by Dalia Wright
“You still shouldn’t have lied to us about it.”
“What was I supposed to do, Ruth? I didn’t lie to you, I just… hid something.”
She looked away from him. He could feel the guilt overwhelm him. He knew it was silly to feel guilty, and he knew that he had never felt guilty about it before. So what was the difference? Her. It was her who made him feel guilty, not the situation- the person.
He reached out, touching her knee softly. “Please don’t be mad at me.” He was so close to begging that it shocked him.
Ruth sucked in a deep breath, her heart doing a back flip as his warm hands touched her. If this is truly Gott’s plan then who am I to judge? She wondered. She knew that it was not her place. But she also knew that he had been right last night. Evil and nature were a thin line. Her body realized as she stared down at the fingers on her. She reached out for him, their fingers tangling together.
It felt right.
The way her heart raced made her smile. She stared at him, their eyes locking.
“You forgive me?”
“Jah.”
“Good, because I have another confession.”
Ruth’s heart did a back flip. “Aren’t you supposed to be the one listening to my confessions?”
“Nee, tonight I need to confess to you.” His eyes didn’t waver from hers. Ruth’s mouth fell open. What could he need to confess to her? She had no clue how she was going to keep her cool. Her mind was already racing. “I didn’t ask you to come over this morning to help me set up. I asked you to come over because I wanted your company. Not company, your company. I like you around me, Ruth. I…”
“I like being around you.” She said this without realizing she was going to speak.
His eyes sparkled. “But I’m not the best person for you, I hope you understand that. There are so many men out there who would be better to you. Better for you… But that doesn’t take away the pull I feel towards you.”
A pull. Ruth had never thought about it that way. She had never thought about the way she aimlessly wandered over to the church before she had started coming here intentionally. She had never thought about it as a pull, but maybe she could. Or maybe I’m just twisting things to fit what I want. Ruth had just begun to accept that Gott had not put her on a path yet, but if she were to admit that she felt that pull she’d be admitting that it was against her own will. It would have to be Gott’s will. Ruth’s brow furrowed. She wasn’t sure what to think anymore. She just sat there, taking it all in.
“Are you going to say anything?”
He sounded so embarrassed.
“As soon as I figure out what to say.”
Ruth had no clue how she was supposed to reply to the man in front of her. A soft laugh passed through his lips. “I understand.” He looked away from her without saying a word. It was a lot to take in, and Ruth had no clue how she was supposed to react to it. She knew that she wanted to say something. She wanted to comfort him, but he had just hit her with a lot.
“At least tell me one thing – do you have feelings for me?”
Ruth bit her lip. Of course she did. But was she willing to say it out loud? Was she willing to tell him the truth? I’ve got to. What if she said she didn’t and that ruined everything? Would she be able to live with the regret? She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“Jah.”
Her voice shook she said it, but she had said it. It was out there now and she couldn’t take it back. In one way, she was happy about it, but in another she was devastated. Now he knew how she felt about him.
She risked glancing at him quickly.
Jacob smiled widely, his fingers tightening against hers. He didn’t say a word. He just stared at her, smiling.
Ruth blushed, she could feel her cheeks burning. She knew she was supposed to say something but she had no clue what she was supposed to say.
“You should stay a little longer.” Jacob looked up at the roof. The rain was still coming down. Ruth had almost forgotten about it due to the conversation that they were having. She nodded. She didn’t really want to walk home in a storm. She knew that if she did she would get a cold.
Jacob stood, letting go of her hand and making his way over to the stove.
“Why did you chose to come to an Amish community?” She asked as she watched him set the kettle on.
Jacob bit his lip. Was he willing to tell her the truth?
“I had some friends that… I didn’t really know. They were good friends when I was younger but as we got older we started to go down different paths. After a while it became clear that we weren’t going to be friends anymore… and some stuff happened between us. They clearly had no regard for their life, but I cared about mine. Something happened and after it… things just weren’t the same. I wanted to live a life that made a difference. Gott saved me before I even paid attention to him.”
“He saved you?”
“From a car crash,” Jacob nodded. He had never intended on telling anyone about what had happened to him when he was still an Englishman, but here he was opening up to Ruth like they had known each other for years. He knew it was crazy. He knew if he was thinking straight he wouldn’t say a word to her about. “You have to understand, Ruth… no one can know what I told you.”
“I know.”
The community wasn’t like others. They weren’t accepting of Englishers. They wouldn’t be happy knowing that an English-born man was the one they looked up to. A man of faith that they considered respectable. Ruth knew that she had no choice in the matter.
“I won’t tell anyone.”
Thunder cracked a few miles away.
“Danka.”
He turned to face her, a soft smile on his lips. Ruth returned it. She stood and padded over to him. She reached out for him, her hand touching his shoulder softly. His fresh shirt smelt clean, but his hair was still damp from his trip outside. She silently reassured him that she would keep his secret.
“You are one of the best things that has come to this community in a long time, I hope you know that. I won’t take that away from anyone and I won’t take the community away from you.”
A smile touched his lips as he closed the distance between them. His warm lips touched hers softly.
Ruth’s heart skipped a beat. She hadn’t been expecting that.
His hands touched the small of her back. His kiss deepened as he pulled her closer to him. She sucked in a deep breath, her arms wrapping around his. She’d never been kissed before, but she was sure that he would never be kissed like this again.
Her knees felt weak and her head was spinning.
He pulled away from her, his eyes sparkling. “I never thought Gott would send me a woman like you.”
Ruth’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink. Could he possibly think she was worth Gott sending to him? What other explanation is there for it?
Ruth had always believed that Gott had a plan for everyone, including herself. But was this truly her path? Could she really be so lucky?
His lips touched hers for a fraction of a second. “I’m a lucky man,” he whispered.
The next morning Ruth was faced with her parents on the other side of the table. She had no clue how she was going to tell them. She hadn’t managed to get home the night before, but she was sure they had just thought it was because of the storm. She had no clue how they would react when she told them that her and Jacob had been bedding all night.
Her heart skipped a beat just thinking about his warm body next to his.
“Deatt, maemm…. I… yesterday while I was stuck in the church-” she felt like she was going to puke, she was so nervous, “- Jacob and I got to talking.”
“Jacob,” her father raised an eyebrow. “You two are on first name basis?”
She could feel her cheeks go a darker shade of pink.
“I told you,” her mother hissed. She sounded so pleased.
“What?” Ruth’s brow furrowed as she looked between her mother and father
. Her father, although frowning, had a smile over his lips.
“So, when is the wedding?” Her mother turned her attention back to Ruth.
Ruth’s mouth fell open. She stared at her parents. Why were they being so calm about this? Why were they acting like they had been expecting it? “I told you.”
How had her mother known?
“Go change before breakfast. It will be a busy morning, and if you expect to be spending more time at the church you will have to be done your chores sooner. After all, the wife of a future pastor will have to set a good example for the rest of us.”
Ruth thought about the words her mother had said the day before. That she had looked like a woman ready to follow Gott’s path. How had she known? Did she see us walking together? Had she seen it before Ruth or Jacob had? Ruth smiled from ear to ear.
“Jah.”
She rushed off to her room to change, excitement overwhelming her. They may have to wait a while for marriage, but that was okay. They would have that time to grow closer together, and Ruth would keep his secret.
Epilogue
The room was small for both of them, but with most of Ruth’s stuff at her parents, they managed to make it work. They would have the house built in the spring and then they would have somewhere to call home.
Although it was still taking some getting used to, Ruth loved her new role as a wife in the community. Everyone had welcomed her with open arms as the wife of Jacob, and it felt strange to see the respect that was given to her now. She tried to ignore it, but she had to admit that it felt good to be able to bring more to the community. Before long, the little girls wanted to talk to her instead of Jacob, and Ruth was pretty sure he loved it, even though he pretended to pout every time the girls asked him if they could talk to her instead. With the pastor’s health still not good, Jacob had begun to take on more responsibility within the church, and that meant that Ruth was helping to pick up any slack that he had. They both wanted everything to be perfect, but they both knew that when it came down to it, Gott would make sure everything went right.
Warmth beside her. Ruth closed her eyes. “It’s been a long day,” she said softly. Jacob laughed, reaching out and taking her hand under the blankets. The bed was a little small, but that just meant they had to cuddle close- and that helped them stay warm.
Ruth touched her stomach as she turned to look at Jacob. His eyes sparkled.
They hadn’t told anyone yet, but her mother had figured it out- of course. She had promised to keep it a secret for a little while, though. Once Christmas was over they would have more time to relax, but with preparing for everything, they had longer days than normal.
Ruth stared at the man that she called her husband. Although it had been a long couple of months, she wouldn’t have asked for anything more. Once a silly crush she never thought would go anywhere was now the reason she lay in bed beside a man she loved more than she had ever thought she could love someone. He pulled her close to him.
“Tomorrow will be a busy day.”
The church was going to be packed, which would be a good thing – a they wouldn’t have to worry so much about heating it. But they would have to worry about feeding everyone who would be there. During the winter months the community spent less time outside, but they did not lose activity. Instead the men turned to prepping for the next spring, and the women turned to knitting, crocheting, and sewing together clothing, quilts, and anything else that they could think of. Right now, Ruth was focused on her wedding dress. Though it would be simple, she knew that it would be the most important thing that she ever wore.
Jacob brushed his finger over her cheek, brushing hair out of her face. He leaned towards her, placing a soft kiss against her lips. “I love you, Ruth.”
“I love you too, Jacob.”
The End
The Minister’s Daughter’s Secret Love
By: Elaine Young
Chapter One
Anna glanced up. She’d been able to feel his eyes on her for a long time, though she hadn’t been willing to admit it.
“Hi.” His dark eyes sparkled.
Anna’s cheeks flushed. She didn’t understand what he was doing here. It’s not like he was part of their church.
“Brad, there you are!” Anna’s father stepped out from the other room. “I was beginning to wonder if you would be late.”
“No, sorry to keep you waiting, sir. There was a bit of traffic today.”
“Nothing to worry about,” her father smiled widely. “Come. Let’s get to work.”
Brad had been coming to do some work around the church for a week or so now. Anna could not figure out why it was Brad who was doing the work and no someone from the community, like her father or her uncle but she knew better than to ask her father about it. He has a plan. She reminded herself.
Anna couldn’t deny there was something about the man that made her heart skip a beat whenever he smiled at her. She hated it, but it was the truth. She watched as her father and Brad left the room, leaving her to herself- thankfully.
She lowered herself onto the bench. Gott, please give me some guidance. I can’t seem to deny the way my heart races when I see him, but he’s an English mann. Mathew asked me to attend church with him this week and I know that he would be a good mann. He has already won my father’s vote without even speaking to him about us courting. He has already shown that he is a good man of faith. That he would raise a good family. So why don’t I want to go with him?
Of course, Anna had said yes when he asked. She wasn’t dumb. She refused to get caught up in her emotions.
Anna took a deep breath. She still had to clean the rest of the church like she had told her father she would do, and sitting here on her butt wasn’t getting the church cleaner any faster. It’s not like Anna’s father had forced her to clean. She wanted to help out, but she was regretting that choice right now. Still, deatt works hard. As the community minster, she knew that his job was never ending. He had to be there whenever someone needed him, which meant that he sometimes had to get up in the middle of the night, as much as that sucked for him. Not having to clean the church was one less thing he would have to do, and that was worth it to Anna.
It is one small thing I can do for him.
Between Anna and God, she thought the people of the community didn’t appreciate her father enough. Though she wouldn’t say it out loud, that was what she thought. He worked so hard to be the best that that he could, and he was still left with a messy church and repairs to make.
“It looks much better, danka.”
“Deatt, what is he doing here?” She couldn’t help it. She said it before thinking.
Her father smiled as Anna felt her cheeks turn a shade warmer. “I’ve got him doing a little work around the basement.”
“Why can’t you or-”
“Because none of us are qualified enough for it. I’d like to think we are, but the truth is, sometimes we need to let our ego go and allow someone to help us, even if they aren’t part of the community. Brad has a skill that none of us here have, and the church deserves the best that it can have, don’t you think?”
“Jah, but-”
Anna’s fathers eyes sparkled as his smile widened. “Have faith, Annabel. Don’t you have faith?”
“Of course I do!”
“Gut,” her father said as he stepped past her. “I’m going to head home for dinner. Would you like to join me?”
“Nee, I’m going to stay a little later.” There were still a couple things that Anna wanted to get done without anyone realizing. She had packed a quick snack for the night anyways. She knew that she would only have a little bit of time to get the new banner up before her father came back and she wanted to make sure it was a surprise. She watched as he made his way out of the church and down the walkway towards their house. Being the minister meant that he lived close to the church, which meant Anna’s time was limited.
She rushed over to the bag she had brought with her and pu
lled out the banner she had been working on for a couple months now. Her mother had known, but that was it. Of course her mother had had to help her get a hold of the fabric. She had been so thrilled when Anna told her about the plan.
Anna rushed to the front of the church where the old banner was. It had been there since Anna could remember, and she was now 19 years old. They were long overdue for a new one, but her father never seemed to mention it. He worked so hard he probably didn’t even realize that it was old. He was probably too focused on more important things. I hope he notices that it has been changed.
Anna pulled a chair, scraping it against the floor as she made her way over to the old banner and stood, reaching for it.
Disappointment overwhelmed her. She wasn’t going to be able to reach the banner easily and she was on a time limit here. What was she going to do if her father caught her while she was replacing the banner? It just wasn’t the same. I need to get it done before he gets back.
“Do you need help?”
His voice made her heart skip a beat. Anna turned so quickly to face him that she almost fell off the chair. He stood there, watching her closely. His eyes took in everything in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Nee,” Anna said before remembering he was English, “I mean-”
“I get it.” His eyes sparkled. He crossed over to her, still taking everything in. “But it doesn’t look like you can reach that banner up there.” He held his hand out for her.
Anna looked at it, tentatively. She wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to reach it on her tippy toes, but she did know it would be easier to have him do it for her.
“Come on, let me put it up for you.” He raised his hand,
Anna took his hand and let him help her down to the floor. Her heart skipped a beat as she felt his warm hand. He didn’t seem to pay any attention to it, stepping past her and climbing onto the chair she had just been on.
“So he’s your dad, right? Er, I mean deatt.”