by Robin Wells
"My mother shut me out then, too. She would lock herself in her room and cry. I was so lost, so scared, so lonely. She was all I had left in the world. I would knock on the door, and she wouldn't-answer. Everything would be quiet—completely quiet. I know now that it was because she'd passed out from tranquilizers and booze. But I didn't know that .then. I used to think it was quiet because she had died, too."
Susanna looked at him then, her eyes brimming with tears. "Oh, Tom."
"After we lost Rachel ... Well, it would have comforted me to comfort you. I needed to feel connected. I needed to be needed."
"I've always needed you," she whispered.
"I needed to know that." He ran his fingers over her palm.
Her gaze roved his face. "Our marriage got worse as I started to get better."
Tom blew out a sigh. "I know, I know! I don't understand it, so I can't really explain it. I just know I felt angry—so very, very angry. Maybe I was angry at the pills. Maybe I was upset that they could help you, but I Couldn't. That you'd turn to them instead of me." He looked away as his eyes grew perilously moist. "Just like my mother did."
"Oh, Tom...." Her hand touched his cheek. It was a loving touch, a tender touch, a touch that seemed to soothe his soul. "I'm not turning into your mother. These pills aren't taking me away. They've helped me find my way back."
He gave a slight nod. "It's funny how you can know something in your head, but not in your heart. When you started to get well, it was like all the anger just started bubbling up."
"I told you what my doctor said about anger being a stage of grief."
Tom nodded again. He lifted both of her hands and held them in his. "You know I don't like the idea of shrinks and therapists, but I'll go, if you want me to. I want you back. I want our marriage back. I'll go see a doctor or a marriage counselor or a minister—hell, I'll go see a voodoo queen or a witch doctor, if that's what you want. I'll do anything—anything at all—to win you back."
He shifted closer on the bench and lowered his voice, his eyes searching hers. "I love you. I want to make you happy. I want us to be like we were before. If you need some time away from me, well, I'll even understand that."
Susanna's eyes were luminous and large. "I don't want time away. I've had way too much of that already." She squeezed his hands. Her voice grew low and breathy. "I want you close. Very close."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. And I don't want to wait another second." Tom raised his eyebrows. "Want to see if we can heat up this sauna?"
. Susanna's Lips turned up in a slow, sexy smile. "I don't see why not. No one's likely to come in here with that `out-of-order' sign on the door."
She would never cease to amaze him, to thrill him. He drew her near, inhaling his wife's scent, feeling her warmth. His mouth fit over hers. It was a perfect fit, aperfect match. They came together like the pieces of a rewoven sail, whole again and stronger for the mending, ready to face the wind together, to maneuver through smooth seas and rough waters alike. She was the other half of his heart, the center of his soul, the human of his being. Together they were more than two, more than the moment, more than this place. Together they transcended and conquered and quelled.
And as they gave themselves to each other on the smooth, cedar-scented planks, they made something older than time and newer than tomorrow. They made love—pure, fresh, timeless, and true.
Chapter Twenty-one
Sawdust, fine as talc, flew into the air and landed on Jake's safety goggles the next week as he guided the electric sander over a rounded piece of wood. The high whine of the tool reverberated off the walls of the barn, and it wasn't until he turned it off that he realized Annie was standing in the doorway.
He pushed the clear goggles up on his forehead. "Have you been there long? I couldn't hear a thing over the sander."
Annie smiled. "Not long." She stepped forward. "You've got company."
Before Jake even had a chance to wonder who it might be, Tom stepped through the wide door behind her. Jake put the piece of wood on the carpenter's table and straightened, immediately wary. "What are you doing here?"
"I, uh, came to talk to you."
"We've got nothing to talk about."
"Yes, we do."
Annie edged back toward the door. "I'll leave you two alone. I need to get back to the house." She shot Jake a look that seemed to beg `please be nice,' then smiled at Tom. "Be sure to stop back by the house and say goodbye to Madeline before you leave."
"Okay. Will do."
Jake picked up the block of sandpaper and began tackling the piece of wood by hand as Annie disappeared from the doorway. Tom shoved his hands in his pockets and stepped forward. "I want to apologize"
Jake continued to sand in silence. It had been three weeks since he'd walked out of Tom's office. His anger had long since burned itself out, but he still felt somehow betrayed.
Tom cleared his throat. You were right, and I was wrong."
Jake glanced up. "About what?"
"About everything."
Jake kept sanding, his hand moving in a rhythmic motion.
Tom rested his foot on a bale of hay. "I just got back from New Orleans."
"Is that a fact.”
"Yes. It was a good conference. Susanna came."
Jake continued to work the sandpaper back and forth.
She told me you advised her to, 'Tom said. "I owe you my thanks for that. Susanna and I ... Well, we've made a fresh start of things."
"Glad to hear it." The sandpaper rasped on the wood. Tom cleared his throat. "Look, Jake--things, with Kelly never went as far as you probably imagine." "It's none of my business,"
"Well, I want you to know just the same. I was a stupid old goat and my head got turned by her attention, but that was the extent of it. Nothing happened. But, well, you were right about her."
Jake's hand stilled on the wood.
"I told Susanna everything, and she's forgiven me." Jake looked up to see the older man rubbing his chin. "She's one in a million °"
Jake slowly nodded. "Glad you realized that."
"I do. I'm a lucky man." Tom shifted his stance again and smiled. "From what I saw of Annie just now, seems like you are, too. She's lovely. And Madeline, well ..." Tom grinned. "She's a real little honey."
The mention of Madeline cracked through the last of Jake's defenses. He couldn't help but smile back.. "She is, isn't she?"
Tom nodded. "A real heartbreaker. Smart, too. She seemed to remember me from that weekend she stayed at our house."
"Is that right?"
"Yeah. She called me Ampa."
Jake grinned again. "Well, then, you're doing better than me. She still calls me Ink."
"Ink?"
"Never mind. It's a long story."
Tom laughed. It seemed to break the awkwardness between the two men. Tom pulled his hands out of his pockets and straightened. "Look, when I said I wanted to apologize for everything, I meant it. I was wrong about Madeline. And Annie."
Tom picked up a piece of unfinished wood laying on the table. "Rachel—well, Rachel is gone. You were a great husband to her. But she's gone." Tom paused. Jake's hand tightened on the sander.
"You promised you'd love her until death did you part, and you more than kept your word. You made her happy." Tom's voice grew rough with emotion. He stared down at the chunk of wood, turning it in his hand. "She'd want you to be happy again. Rachel wouldn't want you to be lonely."
Jake swallowed hard.
"Above all, she'd want you to be a good father to your child." Tom's gaze was direct, his eyes sincere. "I know she would. So I want to tell you ... well, I know you don't need it and probably don't even want it, but I just wanted to tell you that your marriage to Annie has my blessing. I apologize for any trouble I've caused for the two of you. I've already told Annie as much."
Jake's throat grew tight. "I appreciate that, Tom."
The man's head bobbed in a nod. "There's one more thing. I miss you at the
office. I've been thinking about what you suggested, about starting a separate branch for consumer law, and, hell—it's actually a darn good idea. I want you to come back and head it up."
"Tom.”
"What I m trying to say is I want you back in my life, Jake. As my partner. As my friend. As part of the family."
Before Jake knew it, he'd rounded the carpenter's bench and enfolded the older man in a bear hug. The two men held each other for moment, then awkwardly clapped each other on the back. When they stepped away, both men's eyes were suspiciously moist.
"You and Susanna will always be family," Jake said when he could trust himself to speak. "But I don't want to practice law in Tulsa anymore. I'm opening my own practice here in Lucky."
Tom blew out a long breath. He slowly nodded. "I suspected that might be the case."
"There's a friend of Annie's who's just retired from his legal practice, and well, he's convinced me there's a lot of satisfaction in being a small-town attorney. I like the idea of being here widi,Madeline."
"Well, I can't say that I blame you, son," Tom said. "You've got your priorities right, sticking by your family. Your wife and . child should come first."
It was Jake's turn to look at the ground. "I definitely intend to put Madeline first. But as. for Annie ... well,
it doesn't look like the marriage is going to pan out." "No?„
"No. It wasn't a real marriage to start with. It was just a way to simplify Madeline's life. We went. into it with an understanding that we'd divorce after a few months. In fact, we've already gotten the divorce papers filed. Our court date is next Wednesday."
Tom's, eyes grew somber. "I'm sorry, Jake. I truly am."
"Me, too."
Tom studied him for a long moment. "In that case, you ought to talk to Annie."
Jake shook his head. "She deserves more than I can give."
Tom's eyes were warm. "I won't try to tell you your business, Jake, but I'm pretty sure you've got more to give than you think." He raised his hand and turned to go.
"Don't go yet," Jake called. "Want to stay for dinner? I'm cooking."
Tom shook his head. "Thanks, but I want to get home to Susanna."
Jake nodded. A lonely, hollow space yawned inside him, leaving an emptiness he hadn't felt in a long time. Annie and Madeline had filled the void in his life, he abruptly realized. Now that. his marriage was nearly over, the emptiness was back. "Give her my love."
Tom grinned. "Sorry, but I'll be too busy giving her my own. You'll have to come to Tulsa and do it yourself.”
Jake smiled back. "Okay. It's a deal."
The two men shook hands. Tom clapped Jake on the arm and headed to the house, then stopped after several yards and turned back around. "I meant what I said earlier, about Rachel wanting you to be happy."
"I know."
Tom's eyes held an earnest warmth as they locked on Jake's. "Sometimes, Jake, love isn't about holding on. Sometimes it's about letting go."
Jake stood in the barn doorway and watched the silver-haired man lope over the crest of the hill, the older man's words echoing in his mind.
A loud, high-pitched cry woke Annie from a sound sleep late that night. She jerked back the covers and jumped to her feet, her maternal instincts on full alarm. Oh, dear Lord—the sound was coming from Madeline's room!
Annie's heart thrashed in her chest like a fish in a net. It was a horrible, otherworldly wail, desperate and mournful, unlike any sound the baby had ever made before. Like a rocket, Annie shot out of her room and. down the hall.
Jake, wild-eyed and rumpled, raced around the corner, arriving at the baby's room a second after Annie entered it.
The ungodly yowl again ripped the night. Jake flipped on the light and Annie raced to the crib. Her first impression was of Madeline, sitting up, a wide smile on her face.
Fine. The baby was fine. A wave of relief washed over her, followed by bewilderment.
"It's the dog. Look." Jake crouched down at the foot of the crib. Annie peered around his shoulder and saw Hot Dog Junior. The puppy was standing on her hind legs, her head stuck between the slats of the crib.
“Easy, girl." Jake carefully lifted the little dog with one hand, gently adjusting the animal's ears with the other. A second later, the puppy's head slid free.
Jake placed the dog on the floor. Hot Dog promptly shook her head as if she were slinging off water. After two or three shakes, she gave a joyful yelp and ran in a tight, jubilant circle, chasing her tail.
The baby clapped and giggled. Annie lifted Madeline out and held her close against her still-pounding heart. "Wow. That scared me to half to death," she said.
Jake blew out a loud sigh of relief. "It took a few years off my life, too. I had no idea a dog could sound like that."
Annie patted Madeline's back. "I didn't know anything could sound like that. What do you think happened?"
"From the looks of things, I'd guess Hot Dog broke out of the kitchen and tried to crawl into bed with Madeline."
The baby squirmed and grunted, wanting to get on the floor with the puppy. Annie obliged. The dog immediately ran over and covered the child with exuberant kisses, her tail waving like a baton. Madeline squealed with glee.
"Looks like a serious case of puppy love to me," Jake said. Annie laughed, and their eyes met. Electricity arced between them like lightning. She was suddenly aware that Jake was shirtless, and she was wearing nothing but .. a thigh-length camisole. She folded her arms across her chest, trying to suppress a shiver.
He saw it anyway. He reached an arm around her and rubbed her with a warm hand. "Are you cold?"
"A—a little. I'd better go get my robe. Why don't you take the baby into the kitchen, and I'll join you for milk and cookies?"
Several cookies, twenty minutes, and three lullabies later, Madeline was again asleep in her crib, and little Hot Dog was once more curled up on her cushion in the comer of the kitchen.
Annie double-checked the baby gate that confined the dog to the kitchen. "There should be no more breakouts tonight," she said, flicking off the light as she and Jake headed into the living room.
Moonlight streamed through the living room window. Annie could see Jake gazing at her, could feel the warmth in his eyes. A rush of heat pulsed through her.
"Oh, you never know," he said. "Maybe you should put a baby rail around your bed just in case."
"In case of what?"
"In case I try to crawl in bed with you." The words were teasing, but his voice was deep and husky, and his eyes held a dark, seductive glitter.
Annie's heart quickened. She knew she should look away, should say something light, should do something, anything to break the escalating tension, but the yearning inside of her was too strong. She stood there and gazed back, her heart hammering in her chest.
Jake took a step toward her and touched her shoulder. The touch was feather-soft, barely there, but she felt the weight of it all the way to the marrow of her bones.
"You've been driving me crazy," he murmured. "I've been lying awake, unable to sleep, thinking about you. Wanting to do this." He lowered his head and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, one that made no demands, that staked no claims. It was soft and giving and wistful and restrained, a plea, a kiss that asked permission.
With a soft moan, Annie granted it. She wound her arms around Jake's neck and kissed him back, kissed him with all the need in her heart, with all the love in her soul.
Jake felt Annie's lips open and flower under his, heard her breathing quicken, and all of his restraint dissolved. He gathered her to him and deepened the kiss. She strained against him, standing on tiptoe, fitting herself intimately against him. When she wound one leg around his hips, he curved his hands under her bottom and lifted her off the ground. With both her legs wrapped around his hips, he carried her to the bedroom and placed her under the Conestoga canopy.
He eased off her robe, then pulled down the straps of her camisole. He trailed kisses down the valley between
her breasts, then up each peak, then down her stomach, down, down, down to the indentation of her belly button. She arched toward him, and he moved still lower.
He loved the way she gasped, loved the way she tasted, loved the scent of her excitement. He wanted to bring her to completion, to savor her ecstasy, but she twisted on the bed, reaching down for him, encircling him with her hand. "My turn."
She tugged at his. sweatpants, pulling them off, then • covered him with kisses. Her mouth played over him, pleasuring him to the point of torture. He buried his hands in her hair and moaned as she drove him right to the edge, then stopped.
More kisses feathered up his belly, up his chest to his 3r neck, then to his mouth. She straddled him, her knees on either side of his waist. "Annie—oh, Annie," he groaned. Slowly, carefully, she slid herself down onto him.
And then he could be patient no more. He grabbed her hips as she rode him, thrusting deep inside her, letting
her set the rhythm. He watched her face, watched her eyes close, felt her convulse around him. He felt her deep, rhythmic, secret bliss, felt her implode, and the pleasure of it was almost too intense to endure. He struggled to restrain himself. He wanted to protract the pleasure, to take her on another flight.
"Oh, Jake—I love you," she murmured.
He could hold back no longer. With a moan that seemed to come from the depths of his soul, he gave in, gave up and gave himself over—to the inevitable, to the moment, but most of all, to Annie.
Annie awoke the next morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the sound of Madeline cooing in her crib. She smiled and stretched, a delicious sense of happiness percolating through the lingering fog of sleep, only to have it evaporate when her hand hit something crisp and crinkly. She abruptly opened her eyes.
A note. Jake had left a note on his pillow.
The events of the night before came streaming into her thoughts like the sunshine through the window. She'd made love with Jake. It had been intense and beautiful and emotional—so emotional that she'd told him she loved him.