by Kim J. West
I stood and stepped away from her.
“First of all, Ashley; you don’t know me. I’m not the teenage love-struck boy you knew all those years ago.”
“We lived together, Jonathan; are you forgetting that?”
“Yeah,” I said with a snort. “And look how that ended.”
She winced at my words.
“Are you never going to forgive me? I’ve told you so many times that I was sorry about how I behaved. I’m really sorry; please, Jonathan.”
I held up a hand.
“Last time you were here, I already told you I forgave you a long time ago; it’s not you. I just have a lot on my mind and I need my space.”
She hesitated before standing up and stepping closer to me, wringing her hands nervously.
“Well, I came to stay for a couple of days to just be there for you; is that okay? But if you want me to leave, I’ll just go…”
I folded my arms protectively across my chest then I took in a deep, breath facing the ceiling. I really wanted to be alone and just stare at my cell phone images of Lena and listen to her favorite music. I didn’t need an ex-fiancée to complicate my life. But I guess this was an opportunity to finally show Ashley that I was genuinely over her for the next couple of days, so she never comes again.
“Okay,” I said at last. “I don’t need your help with anything, but you are welcome to stay for a couple of days as a guest and an old friend.” I emphasized the last word.
I could visibly see girlish excitement in her face at my concession. Without warning, she reached out her arms and hugged me around my waist.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” she said, her voice muffled in my chest. Then she pulled back.
“I’m just here to make sure you are fine; I was concerned as a friend.” Her emphasis on that last word was unconvincing.
I looked at her face, noting the genuine concern in her features. Ashley was a very beautiful woman. I knew if I pulled her to me she wouldn’t resist. Where would the problem be in that? I reasoned. After all, I was now single, we once lived together, we already knew each other sexually and she would be willing. I was nursing a heartbreak and up until that moment, I hadn’t considered mindless, heartless sex as a cure.
She must have noticed my gaze change and gently reached for my shirt, placing her palm under it, directly on my skin. I looked down at her; she had her ‘fuck me’ look. Instantly, I came to my senses and took a step back.
“Let me show you to your room,” I said firmly, picking up her suitcase and heading to the guest suite.
My sex life with Ashley had been nothing compared to Lena. With Lena, things were on another level. She’d start off a little shy sometimes, but once she got aroused she became wild and uninhibited; she did and said things that blew my mind and when she gyrated those curvy hips and twisted that waist, she was incredible. She put her body on display for me; she didn’t care about her perceived imperfections. She had become my addiction. Seeing Ashley again reminded me that Lena was my type of woman; my former, immature ideas were left behind in my past with women like Ashley.
After I left her to settle in, I told her I needed to work and headed back downstairs to my office. An hour later, I heard a light tap and looked up to see Ashley standing in my doorway, dressed in tiny pajama shorts and vest. I remembered that in the past, working from home had brought on huge tantrums and fights with her; that’s why I’d preferred to work late at the office instead to avoid offending her. The recollection of her attitude to my work had me stiffening in anticipation of some type of scolding. I was surprise to see a warm smile instead.
“I hope I’m not disturbing you?” she ventured, walking further into the room.
“I was just finishing up a few things. Are you settled?”
“Yes, thank you. I had a look around, I hope you don’t mind.”
“By all means,” I responded with a careless wave. “Feel free, I don’t mind.”
“What are we doing for dinner?” she asked expectantly. “It's almost 8.00pm and I’m kind of hungry.”
I directed her to the kitchen closet that stored the restaurant menu from downstairs and asked her to order anything for me too while I finished up.
Half an hour later, she called me to say the food had been delivered. I wasn’t surprised to see she’d ordered a bland salad of greens and steamed fish for herself, but I was a little disappointed she’d ordered the same for me. I ate quickly, then made a protein smoothie to satisfy my hunger, while she watched disapprovingly. But she held her tongue and sipped her herbal tea, while I poured an Armagnac for myself and headed back to my office.
Later, she popped her head round the door to say goodnight; I barely registered her appearance, my thoughts scattered as I worked through my schedule.
The next day, I headed to the office extra early, not wanting to interact with Ashley that early in the morning. Going to work in the morning had been a source of battles for us when we were engaged.
“You are the boss, you don’t need to go to work every day,” she’d scream. “You should be more concerned with how you are going to please your future wife.”
After tears and assurances topped with lots of hugs and kisses, I’d eventually manage to tear away and make it into work, only for the same process to be repeated again the next day. That unpleasant memory had me hurrying along to get to work before she woke up.
I phoned her a couple of hours later to let her know Jackson would be at her disposal if she needed to go anywhere. Jackson later informed me she’d gone to spend most of the day with my mother then visited a couple of her socialite friends. She sent me a text during the day that we’d be going out to dinner that night at some new fusion bistro she’d heard about from her friends. Lacking the strength to argue, I agreed and we made arrangements to meet at the penthouse at 7.00pm.
When I arrived at the penthouse, Ashley shouted a muffled greeting from the guest room that she was getting ready, and I headed to my suite to change into smart casual pants and shirt, sans tie. I headed downstairs to wait for her. Soon she appeared, walking down the stairs dressed to the nines. She looked stunning as she always did in a long body hugging dress with a plunging neckline, her cleavage on proud display. Her long blond hair was cascading down her back and in her hand she clutched a rectangular purse. I was admiring the view, until I noticed my engagement ring on her finger. Why the hell was she still wearing it? I’d need to get to the bottom of this issue tonight.
Chapter Sixty
Jackson drove us to the new restaurant and as we arrived, I was immediately on my guard. I could see paparazzi lurking around the entrance with restaurant security having a torrid time keeping them at a safe distance. I didn’t like it. Pictures of me and Ashley had already caused me grief with Lena. Immediately, the images of her dining out with Willis entered my thoughts, reminding me that she’d apparently moved on. I knew pictures could be interpreted incorrectly, but I’d heard it direct from Lena, she was back with Willis and I was out in the cold.
We stepped out at the front entrance, with Jackson giving the car to a valet so he could assist in facilitating our safe entry. Endless camera flashes lit up around us, our names being called to get our attention. I put my arm around Ashley’s waist and pushed passed the photographers in stony silence, ignoring their heckling. Jackson helped us get past the rabble, but on the other hand, Ashley seemed to enjoy all the attention, giving the paparazzi a little flirtatious wave. Inwardly, I rolled my eyes; I was glad she was leaving the next day; back to Texas. When she’d reminded me of her imminent departure on the way to the restaurant, she seemed a little disappointed I didn’t try to stop her; in truth I was relieved.
We dined making small talk and enduring frequent interruptions from people who knew us. I ate quickly, hoping to end dinner fast so I could leave; I wasn’t in the mood to engage with the public yet.
“So,” I finally began while we were waiting for dessert to arrive. “Why are you still wearing the
ring? I thought we discussed this last time you were here.”
The beaming smile she’d had all evening slowly disappeared and was replace by an indignant expression.
“Jonathan, you gave it to me and I’ve never stopped wearing it. Do you want it back?”
“No, I don’t, I’m just concerned that you are giving out the wrong impression because we aren’t together and never will be.”
She looked at me with barely concealed hurt.
“So you want me to stop wearing it?”
“Yes.”
She sighed, then looked at me with renewed determination.
“Jonathan, just because you gave up on us, it doesn’t mean I have to do the same.”
It was my turn to look equally determined.
“Ashley, I really don’t want to sound rude, but you are the one who destroyed the relationship and in retrospect, I’m glad that you did.”
“I made a mistake, Jonathan. I should never have done what I did. I want you to think about us and reconsider how we can get through this.”
My face became grim as I considered her proposal.
“Is that why you came?”
“I came because I was worried about you. And also to tell you I’m still in lo—“
I cut her off.
“I’m in love with someone else, Ashley,” I blurted before she finished her sentence.
“The woman who left you?”
“Yes,” I said simply, unable to further express what I felt for Lena.
“I understand you feel that way now after a break up, but I’m willing to wait until you get through—“
I had to kill her hopes.
“I want her back and will do anything for her to come back to me.”
She was silent for a long moment as she digested my words.
“I know you, Jonathan,” she said almost to herself. “If you want something, you get it. If she was free you’d have her back already… it’s another man, isn’t it? She must be with someone else.”
I had no idea Ashley could be so perceptive and figure it out.
“Yes,” I replied reluctantly.
Her face turned from questioning to anger.
“When I was with another man, you instantly left me without looking back and you didn’t want to see me ever again. Yet you want her, although she’s with someone else?”
Her voice was getting louder towards the end of her sentence. I looked around to make sure nobody was listening to our conversation.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, especially not here.”
We sat in an uncomfortable silence for the rest of the dinner, barely touching our desserts. When we were done, I signaled for the server to bring the bill while I informed Jackson we were ready to leave.
After I’d settled the bill, I headed for the exit with a sullen Ashley walking ahead of me. We still weren’t talking when we entered the penthouse; when we were engaged, she could give me the silent treatment for several days if she was upset, so this was nothing new. I broke the awkward silence at the foot of the stairs.
“What time are you leaving tomorrow?”
“My dad’s jet will arrive around noon, so I’ll head out around then.”
“Jackson will take you to the airport.”
She nodded, her eyes looking anywhere but at me.
“Thank you for coming,” I said to her as kindly as I could.
She didn’t acknowledge my thanks.
I headed upstairs and went to my room.
I wanted to shower before bed so after I stripped, I headed into the bathroom. I set the perfect water temperature and allowed the water to cascade over my head, while I thought through the evening with Ashley. I was relieved she was leaving. It had been two weeks since my final date with Lena and lately, stroking off in the shower was the way I survived without sex. I knew I had a high sex drive which had driven most of my decisions about women in the past, but lately my thoughts were still all on Lena and if I couldn’t have her physically, I would survive on fantasies of her on my mind.
With my body all wet, and my dick hard; I was ready to get through what I needed to do to remain sane. Without warning, my shower door opened and before me stood a naked Ashley. She had the same willowy slim body she’d always had, her enhanced chest thrust out towards me in a seductive pose. Her long blonde tresses had been swept to one shoulder and she wore the familiar seductive look I remembered. She looked at me up and down, evidently liking what she saw and stepped in and closed the shower door behind her. Like a boy caught doing something naughty, I quickly grabbed a large towel and held it over my erect penis with one hand. I didn’t want her to think she was the one I was hot for.
“What are you doing?” I demanded tersely.
“She snaked her arms around my neck.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” she replied with a flirtatious smile.
“Ashley,” I said with a warning tone in my voice. “Stop it right now.”
She persisted, trying to pull my face down to kiss her.
“Ashley,” I chided, prying her arms from around my neck with my free hand. “Stop. I don’t want you.” My tone was harsher than I intended.
She reared back as if I’d punched her in the neck. Moisture began to bloom in her eyes as tears welled up and rolled down her face in thick droplets. A sob escaped her and she quickly opened the shower door and ran out crying quietly.
I struggled to feel any pity or regret about making her cry; I was annoyed that she was here to try and manipulate me, to get me to reconcile with her. But I knew that as a guest in my home I had to make sure she was okay. I finished up quickly, pulled on sweat pants and a T-shirt then headed to her room. I knocked lightly; no answer. I entered the dimmed room and headed to the form that lay in the bed. I stepped up to the bed slowly, noticing red-rimmed eyes and nose. She quickly turned away from me to face the opposite side.
“Ashley,” I said gently, sitting beside her. “Are you okay?” She didn’t answer, her body being wracked with heaves from crying. I began to stroke her arm lightly trying to comfort her.
“Ashley, I’m sorry.”
She suddenly turned around to face me.
“Are you really?”
I hesitated.
“I’m sorry I can’t be with you the way you want. I’m a mess and can’t be with anybody right now.”
“Who is she? And why does she have so much power over you?” she asked in frustration. I couldn’t argue with her assessment.
“Her name is Lena. I was going to ask her to marry me the day she left me, so I’m still hurting badly.”
We were both quiet for a long moment.
“I see,” she said at last. “So there’s no hope for us?”
I didn’t want her to cry again, but this was my chance to drum it into her.
“There is no chance of us ever getting back together, Ashley. I’m really sorry to disappoint you.”
“I understand,” she said unconvincingly.
“Thank you.”
“Well,” she sighed, drying the last of her tears and wiping her nose. “I feel like a total idiot having thrown myself at you tonight; I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Forget about it,” I assured her.
“I guess I am out of your life tomorrow then.”
I had nothing to say; I had hurt her enough. I simply stood up to leave and headed to the door.
“Jonathan,” she called quietly just as I was about to shut the door.
I looked at her expectantly. “Yes?”
“You’ve made a big mistake,” she sniffed. “You’re going to regret it.”
I shut the door and left her to it.
Chapter Sixty-One
After Ashley was gone, I resumed one hundred percent focus on my work, driving my teams to the limit with targets and deadlines. When I trained with Mason, he was still on my case about the ‘black female’ as he called her.
“If I had your money and power,
I would have bitches lined up to help me get over this one,” he declared. “You’re just not yourself anymore, man.”
His observation hit me hard. It was difficult for him to understand that my money and position didn’t automatically shield me from human feelings of loss, pain and unrequited love. My public persona meant most people would assume my life was perfect. But he was right about me not being myself; I had to somehow try and force myself out of my Lena daze by pushing thoughts of her out of my mind.
My father had finally announced his decision to retire fully and I was soon to be inaugurated as the CEO of Strauss Carter; a position I’d been ready to relinquish just to be with Lena. Her departure left me with no option but to proceed as planned. He surprised me by bequeathing his shares in Strauss Carter to my future children; just like my grandfather had done for me. My mother sold me her remaining shares, making me the sole owner of the company. In my transition to head up Strauss Carter on my own, I’d crafted many new and transformational ideas I wanted to implement, but had been working myself to death for several weeks and needed to take a serious break before taking on my new role.
After an invitation from a friend and business associate, I made the decision to go to Europe to get away for a few months. I’d previously traveled all through Western Europe when I was younger, but this time chose to go off the beaten track and visit the Siberian wilderness in Russia to do some tracking and hiking.
Deep in my heart I knew I’d still be obsessing over Lena, but hoped doing some traveling would keep me occupied.
***
I took off for my trip with my old friend and ice hockey team mate from college Sergei, a wealthy son of a Russian oligarch. We’d occasionally done business together and his family intended to appoint Strauss Carter to manage their entire American investment portfolio worth over $10 billion; so when I accepted his invitation, it was a no brainer.