.”
I playfully nudged him in the ribs; still he hugged me to him. Resting on the blanket, we watched the sun slowly melt into oranges and purples until it sizzled against the horizon. I wondered if the sky looked
the same on the other side of the world and if, once we arrived in Jerusalem, we would see the sun again until the baby was born.
I relaxed back against the blanket, looking up at the sky. The stars were visible on the eastern half of the sky over the water, but they were still burned out by the sun in the West. Jared grabbed my arm and I froze.
“What is it?”
Jared smiled and pulled out his Glock. “You were about to lie on my sidearm.”
“You brought your gun? Worried the grains of sand would shell?” I smiled.
“When the Others start shelling, it’s impossible to know who’s a threat and who’s not. That’s why we can’t get to the Sepulchre fast enough as far as I’m concerned. I almost wonder if they didn’t blow the Beemer on purpose. If they knew our plan—and I’m sure they did—if they didn’t kill you in the process, they thought it would keep us from leaving. Bex has a harder time sensing them, so I know with my . . . distraction, it could be dangerous.”
I nodded. “It’s not fair that with everything else we’re dealing with your senses are overwhelmed, too.” I frowned. “Now that I think about it, none of this is very fair.”
“Considering the circumstances, I think it’s clear we have some fans up there. We have Eli and Samuel vying for us. That’s a huge advantage in and of itself.”
“It doesn’t feel like it,” I grumbled.
My cell phone rang. It was Beth again. I closed my eyes tightly while Jared took the phone and pushed the silence button. He buried it into the tote I had carried with me to the beach and then pulled me against his chest.
“You can tell her goodbye before we leave. She’ll only feel this way for a few days, and then you can comfort her. She’ll probably tackle you and forget all about it.”
“No, she won’t.”
Jared took in a deep breath and wrapped his arms tighter around me. “I’m just trying to help.”
“I know. I know you are. It’s just that I feel I’m hurting her intentionally. It’s not fair that she is the only close friend who isn’t in the loop.”
“Do you really want to expose her to all of this? More importantly, do you think she can handle it?”
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