Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids
Page 2
A: Put a little boogie in it.
Q: What did the tree say to the flower?
A: “I’m rooting for you.”
Q: What is the craziest way to travel?
A: By loco-motive.
Q: What did the paper say to the pencil?
A: “You’ve got a good point.”
Q: What is the cheapest way to travel?
A: By sale-boat.
Q: Who are the cleanest people in the choir?
A: The soap-ranos.
Q: What is the noisiest game you can play?
A: Racket-ball.
Q: What did the earthquake say to the tornado?
A: “Don’t look at me, it’s not my fault.”
Q: What did the tree say to the lumberjack?
A: “Leaf me alone!”
Q: Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game?
A: All the fans left.
Q: Why did the ice cream cone become a reporter?
A: He wanted to get the scoop.
Q: What did the ice cream cone ride to the store?
A: A fudge-cycle.
Q: What kind of poles can swim?
A: Tadpoles.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teddy bear eat anything?
A: He was already stuffed.
Q: How does a gingerbread man make his bed?
A: With a cookie sheet.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader?
A: An ele-Vader.
Q: What do cowboys like on their salad?
A: Ranch dressing.
Q: Why was the elf crying?
A: He stubbed his mistle-toe.
Q: How do you make an orange giggle?
A: Tickle its navel.
Q: What kind of candy is never on time?
A: Choco-late.
Q: What kind of music does a boulder like?
A: Rock-n-roll.
Q: What did the mommy rope say to the baby rope?
A: “Don’t be knotty.”
Q: What do you call a monster with a high IQ?
A: Frank-Einstein.
Q: What did the turkey say to the ham?
A: “Nice to meat you!”
Q: Why was the Incredible Hulk so good at gardening?
A: He had a green thumb.
Q: What did the pool say to the lake?
A: “Water you doing here?”
Q: What did the cake say to the knife?
A: “Do you want a piece of me?”
Q: What was the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
A: Pi.
Q: What does bread wear to bed?
A: Jam-mies.
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: Taxi drivers.
Q: What did the lumberjack say to the tree?
A: “I have an axe to grind with you.”
Customer: Excuse me, waiter, but is there spaghetti on the menu?
Waiter: No, but I believe we have some in the kitchen.
Q: What was the best time of day in the Middle Ages?
A: Knight-time.
Q: What is the fastest peanut butter in the world?
A: Jiffy.
Q: Why was the baseball player a bad sport?
A: He stole third base and then went home.
Q: Where do lumberjacks keep their pigs?
A: In their hog cabin.
Q: What is the difference between a football player and a dog?
A: A football player has a whole uniform, but a dog only pants.
Q: Why was the science teacher angry?
A: He was a mad scientist.
Q: Why was the tree excited about the future?
A: It was ready to turn over a new leaf.
Q: What do trees eat for breakfast?
A: Oakmeal.
Q: What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half of a worm in your apple!
Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked out of the soccer game?
A: She ran away from the ball.
Q: What is a race car driver’s favorite meal?
A: Fast food.
Q: What does a skipper eat for breakfast?
A: Captain Crunch.
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?
A: Pilgrims.
Q: What runs around the football field but never moves?
A: A fence.
Q: Why was the jelly so stressed out?
A: It was spread too thin.
2
AWESOME ANIMAL JOKES
Q: A cowboy arrives at the ranch on a Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is that possible?
A: The horse’s name is Friday.
Q: What do you call a bear standing in the rain?
A: A drizzly bear.
Q: What happened when the spider got a new car?
A: It took it for a spin.
A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says no, so the duck leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says, “NO, we don’t sell grapes,” so the duck leaves the store. The next day the duck goes back to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager is furious now and says, “NO, WE DO NOT SELL GRAPES! IF YOU COME BACK AND ASK IF WE SELL GRAPES AGAIN, I’LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE FLOOR!” The next day the duck goes back to the same store and says to the manager, “Excuse me, do you sell nails at this store?” The manager says, “No, we don’t sell nails.” The duck replies, “That’s good. Do you sell grapes?”
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What is a reptile’s favorite movie?
A: The Lizard of Oz.
Q: Why did the cow become an astronaut?
A: So it could walk on the moooo-n.
Q: Where do birds invest their money?
A: In the stork market.
Q: Where do ants like to eat?
A: At a restaur-ant.
Q: Where do shrimp go if they need money?
A: The prawn shop.
Q: Why were the chickens so tired?
A: They were working around the cluck.
Q: Why did the boy canary make the girl canary pay for her own meal on their date?
A: Because he was cheep.
Q: What do cows like to eat?
A: Smoooothies.
Q: Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
A: If they lifted the other leg, they’d fall over.
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and a kitten?
A: A purr-anha.
Q: What kind of bull doesn’t have horns?
A: A bullfrog.
Q: How are fish and music the same?
A: They both have scales.
Q: Why did the skunk have to stay in bed until it felt better?
A: It was the doctor’s odors.
Q: What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner?
A: “Shall we prey?”
Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxi cabs.
Q: Why are pigs so bad at football?
A: They’re always hogging the ball.
Q: What do you call a lion whose car breaks down five miles before he gets to the zoo?
A: A cab.
Q: What is a whale’s favorite game?
A: Swallow the leader.
Q: Why are fish so bad at basketball?
A: They don’t like getting close to the net.
Q: Where do dogs go if they lose their tails?
A: The re-tail store.
Q: What do you call bears with no ears?
A: B.
Q: Why is it hard to trust what a baby chick is saying?
A: Talk is cheep.
Q: Why did the clown visit the aquarium?
A: To see the clown fish.
Q: What is as big as an elephant but weighs zero pounds?
&n
bsp; A: The elephant’s shadow.
Q: Why are horses always so negative?
A: They say “neigh” to everything.
Q: What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, splash?
A: A penguin rolling down an iceberg into the water.
Q: What is the smartest animal?
A: A snake, because no one can pull its leg.
Two men went deer hunting. One man asked the other, “Did you ever hunt bear (bare)?” The other hunter said, “No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts.”
Q: What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
A: Drop it a line!
Q: Why couldn’t the elephants go swimming at the pool?
A: They were always losing their trunks.
Q: Why did the sparrow go to the library?
A: It was looking for bookworms.
Q: What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail?
A: “Ruff, ruff.”
Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A penguin that’s embarrassed.
Q: What do you call a pig that is no fun to be around?
A: A boar.
Q: What kind of fish can perform surgery?
A: Sturgeons.
Q: What kind of sea creature hates all the others?
A: hermit crab.
Q: Where can you go to see mummies of cows?
A: The Mooseum of History.
Q: What kind of seafood tastes great with peanut butter?
A: Jellyfish.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a tree?
A: A pork-upine.
Q: What do cats like to put in their milk?
A: Mice cubes.
Q: Why is it easy to play tricks on lollipops?
A: They’re suckers.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: What do you do if your dog steals your spelling homework?
A: Take the words right out of his mouth.
Q: Why did the cat get detention at school?
A: Because he was a cheetah.
Q: Where do bees come from?
A: Stingapore and Beelivia.
Q: Why couldn’t the polar bear get along with the penguin?
A: They were polar opposites.
Q: What did the rooster say to the hen?
A: “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”
Q: What did the whale say to the dolphin?
A: “Long time no sea.”
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: “Ouch, ouch.”
Q: What happened when the frog’s car broke down?
A: It had to be toad away.
Q: What happens when a cat eats a lemon?
A: You get a sourpuss.
Q: What language do pigs speak?
A: Swine language.
Q: What do cars and elephants have in common?
A: They both have trunks.
Q: What is a whale’s favorite candy?
A: Blubber gum.
Q: What is a bat’s motto?
A: Hang in there.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rabbit and frog?
A: A bunny ribbit.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a daisy?
A: A collie-flower.
Q: What does a cat say when it’s surprised?
A: “Me-WOW!”
Q: Why did the parakeet go to the candy store?
A: To get a tweet.
Q: What do you have if your dog can’t bark?
A: A hush-puppy.
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a rabbit?
A: You get hare in your milk.
Q: Why did the horse keep falling over?
A: It just wasn’t stable.
Q: How do fish pay their bills?
A: With sand dollars.
Q: Which creatures on Noah’s ark didn’t come in pairs?
A: The worms—they came in apples.
Q: How do you shoot a bumblebee?
A: With a bee-bee gun.
Q: Why did Fido beat up Rover?
A: Because Rover was a Boxer.
Q: What do you get when an elephant sneezes?
A: You get out of the way!
Q: What is the craziest bird in the world?
A: The coo-coo bird.
Q: What is the dumbest bird in the world?
A: The do-do bird.
Q: What do you get when your dog makes your breakfast?
A: You get pooched eggs.
Q: Why did the horse wake up with a headache?
A: Because at bedtime he hit the hay.
Q: What do trees and dogs have in common?
A: They both have bark.
Q: Why do bumblebees smell so good?
A: They always wear bee-odorant.
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake?
A: A jump rope.
Q: What do you call a boring dinosaur?
A: A dino-snore.
Q: What is a frog’s favorite drink?
A: Croak-a-Cola.
Q: What kind of bees never die?
A: Zom-bees.
Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A: A pouch potato.
Q: What happened when the sharks raced each other?
A: They tide (get it . . . they tied).
Q: Why couldn’t the goats get along?
A: They kept butting heads.
Q: What type of bat is silly?
A: A ding-bat.
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They just eat whatever bugs them!
Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can’t tuna fish.
Q: What did the horse say when he tripped?
A: “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up.”
Q: If people like sandwiches, what do lions like?
A: Man-wiches.
Q: When do fireflies get uptight?
A: When they need to lighten up.
Q: Why do rhinos have so many wrinkles?
A: Because they’re so hard to iron.
Q: Where did the turtle fill up his gas tank?
A: At the shell station.
Q: Why did the pony get sent to his room without supper?
A: He wouldn’t stop horsing around.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the squirrel it could be done.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove it wasn’t a chicken.
Q: What do you give a horse with a bad cold?
A: Cough stirrup.
Q: Who falls asleep at a bullfight?
A: A bull-dozer.
Q: What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
A: World hiss-tory.
Q: What kind of animal is related to a computer?
A: A ram.
Q: What do you call an insect that complains all the time?
A: A grumble-bee.
Q: Why were the deer, the chipmunk, and the squirrel laughing so hard?
A: Because the owl was a hoot!
Q: Why did the cat and her kittens clean up their mess?
A: They didn’t want to litter.
Q: What is a sheep’s favorite kind of food?
A: Bah-bah-cue.
Q: What is a hyena’s favorite kind of candy?
A: A Snickers bar.
Q: How do sea creatures communicate underwater?
A: With shell phones.
Q: What do you call a monkey who won’t behave?
A: A bad-boon.
Q: What kind of bugs read the dictionary?
A: Spelling bees.
Q: What do you call a calf that gets into trouble?
A: Grounded beef.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur who’s scared all the time?
A: A nervous Rex.
Q: What do you call a polar bear in Hawaii?
A: Lost!
Q: Why was the dog depressed?
A: Because his life was so ruff.
Q: What does a rabbit use to fix its fur?
A: Hare-spray.
Q: What kind of insect is hard to understand?
A: A mumble-bee.
Q: Where do you take a sick bumblebee?
A: To the wasp-ital.
Q: Who made the fish’s wishes come true?
A: Its fairy cod-mother.
Q: Where do pigs go for a rest?
A: To their ham-mock.
Q: What do you call a cow that can’t give milk?
A: A milk dud.
Q: Why did the birds get in trouble?
A: They were using fowl language.
Q: Where does a lizard keep his groceries?
A: In the refriger-gator.
Q: Why is talking to cows a waste of time?
A: Whatever you say goes in one ear and out the udder.
Q: What do you get if a cow is in an earthquake?
A: A milkshake.
Q: How does a farmer count his cattle?
A: With a cow-culator.
Q: Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder one.
Q: Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
A: They go on their bunny-moon.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a cell phone?
A: A golden receiver.
Q: Where did the bull take the cow on a date?
A: To dinner and a mooovie.
Q: What is the world’s hungriest animal?
A: A turkey: it just gobble, gobble, gobbles!
Joe: There were ten cats on a boat and one jumped off. How many were left?
Jack: I don’t know, Joe. I guess nine?
Joe: No, there were none! They were all a bunch of copy cats.
Q: How come hyenas are so healthy?
A: Because laughter is the best medicine.
Q: Why don’t Dalmatians like to take baths?
A: They don’t like to be spotless.
Q: What do you get when sheep do karate?
A: Lamb chops.
Q: What happened to the mouse when he fell into the bathtub?
A: He came out squeaky clean.
Q: When do you ask hamburgers lots of questions?
A: When you want to grill them.
Q: What is a duck’s favorite snack?
A: Cheese and quackers.
Q: What do you call a cow that’s afraid of everything?
A: A cow-ard.
Q: Why did the rooster go to the doctor?
A: It had the cock-a-doodle-flu.
Q: What do birds do before they work out?
A: They do their worm-ups.
Q: What kind of insects are bad at football?
A: Fumblebees.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer (no idea).