As I lay down I held my breath and let myself sink under the water. I kept my eyes open. I could hear my heartbeat and it was soothing, it was peaceful being submerged in the warm water. A thought flashed through my mind. I could open my mouth, let in the water and it would all be finished. There would be no more fighting, no more tears and no more pain.
At that moment dying was a better option than living.
When I could hold my breath no longer, when my heart hammered in my chest to the point it hurt, I sat up, gasping for air. Once my heart rate returned to normal I found some soap and washed my face, my hair and watched the water turn grey. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a proper bath. As I climbed out, I grabbed the threadbare towel and wrapped myself up in it. It was scratchy against my skin but for the first time in a while I felt clean. I looked at my clothes on the floor, it was the first time I really noticed how grubby, how tatty they were. My jeans had holes in the knees and a broken zip, my jumper was torn at the shoulder and one sneaker was missing a lace. I couldn’t put them back on, but I didn’t want to walk around in just a towel. The noise of the water running away must have alerted Mary that I was done. I heard a knock on the door, it opened slightly and she handed over a T-shirt and shorts.
“Put these on for now,” Mary said.
They were too big, but at least I had something clean to wear. Leaving the towel on the floor with my clothes, I made my way back to the living room. Mary was sitting on her sofa with the TV on and the sound muted. As I sat beside her I took a good look around the room. As many times as I had been in that room before, I had never really looked. The shelf above the little electric fire was full of photos, some in frames and some just propped against the wall. All were of a boy.
“Is that your son?” I asked.
She didn’t answer immediately. “Yes, that’s Glen. You look like him.”
He was blond and in every photo he was smiling. He looked happy, not at all like someone who would have been in a gang. There were lots of gangs where we lived, most of the guys had tattoos and never smiled.
“I thought he was in a gang,” I said, curiosity getting the better of me.
She laughed a little. “God, no. He was too sweet. He got caught up in a fight. He tried to help someone who was being robbed, so I was told. They stabbed him and left him on the sidewalk like he was nothing.”
Her posture had changed, she sat upright and a flash of anger crossed her face.
“No one got caught of course. The police were never that interested. He was fifteen when he died, just a child. You don’t expect your children to die before you, Travis.”
I wasn’t sure what to say so said nothing at all. After a while, she turned to me and smiled.
“Do you want to see his room?” she asked.
I nodded and followed her. Her apartment had the same layout as ours with two bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room and kitchenette. They were just big enough for two. Glen’s room looked like it hadn’t been touched since he died. The bed was made and the room was still full of his things. Books lined a shelf, there was homework on a desk and posters of football teams on the walls. It was clean and tidy, the total opposite to the bedroom I shared just one floor above.
“Why don’t you climb in bed now? It’s getting late,” Mary said as she pulled back the bed covers.
She switched on a little bedside lamp as I climbed under the blankets.
“Aileen is going to be worried about me,” I said.
“Do you want me to go upstairs and see if I can find her?” she asked. I nodded.
She left the room, leaving the bedroom door ajar. I heard the front door open and close. Mary had been to our apartment a couple of times, mainly to check on my mom but I worried about her. She was kind to me but everyone else thought she was mad and I wasn’t sure what mom or Padriac would say to her. I sat in the semi darkness and waited. It wasn’t long before I heard the front door open and the sound of footsteps making their way to the bedroom. Aileen came through the door first. I closed my eyes when I saw her, when I saw the bruises on her neck. Without speaking she sat on the bed and pulled me into her arms.
I felt her tears against my cheek and I looked over to Mary. She was standing in the doorway.
“I’m sure we could all do with something hot to drink,” she said as she left the room.
“Travis, I am so sorry, are you okay?” Aileen asked, pulling away to look at me. Her voice was hoarse, strained.
I nodded, not wanting to speak for fear of breaking down again.
“I need to get you away, just for a while. Dan is heading to Washington, to DC tomorrow and he’s going to take you with him. It’s the only thing I can think of, Travis.”
“Who’s Dan?” I asked.
“A friend, a boyfriend. The guy you saw me with at the auto shop.”
“Why can’t you come too?”
“The police are coming and I need to speak with them. I need to tell them everything that happened. This has to stop, Travis. Pad is at the hospital and they called the police.”
“Where am I going to live?”
“You’ll stay with Dan. I will come and find you, I promise.”
“Does mom know?” I asked.
“Yes, but not where you’re going. I can’t trust her not to tell.”
I didn’t want to go to our place, and I didn’t want to leave Aileen either. I’d never been further than a few blocks from the apartment and I was scared. Mary came into the room with a tray. She handed a cup of coffee to Aileen and a mug of hot chocolate to me. We sat and sipped our drinks in silence for a while.
“Aileen, Travis can stay here until this all blows over,” Mary said.
Aileen shook her head. “Padriac will find him, he needs to get away.”
“You can’t leave him with a stranger, it isn’t right.”
“What choice do I have? If he stays here, Pad will hurt him. I trust Dan and it won’t be for long. I’ll get to DC as soon as I can,” Aileen said.
Mary started to open cupboard doors, made a pile of clothes on the foot of the bed and found a backpack to carry them in. The last thing she pulled from the cupboard was a brown worn leather jacket. She held it to her face as if inhaling its scent before placing it on the top of the bag.
“Keep him safe, Glen,” she whispered.
Before Aileen or I could respond we heard the block door open. Heavy footsteps made their way past Mary’s door and up the stairs. We could hear crashing and banging, cursing and shouting. Padriac and my dad had returned home. Aileen climbed on the bed with me and lay down.
“Let’s get some sleep for now, we need to leave real early,” she said.
It seemed like I had been asleep for five minutes when I felt myself shaken awake. It was still dark outside; only the glow of the street lights illuminated the room.
“Time to go,” Aileen said.
“What, now?” I asked.
“Yes, now. They’ll come looking for you here and we don’t want Mary caught up in that, do we?”
I climbed from the bed and reached for some jeans, socks and a jumper. I took them to the bathroom to change and find my sneakers. Dressed and with the leather jacket over my arm, I stood in the hallway. Mary, dressed in a robe and with her hair in curlers, checked her spy hole and unlocked the door. As I turned to leave, she pulled me into a hug.
“Take this, Travis. It’s all I have right now, but you take it,” she said as she stuffed some notes in the jacket pocket.
“When I’m older, I’ll come back and visit,” I said.
She nodded, wiped a tear from her eye and ushered us from the apartment. Although morning, it was still dark and chilly outside as we made our way to the warehouse to meet Dan. A light shone through a grimy window, the only indication someone was waiting for us. Aileen opened a small door and we walked in. Someone walked towards us with a smile on his face. He could only have been a couple of years older than Aileen and I assumed he was Dan. He looked dif
ferent out of his overalls, with a clean face and hands.
“So this is Travis, huh?” he said, smiling at me.
“Hi,” I replied shyly.
“Are you still sure about this?” he asked Aileen.
“It’s the only thing I can think of right now. I’ll follow as soon as I can, maybe a couple of days, no more,” she replied.
“Okay, you’ve got the address, right?”
Aileen nodded and I turned my back when they embraced, when he kissed her. Dan picked up the backpack and placed it on the back seat of the car. Aileen wrapped her arms around me and whispered that she would see me in a few days, a week at most. Her voice caught as she sobbed before finally letting me go. Dan opened the door to the warehouse and with one last hug, I climbed in the front seat and we drove off.
“It’s a long journey, Trav. You might want to get some sleep,” Dan said as he lit a cigarette.
I gave him a small smile and nodded. I wasn’t tired though, I was scared. I didn’t want to leave but I didn’t want to stay either. I spent a long time just looking out the window until finally nodding off.
****
Dan woke me with a gentle shake to my arm. It was daylight and we’d stopped at a roadside diner. Trucks were lined up and through the steamed up windows I could see the diner was busy.
“Need a pit stop, Trav,” Dan said.
“Okay, I need a piss too,” I replied.
With a chuckle, Dan stubbed out his cigarette and we climbed out. I stretched, my back and neck were sore from sleeping in the car, on top of the beating I had taken the previous day. A cold wind blew as we crossed the parking lot and I was thankful when we entered the diner. I made my way straight to the toilets while Dan took a seat in a booth by the window. I joined him as a waitress poured him a coffee and handed over two menus. It was the kind of place you’d see on the TV, with red leather booths, a counter where most of the truckers sat, and music playing in the background. Beyond the counter was the kitchen, where a couple of guys were cooking up breakfast orders. The smell of bacon wafted over and my mouth began to water.
“What do you want to eat?” Dan asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve never been to a place like this,” I replied.
“Want me to order for you?” he said.
I nodded and placed the menu back on the table.
“Where are we going to stay?” I asked.
“My dad has a place, my brother and some of his friends live there for the moment. We’ll crash there until Aileen arrives then decide after that.”
Did he intend for us all to live together? I wasn’t sure how that would work. Aileen was only seventeen, and he was probably no more than nineteen himself. In one way I wished I was still at home, or at least at Mary’s. But then my mom had told me to run, she must have believed something bad was going to happen to me if I’d stayed. She was probably right.
The waitress returned, Dan ordered eggs and bacon, waffles and more coffee for him, juice for me.
“You really have been through it, haven’t you?” he said once the waitress had left.
I shrugged my shoulders; I wasn’t sure what to say or how much he knew.
“Aileen told me what happened. Shame you didn’t stick that fucker in the heart, you would have done the world a favour there.”
“He’s a bastard, I hate him and my dad, and Carrig and...” I left the sentence unfinished.
The waitress arrived with our order and we ate in silence. Every now and again Dan would smile at me; he seemed like a good guy and I almost started to feel safe. Breakfast over; he reached inside his wallet for some money. I fished around in the jacket pocket and pulled out some bills.
“Put that away, Trav. I promised your sister I would look after you and I will,” he said.
We headed out to the car. Dan lit a cigarette on the way and we carried on with our journey with the windows down and the radio blaring out rock songs.
****
It didn’t take long to find ourselves stuck in commute traffic on the streets of DC. Dan was trying to read the directions from a scrap of paper and keep his eye on the car in front at the same time. Eventually, he turned into a small street and slowed the car, looking for a house number.
“Shit,” he said as we pulled alongside a building desperately in need of some repair.
There was a car in the front yard minus wheels and the grass was so overgrown it came up to its doors. A broken gate hung from one hinge.
“My dad’s gonna freak when he sees this,” he said as he turned off the car.
“Where is your dad?” I asked.
“Lives in Cali with wife number four, I think. Last time I was here and that was many years ago, this was a decent looking house.”
We got out of the car and made our way to the front door. Dan moved a plant pot and found a key, not something you’d see in Hell’s Kitchen. He opened the door and it was the smell that hit me first, a pungent sweet smell combined with stale sweat. The house was dark, all the drapes were closed and it looked like there had been a party. Beer bottles littered the floor. I followed Dan through the house to a living room. He flicked a light switch and the only sound was the groans of people either lying on the couch or the floor.
“What the fuck...” I heard.
A guy roused from the couch, red-eyed and dressed in crumpled clothes. He rubbed his eyes with dirty hands.
“Dan, bro, what time did you get in?” he asked.
“Just now and look at the state of this place. You better get your fucking ass in gear, Jake, and clean this up,” Dan replied.
Dan walked around the room kicking the legs of the still sleeping occupants. Some groaned and eventually woke, others stayed still. Jake finally noticed me standing behind Dan.
“Who’s this?” he asked.
“Girlfriend’s brother, he’s staying with me for a while. Now get these fucking people out of the house, Jake. Oh, Travis, this is my brother, Jake.”
Jake smiled. “Welcome to the madhouse, Travis,” he said.
Dan started to clear up the mess and I helped, collected empty bottles and emptied endless ashtrays into garbage bags. Jake went to make coffee and Dan and I continued to clean the place up. I might have lived in a run-down apartment block but at least my mom had kept it clean, this place was filth on top of grime.
Four garbage bags later, we could see the floor. Jake handed me a cup of coffee, something I had never drunk before, I sat on the edge of the sofa trying to keep out of the way. Someone lit what I thought was a cigarette; it had that same pungent odour I’d smelt when we first walked in the door. They handed it around, taking a puff or two before someone offered it to me.
“Stop fucking about, he’s a kid,” Dan said, taking it for himself.
I watched Dan suck in deeply, relax back and let the smoke swirl from his mouth. I guessed they were smoking dope, I’d seen some guys on street corners doing it back home. The smell made me feel sick and lightheaded so I made my way to the kitchen, pouring the coffee down the sink as I passed. I opened the back door and sat in the yard. I didn’t want to be there, I wanted to be with Aileen and I wished I could have spoken to her. There was no telephone in the apartment and I had no idea how she would find me. I wanted to cry, I wanted to go home.
I don’t know how long I sat there, but at some point during the day Dan appeared with a pizza. He sat with me and we shared it.
“The guys have gone now, I’m sorry you saw all that. Jake’s a bit of a party animal and those guys are just fucking leeches,” he said.
I nodded; I really didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know Dan and I had no choice but to trust him. I only hoped Aileen would show soon.
Chapter Two
It was two days later that everything changed. I decided to investigate the area, and pulling on the leather jacket, I went out for a walk. I must have been gone a good couple of hours and as I returned I saw a line of police cars out front. Cops were walking Dan and Jake from the ho
use with their hands cuffed behind their backs. Dan caught sight of me, shook his head and his eyes darted up the street as if to warn me away. I crossed the road and kept walking until I came to a parked car. Ducking behind it, I watched. I had no idea what was going on but I knew not to go near the house. If the police caught me they would make me go back to New York, or worse, maybe they were after me. Maybe they wanted to arrest me for what I did to Padriac.
I tried to slow my breathing; my heart was racing. I watched as Dan and Jake were placed in cars and driven away. A cop stayed at the house, I saw him through the window walking around the living room. I stayed where I was until it grew dark. Only then did the police leave, but not before a maintenance man arrived to replaced the lock on the door. When it seemed all clear I walked over to the house. I felt under the plant pot for the spare key, but it didn’t open the new lock so made my way around the back; that door was locked as well. I sat in one of the broken chairs and waited, wondering if Dan would return.
It started to rain, just a light drizzle but enough to chill me. I needed to find shelter and wondered how easily I could break the window. There was a small one above the kitchen sink, so I searched for something to smash it with. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around a piece of rock I had found hoping that it would deaden the noise. It took a few attempts but eventually the window shattered. I made a hole big enough to fit through and using the chair, I climbed inside.
The house was dark but I was too scared to turn on any lights and give myself away. The living room had been ransacked, the cupboards and drawers emptied. The police were obviously looking for something, and whether they found it I had no idea. My stomach was grumbling, I hadn’t eaten that day. I found an old packet of cereal and settled on the sofa to eat out of the box. At some point I must have dozed off.
I woke up to a noise outside, talking and arguing. I crept to the window, making sure to stay out of sight. A man stood on the doorstep with a cop; I didn’t recognise either of them. The cop handed over a key and before the man was able to open the door, I ran to the kitchen. As the front door opened, I fled into the yard, climbed over the low fence and ran alongside the houses until I was back out on the street. I kept my head down and walked away. I heard a shout, and since I wasn’t sure if it was directed at me or not, I didn’t turn around to look, I just ran. I kept running until I found myself under a bridge alongside the river where I leant against the wall trying to catch my breath. I was lost, I hadn’t walked that far before and had no idea where I was.
Travis: To accompany the Fallen Angel Series - A Mafia Romance Page 3