Once I’m dressed I come out onto the landing and lean over the bannister to see if I can hear Vincent in the kitchen. A cough from behind me makes me jump. I turn and see him standing by his bedroom doorway in his tracksuit. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since Mum gave me back my phone and ungrounded me. I’d stayed in my bedroom all of last night to avoid him.
“Morning,” he says curtly.
“Morning,” I mutter, swallowing down my fear. In a couple of days I’ll be in Berlin, I remind myself. I’ll be free from Vincent, for a few days at least. If only Rudy was able to come with me. Maybe she doesn’t want to come with you, my inner voice taunts, like some kind of trainee Vincent. I push the thought from my mind. I’m going to go and see Rudy at the café and get to the bottom of it. Part of me wants to head straight out the door but I need to let Mum know I’m going. I don’t want to give her or Vincent any reason to ground me again.
When I get to the kitchen I’m surprised to see Mum still in her dressing gown. She’s usually up and dressed before anyone else. Must be because it’s half-term. In another twist, Vincent is actually making his own breakfast, angrily shaking some cereal into a bowl.
“I’m just popping into town to get some travel toiletries for Berlin,” I say to Mum.
“OK, honey. See you later.”
Vincent slams his bowl down on the counter. Pathetic. I grab a banana from the fruit bowl and head out the door.
Outside, it’s the first sunny day in what feels like ages. Everything looks so much better, brighter. The sea is sparkling and the people I pass look so much lighter too. It’s as if the whole of Brighton is shaking off the heavy coat of winter. It’s only when I get to North Laine that I start feeling nervous. I hope Rudy won’t mind me turning up out of the blue but I didn’t want to give her the chance to turn me down in a message. When I get to Kale and Hearty it’s bustling with people having breakfast. I see Sid clearing one of the tables and go over to him.
“Hey, is Rudy in today?”
He looks at me blankly for a moment before his face lights up with recognition. “You’re the poet!”
“Yes, I am.” It’s so cool to be greeted in this way my tension fades slightly.
“Hold on a sec.” I wait as Sid goes behind the counter and calls into the kitchen, “Rudy!”
“What’s up?” Rudy appears in the doorway wearing a white apron over her T-shirt and jeans.
“Visitor for you.” Sid gestures at me.
“Oh.”
I study Rudy’s face, unsure if she looks shocked or unhappy to see me. Either way, she isn’t smiling. My heart sinks.
“I’m sorry to bother you at work,” I say as she comes over.
“Don’t be silly. What is it?”
“I just … I was wondering… Is there any way you’d change your mind about coming to Berlin?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to come,” she says quickly.
“Then what is it?”
“The money.” She looks down at her feet.
“But my dad said—”
“I can’t accept his money.”
“Oh.”
“I was going to ask if I could get an advance on my wages.” Rudy lowers her voice. “But I’d be leaving them in the lurch as it is, going away at such short notice.”
What she’s saying makes perfect sense but there’s something about the way she’s saying it that feels off somehow, like she’s not being totally straight with me.
Tyler appears behind the counter and looks over at us. Then I realize the real reason Rudy doesn’t want to go – she’d rather be here with him. I feel a hot flush of embarrassment at my stupidity.
“OK, well, I’ll get out of your way then…”
“You’re not in my way.”
I’m so embarrassed now I can barely see. I turn to go. “I’ll see you next week, when I get back – if you want?”
“Of course. Look I—”
“Have a good week.” I hurry out of the café, overwhelmed with disappointment.
RUDY
“OK, what did that onion ever do to you?” Tyler calls across the kitchen as I bang my knife down over and over again until I’ve chopped the onion on my board to smithereens.
“It didn’t, it’s just an innocent victim, caught in the crossfire of my stupidity,” I mutter.
“Want to talk about it?” Tyler wipes his hands on his apron and comes over.
“I feel like such an idiot.”
“Hey, that’s no way to talk about my Jedi sis.” He nudges me playfully.
“Why not? I deserve it.”
“Is this something to do with Clementine’s surprise visit?”
I nod.
“I’m not allowed to go to Berlin with her.”
“What? Why?”
“My mum had one of her hissy fits. She thinks letting Clementine’s dad pay for my flight would be accepting charity. Anyway, it’s too short notice. She’s going tomorrow. I wouldn’t be able to get the time off from this place.”
“Who says?” Sid appears in the kitchen at just the right – or wrong – moment. “Seriously, do you want some time off?” he asks, coming over to me.
“She’s been invited to go to Berlin,” Tyler says, clearly appointing himself my official spokesperson.
“Oh wow, that’s amazing.” Sid’s face lights up. “Berlin is incredible. You’d love it there.”
“Yeah, well, don’t worry about it,” I reply. “I can’t go.”
“If you’re worried about taking time off I’m sure we could cover for you,” Sid says.
“Absolutely,” Tyler agrees.
“Honestly, it’s all good. Forget I ever said anything.”
“All right then.” Sid places his hand on my shoulder. “But if you change your mind just let me know. You haven’t had any time off in ages. You’re more than entitled to it.” I feel myself deflating like a burst balloon as he goes back into the café. I know he’s being nice but that only makes it worse.
“I’ll lend you the money,” Tyler says. “You can take it from my mixing console fund.”
“No way!”
“Think about it at least.”
“But my mum says no, so…”
“Since when have you let that stop you?” Tyler says with a grin.
CLEMENTINE
My flight to Berlin is due to take off just after midday. I take the train to the airport, turning down Mum’s offer of a lift. Things between her and Vincent are so tense now I don’t want to add to it. Besides, I need the chance to decompress. There’s something about train journeys that really helps me sort out my thoughts, something so soothing about watching the world stream by outside, putting distance between me and my problems. I still haven’t heard from Gina so I’m guessing I never will. Hopefully my trip will inspire me to come up with some other way to help Mum.
When I get to Gatwick I follow the route to the terminal on autopilot. I’ve been making this journey for three years now and as soon as I turned fourteen, I started doing it by myself. Mum used to freak out at the thought of me flying on my own, even though she’d drop me off at one end and Dad would pick me up at the other. I’m not sure what she thought was going to happen. I mean, airports have got to be one of the safest places in the world, what with all the security. Normally, when I travel to Berlin on my own, I like to pretend that I’m already living my dream life and I’m off on some kind of adventure as a world-renowned dancer or poet, but today I’m finding it impossible to slip inside a dream. Thoughts of Rudy and Mum keep blocking me.
I stop by a tall stand advertising the Tourist Information centre, right in front of the departures board. My eagerness to leave the house means I’m super early. I’m about to head to Check-in when my phone starts buzzing. When I see that it’s a call from Rudy I almost drop the phone in surprise. I haven’t heard from her at all after our awkward encounter in the café yesterday.
“Hello,” I say nervously.
“Hey, where
are you?”
I frown. It sounds like her voice is coming from behind me. I walk around the stand. Rudy is there, looking down at the floor, her phone clamped to her ear. “I’m right here,” I say.
When she sees me her face lights up.
“What are you doing here?” Her backpack is on the floor, the big one she uses when she’s doing her street art.
“Coming with you to Berlin … if the invitation’s still open?” There’s a nervousness beneath her usual tough exterior.
“What the…?
“Jeff?” she says and we both start laughing.
“How? I mean… I thought you said… My flight leaves in a couple of hours… Y-you don’t have a ticket,” I stammer.
“Who says?” Rudy taps something on her phone and passes it to me.
There’s an airline ticket on the screen. I check the flight number and check my boarding card to double-check. It’s for the same flight as mine. “But how…?”
“Dave. Turns out he’s not such an idiot after all.” Rudy grins. “I’m really sorry about yesterday. My mum told me I wasn’t allowed to go but I was too embarrassed to tell you. It seems Dave had a word with her last night and somehow convinced her to change her mind. He brought me up here this morning and told the airline I’d be travelling with you and luckily they still had some seats free. They booked me on the same return flight as you too. Hope that’s OK?”
I feel like someone who just won the lottery, without even realizing they had a ticket.
“You do still want me to come, right?” Rudy asks. It’s weird seeing her look so nervous.
“Of course I do. Oh my God, this is amazing.” I want to hug her so badly but I manage to stop myself.
Dave comes striding over, holding a cup of coffee. “Aha, you’ve found her,” he says when he sees me. He holds up his phone. “I just need to get some info from you, Clementine. Got to keep Rudy’s mum happy – or stay off her hit list, at least.”
Rudy grins. “Thanks so much for doing this.”
“No problem. It’s not every day you get the chance to see Berlin. I spent a summer there, back in the nineties,” he says to me. “Just after the Wall came down. It was one of the best times of my life.”
I nod in agreement, although it’s weird to think of Berlin positively. For so long I’ve resented it as the city that took my dad away from me. “What do you need to know?”
“Your dad’s name and number and address. She wants his email too, for some reason.”
“Sorry about this,” Rudy says, looking embarrassed. “It was the only way she’d let me go.”
“It’s fine,” I laugh. I don’t care what her mum needs to know, as long as it means Rudy can come with me. Once I’ve given Dave the information I message Dad and tell him the good news. Thankfully he doesn’t seem fazed by this last-minute change of plans. Can’t wait to meet her, he replies.
“Right then, you two had better get going through security,” Dave says. “I’ll hang around here for a bit, have another coffee. So, if there are any issues just call me.”
“Will do,” Rudy says. She looks at him for a moment, then grabs him in a hug. “Thank you,” she mutters, before pulling away and looking at the floor.
“You’re welcome.” Dave grins. “Have fun. But no getting arrested ’cos I won’t be there to bail you out.”
“We didn’t get arrested!” Rudy and I chorus and all three of us start laughing.
Rudy swings her backpack over her shoulder and we head to security, my skin tingling with excitement and disbelief.
RUDY
I decide not to tell Clementine that I’ve never flown before. It was embarrassing enough having to tell her about Mum almost banning me from going to Berlin. I don’t want her to think I’m a total kid. One thing I definitely wasn’t prepared for was the security guard. Talk about an attitude problem. As I hand the guy my passport he stares at me like it’s got “INTERNATIONAL DRUG-DEALING TERRORIST” stamped right across it. Don’t say anything; don’t do anything, I tell myself, fighting the urge to yell, What exactly is your problem, mister? Thankfully, he finally stops staring at me and I’m allowed through. I meet Clementine by the conveyor belt and pretend to be completely unfazed as we wait to collect our things. The truth is, I’m anything but unfazed. I can’t believe this is happening.
Once we’ve got our bags we head into the departures lounge and over to a café. As I watch the barista get our hot chocolates I think of Tyler and Sid and Jenna. It was so good of Sid to give me the days off. We take our drinks over to a table and talk about Berlin, and Clementine lists all the places she wants to show me. I try to concentrate on what she’s saying but all I can think of is that soon we will be up in the sky in what is essentially a giant tin can. The more I think about it, the more I don’t understand how planes manage to fly. It’s completely unnatural. Where is Tyler when you need him? I bet he knows all the science behind it. I bet he’d be able to reassure me.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Clementine says.
“What?”
“I was just wondering what you were thinking about. You looked so deep in thought.”
“Oh, I was just thinking about Tyler.”
“Ah.” Clementine looks up at the departures board. “OK, better go – our gate’s been called.”
I quickly finish my drink and follow her out onto a long concourse. By the time we get to our gate I feel as if we’ve walked halfway to Berlin. If only we could walk all the way. As I look out of the window at the huge plane outside my mouth goes so dry I can barely swallow. We sit in the waiting area for ages but as soon as a heavily made-up woman in an airline uniform tells us it’s time to board it feels like our wait is over way too soon. The woman starts calling out seat numbers. Thankfully, when Dave booked my ticket they were able to put me next to Clementine. I’m not sure how I’d cope with the fear now threatening to suffocate me if I had to sit next to some random.
Finally, it’s our turn to walk along the gangway to the plane. My pulse starts pumping a fierce beat. Seeing the plane does nothing to calm me. Up this close it’s huge. I don’t get how it can defy the laws of gravity. And I can’t work out why the flight attendants who greet us are so smiley. How can they put themselves through this terror every day? But at least they’re getting paid for it. Unlike the rest of us, who are actually paying for the privilege of being scared to death. On and on my fear rants. We find our seats and I copy Clementine and put my bag in the overhead locker. As soon as I sit down I put on my seat belt. Not that it’s going to help, if it actually came down to it.
“Are you OK?” Clementine asks.
I nod, my mouth too dry to speak.
“Do you like flying?”
I shrug, like I’m all whatevs, when really I’m all WHAT THE HELL???
Thankfully she changes the subject and starts talking about this poet she loves called Emily Dickinson. I half listen, half continue to have a meltdown.
Once everyone is seated the pilot, whose name is Jeremy and who sounds like one of those mega posh dudes in the royal family, tells the crew to prepare for take-off. At this point my fear is so intense it’s like there’s a massive bass drum pounding away inside me.
The plane heads over to a runway and the engine starts to roar. I sit back in my seat and silently say Mum’s favourite prayer, even though I think religion’s for losers: Help me, Jesus… And sorry for not believing in you, I quickly add. The engine’s roar gets louder and the plane picks up speed. I look out of the window at the airport whizzing by. The ground starts slipping from view and the nose of the plane tilts upwards.
“I love this bit,” Clementine exclaims.
The noise and the speed mingle with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. The plane climbs higher and higher. It’s like being in a rocket. And now we’re in a cloud. We’re actually in a cloud! And then suddenly, there’s a flash of sunshine. The plane levels out. The sky is brilliant blue and the snowy-white clouds below us look like a
magical kingdom made from marshmallow. My fear turns into a high. And suddenly, I love flying. I turn to Clementine and grin.
“I love this bit too.”
CLEMENTINE
Thankfully, by the time we land in Berlin, Rudy seems to have stopped thinking about Tyler. All the way here I fought the urge to ask her about their relationship. If anything, she’s got happier and happier as we’ve got further from the UK and by the time we touch down in Germany, she’s more animated than I’ve ever seen her.
As soon as we get through Customs I take her to buy a Welcome Card – a pass that gives you unlimited travel on Berlin buses and trains – then we follow the walkway outside to the station.
“This is so cool,” Rudy murmurs as we walk past the airport pub, which has been made from wooden beams to look just like an alpine lodge.
“Bratwurst…” Rudy reads from a sign as we walk past a stand. “Is that like the German equivalent of a hotdog?”
“Yes and they’re everywhere,” I reply.
“Cool.” Rudy’s eyes are saucer-wide. If she’s this impressed with the walk between the airport and the station, she’s going to love the city.
“We’ve still got a couple of hours till we meet Dad so I thought I’d take you to my favourite place. I have a feeling it might be your favourite place here too.”
“Cool,” Rudy says again.
When we get to the station a train to the city centre is waiting at the platform. We get on and sit down and Rudy stares all around, drinking every detail in. Seeing her expression reminds me of the first time I came here and how weird it felt, being surrounded by signs and announcements and people speaking a different language.
“Is this your first time in Germany?” I ask.
Rudy nods. “It’s – it’s my first time anywhere – abroad, I mean.”
“Really?” I’m not able to disguise my shock. “Hang on a minute. Does that mean you’ve never flown before?”
Clementine and Rudy Page 20