Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  “Why are you whimpering?” he whispered in my ear.

  “Because everything you’re doing is making me react in ways I never have before,” I answered honestly.

  “Good. That’s the point,” he said. “I’m going to take my time and learn every inch of you. I’m going to memorize each part. I want to suck and lick and taste my way from point A to point B and hit every single spot along the way. I won’t stop until you’re screaming my name over and over to the point that you forget your own, til you have no voice left. I’m going to ruin you for all other men.” Holy shit. What was I getting myself into?

  Dane continued, “Do you trust me not to hurt you? Not to do anything you don’t want me to do? To only give you pleasure and never EVER cause you pain?”

  “I trust you.” I did. Nothing he had done up to this point was bad.

  “Good. The last thing I would ever do is hurt you. Anything that happens in the bedroom is about making you feel good. Tell me what you like and what you don’t. This is my favorite part of all…finding out what gets you wet and gets you off. I won’t stop until you’re completely satisfied and you can’t put two words together to make a sentence. I’ve wanted to get you naked since the night you brought me home.”

  “Ok.” Shit. I was going to have to start coming up with some better lines here. He brought his “A” game and I was still in little league. “What about you?” I asked. “When do I get a turn to show you what tricks I have up my sleeve?” Technically, I was half naked and had no sleeves, which was fine because I had no tricks to stick up them anyway. He didn’t know that though. I hoped he wouldn’t call me on my bluff.

  He seemed to consider that and finally said, “Tonight is about you, Izzy. Next time you can be in control and do whatever you want. This first time is all about me finding what makes you tick. Now lay back down and relax, we’re just getting to the good part.”

  Really? Because I think the whole experience so far has been amazing! If that was not the good part yet, I could only imagine what was coming. Actually, I couldn’t imagine what was coming and that made it all the more exciting.

  “Keep your hands over your head. I won’t be able to hold you down. I need my hands for other things,” Dane said while winking. Oh, this was definitely getting good.

  I did as I was told and he slowly kissed his way down my breasts, down my stomach, towards a very eager and waiting other part of my anatomy. He unbuttoned my pants and began to slowly pull them down.

  “I don’t like this,” I interrupted. “You’re fully clothed with your shirt still on and I’m almost completely naked.”

  “This is about you, not me. I want to see you in all your nude glory. You have an amazing body and I want to feast upon it. It’s been a long time since I looked forward to something this much. I’m starving here. Give me what I came for. You. All of you.” How could I say “No” to that? I couldn’t. No one had ever talked to me that way.

  Dane tugged the pants off and moved on to the next obstacle in his way. One thumb slid under the side of my underwear and started to pull them down. I lifted my hips so he could get them all the way off.

  “Ah…there she is. That’s what I came for. Let me play,” he said, gently touching my thighs and prying them apart. To my surprise, he stuck his face right in-between my legs.

  I tapped him on the shoulder and interrupted his moment.

  “Um, you don’t have to do that. I know some guys don’t like doing that.”

  “What? Some guys don’t like doing what exactly, Izzy?”

  “Oral. Some guys don’t like the taste of it. So you don’t have to do that,” I politely explained.

  He sat up in bed and sighed. “Ok. Who didn’t like the taste of you? Let’s get this out in the open and over with, so I can return to my party.”

  “Well, no one in particular….” I trailed off and looked away because he was staring at me very intently and it was really intimidating.

  He moved up to lay next to me with his face inches from mine. He kissed me softly on the lips and began to caress my cheek with his thumb. “Tell me,” he whispered. “I would never judge you. You can trust me. Tell me what experience you had with this. And then I’ll give you one that you will never forget. I’ll erase your past and give you something to replace it with. Tell me.”

  I took a deep breath and admitted, “I…I never had a good experience down there. I’ve only been with three people in my life. The guy from high school never did that. He was too shy. The greedy jobless slob only wanted to do missionary and we only dated for eight months and we waited four to have sex, and I lived with Winter and he had roommates so there weren’t that many opportunities to do it very often in the first place…”

  He put his finger to my lips. “You’re rambling in run-on sentences. Relax.”

  I took a deep breath. “The last guy I was with, the gay one…that didn’t go very well, either.”

  “Well, he liked guys and you don’t have a penis, so I can imagine that didn’t work quite right,” Dane said, nodding in understanding.

  “I asked him to try it. Because I wanted to know what it was like. Winter and Monica told me stories and I wanted to find out for myself.”

  “What happened?”

  “It’s embarrassing and I don’t want to tell you.”

  “Please? I will do anything you ask of me. Anything at all. But in return, I need you to open up to me. I need you to trust me, Izzy. I’ll ask you again, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. What happened?”

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head, extremely mad at myself that I was going to answer him out loud. “Fine. Doritos, ok? He told me that oral sex was gross because it tasted like Doritos down there and it made him want to puke. He told me he’d done it to his last girlfriend and he would never do it again.”

  Dane exploded in laughter, the likes of which I’d never heard before. He literally clutched his sides and yelled, “Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me. That’s so hilarious I can’t breathe. It hurts. My sides hurt. I think I broke a rib laughing so hard.”

  I pulled away from him and started to get up off the bed, but he grabbed me in his arms and held me.

  “Izzy, that is the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. You poor girl. Pussy tastes absolutely NOTHING like Doritos. That guy is the stupidest prick I’ve ever heard of and if he were here right now then I’d punch him in the face and knock out some teeth. The only reason he didn’t want to dive into your pool is because he likes guys and he was using that as an excuse. So you’re telling me that you’ve never had any guy have you sit on his face?”

  I slowly shook my head to indicate that the answer was a definite NO.

  “Well, this just gets better and better. Not only do I NOT have anyone to compete with, I get to be your first time and make sure the job gets done right. I’m honored. Now lay back down and spread them and I’ll show you how it works.” He clapped his hands and rubbed them together like he was about to get started on a special project. Me.

  “But…what if I don’t taste good?”

  “Didn’t you ever taste yourself to see if he was full of shit or not?”

  “NO! If it tastes bad, then why do I want to taste it?”

  “Because it doesn’t taste bad at all. Let’s just say for argument’s sake that you’ve got a giant bag of Cool Ranch down there, ok? I fucking LOVE Doritos. Cheetos. Fritos. Tostitos. Any chips. Now you’re going to have to relax and let me give you an experience you’ll never forget.”

  I smiled at his chip reference and shrugged my shoulders. What did I have to lose at this point? If he wasn’t running the other way at my crazy chip freak-out, then I would have to give him a chance.

  I tried to remain calm as Dane stuck his head back down between my legs. All his previous attempts to be suave were thrown out the window as he gave me a play-by-play of what he was going to do.

  “Since this is you
r first time, I’m going to be gentle and go slow. Don’t worry about getting off. Just concentrate on how it feels. If something feels good, tell me. You’re going to have to relax because your body is so tight and clenched up that you’re going to go right through the ceiling the first time I touch you. You’ll like this. I promise. And I don’t make promises I can’t keep. You know that.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. Dane lightly licked the sides of my thighs and gradually got closer to the part he was aiming for. His tongue circled the folds and I tensed up immediately. He backed off and returned to licking my thighs. The licks turned to little nibbles and I calmed down. He again went back to circle me with his tongue and I tried to relax this time. His tongue slowly darted inside and instantly came back out again. With each thrust of his tongue, he went farther inside and stayed longer. It felt amazing. He kept his tongue inside me and slowly started to swirl it around. The circling tongue began to alternate between spinning and sucking and going in and then back out. I started to tremble and shake. My legs turned to jelly and I felt a slow build-up of a tingling sensation. I didn’t want it to stop.

  I grabbed Dane’s head and shoved it deeper between my legs. My hands dug into his hair and frantically tugged at it, my fists opening and closing in the same rhythm as the throbbing between my legs.

  “Fuck. Fuck. This is incredible. Don’t stop. Please. I need this. Whatever you do, just don’t stop.”

  My encouragement was all he needed to step up the pace. He went faster with his tongue, deeper, in and out, back and forth until I was screaming incoherently and my orgasm completely overtook me. I knew nothing, had no rational thought. All that existed was him and I. In that instant I was taken somewhere else. A black abyss with only the pulsating feeling between my legs and complete euphoria. It was like the ocean waves crashing onto the shore. Wave after wave pounded over me until it slowly subsided and I returned to Earth. I heard myself panting, out of breath. That was the most intense orgasm I’d ever had. Even better than during actual sex. I wondered if that’s just how it was, better with a tongue than a penis.

  “How are you doing? Talk to me, Izzy,” Dane urged.

  “It was spectacular. Honestly, it was the best orgasm I’ve ever had in my life. I didn’t know that was even possible. I mean it wasn’t the first time I’ve ever had one, but they were never like THAT. Why do people bother with sex if a tongue can feel like that? That was phenomenal,” I admitted.

  Dane smiled and explained, “Sex is better, trust me. You’ve just never been with anyone who took the time to do it right. You have a fantastic body that is extremely responsive to my touch. I guarantee that when I take you to bed for real, just as soon as we buy some fucking condoms, it will be ten times better than what you just had.” Wow.

  “And another thing,” he continued, “I want you to do me a favor.”

  I was about to ask what it was, when his lips closed over mine and he stuck his tongue in my mouth. He sucked on my tongue, my bottom lip, and then completely ravaged my mouth. He pulled away to come up for air and demanded, “Now what does that taste like? Because it sure as Hell isn’t fucking Doritos.”

  He was right. It was kind of sweet and tangy. It wasn’t bad at all. It was the furthest thing from a Dorito. That dipshit lied to me. He was such a cock-sucker. I guess, literally.

  “Mr. Gay was an asshole. I can’t believe I lived my life denying myself the pleasure of THAT for so long because I was afraid of how I tasted. I wasted precious time that I can never get back!” I yelled in frustration.

  “Don’t worry, your highness. I’ll help you make up for lost time. I promise.”

  “Why are you still calling me ‘your highness’? I’m not stuck-up,” I asked.

  “Because I had a feeling you might hit me if I started calling you ‘my little Dorito.’”

  “That’s not funny!” I shrieked, but it wasn’t very threatening because I was laughing as I screamed. Dane laughed too.

  He stroked my cheek and kissed me again. “It’s getting late, precious. We both have to work tomorrow. I just want you know that your taste was the best I ever had and I am extremely happy I could be your first tongue job and show you the right way to do things. Thank you for trusting me.”

  “The pleasure was all mine. Seriously. It’s your turn tomorrow, ok? I appreciate how patient you are with me. You make me feel special. I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I really like you,” I admitted. I wanted him to know that it meant something to me that he took the time to put me at ease and let me know I could trust him.

  “I like you too, sweetheart. A lot. Go to sleep.” Dane said as he kissed me one last time and went back to sleep on the couch. He was everything I always wanted.

  Thursday, January 14

  I woke up smiling, excited to start my day. That never happened. I was not a morning person at all. I practically skipped down the street on my walk with Kitty. This did not go unnoticed by Dane, who again accompanied us.

  “You’re awfully chipper this morning. Any special reason for that?” he asked.

  “Nope. No reason at all. I must have had good dreams or something,” I replied with a smirk on my face. He knew damn well why I was so cheerful today. He was the reason. Him and his magic tongue.

  I showered and dressed with extra care, wanting my outfit to reflect my mood. I put on a short red plaid skirt, a black turtleneck, and black tights. I added black high heels and a silver bracelet. I was feeling great and I wanted the world to know. I spun in front of the mirror to give myself one last look. All systems go.

  “Damn girl, maybe we can just skip work today and stay home. How about that?” Dane asked after he got a look at me in my sexy clothes.

  “You think I’m keeping this at home? Nah, I have to share this stuff with the world!” I declared.

  “One good tongue lashing and you’re king shit, huh? That’s all it took?” he questioned me with a giant grin on his face.

  I nodded my head. That’s all it took.

  As we drove to work, Dane told me about a new movie that he was dying to see. Evidently it involved zombies, vampires, and aliens. That was his dream trifecta and he’d been waiting to see it for months. When he went on the run, he was afraid he would miss the premiere. It started tomorrow night and he asked me if there was a theater in town.

  “Yes, but it’s very small and they don’t always show all the current movies,” I responded.

  “Well, this is a major blockbuster, so I’m sure they’ll have it. I can’t miss this movie, Izzy. I’ve been telling Spider that he has to go with me for the last two months. He’s not here, but I’m going anyway. ‘The Tri-pocalypse’ is NOT something I’m going to miss. I have to see which unstoppable force brings down planet Earth.”

  “Ok. I’ll check later and see what time it’s playing. Calm down!”

  I floated in to work on cloud nine and even managed to smile at Libby as I walked past the reception desk. Of course she had no idea of the source of my happiness, so she scowled and narrowed her eyes at me. I didn’t care. Nothing was going to ruin my mood today!

  I even had a great day at work. Sheri brought in home-made gluten free cupcakes that tasted fantastic. She said they were better than normal cupcakes because the gluten weighed everything down. I had no idea if that was true or not, but they were really good. Vera showed us the funniest cat video on the internet and we must have watched it five times and laughed so hard that tears were pouring down our cheeks. Vera was an expert on insane videos. Her sister was a computer addict and constantly forwarded her jokes and emails that she had to see. Not to be outdone, Janet shared a heartwarming story of her grandson and something cute that he did at school. We were all in high spirits and I got several compliments on my outfit and a certain glow that was on my face. It always makes the day pass faster when your co-workers are in a good mood. Happiness, as well as sadness, tends to rub off on others and I was fortunate that to
day was a happy day. Polly Positive was out in full force.

  I was getting ready to leave the office when a last minute rush of email orders kept me busy for an extra ten minutes. The girls already left, so I walked out by myself. After managing to make it down the stairs without falling in my heels, a sight at Libby’s desk stopped me dead in my tracks.

  Libby was bent over her desk, leaning down so her cleavage was on full display for her latest target. She actually had a finger twirling a lock of her hair while she giggled like a teenager. Her eyes were wide open in rapt attention and …wait….did she just bat her eyelashes at the unsuspecting victim like she was trying out for Miss Universe and he was one of the judges? Yes, she did. Why did I care? Because the object of her devotion was none other than Dane. Oh, Hell no.

  I took a deep breath, and then another four, and walked over to her desk with a fake smile plastered all over my face. I didn’t care what Libby thought of me, but I didn’t want Dane to think I was some psycho stalker chick who freaked out every time he talked to another girl. After the incident in the bar with Red Ranger, I didn’t want to come off as too jealous.

  Fortunately for me, there would be absolutely no problem at all. Dane saw me approach out of the corner of his eye and turned away from Libby.

  “There you are, baby. I was getting worried when you didn’t come out on time,” he said, before taking me in his arms and planting a giant kiss on my lips. I was so shocked, I think I didn’t even kiss him back.

  “What?! Are you two...like….together? How….? What?!” Libby sputtered.

  “Oh, did I forget to mention that I was Izzy’s boyfriend? Sorry about that. It was nice chatting with you, Lucy. You take care!” Dane replied before putting his arm around me and leading me out the door.