"All right, that's enough," I interrupt, "I had all that I can stomach, I had enough of this! The conclusion that we can draw from this, is that the sunlight must make her dresses transparent that enables all to see every little detail, thanks for making that clear to us Barry, no pun intended. I need to get back to work, so everybody out!"
Brother Barry leaves my office, but Paul remains seated to candidly comment:
"See! See I told you! That Brother Barry is a perverted mental case who belongs in a mental institution! That crazy sex fiend should not be roaming the streets without a straight jacket on! That psycho is so loony that he told some of the construction guys about her see-through dresses and with every cigarette break, there's fifteen to twenty construction guys staring at her hairless pussy and recently, all of these rough and tumble guys compete for the best spots to stand in order to view her pussy with the best lighting and its like a Goddamn Boxing Match! Every time that I go back there to view her pussy, I end up seeing nothing because its so fucken crowded! I went back there twelve times today and I only saw pussy Two Goddamn Times! Because of that shmuck Barry, a good thing turned into a waste because its too crowded, its like trying to get in a night club with a long line in front of you and if you get in, it becomes a Goddamn Karate Match To Advance To The Front Row! By the time that I usually get to the third row, the cigarette break is over with And I Didn't See A Goddamn Fucken Thing! If you look down the hallway right now, you'll see a mob scene of construction guys just waiting around for the next peep show to open its curtains. I have nothing to look forward to during my breaks, because its too damn crowded to see any tits or pussy, if I could see a little pussy every hour, I'd be happy, but as it sits, I'll never see her little tits and bald beaver again and that sucks! Is it too much to ask for, just to see a little fucken pussy Every Goddamn Hour? But as it stands right now, the only cunt that I'll get to see, is my girlfriend's cunt when I go home and that's the only time that I get to stare at wet pussy. Not being able to see pussy has made me feel very deprived and depressed throughout the long day and my days at the dealership, has become boring. You know Vince, I'm starting to think that Brother Barry stumbled onto something ingenious, instead of fighting tooth and nail for a piece of pussy, its far easier and much more enjoyable to settle for a friendly farm animal. Just to compensate for my lack of viewing pussy during my workday, when I go home my girlfriend spreads her legs wide apart so I can view her vulva as well as the insides of her pussy for two straight hours without any talking and only when I finish the viewing of her soaking wet pussy, do I feel a little better about rarely seeing Lauren's fuzzy little peach during my workday. I just love to stare at my girlfriend's pussy for two to three hours, because her pretty pussy is so very pretty, that its much prettier than her face. Sandra's vulva with labia major and minor, wet squiggly hymen with an erect clitoris above that is assembled so perfectly and is the most perfect pussy that I ever saw! My record for staring at Sandra's pink pussy, happy hymen, chubby clitoris with two sets of large labia lips, is a record that I set for five hours."
"Its absolutely confirmed that Brother Barry is one dirty deranged sex fiend, and I'm not so sure about you Paul. I'll discretely inform Lauren about this rape and sodomy issue. I'll inform her late this afternoon after the peep shows are finished and the curtain is down," is the answer that I give to Paul as he leaves my office to run like the wind down the hallway to try his very best to gain access into the back room to attend the very next peep show that should start in about three minutes, but Paul only gets physically thrown back into the hallway in utter defeat. Despite the fact that Lauren is the type of a dame who is always a nasty evil bitch who you just want to wring her neck from the unending aggravation and loss of money that she alone causes out of petty spite, ego and insanity and not to mention the fact, that this Goddamn Birdbrain enters your office when you're not there to scoop up an X- number of customer files that are never seen again and when you politely question her about the lost files, you only receive sarcasm that's without a logical answer as if working 90 hours per week is a goddamn joy ride, so on one hand, its only fitting for Lauren and Brother Barry to get together since they are so alike and deserve each other and why is this rape and sodomy issue all of a sudden my problem and not the problem of the co-owner and manager of the dealership? However, if I do nothing rape and sodomy will absolutely occur without a doubt, therefore, while putting aside my mixed emotions, I have a long heart-to-heart talk with Lauren to explain the perverted side of sexual predators like Brother Barry and to set up a number of safety guidelines that will always keep Lauren under my visual supervision that will stop Brother Barry's earnest endeavors of committing rape and sodomy. Lauren took our heart-to-heart talk very seriously since she is scared stiff of Brother Barry and that this is a very thorny problem to take very seriously and she agrees to abide by each one of my safety guidelines, especially since Lauren is trying her damnedest to save her anus for marriage and does not want Brother Barry to interfere with her plans of marriage by deflowering her highly treasured anus, she said. She also said, that her anus is a protected entrance and she needs to maintain its virginity in order to give it to her future husband as a wedding gift since it is the only hole that she has that remains somewhat virginal. Lauren is not so worried about her vagina because her vagina has been used and abused for many years by such a large number of men that they can not be counted, but what she is most concerned about, is to keep her anus free from all incoming objects that desire entree, she said in a nervous tone of voice. To give you a brief description of the safety guidelines that I have instituted to keep Lauren out of harm's way of being raped and sodomized by Brother Barry Branson, the geometric shape of the dealership is the determining factor of whether Lauren will stay put at her workstation in the back room, or if she finds herself all alone which usually occurs in the mid to late afternoon, then Lauren must quickly transfer her workstation to the front lobby that is adjacent to my office and through the glass window of my door, Lauren is in visual sight and can safely answer the incoming telephone calls without the dangerous gamble of being found alone in the back room to be physically dragged out the rear door and into the tall weeds by the horny rapist Brother Barry Branson. When its time for Lauren to punch out for the day and her transportation has arrived and is waiting in the parking lot, she must make me aware of this as well as to any other changes or actions that she might take which includes, going to the restroom. If Lauren is alone in the lobby answering the telephone and I must leave the building to escort my new customers from one model home to another, Lauren must also leave the building to stand in plain view either in the parking lot or in close proximity to the model home that I am showing, so I can steadily observe Lauren and all others who approach her until I enter the building again and to this day, these safety guidelines along with a few others have foiled Barry's plans of raping Lauren's fuzzy little peach. And like all other crime stories that spread by word of mouth, this rape and sodomy story is no different and it even spreads so far that somehow, it reaches the ear of the deacon of Brother Barry's church, of which causes Paul who is a talented news bearer, to race into my office huffing and puffing who bears and then shares the amazing breaking news story of:
"Vince! Vince! we did it! I don't know how we did it, but somehow we did do it! Brother Barry got into trouble! For the first time, the Big Rapist got caught! Barry's plans of raping Lauren's fishy vagina as well as to fuck her crusty asshole like a lesbian with a sex toy is known, in three days this story spread so fast and far that it traveled beyond the walls of the dealership to make its way to the senior deacon at Brother Barry's church and then, only among the top elders of the church an emergency meeting was convened and the top elders concluded, that the story is real and that Brother Barry must truthfully answer a long list of questions during an emergency meeting that is taking place right at this very moment! Earlier today, three members of the church arrived here at the dealership and then, they p
hysically escorted Brother Barry back to the church with them for a big emergency meeting, of which is a meeting of whether they should excommunicate Brother Barry or not, because he has been a very naughty boy, because he has many dirty and unclean thoughts. I also heard through the grapevine, that the final verdict of whether Brother Barry is guilty or not, will be kept under tight wraps in a special file that will be classified as — Top Secret! So we and most other church members, may not learn of the final decision made by the top elders. Will Brother Barry remain a member of the church, or will they throw that perverted scumbag into the street as well as to inform his wife of his sexual crimes that he's guilty of? And most meaningful to all church members, will the top elders of the church sentence Brother Barry to eternal damnation? But Brother Barry will lie through his teeth to keep his secret life secret, not to give an honest answer about his love of child pornography, dressing up as a drag queen, transvestite sex and his bimonthly ritual of having sex with a whole variety of frisky farm animals and I almost forgot to include, his true love of rape and sodomy of men wearing cowgirl outfits. Brother Barry is a liar and he'll do what he does best and that is to, lie like a whore in church!"
As Paul leaves my office, he turns at the doorway to vow, "I vow that I'll find out one way or another of what punishment that the elders of the church will decide on for that Kinky Bastard And Perverted Freak, Brother Barry Branson. And I'll get back to you Vince, with whatever answer I discover as the true answer." Paul then hurries down the hallway in hopes of entering the back room before the opening curtain rises for the next peep show, but to all disappointed fans of Lauren's private parts, she has abided by one of my most important safety guidelines, of which is for Lauren to always wear a bra and panties and as time goes by, the loyal patrons of her peep show begin to realize that her naked body is now covered with underwear and the high numbers of her loyal patrons begin to diminish and due to the lack of patrons crowding into the back room, Paul is not only able to enter the back room without being thrown back into the hallway, he is able to attain a front row seat to gawk at Lauren's frilly bra and lace lingerie, but Paul is one hard to please fan who mumbles aloud, "Show me some camel toe which is the crease of your vagina seen through your lingerie Baby! To display an arousing camel toe, your vagina needs to have a wedgey Sugar Bush!" On the following day, Paul reports back that the slap on the wrist for Brother Barry is: "Three months of probation in which Barry must only have clean and wholesome thoughts and to never again fantasize about having sex with children, drag queens and barnyard animals as well as raping a co-worker at the dealership, is the only punishment that Brother Barry receives. We really got fucken ripped off with that decision Vince! That Big Pervert got away with only a slap on the wrist! I guarantee you one thing Vince, in two weeks Brother Barry will be up to his old antics of raping ten year old girls in the tall weeds of a clambake."
About two weeks later, Brother Barry is no longer feeling the sting of humiliation from the punishment rendered by the top elders of his church, in other words, with a short memory Brother Barry has forgotten his lesson learned and is in his usual form of perversion, that of which is of dirty and unclean thoughts and with Lauren wearing a lacy bra and cheeky thong each day to hide her fuzzy little peach, Brother Barry's sexual thoughts shift to the thoughts that are in full opposition of all natural laws known to nature and God. Boys and girls can you say — Hot Transvestite Sex?
To have kinky cucumber sex, dildo sex and anal sex in the same day, all I need to do is to sweet talk my girlfriend Sandra with the mushy rhymes of: When I look in your bedroom eyes, my chubby little love log starts to rise. When you feel lonely and blue, don't worry because that's our cue to screw. Skip the night and do not bowl, because I'll put it in your asshole. When I stare at your bald beaver, I start sweating as if I have a fever. Spread your pussy lips wide apart, and we'll have sex before you can fart. If you bend over and bark like a dog named Billy, I'll rape your asshole with Mr. Sweet Dick Willy? Since we're at the end of this love poem I'll make a bet, that your vagina is soaking wet. Did I make you so wet and horny that your head is in a romantic fog, because you can't live without my little love log? So do not fear, because porn star Paul is here.
Paul D. Maltese, who will soon become known as The Sexual Hound Dog
This next shocking episode becomes known by all citizens throughout the mosquito swarming swamplands of Florida as, Brother Barry And The Transvestite Incident! As the sun begins to descend in the late afternoon and as the scorching temperature and humidity continues to soar higher and higher, I find myself in the back room in order to use the facsimile machine and while I fax out a large multipage document, glancing over to my left I quickly notice that Lorraine M. Waldeck (061-58-1026, who is the personal secretary of the co-owner and manager with the Redneck name of Brother Brent Wainwright) is carefully viewing a rather long and very revealing Transvestite Website that depicts each man first dressed as a man in men's clothing and then, the same man is dressed up as a woman in all sorts of women's clothing, of which is followed by many scantily clad pictures of each man dressed up in different ensembles of women's intimate apparel, that are a series of provocative photographs that are designed to arouse a fellow transvestite viewing the website to select his big special man for a hot date. Feeling my eye of disgust upon her, Lorraine looks up and says, "Vince, which transvestite out of these fifty award winning transvestites is the most hottest, sexiest and cutest girl here? I mean which one of these hot chicks, no I mean men, no I mean half-women, no I mean she-males, I don't know what the fuck to call them, I guess the correct word is transvestite? Yeah that's it! So which hot sexy transvestite is the most hottest and sexiest babe here?" Faster than you can say "Brother Barry is One Sick Bastard looking for transvestite love;" faster than shit through a goose; faster than Superman can leap over a tall building; faster than a speeding locomotive; faster than warp factor ten; faster than a flash of white light, Brother Barry dashes pass the doorway of his office and down the long hallway and before you can blink your eyes, he fully materializes directly in front of Lorraine's computer screen with white smelly foam already frothing from his salivating mouth and if Brother Barry ran like this in a track and field event, the Pervert would win an Olympic Gold Metal. In amazement of Brother Barry's warp speed that's faster than light itself, Lorraine looks up from the computer to yell at him in a bitchy tone:
"If there was anyone in the hallway, they'd be dead by now from you running over them You Horny Homo! What's wrong with you, are you not getting enough pussy at home with your sleazy wife Brother Barry, huh? huh? Or are you just a big dick sucking Homo who's so horny that you're going nuts over transvestite photos? Stop blowing that smelly foam on me, what kind of a dumb douche are you to blow funky foam all over me? Get the fuck away from me or I'll beat your ass silly Bitch! If you blow one more stinky white glob of foam on me, I'll tell my big boyfriend Sal to beat the living shit out of you, you're messing with the wrong fucken bitch, Bitch!"
But Brother Barry is so overly consumed by the pictures of his future boyfriends that his intense staring and methodical studying of each photo of each transvestite to pick out his big hairy dream girl that he totally ignores Lorraine's malicious threats because his focus is so intense, that he has not heard one word. Then abruptly, with aroused excitement Brother Barry yells out in a queer tone of voice, "I got to get me this big beautiful transvestite, this one over here is the hottest one, this hairy bitch is all mine! That sexy bitch is the best transvestite that I ever saw and I would love to stab his muffin with my short sword! Look at his hot hairy butt, its lovably fat and lumpy with lots of hair on it which is my favorite type of a hot sexy ass! I just love a rough and tough drag queen with big hairy knuckles while wearing a cowgirl outfit with a cheeky G string standing on rawhide boots is so sexy, that he makes me cum! This hot sexy transvestite over here with the big sweaty man boobs, has a nicer pair of tits than you Lorraine! And his sexy ass is a lot more sexier than your
s Lorraine! I aims to go on a hot date with this hot hairy hunk over here who's making me so horny, that I needs to masturbate all over his bearded face and hot hairy ass! How I'd love to have all of these hot sexy transvestites in one big erotic transvestite orgy!"
Lorraine yells, "Barry, you're drooling on my desk You Goddamn Twisted Fucker! Get some mental help Barry and get away from my desk You Fucken Mental Case!"
With the last intense stare to memorize every little detail of the transvestite's face, body and sexy butt cheeks that incidentally, is loaded with a heap of big red pimples and in a flash, Brother Barry dematerializes to reappear in the bathroom to play with his short sword while the memory of his bearded face and lumpy ass is fresh in his mind. As Lorraine continues to wipe off the drool from her desk, keyboard and computer screen, I candidly comment "If I could move as fast as Brother Barry, I'd be playing football in the NFL." to receive a hearty chuckle that is mixed with stress relieving expulsions of air. I'll bet you eight to five right here and now my friends, that you'll never look at the personnel of any dealership the same way again and we are only beginning, since you have not yet learned the meaning of, Peas and Carrots.
When I screw a girl like Lauren so madly, I need to beat her so badly! And after I beat her so madly, I need to rape her fuzzy little peach so badly! I always love to have wild and rough anal sex with a hot young lassie, which is not a young girl because its a farm dog named Lassie. Also, I love having anal sex when Brother Brent is in his see-through red teddy, because as I look down while my short sword penetrates the hole of his manly muffin, I'm reminded that he's a hot piece of sexy eye-candy!
Crime Does Pay Page 4