by Grace Risata
The rest of the meal passed uneventfully and Dane picked up the check for everyone.
“What happens next? You said we were blowing off steam,” Monica said while staring at Spider.
“Yes. The best way to do that is by destruction of property. What does Trent love most in the world?” he asked her.
“His car. He has a Porsche 911. It’s his baby,” she answered.
“Do you know where it’s currently parked?” Spider asked.
“No, this is not going to end well,” Dane cautioned. “I’m not doing anything that these women are going to be held accountable for.”
“It’s probably sitting in the parking lot at Geneva’s condo,” Monica said, completely ignoring Dane. “Geneva is also known as lady-takes-it-up-the-ass. Betty Buttfuck. Annie Anal.”
“Okay, we get the point,” Winter interrupted.
“You people and all your nicknames!” Dane muttered while shaking his head.
“Do you know where Geneva’s condo is located?” Spider asked.
“Yes. I was there for a party once. It’s in Bridgeport about half an hour away.”
“Perfect. Let’s roll.”
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Ant left Winter in charge of the radio, and she purposely chose a station that she thought would piss off Spider. I’m not sure if this was her new strategy to get his attention or if she decided she hated him now. This night was all topsy-turvy and I was getting a major headache trying to figure out the motives behind people’s actions.
“I’m sorry about his behavior at the restaurant,” Dane whispered, nodding his head in Spider’s direction. “He’s not used to seeing me so serious about anyone and I think he’s a little freaked out. It’s nothing personal against you.” Yeah, I doubted that.
We rolled up to Geneva’s condo and, sure enough, a shiny red Porsche sat in the parking lot. The condominium was at least four stories tall and must have had several condos on each floor. That was good. With a lot of traffic going in and out, it would make us look like we belonged there and it wouldn’t seem so suspicious. At least that was my theory anyway. It got shot down as soon as Ant stepped out of the car.
“Excuse me,” an elderly gentleman said, “Are you folks lost? I can give you directions back to the main road if you want.”
“No, we’re just here to visit a friend,” Spider answered nonchalantly.
“And just who might that friend be? I’ve never seen you around here and I know I would remember HIM,” the old man said, pointing to Ant.
“We’re here to see Geneva,” Monica answered. “I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t appreciate us being harassed in the parking lot.”
“Whatever you say,” he replied, again giving Ant a dirty look and finally walking away.
“What a racist piece of shit. I’m Mexican, how come he’s not looking at me?” Winter asked. I think she was feeling left out at not being discriminated against. Everyone was completely off their rocker tonight.
“Ok. I figure we have about three minutes before the cops are called or someone comes tearing out of that building and starts to chase us,” Spider theorized. “Ant, get your tool kit. Dane, get the Porsche started and let’s get the hell out of here. We can’t do any damage with this many people around.”
“What? We’re stealing the Porsche?” I asked. “It can’t be that easy to steal a car.”
“If this was a newer model, then it would be impossible. Those anti-theft systems are unbreakable. Since this is a vintage Porsche, I’d guess a 1968 or 1969 by the looks of her, we should have no problem with Ant’s tools,” Dane said, nodding his head. “Monica, are you sure you want to do this? Once I open her up and get her started, there’s really no turning back.”
“Do it.”
“Why does every car tonight just happen to be a vintage classic collector car? That’s really weird,” Winter pointed out.
“Is it NOT weird that we’re currently STEALING it?” I asked as the lone voice of reason.
“If you don’t want me to do this, I won’t,” Dane said, staring directly at me.
“It’s not my decision,” I replied, hoping that it would be obvious I did NOT want to steal this car.
“Ok, good. Problem solved,” Spider said, just to piss me off. “Hurry up, Dane. Let’s go. The clock is ticking.”
Dane was able to unlock the car and get it hot-wired in sixty seconds flat. Did he know how to do this because he was a mechanic or was there something else about his past that he wasn’t telling me? I wasn’t about to ask now, seeing as how we were in the middle of committing a crime.
“Hey, that’s not your car!” someone shouted from a distance, thus setting off a chain reaction of events. Monica, Ant, and Winter ran for Ant’s car and hauled ass out of there. Dane shoved me into the back of the Porsche, while he got in the driver’s seat and Spider took shotgun.
“Buckle up, Izzy. We’re in for a bumpy ride,” Dane said while getting us out of there.
I flailed around for my seatbelt and tried to duck my head down so no one would be able to identify me later. Stupid Trent’s girlfriend’s neighbors.
We peeled out of the parking lot at breakneck speeds and I swear Dane took the corner on two wheels.
“What the hell?” I asked as he floored it and we took off like a rocket.
Spider laughed and Dane cocked his head to listen to the engine.
“This is one sweet engine. For an asshole who can’t keep it in his pants, Trent sure takes good care of his car,” he said.
After a few more speedy turns and abrupt accelerations, we made it to the highway.
“Where’s Ant? Did you lose him?” I asked. I didn’t want to get separated from the rest of the group.
“He’s right behind us. But he won’t be for long. Let’s see what this bitch can do!” Dane shouted with all the glee reserved for a kid on Christmas morning eagerly awaiting a pile of presents.
“Can’t a Chevelle beat a Porsche?” I asked. In my opinion, Ant’s car was way cooler than this piece of crap.
“Nope. The Chevelle is heavier than the Porsche and it takes longer to get up to maximum speeds. Also Dane is a pro when it comes to driving. You won’t find anyone faster than him. He can out maneuver any car, any day of the week,” Spider promised, clearly proud of his friend.
Spider turned to look at me and asked skeptically, “You’re not going to get carsick are you?”
I rolled my eyes and replied, “I’ve been on Space Mountain. I can handle this.”
“Space Mountain doesn’t go 110 mph, honey.”
“Bury the needle. I can handle it, HONEY,” I taunted Spider right back.
“That’s my girl,” Dane said. “Hold on.”
He did some wild moves and suddenly the car was spinning in a complete 360 degree turn. It was totally amazing.
“Do it again! This is better than Space Mountain,” I screamed, waving my hands in the air. “Where did you learn to drive like this?”
“He didn’t tell you?” Spider asked. “Dane races cars.”
“Like at your local racetrack? I’ve been to the races. Winter had a crush on some guy who worked in the pit crew for his buddy’s race car. I think it was a sprint car or a modified something. I didn’t take the time to learn because that only lasted two weeks before she moved on to someone else. So what do you race, Dane? Demo derby?” I asked.
Spider looked at Dane who was slowly shaking his head.
Dane started to say, “It’s nothing we need to get into right now—“ when Spider interrupted him and said, “He’s a street racer, Izzy. Like in the ‘Fast and the Furious’ movies.”
I’ve seen some of those. I might have a thing for Vin Diesel.
“But isn’t that dangerous? And illegal?” I asked.
“Yes and yes,” Spider replied.
Dane shot Spider a nasty look and said, “You’re a fucker,
you know that? There’s absolutely no reason you had to tell her that.”
I felt like it was a good time to look out the window and not say anything. An uncomfortable silence fell over the car for the next three minutes until we exited the highway and pulled down a quiet side street that led to a dead end. Ant and the girls caught up to us when Dane did his 360 degree spin, so they were right behind us.
Winter jumped out of the car and said, “That was fucking amazing! Where’d you learn to drive like that? You’re like a stunt car driver or something!” She turned to me and said, “You’re not gonna puke now, are you?”
“No,” I said. “Evidently Dane is the equivalent of Vin Diesel and he just never bothered to tell us.”
“Ooh! Fast and the Furious! I’d rather have Tyrese Gibson. I’d rate him nine wet panties on a scale of one to ten. Sign me up for THAT shit!” Winter replied.
“People tell me that I look like Tyrese,” Ant said, waggling his eye brows at Winter.
“For fuck’s sake people, are we here to talk or are we here to destroy this car?” Spider asked impatiently. “We have a limited amount of time before someone finds us. Let’s get this over with. Izzy, you go first.”
“What? Me? Why? What?” I replied. How had this suddenly become something I had a part in?
“We all have to take a turn at the car. That way we’re all guilty and no one can rat anyone out. You seem like you’d be the weakest link, so you have to go first,” Spider explained.
“Fine. I’ll go first. But not to prove anything to you. I’ll go first because Trent is a giant twat and this will feel good,” I said. I made a mental note to ask Dane what his friend’s problem was. There must be some reason Spider seemed to hate me.
I took the house keys out of my pocket and took a deep breath. I never vandalized anything before. This all felt so dangerous. I guess I was about to cross “criminal damage to property” off my bucket list. Since the property was also stolen, I guess that would add to my street cred. Now I just needed some prison tattoos and a gang name. I lightly pressed the key into the side of the car and ran it along the entire length. It made a sad metal scraping sound and I was instantly remorseful.
“I’m done. I guess I’m not cut out for a life of crime.”
“That was lame, but about what I expected from you,” Spider admitted. “Dane, you go next.”
Dane opened the hood and removed a wire that connected something to something else. I had no idea what he did because I don’t know car parts.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Spider yelled.
“This car is a vintage collector Porsche. She’s beautiful. She drives as well as the day she came off the assembly line. I love cars. I will not be a part of her destruction,” Dane said coldly. I walked over to pat him on the arm. I had nothing but respect for him for appreciating the beauty of the vehicle. I also found it endearing that he would rather repair cars than destroy them.
I kissed him on the cheek and whispered, “You have no idea how much my opinion of you rose to the next level right now. You’re a real man.”
He looked at me quizzically, probably having no idea what the hell I was talking about. In the meantime, Spider got a tire iron out of Ant’s trunk and smashed in the back window of Trent’s Porsche. Ant took out a switchblade and slashed all four tires. Winter grabbed the knife when Ant was done and she went crazy slicing up the interior seats. Foam was flying by the time she was done. She had a giant shit-eating grin on her face.
“Fuck you, Trent. I only wish it was you I was slicing up instead of this car,” Winter mused, sounding like a total psychopath.
Monica stood off to the side, watching and patiently waiting for her turn. She took the tire iron and broke every last window, screaming bloody murder the entire time. She also dented the hood for her grand finale. When it was clear she intended to keep on going, Spider took away her weapon and told her that it was all over.
“We’re all going to get arrested for felony vandalism and grand theft auto,” I said, wondering why I was the only one who was nervous about potential jail time.
“Trent isn’t going to do shit,” Monica said. “Watch this….”
She pulled out her cell phone and dialed.
“Trent, this is Monica. Yes. In case anything happens and you want to try to get any revenge…please know that I have a video of you butt-fucking Geneva and I will not hesitate to email it to every last employee at your firm. So you might want to consider that before you take any unnecessary action tonight.” She hung up on him with a look of pure satisfaction on her face. She then turned her attention back to us and explained.
“As I was leaving Wednesday night after my world came crashing down on me, one of the interns at the firm stopped me and showed me a video on her cell phone. It turns out she made a few nice movies of Trent and Geneva as an insurance policy in case she got fired. Her camera work is truly amazing. I guess she was cheated on once, too. We ‘scorned women’ have to stick together. Trent will not be pressing charges for anything.”
“What are you going to do with the video?” Winter asked.
“Give him a week to shit his pants worrying about it…and then email it to all his co-workers anyway. I’m done being a victim. I’m a predator now. I’m going to ruin him. He’ll regret the day we ever met.”
As I was staring at her in shock over her nefarious plot, Dane leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Remind me NEVER to piss her off.” Dually noted.
We all piled back into Ant’s car and had a quiet ride home. It seemed as though everyone had their own issues to contemplate. I was trying to wrap my head around how vicious everyone had been when they annihilated Trent’s car. Monica was probably plotting what else she could do to make Trent cry like a baby. Spider kept shooting me looks of annoyance from the front seat. Still not sure what his problem was. Ant was busy driving. Winter was most likely deciding whether to pursue a thing with Spider, or if she should give up and move on. Dane just stared out the window. I wished I could get him alone to pick his brain. He was uncharacteristically quiet. Maybe he was mad that Spider told me he’s a street racer? Maybe he regretted stealing Trent’s car? Or maybe he had something totally different weighing on his mind. As I would later find out, it was definitely the latter of the three options.
Saturday, January 23
I woke up to a house full of people on Saturday morning. After our little joyride of destruction, we came back to town and Monica and Winter went home. I apologized to Ant and Spider that I had no proper accommodations for them. Ant took the couch and Spider took the floor. That earned me several more death stares from Spider. What was I supposed to do? Give up my bed? Hardly.
One look at the alarm clock told me that it was a few minutes past nine. I was disappointed to find Dane still sleeping. I wanted to talk to him and see if he could shed some light on his best friend’s asshole behavior. If I had unintentionally done something to offend Spider, I wanted to know what it was so I could make sure not to do it again. In going over the events of last night at least three times in my head, I could come up with nothing that might have offended him.
I had no idea what anyone’s plans were for the day and I had too many questions that needed answers. I nudged Dane in the arm and he slowly woke up.
“Hey. Are you awake?” I asked.
“Since you just poked me, I’m pretty sure you know the answer to that.”
“What’s the plan for today?” I figured I’d start with a neutral question and then work my way up to something along the lines of “Why is your friend an A-hole?”
“Ant wants to go to a car show or a car part swap meet or something. He’s looking for some parts for another car he’s restoring and he’s having a hard time getting them. He wants to see what Iowa has to offer.”
“Okay. Where’s that?”
“About an hour away from here. We’ll probably be gone all day. I hope you don’t mind my leaving?” he as
ked with a strange look on his face. It was very difficult to read. It seemed like a cross between hesitation and doubt. Did he worry that I was going to be all crazy and tell him he couldn’t go off with his friends for a day? He’d been living with me for the last couple of weeks and hanging out with Monica and Winter. I’m sure he was ready for guy time.
“Of course I don’t mind,” I replied, “It’s not like you’re never coming back. I’m sure you and Spider need to catch up anyway.” I paused for effect, proud of myself that it was so easy to transition to my next topic. “Speaking of Spider, how come he hates me?” Whew. Got that off my chest pretty easily.
Dane made another undecipherable face and rolled out of bed. He grabbed some of his clothes from my closet and mumbled, “He doesn’t hate you. I’m going to take a shower.”
He wouldn’t even look me in the face. If that wasn’t strange, then I don’t know what was. I’m guessing he didn’t want any company in the shower. I wasn’t going to try and start any happy fun shower adventures because I had a feeling that he wouldn’t be into it. It was too early in the morning to deal with rejection. Dane never turned me down and I didn’t want to give him a reason to start now. I just wished I could understand his mood. He wasn’t himself.
I spent the next few minutes trying to make sense of the situation. After getting nowhere fast, I finally gave up and got out of bed. I threw on jeans, a bra, and a sweatshirt and opened the bedroom door so Kitty and I could greet our guests. As expected, she was all over it. She immediately jumped on Spider and then went to Ant. Ant covered his head with the blanket and groaned. I’m guessing he wasn’t a morning person.
“Hey, precious. Where’s my good girl?” Spider said while rubbing Kitty behind the ears. She flopped over into his lap and made herself comfortable.
“Did you sleep well?” I asked.
“Yeah, your living room floor is as comfortable as a suite at Caesar’s Palace. How the fuck do you think I slept?” Spider replied.