by Sue MacKay
Tori repeated, ‘Come with us for a short break.’
Rita shook her head. ‘No. The nurses have been wonderful with a continuous supply of coffee and anything else I want. You both need to get some fresh air, and...’ She held up her hand, palm out. ‘Before you even think it, I don’t need one of you staying here while the other takes a break. Go somewhere decent, take your time. Have a shower back at the hotel. Grab a couple of hours’ sleep.’ Was that a wicked glint in her eye? Couldn’t be. Not after the night she’d just endured. But she certainly sounded far more confident this morning. Guess John’s improving condition would do that. ‘Then, Tori, can you please bring me a change of clothes so I can make the most of the bathroom facilities here.’
Tori hugged her. ‘You sure know how to twist my arm. We’ll go but only if you promise to phone if anything changes.’
‘Anything at all,’ Ben underlined her comment. Then dropped a chaste kiss on Rita’s brow.
‘Promise.’
Outside Tori shivered and rubbed her hands up and down her arms. The sky was overcast for the first time since she’d arrived in Nice. As though the weather had come out in sympathy with Rita and John. Rita and that look. It was almost as if she was playing at matchmaking. Sometime when Rita was less preoccupied, she’d have to explain to her that she and Ben getting back together was impossible.
Why? Because—just because.
But Ben didn’t seem to be having any hesitation about them getting along together. He said, ‘Come here.’
When he tucked her in against his body she didn’t resist, pushed all her doubts aside for a while. His strength helped her walk across the road. Until now she hadn’t realised how exhausted she was. It was nearly eight o’clock. ‘That was a long night.’
‘Interminable. We should be used to it, but somehow this was different.’
‘Personal.’ And she’d only met this couple three days ago. They were Ben’s best friends. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I don’t mind admitting this has rocked me. John’s only a couple of years older than me. Yes, I know that means zero in the scheme of things and that hearts will do what they do regardless of what we mortals think is normal, but this time it’s different. Frightening, to be truthful. He hasn’t been unwell.’ Ben paused on the edge of the pavement. ‘Want to go back to the hotel for breakfast and that shower?’
‘I don’t fancy being questioned by people interested in knowing how John is, however well meaning they are.’ She presumed word had got around. Working in hospitals had taught her there was no such thing as a secret amongst medical personnel. Discretion, yes, sometimes; out and out keeping quiet, no. A yawn ripped through her. ‘Let’s see if there’s a decent café close by.’
Ben waved down a taxi. ‘I’ve a better idea. We’ll order room service at the hotel. It does mean running the gauntlet in Reception but hopefully most people will be at breakfast, or they’re taking a leisurely start to the day since the conference is over.’
Suddenly Ben’s idea seemed the best thing she’d heard in ages. ‘Let’s go.’
She barely noticed the ride down to the hotel or the ride up in the lift. But even through the fog of exhaustion she was aware of Ben at her side, of him following her into her room.
‘How long?’ Tori asked, as Ben put the phone down from ordering full English breakfasts for them both. Tori was thankful they’d come to her room because it meant she didn’t have far to go to crawl into the shower and ease the aches in her body as soon as they’d eaten.
Ben ran a hand down his face. ‘Twenty minutes max. I hope I can stay awake that long.’
‘So do I.’ Ben falling asleep in her room wasn’t an option.
Ben paced to the window and jammed his hands on his hips. ‘I could kill John for frightening us like that.’
Tori found the energy to get up and cross to him. Winding her arms around his waist, she laid her head on his chest. ‘You okay?’
‘I guess.’ Ben’s hands spread across her back, holding her gently against him.
They stood there saying nothing more, holding each other, taking and giving comfort. Tori didn’t mind if breakfast never arrived. This was way more energising—as long as she didn’t have to move.
But eventually there was a loud rapping on the door. ‘Room service.’
Ben placed a light kiss on her brow before going to let the waiter in. As the aroma of hot bacon tickled her senses Tori had to admit she might’ve been premature in thinking she could forgo eating. But it was one heck of a toss-up—being in Ben’s arms or breakfast. Her finger traced where his lips had touched her. Yes, she could forgo eating to spend time kissing Benji, but that would be the most unwise thing she could ever do.
‘What’s making you smile like that?’ the man who’d left his kiss on her brow asked, after seeing the waiter out with a hefty tip.
Tori shook her head. ‘Probably exhaustion.’
‘I know what you mean.’ Ben’s gaze strayed in the direction of the big bed dominating the room. ‘I’m worried if I lie down for those couple of hours Rita suggested I might not wake up until nighttime.’
We’re not sharing a bed so that we can wake each other. Even in this state we wouldn’t go to sleep. ‘Both of us need to catch some shut-eye. I’m going to set the alarm on my phone and ask Reception to call me at ten-thirty.’
That wasn’t disappointment in Ben’s eyes. Was it? He turned slowly to the small table and sank onto a chair. ‘Let’s eat.’
The food perked up Tori’s spirits. ‘Think I’ll go and get Rita’s clothes in case we have to head back to the hospital in a hurry.’
Ben nodded. ‘Okay with you if I have another coffee? I’ll be gone in a few minutes.’
‘Take your time. I won’t be long. Rita and John’s room is only one floor up.’
‘If it’s rush hour in Reception, with people checking out, it could take for ever to get an elevator.’ Ben yawned and rubbed his hand over his stubbly chin.
Tori turned for the door before the urge to run her hand over those sexy angles got the better of her. ‘Meet you downstairs at eleven, unless anything changes.’
Ten minutes later she was back in her room and staring at the man sprawled across her bed—sound asleep. ‘So you do still take up all the space.’
Ben must’ve collapsed onto the bed in a daze. He hadn’t even removed his shoes. Tori carefully undid the laces and pulled the shoes off. Then she slipped out of her own, tugged her dress over her head and slid under the covers, squeezing into what little space wasn’t held down by some part of her husband. Ex-husband. Benji or Ben. Didn’t matter which. He was the only man she’d ever loved so completely, but he was an ex. Unfortunately. Shut up, Tori.
A soft snore broke the silence and she smiled. She remembered those, too. It’s a snore, for pity’s sake. Her eyelids slowly closed, her breathing deepened as she listened for Ben’s next sound. It was warm in here, and awkward when she tried to move her legs because there was nowhere to put them in the small space left by Ben. Citrusy pine scent relaxed her further, so that her body softened into the mattress. Carefully rolling onto her side, she curled up and gave in to the sleep tugging at her.
The alarm was harsh, the bleating phone worse. Tori blinked awake and reached first for the hotel phone. There was a weight around her waist. Warm and heavy, and comfortable. Familiar.
‘Merci,’ she muttered into the phone and hung up, slid her mobile phone alarm to Off.
‘That went too fast,’ Ben growled in her ear.
Rolling over, Tori came face-to-face with him, and this time she did run her fingertips over his stubble-darkened chin. ‘You were asleep when I got back from Rita’s room.’
‘I was drinking coffee. How did I end up on your bed?’ he whispered. Then, ‘Who cares how? I’m here and I slept.’ His eyes hel
d the rest of that sentence. With you.
Sort of with her. Ben still lay on the outside while the bedcover hid her body from sight. Her dressed-only-in-lingerie body. ‘You’re going to have to leave so I can get up.’
‘In a moment.’ His head was inches from hers. Those startling eyes watched her with an intensity that reached deep inside her. That mouth that could do the most amazing things on her skin looked soft after sleep. His arm was still on her waist, only now she was being pulled closer to his body. ‘I’ve missed you, Tori. I’ve missed us.’
‘We were great together.’ What was she talking about? Their lovemaking? Or everything? Their life, their love, everything.
‘Did we give up too easily?’ he whispered, just before his lips brushed her forehead, then trailed down her cheek to her mouth.
‘Ben,’ she cried softly against his mouth, and her lips opened, pressed against his. Ben. Benji. Her heart.
Their mouths became one, moulded together, while their tongues got reacquainted.
I remember this.
Ben pulled her closer still so there was only the bedcover between them. All the while they kissed. Her eyes were wide open, watching him, drinking in every line, each eyebrow hair, his eyes that were watching her back. Benji.
This was us.
Kissing Benji had always been her favourite way to start the day. His passion and love set her up and made her feel good. Like she was beginning to feel now. Warmth stole from their joined mouths, moved down to her breasts and the peaks that were tightening. Down to her stomach and beyond to that place that needed Ben, had missed him for so long, was moistening in readiness for him. Could they find the way back to each other? Right now anything seemed possible.
‘Hell.’ Ben pulled away and flopped onto his back. ‘Sorry.’
Talk about poking a needle into a balloon. Tori sat up. ‘You’re sorry?’ That was about as insulting as it could get. The fact that they shouldn’t have been kissing had nothing to do with anything. Worse, she wanted him so badly her body ached with need. All because of one kiss. A passionate kiss filled with memories and all the things she’d missed for so long.
Ben got off the bed, picked up his shoes. Turned to lock his eyes on her. ‘Yes, I am because I know it’s not what you want—despite your ardent reaction.’
Heat coloured her cheeks. She’d been that obvious, huh? Of course she had. ‘It’s not what you want, either, Ben.’ It’s over. We don’t belong together. The words she’d never forgotten had finally found the right moment to remind her of the truth. Ben had left her, and had gone as far away as he could possibly get. They weren’t getting back together so that meant they weren’t even having a brief interlude filled with kisses—or sex. But a girl could hope for different.
He sat on a chair and shoved his feet into his shoes. As he knotted the laces he growled, ‘I’ve been wanting to kiss you from the moment I said hello on the first morning of the conference.’
And now that you have? Her mouth opened but there were no words to combat this startling revelation. He couldn’t have wanted that. Not after all this time. But you came awake to him in an instant. Why shouldn’t Ben be the same?
‘One kiss wasn’t enough, Tori.’ Standing up, he headed for the door. ‘Meet you in the lobby in half an hour.’
The door clicked shut behind him. Tori stared around the room. Had Ben really been here? Or had she dreamt everything? That would be worse, dreaming he might want her. That would show her own fantasies were way off track. They weren’t meant to get back together. One sniff of the pillow he’d used and she had all the proof she needed. Burying her face in the softness that held his particular scent, she gave in to the longing that had gripped her from the moment she’d first heard him say her name four days ago.
Ben hadn’t said anything about getting back together. He’d only wanted to kiss her. Relationships were more than a kiss. Or multiple kisses.
Her fingers covered her lips as she stumbled into the bathroom. But kisses were how relationships started. Yeah, and they finished with harsh, hurtful words. Words she’d better remember.
* * *
Ben was still berating himself over kissing Tori when they got out of the taxi outside the hospital. How could he have done that? How could he have been foolish enough to say it hadn’t been enough?
Because when she’d blinked at him with those sleep-filled eyes there was nothing on this planet that could’ve stopped him. The need to kiss her had been steadily building up all the time they’d been here. Add in the stress of John’s sudden near-death and he’d been a lost cause. Waking up in her room, on her bed, with her right beside him, had thrown him, addling his usually sharp brain.
But that kiss... His heart squeezed. Tori. It had taken years to get some semblance of normality in his life, and now he’d be starting over.
Reaching for Rita’s bag at the same time as Tori, their fingers touched and Tori withdrew fast. ‘I’ll take that,’ he muttered.
‘Fine.’ Her shoulders were taut as she led the way inside to the elevators.
He wasn’t going to let her keep this up. She’d been as much a part of that kiss as he had. Sure, he’d started it, but not once had she hesitated. He’d have stopped if she had. They were adults, they could get past this and be friends again. As much as they’d been friends before. ‘When are you planning on heading to Paris?’
Tori’s shoulders lifted on a sigh. ‘Tomorrow.’
Not good enough, Tori. ‘Flying?’
‘Train.’
‘So what were your plans for today? Before John’s heart attack happened?’
She stepped into the elevator and turned to him. Tears glittered on her eyelashes. ‘I had a sightseeing trip booked.’ Her hand dashed across her eyes. ‘But that’s the last thing I feel like doing now. I’ll sit with Rita, or with John while she has a sleep if that’s what she wants.’
You and me both. But why the tears? ‘Good luck with that. Rita will have her own agenda.’ Like coming up with suggestions about how he and Tori should spend their day together. He’d have to tell Rita to back off on that one, that he’d sort out his relationship himself.
Tori shook her head and that glorious hair swirled over her back. ‘She’s tough, isn’t she?’ Blink, blink.
‘Why are you crying? Or trying desperately not to?’ He hated it when she cried, felt her pain and wanted to banish it. He’d always felt as though he was to blame, that he should’ve kept her so happy there’d be no need for tears.
Her eyes met his. ‘You know what? I’m not entirely sure. These past fourteen hours have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.’
That included their kiss, right? ‘I agree.’
‘Ben, I don’t understand what’s going on.’
He knew she had to be talking about them. It was there in her face, in the pain and confusion. He’d seen that in those very eyes before. On the day he’d told her he was leaving. The day he’d readily expunge from their lives if there was a chance to rewrite their history.
The elevator glided to a stop and the door slid open. Taking Tori’s elbow, he led her out and along the wide corridor to Intensive Care. Just before they reached the nurses’ station to check if it was okay to visit, he told Tori, ‘I’m not sure I understand everything, either, but I’d like the opportunity to find out.’ His bottom lip was unsteady when he drew a breath. ‘Would you spend some time with me in Paris, Tori? See if we can’t come up an answer?’
The breath he’d drawn stuck in his lungs, making the intercostal muscles hurt as he waited, and waited. Her eyes had widened with surprise—or shock. But she hadn’t run away like he was a madman.
Finally, just when he thought he’d need medical intervention to start breathing again, she said so quietly he hoped he heard correctly, ‘I’d like that.’
‘G
ood. Great.’ The air whooshed over his lips that were already curving up into a smile. He had to haul the brakes on that smile in case he came across as too keen. But he was eager to get started on this journey with Tori, to see where it led them. Back to what they’d once had seemed too much to hope for; anything less seemed too horrible to contemplate. Tori. His wife. He didn’t think of her as his ex. That seemed too impersonal, or full of angry emotions that weren’t there in their case, or wrong. Yes, definitely wrong. ‘Where do we start?’ he muttered, more to himself than her.
‘Let’s go and see John.’ Tori was being ever practical. ‘We might be staying in Nice for a few days yet.’
A nurse went to inform Rita that they were back and returned to say they could both go in as Rita would like to have a shower and try to sleep a bit.
Rita hugged them both. Her eyes were red and puffy. ‘The doctors have been around. Monsieur Leclare came with them and interpreted everything for us. John’s scheduled to have two angioplasty stents inserted in his artery tomorrow.’ Fear filled her weary eyes. ‘He will be all right, won’t he?’ She stared from him to Tori and back to him.
Ben slipped an arm around her shoulders. ‘That’s standard procedure for blocked arteries.’
John muttered from the bed, ‘I’ll be up and about sooner than you can believe.’
Ben nodded and asked Rita, ‘Did Luc explain to you how the stent’s put in?’
‘You mean about putting the wire into his artery at the groin and pushing the stent up to the blockage? Yes. That’s spooky, but if it’s what’s done then let’s get it over with as soon as possible.’ Rita took the tissues Tori was handing her and glared down at her husband. ‘Hopefully then you won’t have another heart attack.’
‘You’re going to have to change his diet.’ Ben couldn’t help himself, even when he knew both John and Rita would be fully aware of that. It was just too important to ignore.