by Amali Rose
“I’m so fucking angry. I know I shouldn’t be, I should be sad and lost, but all I feel is anger.” As Mack opens up I inch my pinky finger toward his and link them, offering him my support in the only way I know how.
“It was cancer. By the time they discovered it, it was stage four and terminal. She didn’t even have a chance and she was gone six months later. I have no idea why I’m mad at her, but I am. I’m so mad she’s gone; that she left me.” Mack chokes up and I feel my own throat closing up in sympathy.
“My dad is completely lost. He just kind of wanders around, existing, doing his best to get through the day. At night I hear him cry, sobbing in his bedroom, and I want to help him somehow but I can’t. Then I get angry at him too. Why is he hiding how upset he is? It makes me feel like I have to as well, like I can’t let him know how out of control I feel. I’m trying to keep it together but I just…” as his voice trails off I glance over and see a tear escape.
“What was she like?” I ask.
“My mom? She was… amazing. Funny, so fucking funny. Compassionate. Kind. She treated everyone like family. She would have done anything for anyone.” He lowers his head to his knees. “It’s so fucking unfair.”
“She sounds incredible.”
His lips lift slightly at my remark. “She was the best.”
Taking a deep breath, I consider my next words carefully. “You have every right to be angry, Mack. But don’t let your mother’s death define you. That would be the easy thing to do. Let her life inspire you. Live your life in a way that makes her memory shine.” I shut my mouth and pray that I haven’t overstepped. He lowers his head to his knees so I can no longer see his face, but his shoulders shake slightly and in an effort to offer him some sort of comfort I lean against him, placing my head against his arm and rubbing small circles on his back with my left hand.
We sit this way for what feels like an eternity until Mack has gathered himself. Looking across at me, he questions, “So, what happened to you, why are you so sad?”
I try to figure out how to answer him. After his revelations, my situation doesn’t seem so important. Despite what happened last night, both my parents are alive and well. I can call either of them up and see them whenever I want. Honestly, I’m feeling like a drama queen right about now. I mean this is 2003, people’s parents’ divorce all the time, right?
“My parents told me last night that they’re getting a divorce.” I look at him almost apologetically and cringe at how unimportant that sounds after what he told me.
“Fuck. That sucks, I’m sorry.” And his eyes tell me that he is sorry. That despite everything he’s going through, he has the empathy to feel badly for me. The thought crosses my mind that he’s more like his mother than he thinks he is.
“Yeah. I had no clue they were unhappy, it was just the way they were. Which is really sad if you think about it. They must have been miserable for so long that it was the only way I knew them to be.” I sigh as I consider this for the millionth time. How is it possible to not know your parents were that unhappy? Was I that selfish?
“How did it go down? Was there yelling and fighting?” Mack asks.
“No, not really. I mean, there was no fighting, but it was obvious there was something wrong. Mom was drinking and just seemed really angry. Dad was...” Tears well up as I recall my father’s demeanour last night. “He was happy, like he seemed relieved to be getting it all out, he was happy to be leaving us. Anyway, he explained that him and Mom hadn’t been happy and that he had met someone else. He didn’t mean for anything to happen, but he fell in love and he was leaving to be with her. He seriously couldn’t even pretend to be sad. Even when I cried, he just said that it would all work out for the best, I would see. And then he left. He just walked out while I stood at the door watching him walk away.”
“Well aren’t we just a motherfucking perfect pair, huh?” Mack asks and I snuffle out a laugh through the tears that had started to fall.
“Yep, we definitely are.”
“You know what? I’m sorry you went through that, but can I tell you something?” As I nod my head, he continues, “Don’t let that change your opinion on love. Because real love is amazing. My parents were so in love with each other, it used to gross me out.” A smile breaks out across his cute face. “They were forever making out and holding hands. I mean yeah, they fought, but I remember Mom telling me once that fighting in a relationship could be a great thing. That it meant they trusted each other and their relationship enough to disagree and to have that kind of trust in someone was magic. So, it might not always work out, but love is real and it can be fucking incredible.”
I smile broadly at his declaration. “How have we never met before?” I finally ask the question that has been plaguing me all afternoon.
“I’m a sophomore, not a freshman. My English class is on a field trip right now to see the local community theater performance of a play that’s about a dying mother. The guidance counsellor said if I didn’t feel up to going to the play then I could come on this field trip instead. We did this last year, so I figured it would be an easy way to pass an afternoon.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. It’s probably really selfish of me, but you made me feel a lot better, so thank you.”
“Yeah, you actually made some sense too, pipsqueak,” he replied, gently nudging my shoulder with a laugh.
“Pipsqueak? Yeah that won’t work for me. Do I need to pull out the four-eyes jokes?” I retort.
“Whatever, these glasses add to my sex appeal,” he replies and I groan loudly at this, coughing out “lame” into my hand. It feels good to laugh and I hope Mack feels the same way. I’m trying to work up the nerve to somehow ask him if he’d be interested in going out sometime. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about all of this, someone who understands. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself. It has nothing to do with big brown eyes and how they crinkle when his beautiful smile lights up his face. No, that would be ridiculous. Mack interrupts my thoughts before I get a chance.
“Today’s my last day. Dad is moving us back to Connecticut where he grew up. He wants to be closer to his parents and sister.”
“Oh.” That’s honestly the only response I can come up with.
“I mean, I understand it. Doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I hate that I have to leave my friends, my school. Especially my home. There’s so many good memories there, you know?”
“Yeah, that must be really tough.”
“I just wanted you to know, because if I wasn’t leaving I would have asked you out. I just thought you should know that.”
A short distance away, Ms. O’Brien calls out to all the kids, trying to rally them all back to the school bus.
“Well, Mack, I would have said yes. Just so you know.” And with that I begin to gather my belongings.
“Skylah?” I look over and suddenly his lips are brushing across mine in the sweetest kiss I could have imagined. It tastes like hope and might-have-beens. Mack breaks the kiss and gives me a smile that repairs a tiny piece of my shattered heart. Then he gets up, throws his backpack over his shoulder and holds out his hand to me. In that moment, right there under those cherry blossoms, my faith in the possibility of love is restored.
“How the fuck is that possible?” Ben asks incredulously. He reaches up and gently tugs on a lock of hair. “Your hair was darker then,” he says softly. “And shorter. How could I not recognize you though? That day was such a huge deal for me.”
“I also had braces. You had glasses and were about four inches shorter. It was fifteen years ago, we grew up. Matured. We don’t look the same as we did back then. Why would we even think it would be a possibility? I never thought I would see you again.”
“This is unbelievable. I can’t believe it’s actually you.” And before I know what’s happening, his lips are on mine, aggressively taking what he needs from me. I melt into him, happy that I’m able to give him this and fully prepared to give him any
thing else he wants.
“My place,” I mutter as his mouth briefly leaves mine. “Now.”
I attempt to slot my key into the lock, but as I feel the heat of Ben’s body right behind me, I only seem to be capable of fumbling it. He takes a step closer, his body now completely covering my own as he pushes me into the door. Grabbing my ass, he grinds his cock into me and my breath hitches. Running his lips along my neck, he gently bites down, and my pussy pulses in anticipation. Covering my hand with his own, he brings the key up to the lock and slides it in. I’m about to make a joke about how well he fills my hole when we are suddenly falling through the now-open doorway, immediately a tangle of limbs as our hands explore every inch they can. His hard body feels incredible to my touch and the strength he exudes is overwhelming. The late afternoon light casts a soft glow over the room and as Ben moves me forward, his mouth never leaves mine, devouring me, and all I can think is how good he tastes.
With a small grunt, he breaks our kiss and utters one word. “Bedroom?”
I point in the direction of my room, and as he picks me up, my legs wrap instinctively around his waist and my mouth finds his neck, kissing up toward his jaw and enjoying the sensation of his scruff against my lips.
Reaching the bed, he throws me down and gives me a small smirk as he watches me bounce.
“Get rid of the clothes.” With that firm directive, he begins removing his own. My eyes are glued to him as his body is quickly revealed to me. His broad, muscled chest is giving me serious heart eyes, but as my eyes move downward, it’s the sight of that delicious V and the happy trail leading to what I imagine will be my very happy place, that has me salivating. His hands suddenly still and I almost cry out in disappointment as they leave the waistband of his shorts, leaving me frustrated that the big reveal has been delayed.
He grabs my ankles and with a sharp yank, pulls me down to the end of the bed. He leans down until his chest covers mine and his face is only inches from my own. “I said clothes off.”
As his breath ghosts over my lips I feel his hands slide under the waistband of my yoga pants and move downwards, removing them while he caresses his way down my legs. My heart is thumping as he straightens and stares down at me, looking as though he is about to do all the dirty things to me.
“You wore the black panties.” He doesn’t sound at all surprised that I followed his instructions and it makes me want to challenge him.
“It’s laundry day, they were all I had left.” He laughs at my obvious lie.
“Whatever you need to tell yourself, Squeak. Move up the bed.” Again, I want to challenge him. But I also want him to fuck me and it turns out my desire for that is stronger than my stubbornness, so I do as he commands, moving up the bed until my head rests on the pillow.
Finally, he removes his shorts, and taking his boxer briefs right along with them, I am left with an unobstructed view of what might possibly be one of the most beautiful cocks I have ever seen. Long and thick with a single vein running along the top of the shaft, it is practically calling out to be swallowed up. A hand wraps around what was to be my next meal, and Ben fists his cock a couple of times before crawling up the bed. His body hovers over mine, his eyes taking in every inch of me, and while I should feel self-conscious, the heat in his gaze leaves me feeling nothing but wanted. As he continues up, he drags my tank top with him, removing it easily and leaving me exposed in only my bra and panties. Whispering a kiss across my lips, I’m left wondering how the smallest touch from him leaves me dripping wet.
“So. Fucking. Beautiful.” His words bring my attention right back where it belongs, and as he moves slowly down my body, his tongue tracing a sensual path, I feel the anticipation build.
He makes quick work of removing my panties, and as he looks up at me from under his lashes, his eyes hold a promise of delicious wickedness. Leaning down he places gentle kisses along my thigh. That, combined with his stubble scratching my soft skin, creates a riot of sensation. After what feels like a lifetime, he finally reaches my aching pussy, and I gasp quietly as he nudges me with his nose and inhales deeply. Grunting out something unintelligible, he pushes his face into my cunt and I just about lose my mind. He licks me slowly, and reaching my swollen clit, he flicks it a few times before lightly biting down. I’m so turned on by this guy that I could almost come from that alone. Ben is relentless as he slides two fingers inside me. Crooking them, he finds that sweet spot that almost has me vaulting off the bed.
“So fucking good, Squeak, your pussy tastes so sweet.” And then his mouth is back on me, finishing what it started. His tongue and fingers move in tandem, overwhelming me, and I can’t stop my hands from tugging on his hair and pulling his face closer as I grind my pussy against it.
“Fuck, oh my god, fucking yes, that’s, oh my god, fuuuuuck!” With a final, firm suck of my clit, Ben has me coming so hard I think I may very well black out for a few seconds.
Lifting his head, he licks his lips and gives me a self-satisfied smile. Rising to his knees, he reaches back for his shorts and fumbles for a minute before producing a condom. Rolling it along his length, he bends down and kisses me. His tongue invades my mouth and I can taste the sweetness of myself.
“Are you on the pill?” he asks, and apparently, I am still in an orgasm-induced fog, so all I can do is nod.
“Good, now I’m going to fuck your tight little cunt and see if it feels as unbelievable as it tastes.” He grasps his dick and teases it over my already over-sensitized clit. Just as I’m about to beg him to stop, he pulls back and lines himself up with my entrance. Looking me straight in the eye, he slams into me, filling me completely. Stilling himself, he gives me some time to acclimate to his size and lightly caresses my cheek. “I’m so glad I found you.”
I feel my eyes sting with unshed tears at his words.
As he begins to thrust, slowly moving in and out of me, he kisses his way down my neck and his mouth finds my breast. He tongues my nipple with the same intensity he showed my pussy and then, using his teeth, he bites down roughly; the sting intensifying everything. All the while his hand palms my other breast, squeezing, pinching, groping. Every little move adding to the myriad of sensations that are making me lose control. His hot mouth is all over me, his tongue licking and tasting. He grunts softly as if he can’t control himself, and oh my god that does something to me.
Straightening up, he rises to his knees. Maintaining a firm grip on my hips, he pulls me right along with him, and I watch him as his eyes remain glued to where he is entering me.
“Fuck, look at that, babe. Watch how your pussy takes my dick like they were fucking made for each other.” My eyes immediately drop and he’s right. The sight of him sliding into me, covered in my arousal makes the pulsing in my cunt intensify, and as his thumb finds my clit, I feel my orgasm hit me in a violent wave that leaves me screaming out his name.
Ben’s rhythm falters, his thrusts becoming faster, his grunts louder. His grip on my hips borders on painful, but I love the thought of seeing his mark on me tomorrow. As he pounds into me I notice the sheen of sweat covering his body and see him lose his final shred of control. With a loud, “Fuck,” he comes, pushing himself into me as deep as he can get; I feel him throbbing inside me.
Placing my ass back down on the bed, he lies down over me and puts his head on my breasts. Breathing hard, I can feel his smile against my skin, and before his beautiful cock has even left the warmth of my pussy, I have decided that we are definitely doing that again.
Lying in a messy bed on a Saturday evening, luxuriating under the feeling of Ben’s fingers trailing up and down my arm, I could possibly be the happiest I’ve ever been.
“What happened after?” Ben’s voice breaks through my thoughts.
“After?”
“After that day, what happened with your mom and dad?”
“Oh.” I feel that familiar uncomfortable tug in my chest that I get when I think about my parents.
“I barely saw my dad
after that. He eventually married the chick he cheated on Mom with. She had a little girl, Danielle, who was only four, I think, when they got married. They kind of became their own little unit and it never really felt right for me to be there. Mom moved on, but she was pretty bitter about what happened. She never met anyone else and pretty much retreated into herself. By the time I graduated high school she was a fairly absent parent. She worked around the clock and that seemed to be the only thing that brought her any kind of happiness. I started working at Books & Beans when I was eighteen and Juliet became like a surrogate mother to me. Then I met Cassidy when I started college and they’ve basically been my family ever since.”
He pulls back slightly so he can meet my eyes, he seems to be searching for something.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that was how your story went. Any time I thought about that girl under the cherry blossoms, I always hoped her parents had worked things out. I wanted you to be okay.” The sincerity in his voice almost breaks me, but I swallow down the lump in my throat and hold his gaze.
“I’m good, really. Do I wish things had worked out differently? Sometimes. But I’m pretty happy with my life, so I won’t complain. What about you? How did things play out with your dad?”
“Really well, actually. I think moving back to Connecticut helped him, having that family support. My aunt convinced him to get some counselling to help him grieve, then he convinced me to go too. I was able to work through all that anger that was festering and we got to a really good place. Dad even met someone a few years ago and they got married last year. That caused a few tricky moments for both of us. He felt guilty for falling in love again and I definitely struggled a bit seeing him with another woman. She’s great though, Fiona, and she really loves my dad so we made it work. We were very lucky.”