WARM WINTER KISSES a feel good Christmas romance novel

by STEEPLES, JILL

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, through her tears, ‘would you, please?’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, finishing the call and turning to Rocco, who’d been listening all the while, concern etched upon his face. ‘I’m going to have to go. It’s Lexi, she’s lost the baby.’ My words caught in the back of my throat and I blinked hard to block out the tears. ‘She sounds to be in a pretty bad way.’

  ‘Oh God! Of course, you must go. Take as much time as you need.’ Rocco reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of notes. ‘Don’t mess about with trains, take a cab straight there.’ He handed me the money. ‘I’ll phone Sylvia and let her know what’s happening. She won’t mind looking after Millie a little longer.’

  Away from Rocco’s gaze, I threw my clothes on, thinking only of Lexi and how wretched she must be feeling. To think I’d felt uneasy when she’d first broken the news of her pregnancy. I hadn’t been sure whether it was a good thing or not, but her undoubted happiness with Mitch and the situation they’d found themselves in, and her despair now, told me it had been absolutely the right thing for her. Why does life have a habit of kicking you in the teeth when you least deserve it?

  ‘Come on, shall we go?’ A few minutes later, Rocco, looking impatient, was standing with the door open, our bags at his feet.

  I turned briefly to look at the dishevelled bed, the memory of last night’s brief moments of tenderness shared with Rocco fading fast as I rushed out to meet a very unwelcome reality.

  Chapter 19

  I spent the next few days holed up in Lexi’s flat, watching DVDs, eating junk food and drinking cups of tea, venturing outside only when we felt it wasn’t too cold, stretching our legs with a walk around the block. Most often though, we found ourselves curled up on the sofa. There were plenty of tears and hugs, but also plenty of laughter. Times when we giggled so much together that we ended up with tears rolling down our cheeks. Rocco wasn’t often far from my thoughts, but for the time being my priority was Lexi. Since Mum and Dad had gone away, we had become much closer, leaning on each other in a way that we hadn’t previously.

  ‘I’m so glad you’re here, Beth. Mitch has been great, but if he asks me how I’m feeling one more time, I think I might just throttle him.’

  I giggled. I knew Lexi so well. Sometimes you just needed to let her deal with things in her own way and often that meant pulling away from those closest to her.

  ‘It must be hard for him. He’s hurting too and trying to make everything right by you.’

  ‘Oh, I know that. It’s just — aargh!’ She shook her head. ‘I’m just glad he’s back at work now. He wouldn’t leave me on my own. Kept fussing over me. I’m not sure what he thought I might do. But now you’re here, he’s happier. And so am I, knowing he’s back at work.’ She sighed, smiling wryly.

  ‘Well, you need to take your time,’ I said, looking at her drawn face. ‘Don’t overdo things and certainly don’t rush back to work.’

  ‘I won’t. But in a way, it’ll be good to get back to some sort of normality. I know I was only pregnant for a matter of a few weeks, but it seemed that the baby and I had always been together. Does that sound weird?’

  I shook my head. I knew exactly what Lexi meant. Despite my initial reservations I’d quickly got used to the idea of becoming an auntie and having a little niece or nephew to dote on. ‘Mitch keeps saying that we can try again. Have another baby. But he doesn’t understand that I don’t want another baby. I want the one we lost.’

  Her eyes filled again. I squeezed her hand as her head dropped on to my shoulder. We were watching Dick Van Dyke in Diagnosis Murder, the television a welcome and constant companion these last few days. I hated seeing Lexi so sad. I felt I needed to protect her, to find answers for her, but, of course, in this instance there weren’t any answers to find.

  ‘So,’ she said, zapping Dick dead with the remote control, ‘where did you say Mum and Dad are now? She did tell me, but to be honest I wasn’t really listening.’

  I tucked my legs beneath me, smiling. ‘Perth, apparently. They’ve found a job in a cafe and gift shop so they’re staying there for a few weeks. Mum was all for coming home when I spoke to her, but I’ve told her I’d make sure to look after you.’

  Lexi rolled her eyes in relief. ‘It’s odd, isn’t it, them being away like this? It’s like we’re the parents now and they’re our kids. I do worry about them. I have visions of them being hijacked by some weird cult or turning up on the news for drug-running.’

  The thought made me splutter into giggles.

  ‘They’ll be back for the wedding, though,’ I said. At least Lexi still had that to look forward to. ‘I can’t wait to see them. What is it, only about three months? That’s if they can avoid being arrested in the meantime.’ I stretched my arms above my head before getting up from the sofa. ‘Shall we have another cuppa?’

  Lexi nodded eagerly. We’d single-handedly done our bit for the tea industry these last few days, that was for sure.

  ‘Yes, I’ll get Christmas out of the way and then throw myself into organising the wedding.’ Lexi’s face brightened. ‘You will come to us for Christmas, won’t you?’

  ‘I haven’t really thought about it,’ I said, silently wishing it could be cancelled this year. I wandered out into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. Christmas marked the end of my time at Whitefriars with Rocco and I didn’t want to think beyond that.

  ‘No, you must come to us. I mean, where else will you go?’

  ‘Oh right, thanks, Lexi!’ I poked my head around the kitchen door. I’d already told her about Martin’s visit and his plans and she knew I’d be finished at Rocco’s by then. Even if I wasn’t though, he would hardly want me hanging around like a redundant turkey.

  ‘No arguments. You must come to us. It’ll be lovely to have you here.’

  When I returned to the living room, Lexi had propped herself up on the sofa, looking brighter than before.

  ‘So, come on,’ she said, eyeing the tea and plate of biscuits gratefully, ‘you must tell me all about the ravishing Rocco and how it’s been going between the pair of you. I have a feeling there’s something you’re keeping from me.’

  She raised her eyebrows at me and I couldn’t help but smile. Still, now wasn’t the time to tell her about what had happened the other night. I could barely make sense of it myself.

  ‘Well, it’s been a lot of fun. We’ve pretty much completed the work on the TV series and the book; there are just a few meetings we need to have with the—’

  ‘Nooooo!’ She shook her head. ‘I mean how’s it going with you and Rocco. When you walked in here the other morning, you looked different somehow, there was a glow to your cheeks, like someone in the first throes of love.’ She threw her arms in the air in a dramatic pose, kissing the air. ‘Or maybe it was just lust.’

  She giggled, looking at me for confirmation. Had it been that obvious?

  ‘Well, we’d had a late night the night before,’ I said, unable to meet her eye, ‘and I was worried about you, of course.’

  ‘And that inner glow that was radiating from every pore of your body, what was that all about? If you’ve not been getting down and dirty with Rocco, then who have you been getting it on with?’

  I shrugged coyly. I’ve always found it hard to hide anything from Lexi. She seemsto have an innate ability to hone in on exactly what I’m thinking and feeling.

  I ran my hands through my hair, thinking about the upheaval of the last few days. Was it only a couple of days ago that I had spent the night in a hotel bedroom with Rocco? It seemed like a lifetime.

  ‘Well . . .’

  ‘I knew it!’ Lexi’s face was triumphant. ‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Oh, I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist the magnetic charms of Mr Intensely-Charged-and-Super-Sexy for long.’

  ‘What? God, you’re outrageous. But it wasn’t like that, Lexi. It was a kiss, that’s all.’

  ‘A kiss? You kissed Rocco di Castri? You mean tongue
s and everything?’

  I sighed, shaking my head at Lexi’s barely-concealed excitement. I don’t think she could have been more excited had I told her I’d kissed George Clooney. ‘Yes, tongues and everything. But that’s all it was. A kiss. A lovely, gentle, tender kiss. He told me that he really liked me, that I’d come to mean something to him.’

  I shuddered. Of course he had. It was all part of his renowned seduction technique and me being the stupid, messed-up person I was had fallen for it.

  ‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And what happened next?’

  ‘Well, I told him that we couldn’t possibly. That he was my boss and it wasn’t the done thing.’

  Lexi’s mouth did a peculiar curling-up thing.

  ‘You did? Why for heaven’s sake?’

  ‘Because . . . because . . . because I think I’ve fallen in love with him, Lexi.’ There I’d said it. ‘I don’t know how it happened, but it has. And I know I could have slept with him that night, but I didn’t want to become just one of many, someone to be used and discarded like all those other women.’

  Lexi was doing a grand impression of a nodding dog.

  I buried my face in my hands. ‘How stupid am I? It’s obviously what Rocco does, who he is. Can you believe he actually told me he and Pandora aren’t really an item, they’re just good mates, apparently. What a schmuck I am.’

  For goodness sake, I’d read enough about him in the newspapers to know that was a lie.

  ‘He knows I’ll be gone in a week or two, so he probably thought he’d make hay and all that.’ I downed the rest of my tea in one go wishing it was something stronger. ‘He was probably relieved when I had to come away down here.’

  ‘Well, listen,’ said Lexi, reason creeping into her voice. ‘You don’t know that, do you? Have you spoken to him about it?’

  ‘No, we didn’t really have the chance.’

  Then again, it wasn’t as if he’d bombarded me with texts proclaiming his undying love since I left him that morning. The only message I’d received was to say that I wasn’t to worry and to take as long as I needed because he could manage without me. I bet he could! I turned to Lexi.

  ‘He did mention that my contract was coming to an end.’ I peered at my fingernails. ‘He probably wants me out of the way for Christmas now he knows I’m not up for playing his games.’

  ‘Sounds to me as if you and Rocco have got plenty of talking to do when you get back,’ said Lexi, shifting on the sofa and holding her arm up so I could snuggle into her side. ‘Just be very careful and make sure he doesn’t hurt you, Beth.’

  I smiled wryly, knowing it was far too late now. My heart was already pierced.

  * * *

  Returning to Whitefriars the next day I was disappointed, but not surprised to find there was no sign of Rocco. But he rang shortly afterwards.

  ‘Beth, welcome back. The thing is I won’t be around for a while. I’ve got some business to sort out here in London.’ I ran my thumbnail down a groove in the oak table. ’You know I mentioned the possibility of putting my name to a new chain of gastropubs; well, I’m having a preliminary meeting today with the backers. I’ll get back as soon as I can though.’

  ‘Sure,’ I said, saddened that he made no mention of us, how much he might have missed me, what had gone on between us only a few days ago. Was it so easily forgotten, I wondered? ‘If you have the time, do you think you could do something about Christmas?’ He laughed. ‘You know organise a tree for the house. Book Santa Claus in. That kind of thing. Sylvia will show you where we keep the decorations.’

  ‘Yes, leave it to me,’ I said, briskly. So that was it. My usefulness to him had expired and he was just trying to find something to occupy me during my last few days while he discreetly busied himself up in London, out of my way.

  Still, at least I was back at home now and that brought me a big swirl of contentment. That’s how I thought of Whitefriars now, home, with Sylvia, Millie — and Rocco in particular — as part of my extended family. It was peculiar to think that any day now I’d be exiled.

  Later that day I took the jeep into town and joined the crowds of shoppers doing battle up and down the High Street. The sleepy market town of Mettlesham with its ancient stone buildings had a feeling of calm and dignity about it even in the pre-Christmas rush and was a long way removed from the frenetic bustle of Kensington High Street. I’d always loved London and could never have imagined living anywhere else up until a couple of months ago but, like an ex-boyfriend you look back on and wonder what it was you ever saw in him, London no longer held any appeal.

  The shops, each rejoicing in their individuality, were prettily decorated with holly and berries and mistletoe and not a garish piece of tinsel in sight. I mooched around, in and out of the stores, drinking up the atmosphere, picking up some cards in the hope I wouldn’t be too late to make the last posting date. I only had a couple of presents to buy. I found a beautiful blue and white spotted teapot, milk jug and sugar bowl for Lexi and Mitch that I knew she at least, would love. For Sylvia I found a silver sequinned scarf that would be ideal for jazzing up a jumper or blouse over the festive period. Millie, I knew, would be happy with a squeaky tiger toy that would do well to last the morning. But what do you buy the man who has everything? Something personal but not too intimate, something he would accept and appreciate without feeling embarrassed. In the end I plumped for a plaid check deerstalker hat, very country. I could just imagine Rocco wearing it on his fishing trips.

  With my shopping done and my arms full of carrier bags, I made my way back to the car. I was just crossing the road when I heard a piercing wolf-whistle that ricocheted off the stone buildings and instinctively I knew it was intended for me. Turning on the spot, I looked up and my eyes landed on the incongruous sight of Zak, dressed in black leathers and fedora, striding purposefully towards me, looking as if he was just about to jump on stage to do a session. Instead, like me, he was laden with carrier bags.

  ‘Hello, gorgeous! How are you?’ He dumped his bags on the floor and threw his arms around me, kissing me enthusiastically on the lips, eliciting some interested glances from the passers-by. ‘Haven’t seen you in a while, babe. Everything okay?’

  ‘Great, thanks.’ I said, when I came up for air. ‘I’ve been away for a couple of days visiting my sister. She’s been poorly, but I’m back now, until Christmas at least. Then, it’s back to the big city, I guess. I shall miss it here though.’

  ‘Christ, no!’ he said, digging me in the ribs with an elbow. ‘You’re part of the furniture now. You can’t leave us.’ I shrugged, the cold pricking my eyes. ‘Sorry about your sister, by the way.’ He touched me on the arm, looking genuinely concerned. I hadn’t met many rock stars in my time. Come to think of it Zak was the only one I’d met, but I couldn’t imagine anyone less ‘starry’ than Zak.

  ‘Rocco told me she’s been having a rough time of it. Poor girl.’

  ‘She’s doing okay now, thanks.’ So Rocco had been talking about me. Well, that was something at least. ‘So,’ I looked down at the profusion of bags at our feet, ‘Christmas shopping?’

  ‘Yeah. I love it, don’t you? And this year’s gonna be extra special. I can’t wait. There’s so much going on, it’ll be a blast. I guess Rocco’s told you the news?’

  ‘News?’ Then Zak’s phone buzzed into action. He fumbled around in the inside of his jacket. ‘Sorry, babe,’ he said, looking fretfully at his phone. ‘I should be somewhere else right now and if I don’t get going I’ll be in big trouble.’ Kissing me again on the lips, he gathered up his bags. ‘Catch up with you over Christmas, though. Deffo.’

  ‘Yes, great,’ I said, thinking it unlikely and feeling disappointed that we didn’t get to finish our conversation. ‘What was that news you were about to tell me?’ I called after his departing figure, desperate to know.

  ‘Oh that.’ He grinned wickedly. ‘Actually, I’m under strict instructions not to say anything until the official announcement is made,
but I’m sure Rocco will tell you all about it later, get him to fill you in on all the details.’

  Chapter 20

  When I got back to the house the two trees I’d chosen from the farm shop at the bottom of the lane had been delivered and were propping up the kitchen door. I gasped, wondering how they’d managed to grow to double their size since I’d chosen them.

  After dumping the shopping on the table, I hauled the trees inside and after a pick-me-up coffee, I got to work on decorating the house.

  It wasn’t difficult to make Rocco’s house look beautiful; it looked pretty damn good without any additional decoration from me. The smaller of the trees I put in the imposing hallway beside the oak stairway, covering it in a profusion of twinkling fairy lights. Up the banister I wound a swathe of gold ribbon and greenery, the pine cones from the local woods adding the necessary rustic charm.

  There was only one place for the eight foot tall Norwegian spruce. I wrapped it up in an old sheet to save Rocco’s beautiful oak floor and dragged it into the drawing room, positioning it between the huge fireplace and the French windows, through which there was a breathtaking view of the gardens and the fields beyond.

  With the fireplace framed by three big squashy sofas adorned with tapestry-covered cushions, I could imagine how magical it would be to unwrap presents in this room, perhaps to the sound of a choir singing hymns in the background wafting through the magnificent hi-fi system. Rocco hadn’t mentioned his plans for the holiday, but I knew if he had his way he would want to be at home with the women in his life, Millie and Sylvia. Reluctantly, I had to admit that would include Pandora too, but I didn’t want to dwell on that.

  Some hours later I finished putting the final touches to the decorations. I switched the lights on in the trees and those entwined around the log pile in the fireplace and the chromed candle arches, one each for all the tiny windows of the house. Like the lights, I glowed with a sense of satisfied contentment. It looked beautiful, just like one of those pretty German market towns bathed in a glow of twinkling stars.