by Dalia Wright
“Will it be going in your house?”
“No. My grandma’s.”
Jessica watched him look the end table over carefully and for the first time since he’d stepped into the shop, she gave him a good once over. His head was shaved, but you could see the blonde hair growing back already. His blue eyes stared intently down at the wood as he reached up, his hands rubbing the thin blond stubble. He was cute. Actually, he was really cute. Jessica turned away, forcing herself to get control of herself. The only thing she really missed about the English world was dating, not that she couldn’t date in the Amish world- it just… wasn’t the right time. She knew that anyone she dated, Amish or English, would have to deal with her, and she wasn’t going to be easy to deal with right now. Despite the fact that the Amish lifestyle was good for her, it wasn’t enough to make her forget about what had happened.
The man stood. “I like it.”
“Would you like to look at anything else?”
He was silent for a couple of seconds. Then, “Yes.”
Jessica showed him around the room for another half hour, letting him look at every end table they had, but he never paid much attention to them. Instead, he’d ask her questions about herself. Why she was working here, if she was Amish, when she joined the community. Jessica tried to deflect them, until they made their way up to the front desk and she took down his information as he paid. John and the boy, Kevin was his name, loaded the end table up into the back of his truck, and he drove off. Jessica watched him go, her heart beating a little faster as he turned and gave her a wicked grin.
Jessica took a deep breath and turned away from the door so she didn’t see him drive away.
Chapter Two
The next day Jessica was left to take care of the store while Anna and John went home for lunch. She would take her lunch later so that the store wouldn’t be left unattended. She looked up when the door opened.
Her heart jumped into her throat as she stared at the blond-haired, blue-eyed man who gave her a wide smile.
“Hi, again.”
Jessica jumped to her feet. “Hi, how can I help you today?”
It wasn’t normal for someone to return the day after buying something. I hope he’s not here to return it. That would look bad on the store, and in turn on her.
“I’m looking for a bookshelf.”
“O-oh.” She stammered. He wanted a bookshelf? Alright.
“If you have any.”
“Of course, follow me.”
Jessica led him over to the bookshelves, some small and others rather large. She took a deep breath as she turned to face him. His eyes locked on hers.
“You still didn’t tell me why you’re here.”
“I know,” she said.
The boy laughed softly. “I get it. You don’t want to tell me, I guess I’ll just have to keep coming in and buying stuff. John will love that.” His eyes sparkled as he pointed towards a small shelf.
“That is the one you want?” He’d hardly looked at it for more than a second.
“Sure.”
“Alright, I’ll go get it rang up.”
It didn’t take long to get it rang up, and when she finished Jessica padded over to the shelf. “Well, are you ready?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips.
He stared at her with wide eyes. “You mean…”
“It’s not going to move itself.” And making a customer wait for a man to show up was poor business. Jessica had never moved something this heavy in a dress but she was pretty sure she could do it without an issue. Kevin stared at her with wide eyes as he made his way over to her and grabbed one end of the bookshelf. Jessica grabbed the other end and they made their way towards the door.
Although it was a little harder than when she had done it with pants on, Jessica managed just fine. She got the bookshelf out of the store and to Kevin’s truck. He beamed as they placed it inside.
“Wow, I gotta admit, I’m surprised by how easily you carried that.”
Jessica laughed. Clearly, he had no idea just how hard Amish girls worked. She’d always been able to help her dad lift things if he wanted to change the house around while her mother was visiting family, but it wasn’t until she moved here that she had really gotten strong.
The smile faded from her lips as she thought about her parents. She took a deep breath and turned away from her him.
“My parents were killed,” she said flatly.
“W- I’m so sorry.”
Jessica shook her head. “You wanted to know why I was here, that’s why. My parents were killed down the street,” she said, and pointed towards where it happened. “John and his family took me in. They’ve been kind enough to let me stay with them, they’ve been kind enough to welcome me into the family…. That’s why I’m here.”
“What about the rest of your family?”
“I didn’t have anyone else. My grandma’s dead, didn’t have any aunts or uncles.” She took a deep breath turning back to him and forcing a smile over her lips. That was her story, and now he knew it, so he’d probably leave her alone. Really, who would want to deal with that kind of damage if they didn’t have to?
Jessica took another need breath, emotion overwhelming her as she made her way back to the store. Kevin didn’t follow her.
She stared down at the desk as she heard the truck pull away and the door open. Her head shot up to see who was there, praying they wouldn’t notice that she was about to cry.
“Jessica,” John rushed towards her, “what’s wrong? What did that boy do to you?”
He reached out, touching her cheek softly.
“Nee, it wasn’t Kevin,” she said quickly, “it was just… I was thinking… about my parents.” She shook her head. She wiped away tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks. Why would he think Kevin did something to me?
John’s face softened. “I’m sorry. It is hard when you lose your family.” He backed away from her, giving her some distance.
Jessica should have realized – John’s parents had both passed away already- of course, he had an idea what she was going through. She didn’t know much about them, just that they weren’t here anymore.
“It’s not your fault. Your family has been amazing to me. You have all welcomed me into the family, and supported me. I’m not sure what I would have done without you.”
A smile touched John’s lips. “And you’ve become family to us. We’re glad you’ve decided to stay with us, we just want you to be safe. Now go, get your lunch.”
Jessie nodded, stepping past him and heading for the door.
“Jessica.”
“Jah?” His voice stepped her from opening the door.
“What did he want?”
“Kevin? To buy a bookcase.” She didn’t include the part about him saying that he’d come back to see her if she didn’t tell him something about herself. I guess that means he won’t come. She hadn’t realized it, but the thought kind of upset her.
John didn’t say a word, so Jessica stepped out of the shop and headed home, her stomach grumbling.
When the bell above the door rang to announce someone had come in, Jessica looked up. Her heart skipped a couple beats.
“I thought you were only going to come here if I kept avoiding your questions,” she said. Kevin hadn’t been in at all today, and with a few minutes before closing time, Jessica was beginning to think he wouldn’t be in at all.
The bell above the door rang as someone opened it. She looked up, wondering why someone would be coming so close to closing time. Maybe they don’t realize. She thought. She opened her mouth to tell them that they’d be closing, but didn’t say a word as she stared at the man in front of her.
“Kevin.”
“Hi,” his eyes sparkled, “I’m glad I caught you before you left.” He looked around the shop and suddenly Jessica realized they were utterly alone. Jessica took a deep breath and stood.
“Was there something you’re looking for today? We’re just
about to close up, but we can try to find you something real quickly.”
“Actually, I was wondering if you’d like to come for a walk with me.”
Jessica’s heart skipped a beat.
Had he just invited her out? That was the Amish version of “catch a movie” right? Jessica’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink. I should say no. Yes, she’d think of an excuse. “I… I’d like that.”
Her own answer shocked her. Without realizing it she stepped towards him, as if someone was pulling her towards him. She hardly realized her feet were moving as she closed the distance between them.
“Wonderful.” Though he sounded very surprised by it.
Together, she and Kevin walked out of the shop, Kevin holding the door for her. Jessica locked up and tucked the keys into her dress pocket as they made their way down the street.
“So you live with them?”
“Jah, I mean, yes.”
Kevin laughed softly. “It’s alright, I understand what you’re saying either way.”
“You do?”
“Jah,” His eyes sparkled.
Jessica hadn’t met an Englisher who knew the Amish words for things. She always tried hard to make sure she used English words in the shop, which made it hard for her to get a grasp on the Amish ones.
“How did your grandma like the end table?”
“She liked it a lot. She says it’s perfect.”
Jessica’s heart skipped a beat. She would be sure to let John know; he always loved hearing when people liked his products.
Jessica turned to the man beside her, giving him a once-over very quickly. The stubble on his face had grown since she’d last seen him, and today he wore a black button up shirt and a pair of jeans that fit him well. Jessica looked away— temptation was not something she’d gotten used to about the Amish lifestyle, although when asked, she hadn’t been completely forthcoming about her past. Her cheeks flushed just thinking about it.
She mentally shook herself.
“Do you live around here?” Or had he just come here to see her?
“Just a few streets down, off a grid road.”
Jessica nodded, both glad and kind of disappointed that he hadn’t been making a long trek to come see her.
“That’s why I was wondering why I’d never seen you before. My parents died when I was younger. I lived with my grandma all my life and we’ve always lived here.”
Jessica felt sadness tug at her heart. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Even though she knew it didn’t mean anything. Children shouldn’t have to bury their parents, and having people tell you that they were sorry didn’t make it any better.
Kevin gave her a soft smile. “Thanks, coming from someone who actually knows how hard it actually kinda makes it feel a little more… real.”
They walked in silence as they made their way towards a small clearing just about a mile away from where the shop was. When they sat down, Kevin turned to Jessica.
“Why did you decide to stay here?”
“I had nothing to go back to in the English world,” she shrugged, “and the hard works keeps me tired, so I at least sleep most nights.”
“The nightmares are hard to get rid of.”
Jessica swallowed dryly. She hadn’t even talked to anyone about the nightmares. “So I should look forward to having them for a few years? Awesome.”
“More like decades, I think.”
She snorted. Just great. She looked away from him, staring out at the scenery around them. “I haven’t even told anyone about them.”
“I didn’t for a long time, until my grandma made me go to therapy for it. She said I needed to move on somehow, and I wasn’t, so she took me every week.”
“And did it help?”
“Not for a long time, but eventually I started to see small differences.”
So maybe there was hope. Jessica hadn’t thought about going to therapy, but maybe that was an option for her. Maybe it would help. Probably not. She’d given up on finding something that actually helped her deal, except just draining herself every day. Making herself so tried she couldn’t think was the only thing that helped.
“You know, if you ever need someone to talk to… I know we haven’t known each other long – well I guess we don’t even really know each other… but I just thought… sometimes it’s easier to tell a total stranger things because you can’t have to worry about how they will judge you.”
“Danka.”
And Jessica truly meant it. She was thankful that he offered to listen to her if she needed to. She wasn’t sure she’d actually talk to him about it, but it was nice of him to offer, right?
“Kevin?”
“Yes?”
“Tell me about yourself.” He already knew the most intimate, personal thing about her and she felt like she hardly knew anything about him. Except that he’d lost his parents as well, and that he lived with his grandma. Who he must care about a lot if he has been buying her furniture, she thought— or maybe she hoped it.
“There isn’t much to say. I live with my grandma. Most of the time I work unless I need to be with her, and other than that… I read. I’m kind of boring.”
“What do you like to read?” It had been a long time since Jessica had read, but when she was little she had devoured books like candy.
“Mostly anything. Right now, a lot of books about renovating. My grandma needs some updates done on her place but we can’t afford for someone else to do it, so on my weekends I try to do as much as I can, but I’m not as handy as I’d like to be,” he admitted, and she saw his cheeks turn a deep shade of red.
“I guess we’re both trying to make lifestyle changes, eh?”
Kevin turned to her, and for a split second just stared blankly, then laughed. “I guess you could say that, yea.”
Jessica regarded the man with a smile. There was something about him that made her want to spend her time with him. She lay down, taking a deep breath.
“So, what project are you working on for your grandma?”
“The living room. It hasn’t been done since my grandpa was around, which was the 1980’s, so needless to say it’s very outdated.”
Jessica laughed softly.
“I thought I’d get it all done up so she could start using it more. She doesn’t have a TV, but she does like to read.”
So that was where he got his love for books? She had to admit she’d always liked the idea of a guy who read.
“That’s why you’ve been coming to the shop?”
“No. I mean, it was the reason I came in the other day, but yesterday I came in because I wanted to see you.”
His pure honesty made Jessica’s heart skip a beat. Why? But she didn’t dare ask. She wasn’t sure she wanted his honest answer.
“And today, I just wanted to ask if you’d come for a walk with me.”
Jessica felt her cheeks turn a deep shade of red. She had no clue how he could say that so easily, without blushing and without looking away from her. His smile just widened a little as he turned away, leaning back and resting against the ground. Jessica took a deep breath, her cheeks flushing as his words played in her head over and over again.
Chapter Three
Kevin walked Jessica home. They arrived at the house just in time for dinner.
“Danka, for walking me here and for asking me to join you.”
His eyes sparkled. “You’re welcome. Should we do it again sometime? Say, tomorrow?”
Jessica’s jaw almost dropped. “Jah, lets.”
His eyes sparkled as he turned on his heel and walked away. Jessica’s heart raced as she turned to the door and stepped inside. Everyone looked up and stared at her.
“H-hi.” She stammered.
“Oh, thank goodness.” Mary rushed to Jessica and pulled the girl into her arms.
Jessica stood there frozen, she had no clue how she was supposed to react.
“Are you okay?”
“You had us so worried – where were you
? What took you so long?”
“I… Kevin invited me out for a walk.” She felt her cheeks burning.
Mary pulled away from Jessica and looked around the room. “H-he did?”
“Jah.” Had Jessica heard anger in the woman’s voice? Had she made a mistake by going for a walk with Kevin?
“I see.”
Jessica felt her heart racing. “I hope it’s okay. I didn’t mean to worry you, I just thought… a walk after work would be nice, and I figured if I was home before dinner….” She trailed off, unsure of what else to say.
“It’s fine, my dear. You’re not in trouble.” All eyes were on them. “As for Kevin, we’ll talk about this after dinner.” She straightened herself, brushing out a wrinkle in her skirt.
Jessica stood there speechless as she watched Mary walk away without another word.
What was there to talk about? What could be so bad about Kevin that she had been worried?
The girls were told they didn’t have to do any chores for the night once dinner was done, so they headed outside to enjoy the nice weather while John went out to work in the garden. Which left Mary and Jessica alone.
Jessica could feel her pulse quicken as she realized what was about to come next.
“Mary,” Jessica headed towards the sink, dishes in her hand. “Why were you worried about me when I was out with Kevin?”
“Jessica…” Mary sounded so hurt. “You have to understand, that boy has grown us here all his life…. I know it may be hard for you to trust me when I tell you this, but he is no gut. It would be best, safest, for you to avoid him at all costs.”
Jessica turned to see Mary blushing as she helped clear off the table.
“Why?”
She didn’t understand. Mary hadn’t lost her temper since Jessica had been living here.
“He’s a cruel man,” Mary stared down at the table. “He’ll take advantage of you. Like he has others.”
“Others?” Jessica’s mind raced to process what Mary was saying. Kevin isn’t cruel. He’s nice… he’s one of the nicest people I’ve met. He understands what I’m going through.
Mary nodded, letting out a soft sigh. “You’re not the first girl from our community he’s tried to take advantage of.”