As Sam came inside, he took off his gloves and stuffed them into his pockets. Dressed in a black parka with a hood and black boots, he looked bigger, broader and even more virile than usual.
“I can make a pot of coffee while you’re outside. It will warm you up when you come in.”
“Coffee sounds good. I’ll be back in about fifteen minutes.”
When Sam returned from clearing the walk, Corrie had finished with the dogs in the kennel and was washing up.
“Coffee’s ready,” she called to him, quickly drying her hands and joining him in the small lounge. He’d already poured her a mug.
“Milk and sugar, right?” he asked.
She knew he liked his black. “Right.”
The silent clinic seemed to press in on them as they both took seats on the love seat, mugs of coffee in hand. He took a sip of coffee and set his mug on the table beside the love seat. His navy sweatshirt had seen many washings. His jeans were worn. But he’d never looked more attractive to her and she’d never been more attracted to him. Her hand was trembling a little so she set her mug on the table beside her, too.
“I thought you might have plans for tonight,” she ventured.
“By that, you mean plans with Alicia? I told you, Corrie, I don’t intend to get involved with her again.”
“But do you still have feelings for her?”
“No. I have regrets. I wish I had been more clearheaded about her before we’d gotten engaged. Whatever happened, it’s over. Now I’m looking for something different in my life. Maybe the same thing you’re looking for.”
“Parenthood?”
“Yes. Have you given any more thought to Bancroft’s job offer?”
“I’m waiting for a decision to feel right. I’m waiting to find out—”
“If you’re pregnant.”
“Yes. Because if I’m not, we only have one more try. That’s all I can afford.”
“I told you I’m paying half. That should make your money go twice as far. Besides…” He appraised her for a very long time. “If you really want a baby, and you want to keep trying, there is a natural way to do it.”
Was he suggesting what she thought he was suggesting?
He shifted toward her and covered her hand with his. “We had something going on Valentine’s Day. I know you felt it.”
She’d felt it all right…in every fiber of her being. Just like she felt it now with his palm on her fingers. Heat…electricity…awareness so strong she couldn’t turn away. When his body had been pressed against hers, nothing in the world had mattered more than being right there with him.
His thumb stroked over the top of her hand. “I finally thought you were letting your guard down a little.”
His caress melted away any reserve she had left. “I’ve had years of practice keeping it up.”
“For one moment, just one moment, can you try to believe you don’t have a past or a future?” he asked, his voice husky. “Can you just think about right now?”
Could she believe in that fantasy? Even for just a little while? The even bigger question was, did she want to?
But gazing into Sam’s intensely dark-brown eyes, remembering his kisses, desiring him in a way she’d never desired another man, Corrie felt living in the present just might be possible.
Sam’s arm slowly went around her, and she didn’t resist the thrill of being close to him again. Lately when she was around Sam, she felt so good. He seemed to appreciate her, respect her and even at times admire her. He listened when she spoke to him as if she had something important to say. The result of all that was simple—she was even more attracted to him.
As his hand slid under her hair, she expected a fast, tempestuous kiss. Instead, he leaned his cheek against hers and simply let them both feel the sensation of skin on skin, mouths close, breaths almost commingling. Flames of temptation leapt around them whenever they were within two feet of each other. Now they became a full-blown fire. Corrie wanted Sam’s lips on hers. She needed Sam’s lips on hers. With a little moan, she tilted her head and that was the only signal Sam needed.
Sam’s lips took hers seductively, erotically, as if he’d been waiting much too long to kiss her again. She knew the feeling. She tried to absorb every little sensation—the warmth of his lips, the firmness of them, the way he pressed and convinced and coaxed until his tongue was in her mouth and she was stroking him, lost and loving every minute of what was happening between them. One of his hands cupped the back of her head as the other drifted down her neck, over her sweater, and paused over her breast.
Although Corrie had had sex with one man a long time ago, she hadn’t forgotten it. She’d felt awkward. He’d seemed to grope at her. So any fantasy she’d envisioned had burst like the proverbial bubble. She’d never fallen for the hype about sex on the covers of magazines, had never expected a better experience than the one she’d had. But here with Sam, fantasies came alive again. Their kiss was so much more than she’d ever anticipated a kiss could be. It made her want. It made her burn. It made her believe again that maybe two bodies could come together as one. Sam’s touch was so light at first, so gently persuasive, she didn’t recognize it for the teasing that it was.
His tongue explored her mouth. She tried to push her breast into his palm, wanting more contact, needing his touch as much as she needed air to breathe.
“Slow down,” he whispered against her lips. “We don’t have to rush.”
Maybe not, but she was afraid if they didn’t, everything would disappear—the feelings, the excitement, the living in the moment. So instead of trying to increase her pleasure, she decided to give him pleasure.
She found the edge of his sweatshirt and her fingers tunneled under it. When her skin met his, he groaned and broke the kiss. “You’re not playing fair.”
“I’m not playing,” she assured him, and let her hand trail up his chest until her fingers laced in his chest hair.
He bowed his head onto her shoulder and kissed her neck, kissed behind her ear and took her earlobe into his mouth and sucked on it.
“Sam,” she gasped.
“I’m not playing, either.”
This was serious. And if it was serious—
Her thoughts evaporated as Sam’s lips kissed down the V-neck of her sweater. “You have freckles here,” he noticed, glancing up at her with a smile. “They weren’t there the night you wore the black dress.”
“I covered them with makeup,” she admitted.
“Your freckles are sexy.” He kissed one for emphasis.
“The boys in high school didn’t think so.”
“They were too young to know any better. I’m mature enough to appreciate every one of them. In fact, now I’m wondering where else you might have freckles.”
She felt her cheeks growing hot but she bantered back anyway. “I used to sunbathe in a bikini so I have freckles lots of places.”
“You’re killing me here, Corrie.”
No, she wasn’t. She was turning him on. She liked the feeling so much that she wanted to do more of it. Arousing Sam Barclay gave her a feeling of power…power that she’d never possessed before.
He kissed her again. This time her fingers passed down his chest and edged his belt buckle.
Maybe Sam hadn’t wanted to hurry before, but now she could feel his urgency as well as her own. They were heading someplace she’d never been and she couldn’t wait to get there.
“Do you mind if I take off your sweater?” he murmured in her ear.
“I don’t mind…if I can take off your sweatshirt.”
When he laughed, she reached for the hem of his shirt. He lifted her sweater and their arms got tangled. They laughed again, freely, enjoying the moment, enjoying each other. As Sam kissed her, he unfastened her bra and then cupped her breasts in his palms. Though she didn’t want to be, she was embarrassed and couldn’t meet his gaze. He wouldn’t let her get away with that. “Look at me, Corrie.”
She lifted her head
and the desire she saw in his eyes gave her renewed courage. “Don’t stop,” she murmured as his thumbs rounded her nipples.
“I’ll have to stop eventually or we can’t get to the next part.” She saw the amusement in his eyes and knew he wasn’t laughing at her, but rather enjoying her.
“The next part?” she joked. “I wonder if that goes something like this.” Her hand cupped him and the smile left his face.
“You’ve just raised the stakes.”
“I’m ready if you are.”
“More than ready,” he muttered, unsnapping his jeans and then unfastening the zipper. When he lowered his fly, his erection pressed against his briefs. Her shyness fled as she thought about touching him, seeing him, feeling him inside of her. She hadn’t experienced an orgasm all those years ago. Could she with Sam? Would she?
As if he didn’t want to give her too much time to think, he stooped down, unzipped one of her boots and then the other. The next minute, he was pulling her jeans and panties down over her hips and she was kicking them off onto the floor. After he pulled off his boots, he slid out of his jeans and briefs.
Corrie was in awe of his body. He was absolutely beautifully made. His arms were muscled, his chest thickly matted with dark hair, his stomach taut. As her eyes arrowed below his navel, she felt all quivery inside.
He took her hand and drew her down to the braided rug.
She lay back, enjoying the excitement and anticipation, impatient for Sam’s body on top of hers. But she soon found out Sam still wasn’t going to rush. His kisses were long and wet and deep. His hands brushed in sensual strokes over her breasts, down her stomach, between her legs. She trembled and he noticed.
“This is going to feel so good, Corrie. I promise you.”
Did Sam keep his promises? That question turned into pure sensation as his fingers slid inside her and she became wet and hot and ready.
“Now, Sam. I want you now.”
“Raise your knees,” he suggested.
When she did, he pushed inside of her…slowly…oh, so slowly. As he filled her, tears burned in her eyes. Her emotions were so close to the surface, she was afraid he’d see them all.
But he closed his eyes as he thrust into her, building their pleasure. She held on to him, clutching his shoulders, her skin becoming as slick as his.
To Corrie’s surprise, Sam went perfectly still.
“Am I doing something wrong?” she asked, worried that this might be the first time happening all over again.
“You’re doing everything right. I’m just letting us enjoy the moment.”
“When I feel as if I’m going to topple off the edge of the world?”
“We’ll topple off together. Synchronicity.”
“Maybe I can’t, Sam. Maybe—”
“Relax, Corrie, and just go with it. Go with me.”
He began moving in and out, slowly at first, then faster. She got caught up in the rhythm and was breathing as hard as he was and rocking just as fast.
When her nails raked his back, he muttered, “I knew there was a tigress in there somewhere.”
She felt wild and free and sexual, ready to be somebody new. Her climax came so suddenly her world burst apart before she was ready. One moment she was hanging on to Sam as he took their pleasure to a height she had never imagined, the next, colors were bursting all around her, her body tensing as tingly fire danced on every nerve ending.
When she gasped his name, Sam found his release, too. He shuddered, held her tight then collapsed onto her, his cheek against hers.
“Am I crushing you?” Sam asked, not moving an inch.
Corrie liked the feel of his weight on her, liked his legs tangled with hers, liked his face within kissing distance. “No, she murmured, unable to put all that into words.
Nevertheless, a few moments later, he raised himself up on his elbows. She fell halfway to earth fast. The concern in his brown eyes brought her the rest of the way.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“I’m thinking we just complicated everything.”
“Can’t friends have sex?”
“And remain friends?” She shook her head. “I don’t know, Sam. I really don’t know.”
“We can just think of sex between us as a means to an end. If you don’t get pregnant through the artificial insemination, you can get pregnant this way. We’ll have unlimited opportunities for it to happen.”
No, what they would have were unlimited opportunities for him to break her heart. This might just be sex for Sam, but for her it was a whole lot more. If she did this again…
She couldn’t do this again. She’d felt too much. She loved Sam Barclay and that was something she could never tell him. What if she was pregnant? What if they had to raise a child together?
Raise a child together? When had she started thinking in those terms? This was her child. She was going to make the decisions.
What child? Right now, all you have to deal with is not having sex with Sam again.
“Uh-oh, you’re thinking. I can tell.” He maneuvered himself up and onto the sofa and sat there unabashedly naked, just staring at her.
“This can’t happen again, Sam. I mean it was great, but…I can’t have sex with you as if it’s a recreational activity.”
“If it’s a recreational activity, no one gets hurt,” Sam maintained.
“I don’t believe that’s true. Sex by itself, just for sex’s sake, isn’t something I want to participate in. But sex between friends who care about each other, even a little bit, will become more than sex. We’re asking for trouble. I don’t want it.”
Sam kept his gaze on hers for a long time. “Did you want this today?”
She knew how Sam thought. He was already wondering if he’d forced her into it somehow, persuaded her when she hadn’t been altogether willing. And that wasn’t the case.
“Yes, I wanted it.”
“But you don’t want it to happen again.”
She did, with all her heart, but not because she desired Sam, not because she wanted to feel pleasure, not because sex was a need she wanted to fill, but because she loved him. He didn’t love her. So it couldn’t happen again.
“No, I don’t,” she lied.
Those three words seemed to galvanize him. He gathered his clothes and began dressing. Then, being Sam, he picked up her clothes and handed them to her so she could cover herself. After all, if she’d decided this wouldn’t happen again, she might be embarrassed to be naked in front of him.
She reached out and grabbed his arm. “Sam, it really was good.”
“Sure,” he muttered, stepping into his briefs, and then his jeans. “I’ll check on the dogs in the kennel, then I’ll follow you home. The snow’s getting deep. I want to make sure you get there safely.”
He’d said that once before and she’d had an accident. Sam couldn’t prevent another accident from happening, but she could.
And she would. Parenting together could be difficult enough. As lovers, it would be impossible. She wanted to keep her independence, and she never wanted to be hurt like her mother. The lawyer’s offer for her to be director of the homeless shelter was looking better and better.
If she took it, she wouldn’t be under Sam’s watchful eye. Her life would be her own.
Chapter Ten
Corrie rang Sam’s doorbell Friday evening, her hands sweaty in her gloves, her heart fluttering so fast she was sure it was going to switch into overdrive. Since they’d made love almost a week ago, she’d felt all churned up. Now…
Sam opened the door and looked momentarily surprised. Then his face went blank.
There was no point in making small talk. “I just came from my doctor’s. I’m pregnant.” She couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice or the smile from curving her lips. She wanted to hug him, kiss him, shout for joy, but she wasn’t at all sure what his reaction was going to be.
However, he smiled back, took her hand and pulled her inside. “I ca
n’t believe it actually happened.”
“Me, either, but it has. I’m so happy I could turn somersaults.”
“I’d like to see that,” he teased.
All of a sudden she felt embarrassed with him. He’d seen more of her than she’d ever shown anyone. She’d been more open with him than she’d ever been with a man. Neither of them had handled what happened between them very well. For the past week, they’d avoided being alone in the same room together.
He seemed to catch her mood and the amusement left his eyes. “When are you due?”
“My due date is November eleventh, We’ll have a baby by Thanksgiving.”
“Wouldn’t that be a real gift?”
She could see he meant it. “The greatest blessing of all.” Her throat grew tight and she coughed to cover up the surge of emotion that almost seemed to overwhelm her.
Sam held her by the shoulders. “I know how happy you are about this. It’s okay to let yourself feel it.”
It would be so easy to cuddle into Sam’s arms, so wonderful to kiss him again and even let him lead her to bed to celebrate. But she couldn’t do that for so many reasons. Alicia Walker was one very pointed reason. Sam was still on the rebound and no matter what he said, she’d seen his turmoil when he’d danced with the woman. A second was her own doubts about men and fidelity and their ability to love unconditionally. She’d never witnessed it firsthand. And now it loomed very large on the horizon with their baby, the custody issue and her desire to retain control over her life and her child’s.
Pulling away from Sam, she opened her purse and extracted a list. “There are so many things I have to do.”
“Like?” he prompted.
“I have to go to the pharmacy and buy vitamins. I’ll have to stock up on baby supplies. I have a magazine with a list of everything I’ll need for the layette.”
“And you have to do all this tonight?” he asked with a grin.
“No, of course not, but I want to get started.”
“Do you have to go home first?”
“Yes, and I really should bring Jasper along with me so he’s not lonely.”
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