“There’s no way I could ever commit murder,” she said, thinking out loud. “I am so screwed. And not in a good way.” She fisted her hands in her hair. “Fuck! What am I going to do?”
She had been relying on her own instincts since she was old enough to earn a paycheck, but it was plain to see the time had come for her to seek outside counsel.
“Yeah, but who am I supposed to turn to? The retainer alone for a good attorney would cost me every penny I have, and I can’t trust an ambulance chaser to keep me out of jail.”
Surely there had to be a way she could do the right thing without losing everything she had worked so hard to earn in the process. Her career. Her good name. And most importantly, her freedom.
“It’s just like you tell your clients,” she said with an air of resignation. “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
Something had to give. She’d either have to bankrupt herself paying restitution for the crimes she had committed or be forced to sell her soul in order to commit more.
“Which is more important, getting rich or clearing your name?”
Breanna deserved to be with someone who was worthy of her. So far, Jessica had done little to merit the honor.
“I can’t keep her in the dark. Even if she decides to walk away once she hears the truth, I’ve got to tell her what’s going on.”
She wrapped the gun in a towel and stashed it in the bottom of her underwear drawer. Trying not to imagine the look of disappointment she expected to see on Breanna’s face when she revealed her misdeeds, she tried to figure out what to say. How was she supposed to even broach the subject, let alone confess to committing multiple crimes, some of them right under Breanna’s nose?
“She’s going to hate me. She’ll probably never talk to me again.”
But Breanna had a generous, compassionate soul. She could ignore even the most egregious insult in order to maintain her mental equilibrium. “It’s not worth the bad karma,” she would calmly say when most people would have flown into a rage. Perhaps one day she would find it in her heart to forgive Jessica as well.
Jessica nearly jumped out of her skin when someone knocked on her stateroom door. She hadn’t realized her nerves were so on edge. Then again, they had reason to be.
After she took a couple of deep breaths to slow her racing heartbeat, she opened the door to find Breanna standing in the hallway. “I was just about to come find you.”
“Really? Why?”
“We need to talk.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
Jessica ushered Breanna inside. Like most ship employees, her quarters were small. She often joked she’d have more leg room in the overhead bin of an airplane. Today, however, the compact space felt almost claustrophobic. When Breanna took a seat in the chair next to the bed and Jessica sat opposite her, their knees practically touched.
“Do you want to go first,” Breanna said, “or shall I?”
Jessica rubbed the back of her neck as she fought through a sudden bout of nerves. She had known telling Breanna all the secrets she had been keeping would be hard, but she hadn’t expected it to be quite this tough. Seeing Breanna’s soft brown eyes boring into her, begging her for answers to questions she didn’t want to face, she lost her nerve. “Why don’t you get things started?”
“Okay.” Breanna rubbed her hands along the tops of her thighs. One leg bounced up and down like she was nervous, impatient, or both. Going with nervous, Jessica offered her what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “Something’s been off between us since our conversation at the mall this afternoon. I know I said some things you weren’t expecting to hear, but I hope I didn’t do or say anything to drive you away.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because you’ve been acting strange ever since. Is it me who’s got you off stride, or the guy you were talking to?”
“What guy?”
“The one who sat with you after I left. The one you said you didn’t know but who seemed to know you.”
“The one who took great pleasure in telling me how hot you are? I’m the one who should be jealous, not you. Besides, you know he’s not my type.”
Jessica reached to caress Breanna’s cheek, but Breanna swatted her hand away. “I’m not jealous, Jess. I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?” Jessica felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach. Had the man approached Breanna, too? Had he threatened her in some way? If so, he had proven that he and Pilar were willing to do whatever they had to in order to get their way.
“There’s something going on with you and I can’t figure out what it is. Is it because I told you I want to try for something serious instead of settling for something frivolous? Is that why you ran away?”
“I didn’t run away.”
“No? Then what would you call it? When we got back to the ship, you said you had to go to the gym. When I went there looking for you, Kendra said she hadn’t seen you since last night when you asked her to switch schedules with you today. Have you spent all afternoon holed up in here trying to think of a way to let me down easy?”
“Of course not. I would never string you along like that. When I said I wanted to talk things through, I meant it.”
“Then why have you been avoiding me?”
Jessica wanted to tell Breanna all the thoughts that were racing through her mind. She wanted to confess her sins and give Breanna the opportunity to decide if she wanted to continue pursuing a relationship with her or call it quits. She wanted to tell her all the things she couldn’t find the words to say. But she couldn’t. She didn’t have it in her heart to break Breanna’s.
“I’ve been avoiding you because I’m scared, too. I don’t want to lose you, Bree.”
As tears began to roll down Jessica’s cheeks, Breanna sat next to her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. “What makes you think that’s going to happen?”
“Because I’m a screwup, that’s why.”
“Who isn’t?” Breanna turned Jessica to face her. “No one’s perfect, Jess. I love you because of your faults, not in spite of them.”
Jessica knuckled away her tears. “You do?”
“Yes, I do.” Breanna placed her hand over Jessica’s heart. Jessica felt the warmth of Breanna’s skin even through the thick cotton of her T-shirt. “No matter what happens, we’ll always be ‘ohana. We’ll always be family. In my culture, family is forever. We stick together no matter what. There’s nothing you could ever do or say that would make me turn my back on you.” She pressed a kiss to Jessica’s forehead. “Now that I’ve had my say, what did you want to tell me?”
“I wanted to tell you that I love you, too.”
“Are you sure that’s all?”
“That’s all that matters. You’re all that matters.”
Jessica kissed her slowly and tenderly, then made love to her the same way.
She didn’t know what she had done to earn the unwavering faith Breanna had placed in her. From this night on, though, she was determined to do everything in her power to keep it.
* * *
Spencer felt like she had exorcised a demon. The story of her ill-fated senior trip had haunted her for years. At home, she couldn’t live it down. Here, it was just one more thing she had in common with so many women like her.
On the way back from Castillo San Felipe del Morro that afternoon, Amy had told her about the time she had embarrassed herself in front of her entire high school when her bra strap had snapped while she was giving a campaign speech during student body elections.
“Talk about a lack of support,” Amy had said while Spencer had tried rather unsuccessfully not to laugh.
It hadn’t occurred to Spencer at the time to ask Amy if she had won the seat she had sought despite the actions of her wayward undergarment. She’d have to make up for the oversight tomorrow. She smiled at the thought of what new adventures tomorrow might bring.
The ship was scheduled to be docked in Phillipsburg,
St. Maarten, for seven hours. When they went onshore, Luisa and Finn planned to take a guided underwater tour while wearing pressurized helmets. Both had been leery of the water since Finn had saved Luisa from drowning while they battled a madman in Cancún, and they hoped the excursion would help alleviate their fears. Hannah and Maneet had an exciting trip planned, too. They were heading to Maho Beach to watch planes skirt the ground as they came in for a landing at nearby Princess Juliana International Airport. Tatum, Jordan, Bathsheba, and Raq were thinking of tagging along with them.
Spencer wasn’t keen on the possibility of being blown into the water by jet blast from airliners passing less than a hundred feet over her head, so she had made other plans. Pic Paradis, the highest point on the island, rose nearly fifteen hundred feet into the sky. She intended to spend the day exploring the mountain and the nature sanctuary located on it. She would have to venture to the French side of the island to do it, but Amy had assured her they would be able to make it to Loterie Farm and back in plenty of time.
No matter how hard she tried, Spencer couldn’t figure Amy out. Some days, it felt like Amy was only doing her job by hanging out with her. On days like today, it seemed like Amy’s job was nothing more than a convenient excuse she used to continue spending time with her.
Maybe being a guinea pig isn’t so bad after all, she thought as she slowly swayed in the hammock on the patio outside her room. The lights of San Juan were gradually fading in the distance and the stars were shining bright overhead. It was so peaceful she was tempted to sleep out here tonight instead of in her bed. With her luck, the ship would get hit by a rogue wave and she’d wind up getting swept overboard
“Or maybe I watch too much TV. Mom’s always saying I have an active imagination. Speaking of which.”
She grabbed her cell phone from the in-room safe and called home. She hadn’t talked to either of her parents since Saturday, when she had phoned to let them know she had arrived at the port safely. She was surprised her mother hadn’t blown up her phone every night to request details about her trip. Her mother was probably bursting at the seams to hear all the gossip. Spencer wasn’t one to kiss and tell, but it felt good having fun stories to relate—and to have someone who was interested in hearing them.
“You sound relaxed,” her mother said when she answered the phone.
More than relaxed. Spencer felt positively content. “Now I know why you and Dad are on the road all the time. Returning to work is going to be a shock to my system.”
“It feels good to get away from home every now and then, doesn’t it?”
“It does. Next year, I get to do it all over again.”
“Did you take advantage of the onboard discount to book another cruise? I always say I’m not going to, but I get pulled in every time. Where will you be going?”
“I won a trip to France.”
Spencer could still feel the charge that had surged through her body when she realized that the numbers on the winning raffle ticket matched the numbers in her hand. Her mother evidently felt the same excitement because she squealed so loud Spencer had to hold the phone away from her ear. The sound must have startled her father as well because she could hear him in the background asking what was wrong. “Nothing,” her mother said. “Spence won a free cruise.”
“Fancy that,” her father said. “I ain’t never won nothing but a summons to jury duty. I’m at the courthouse more often than the lawyers are. Ask her if she wants to trade seats.”
“The trip’s not exactly free, Mom. More like half price.”
“One of those buy one, get ones? That’s even better. You’ll pay less money and you’ll be able to share the experience with someone else. Who are you planning to take with you, one of your video game friends or someone from work?”
“Actually, I was planning to give the prize to you and Dad. I know both of you have always dreamed about going to France.”
“That’s sweet of you, but don’t worry about us, honey. Your father and I will get there in time. And there are plenty of places for us to visit closer to home if we don’t. They speak French in Montreal, too, don’t they? And I hear the Eiffel Tower at Paris Las Vegas looks almost exactly like the real thing. Invite someone to tag along with you and have the time of your life.”
“Are you sure?”
“Sure I’m sure. Now stop running up your bill and hang up this phone. Those international charges sneak up on you before you know it.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I can afford it.”
“Just because you can afford it doesn’t mean you have to pay for it. Go find some trouble to get into. Make sure it’s the good kind so you can tell us all about it when you get back. Your father’s been itching to have a good, old-fashioned cookout. I can’t think of a better reason to celebrate. Would you like burgers or steaks?”
“Surprise me.”
“Where are my glasses? I need to start making a list of all the things we’ll need. Let’s see. Burgers, buns, baked beans, coleslaw. Oh, and potato salad, too. For dessert, do you want me to whip up a sweet potato pie or buy some fresh fruit?”
“It’s a party. Why can’t we do both?”
“I’ve taught you well.”
“That you have.” Spencer chuckled softly. Her mother was single-minded when she was on a mission and she was certainly on one now. “I’ll leave you to it. I love you, Mom.”
“We love you, too, honey. Don’t forget to have fun.”
“I won’t.”
But would she still remember how to do it in a few days’ time?
Day Five
Amy stuck her arm out the passenger’s side window as Spencer drove their rented car along Suckergarden Road. They were headed to Loterie Farm, a luxurious hideaway that offered something for everyone. Adventurous types could explore the numerous hiking trails on foot or glide over the treetops on a zip line. Gourmands could have a delicious meal or down an exotic cocktail in the tree house bar and restaurant. And music lovers could dance their cares away during one of the themed pool parties that took place throughout the year. Amy didn’t know if a pool party was planned for today, but she was wearing her swimsuit under her clothes just in case.
“How long do we have?” Spencer asked.
“The farm’s only thirty minutes from here. It opens at nine and closes at three thirty. The ship leaves at three, so I suggest we start heading back no later than two in case we get stuck in line when we return the rental car.”
“Five hours to explore one hundred thirty-five acres? Piece of cake.” Spencer took her foot off the gas when the automated voice programmed into the navigational software on her phone suggested an alternate route. “My GPS is acting a little wonky today. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it’s trying to get us lost. If we have to pull over and ask a local for help, how’s your French?”
“It got me through my junior year abroad, but that was years ago.”
Spencer grinned as she shifted gears. “I’ll take my chances.”
Amy closed her eyes and lifted her face toward the sun. There were few things she liked better than riding on a beautiful stretch of road with the top down, music blasting, and a gorgeous woman by her side. It seemed almost unfair she was getting paid for this. There are worse ways to earn a living.
“Careful.” Spencer’s voice drew Amy out of her reverie. “I think your nose is starting to burn.”
Amy peered at her reflection in the mirror attached to the back of the sun visor on her side of the car. “I do have a distinct Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer vibe going on. It happens every time. No matter how much sunscreen I slather myself with, my nose is the first thing that burns.” When she applied a fresh layer of protectant, the skin on her nose felt warm and was already becoming tender to the touch. Hopefully, she wouldn’t start peeling until she got home, but she doubted she’d last that long. One, perhaps two more days at the most before she started looking like a snake shedding its skin.
“I have a baseball hat in
my backpack if you’d like to borrow it.”
“That would be great. Thanks.” Amy reached into Spencer’s backpack, pulled out a faded Tampa Bay Rays cap, and threaded her hair through the hole in the back. Then she checked her reflection again. Windswept, sunburned, and her nose covered in bright white goo. Perfect. She pointed to the insignia on the cap. “You’re not a Braves fan?”
“Pipkinville’s closer to Florida than it is to Atlanta, so my dad has always rooted for the Tampa-based teams. The Rays. The Buccaneers. Even the Lightning when he’s in the rare mood to watch hockey. He draws the line when it comes to college sports, though. Then it’s the University of Georgia all the way.”
“He must have been proud of you when you decided to attend college there.”
“When he read the acceptance letter, I think he jumped even higher than I did. He couldn’t wait to tell all his friends I’d gotten in. With a full scholarship, to boot. The only time I’ve ever seen him cry is when I walked across the stage to accept my diploma. Mom says he cried when I was born, too, but I was too busy bawling myself to remember it.”
When Spencer talked about her family, Amy could tell from the sound of her voice how close she was to them. No wonder she still lived near them. For her, home was truly where the heart was.
“What about you?” Spencer asked. “Are you a sports fan?”
“Not really. I always get caught up in the spectacle surrounding a major sporting event, but I’d rather participate than watch.”
“I can tell.”
“What gave me away?”
“As a cruise director, I would expect you to be tethered to your desk all day, but you seem happier when you’re on an excursion with me than you do when you’re on the ship.”
Amy had noticed the same thing. She liked hearing about the passengers’ experiences when she chatted with them each night, but she enjoyed sharing experiences with Spencer even more. Breanna was the only person who had commented on it, but the rest of her co-workers were probably on to her as well.
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