by Kelsie Rae
He’s right. I suck at letting people in. I always have, and I highly doubt Jude’s observation will change that. But with the way he’s looking at me right now… he might make me want to.
Muffled voices from the hallway pop the little bubble we’re surrounded in. We remain silent as our conversation hangs in the air. I’m immediately grateful for my teammates in this moment. I don’t know what I would’ve said to Jude had I been given the chance to reply.
“Hey guys! You’re here early!” Marcus acknowledges. His chipper voice echoes from the glass doorway. I swivel in my chair so I can face the arriving members. A close-lipped smile is firmly in place.
“Ah, man. You started without us?” Trevon nods to Jude’s lit-up computer screen. Mine is still off from Jude powering it down after my loss.
“So, what’s on the agenda today, Master Jedi?” Jonah asks, clearly speaking to Jude since our main coach has yet to make an appearance. Jonah’s massive body plops into the seat across from me. His chair creaks in protest of the giant man sitting in it.
“Oo, I like that! Can I call you Yoda, oh wise one?” Ronny pipes in, grabbing another swivel chair at the table. He slides off his backpack before unloading a bag of Cheetos and a Mountain Dew. After taking out his stash, he zips up his bag and places it on the floor.
Jude laughs good-naturedly at their friendly teasing. “Only if I get to call you young padawan, and you promise to grow a braid behind your ear.”
Trevon’s deep laughter booms throughout the conference room. “Yeah, not gonna happen, Yoda. But it was fun while it lasted.”
I cover my mouth to hide the giggle that’s about to burst from within as I picture Trevon with a tiny braid.
“Alright, alright. Let’s start with a simple game to see how well you all mesh together, shall we? Marcus, do you want to discuss tactics before, or after you all get a game in?” Jude asks, addressing our leader. I appreciate the respect he shows our Team Lead. If Jude doesn’t respect him, the others won’t, either. And if we don’t have a strong Team Lead, Team AFK is going to implode from the inside out.
“I think it’d be good to see how we handle our new Sneak before I make any changes. Let’s go in blind and see how things go. After, we’ll discuss different tactics and how to move forward.” Marcus’ voice screams authority, and my inner girl salutes him before marching around in my head like a good little soldier.
“Quincy.” He turns to me. “You’re at a slight disadvantage here since we’ve all been playing together on and off throughout the season. Don’t stress if you fall behind or make any mistakes. We’re in this together, and we’ll figure it out.” He smiles reassuringly at me. His kindness squeezes past my invisible barrier that’s usually firmly in place.
“You can call me Quin. Or Q,” I reply shyly before turning on my computer again. I decide to focus on the screen booting up instead of the five pairs of eyes surrounding me. “And I won’t let you down,” I promise quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Alright then, Quin. Let’s get this party started!” Jonah states enthusiastically. Ronny pops the top off his Mountain Dew and takes a giant gulp of the green, fizzy liquid.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to redeem myself from my previous loss.
“Game on.” I grin. The adrenaline is already seeping into my veins. I’m excited to return to my happy place and kick some butt. This is what I live for.
Chapter 5
Jude
Their head coach never showed up to practice, but Marcus informed me they rarely see him. Apparently, he likes to take a hands-off approach. No wonder Jett extended the invitation to become the assistant coach. It’s like they don’t even have a main one.
From the looks of this first practice, it’s quite apparent they haven’t needed him. Marcus has been a great asset as Team Lead, and I don’t want to take away his responsibility. Or his role.
After a discussion between the two of us, we decide it will be best to meet privately outside of team get-togethers. This way, we can discuss strategies, and Marcus can implement them during the practices. I’m sure there will be occasions when I need to speak up in front of the group. But for now, this is how we’ll be moving forward.
I have no doubt Team AFK is going to be unstoppable. They were nearly flawless during their first game. The only issue is Quin’s lack of immediate response when one of her teammates shouts an order. She always hesitates, confirming their suggestion for herself before complying. It’s never been an issue in the minor leagues, but it will cause some serious trouble if we don’t get it ironed out before the competition starts. Marcus and I made some suggestions for Game Two, and I know Quin tried to implement them, but we could all feel her wall. It’s still firmly in place. Everyone made a few minor mistakes, but the team was able to compensate for them by working together.
Quin is incredible to watch in action. I can’t stop myself from taking in her flushed cheeks and her sharp eyes as she concentrates as if her life depends on it. Her passion for this game is indescribable. It’s both beautiful and terrifying.
She’s correct. This isn’t merely a game to her. It’s her life. And that scares the living shite out of me. When you invest all of your time and effort into one thing, it can be catastrophic if it doesn’t pan out the way you expect it to.
Her obsession makes me curious about what her home life is like. Why is she so afraid to live outside of the game she’s built her life around?
I’m pleased we got a little one-on-one time before the other blokes showed up. I’m also happy that I kept my original Gamertag active. I almost signed into my BeatlesBoy_41 account. It would’ve been catastrophic if she’d seen it. Instead, I remembered to use my Jude_the_Dude account from years ago. Quin didn’t even blink an eye at it, which I’m grateful for. I feel a little guilty for keeping my identity a secret, but I don’t want to rock the boat more than I already have from our previous meeting.
We’ve just finished our team practice, and I’m starving.
“Anybody else feel like they could eat an elephant?” Jonah quips. He’s rubbing his gigantic belly while leaning back in his chair.
“Let’s get pizza!” Ronny says enthusiastically. I’m almost positive he has a hollow leg. In the short time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him without some tasty morsel in his hand.
“I’m in, but my rental car can only fit five people,” Marcus pipes up before grabbing his wallet and keys that are sitting on the conference table.
“I’ll hitch a ride with Quin,” I add, turning to her. “If that’s alright with you, Kitten?”
“Don’t call me kitten,” Quin responds. “And I actually need to get home. Thanks for the invite, though.” Quin quickly makes her way to the conference room door. “Good game guys! I’ll see you at the next practice!” she tosses over her shoulder as she walks out the door without a backward glance.
“She’s an odd duck, that one,” Ronny observes, running his fingers through his stringy hair.
“Yeah, but I kinda like her,” Jonah pipes in.
“She’s cool,” Trevon agrees while nodding his head in approval.
“Yeah, the only problem is that being part of a team means participating in the activities outside of the computer, too. Ya know?” Marcus comments while staring at the door Quin disappeared through. It’s like he can read my mind because I am thinking the exact same thing.
“I agree. I think our next mandatory meeting needs to be away from a computer. We need to get that girl out of her shell a bit, don’t you think?” I ask the group.
They all nod in agreement.
“I like your thinking! I have a great idea!” Ronny comments. “Comic-con is in town! We could hit it up! Maybe get some cosplay going!” His head bobs up and down excitedly. “Or we could hit up the Star Wars exhibit! I heard they have Princess Leia’s original bikini costume—” The wanker is practically drooling by the time he finishes talking.
“Or…” Trevon interrupts. “We cou
ld hit up the Strip, maybe see a show? I heard the Blue Man Group is pretty good.”
Jonah pouts. “Aw, man! I wanna see Leia’s costume, too!”
“You guys are disgusting,” Marcus pipes in. “And Q isn’t going to want to see the object of your teenage wet dreams, so the Star Wars exhibit is out.”
Jonah and Ronny groan.
“And the Blue Man Group isn’t a bad idea, but it doesn’t force her to open up to us. All she has to do is stare at the stage in front of her for two hours.” Marcus pauses, tapping his forefinger against his chin in concentration.
“We could always hit up a chapel on the Strip! Jude’s been dying to tap that since our first meeting,” Trevon jokes.
I merely roll my eyes at his childish ribbing. “Funny, Trev. What if we try golfing?”
Ronny and Jonah groan simultaneously. “Nah, man. We’re gamers for a reason! We don’t play real sports!”
“Come on,” Marcus defends. “That’s actually not a bad idea. We’ll even rent a golf cart so you babies don’t have to walk too much.”
“I’m game,” Trevon pipes in.
“Alright, then. Who wants to be the one to invite Q?” Marcus polls the group, knowing she’s going to try to shoot the messenger.
Silence ensues.
Grudgingly, I volunteer. “I’ll do it.”
Marcus’ smile turns mischievous. “How did I know you were going to say that?”
“Because he’s got a hard-on for Q,” Ronny throws out.
Jonah’s booming laughter shakes the walls. “Hell yes, he does! Or am I the only one that finds her insanely hot when she gets into gaming mode? Day-um.” He leans back in his chair and stares off into the distance. His eyes glaze slightly, and I have no doubt he’s replaying Quin’s facial expressions from earlier today.
White-hot anger pulses through my veins as the rest of the blokes agree with Jonah’s comment. My jaw tightens in response while my molars practically crack from the pressure.
“Enough of that, guys. Keep it in your pants,” Marcus replies sternly. “She’s one of us now, and we won’t be looking at her like that just because she’s the only girl on the team.”
If I didn’t like Marcus already, his lecture would’ve won me over immediately.
“To be fair,” Trevon responds, raising his forefinger in the air. “It’s not just because she’s a girl. It’s because she’s a gorgeous girl who has no idea what kind of power she has over the opposite sex.”
“Amen to that, brother. If she had any idea of the power she possesses, we’d all be kissing the ground she walks on,” Ronny affirms dreamily, like he wouldn’t mind that in the least.
“Sod off,” I groan as I roll my eyes at the tossers in front of me. I doubt they’ve ever held a girl’s hand, let alone had a real conversation with a beauty like Quin.
“I said, enough,” Marcus grounds out, resolutely. His voice is sharp with authority, and the other gents immediately stop talking. Their spines straighten as they focus on their Team Lead.
“Now, let’s go get some pizza,” he adds, softening his tone.
“What a brilliant idea,” I add before following the group out of the conference room to Marcus’ car.
We have a great time together. But we can all feel that a piece of the team is missing, and we wish she were here with us.
Where are you, Quin?
Chapter 6
Quincy
I send my dad’s nurse, Carrie, home as soon as I enter my childhood home. Dad’s been getting worse lately, and I’m not sure how much longer he’ll be able to continue living in our house. I think I’m going to need to admit him to a memory care facility soon. One that can handle him better than I ever could. That thought alone breaks my heart. I love my dad more than anything in the world. It tears me in two every time he sees me and doesn’t recognize his own daughter’s face. It’s not every day, mind you, but it happens often enough that I should stop being surprised every time he calls me by someone else’s name.
He was older when I was born, but that didn’t stop him from being a hands-on parent. My childhood was full of hiking, swimming, late night movies, and weekly ice cream runs. Even after Mom died, my dad still continued our weekly traditions. Those memories are the only things that get me through the days when my dad looks at me like I’m a stranger. Well, my memories and Gateway Guardians, anyway.
I called Carrie while I was driving home, and she mentioned Dad is having a bad night. As soon as I see him, I know it’s true.
“Hi, Dad!” I say, trying to make my voice sound upbeat. I’m talking to the body that’s holding my father’s soul hostage. It only allows me to catch glimpses of him every once in a while now, and those moments are slowly spreading further and further apart.
He doesn’t reply.
“How are you feeling?” I continue as I make my way over to him from the entryway.
He’s currently slumped in his worn-out recliner that sits near a window in our family room. His eyes are glazed over slightly as he stares at the cacti in our front yard. Not exactly a solid form of entertainment, but maybe he enjoys the familiarity of it. I sit on the arm of his chair, wrapping my arm around his neck and squeezing gently.
“I had a pretty good day today, but I’m definitely beat. What do you say we watch a show then I’ll get you tucked into bed? Does that sound alright with you?” I grasp his hand to let him know I’m still here. That I’m still talking to him. That I’ll never leave him.
Ever.
His finger twitches the tiniest bit, and my heart jumps right along with it. I smile warmly at the shell of the man who raised me before turning on the television and watching reruns of a few classic shows.
We spend the next hour together, squished in his recliner, until it’s past his bedtime. If I prod him enough, he’ll stand and follow me to where he needs to go, even on bad days. I lead him up to his room and get him ready for bed. Once I’ve tucked him in, I give him a quick kiss on the forehead. My eyes scan his weathered face as he quickly drifts off to sleep.
“Love you, Daddy,” I whisper softly to him. After closing his door quietly behind me, I tiptoe across the hall.
As soon as I cross the threshold to my room, I switch on my rig. I need to escape reality for a couple more hours before bed, even though I’m exhausted.
After I’ve signed on, but before I’ve officially started a game, a notification pops up that tells me I’ve received a message.
BeatlesBoy_41: Hey friend! How’s your day been?
Smiling, I type my response.
Quik_Q182: Pretty good, I guess. Just got home from another team meeting for the championships.
I’ve been interviewed a few times since I’ve made the team, so I assume he knows what I’m talking about. It’s a pretty big deal. The gaming community is good at advertising the teams and drumming up a lot of hype before, and during, the competition.
BeatlesBoy_41: How do you think it went?
Quik_Q182: Not bad. We won our first two practice matches, and I feel like we have a real shot at winning!
I grin as I remember how great Team AFK flows together. It’s hard finding players that mesh well, and I was worried I’d have some problems coming in later than everyone else. Thankfully, that doesn’t seem to be the case, and I’m hoping it becomes a trend.
BeatlesBoy_41: That’s great, Q! I’m really excited to see you play!
I blush at his off-handed compliment, surprised by how much an absolute stranger’s words affect me. I don’t know how to respond to compliments in general, so it takes a minute for me to form a response.
Quik_Q182: Thanks.
I hit send while groaning inwardly.
Thanks? That’s all I have to say?
BeatlesBoy_41: You’re welcome. Are you liking your teammates? Do you feel like you fit in?
My cheeks heat all over again at the reminder of Jude’s and my afternoon together. Our first game was a total bust, but that was all on me. I shouldn’t h
ave let my pride get in the way of winning the game. Jude has been nothing but kind to me ever since our initial meeting, and I wonder if I should give him another chance.
I think I’ve built my walls particularly high because of my history with him. He doesn’t know this, but I watched Jude play before he quit. He vanished into thin air. He had become my safe space, and I was seriously bummed when he disappeared. My dad was just starting to have memory problems when I found Jude_The_Dude online. He was what got me through a lot of my heartache when my dad would forget to pick me up from school, or I would go hungry for lunch because he forgot to put more money into my account.
I know it’s unreasonable to hold these little things against Jude. He didn’t know me. He didn’t know I was having a rough time. He didn’t know how much I relied on him to escape my reality for a few short hours every day. But, I think I subconsciously blame him anyway. How sad is that? I have abandonment issues from a total stranger.
Quik_Q182: They seem cool, but I haven’t gotten to know them really well, yet. I’m sure you’d recognize most of them, though. They’re pretty big players. If you knew who my assistant coach is, you’d probably crap your pants.
A few minutes go by without a response. I hope I didn’t sound like I was bragging, or anything. He asked me a question, and I responded. That’s not a bad thing, right? I’m busy biting my nails and picking at my cuticles when my computer dings, notifying me of an incoming message.
BeatlesBoy_41: Well, now I’m curious. But I have a question first. How often do you brush your teeth?