“Whoa kid, steady up,” I heard, and noticed that Ted had silently made his way to Robert.
Robert didn’t stop immediately but by the look on his face I knew he had heard. He slowed his pace until he came to a stop. He was covered in sweat, even his hair was stuck to his face. Ted grabbed hold of his wrists and it was only then that I noticed the blood. The white tape was stained red across his knuckles.
I wanted to talk to him, I wanted us to be alone. I knew he wouldn’t speak in front of Mack or Ted, but then I spotted Joe entering the gym. He strode over to us and taking Robert’s fists from Ted, he inspected them himself.
“What happened today?” he asked.
Robert told him of the cop, or the person he thought was a cop. He was able to detail exactly what the guy was wearing and where and how many times he had seen him throughout the morning. I hadn’t noticed the guy at all. I would have to be more observant in the future. It was strange because if you watched Robert it would never have been obvious that he was scanning, looking around. Yet he knew everything that seemed to go on around him.
****
The next days, weeks and months followed the same pattern. One or two evenings a week I learnt to read; during the day, we ran our errands then hit the gym. Every day we worked out, competing on the treadmill to see who could run the fastest, the longest, who could lift the heaviest weights and skip the most. Not that I would ever tell him, but Robert was far fitter and more muscular that I was. And as each week wore on, he got bigger. I think we were evenly matched on speed but he was stronger, his punch harder.
It wasn’t long after that we were allowed to get into the ring and spar, first with each other and then with some of the other guys that trained. Most would mock us and no matter how hard I tried not to, I always bit. Robert was as cool, or perhaps as cold, as always. I think he took boxing a lot more seriously than I did. He meant every punch, he wanted to hurt his opponent and it wasn’t long before I noticed wariness from the other guys when they climbed into the ring with him. I sensed he was unpredictable; you were never quite sure what you were going to get with Robert.
Our birthday kind of crept up on us; well, I say ours, but if it was July 28th, it was technically Robert’s. Regardless, we always celebrated together. We hadn’t told anyone it was our birthday, and Evelyn was distressed when she found out a day after. We had decided that we would treat ourselves to some new clothes and needed some of our savings from the safe.
“Jon, can you get some of our money out for us?” Robert asked him.
“Sure, Rob, how much do you want?”
“$50 dollars each should do it.”
“What are we celebrating then?” Jonathan said. It was an unusually large amount of money for us.
“We need new clothes, some boxing boots and stuff,” Robert replied.
“And it’s our birthday so we’re treating ourselves,” I added.
“You’re kidding me? It’s your birthday, on the same day?” Jonathan said.
“Well, sort of. It’s Rob’s birthday anyway,” I said.
Unbeknown to us Jonathan told Joe, who then told Evelyn. She came into the office the following morning with a cake. Before we were allowed a slice she told us off for not letting her know.
“We don’t really bother with it,” I said.
“Why ever not?” she asked.
“No one ever celebrated my birthday,” Robert said quietly.
It was not often that he spoke about his life, and most unusual that he had done so in front of an office full of people. I was quick to divert attention. It was clear Joe had heard and he was looking at Robert, apparently waiting to see if he would explain.
“My sister used to make me a cake every year but I bet yours is much better, Ev,” I said.
Robert just sat on his own with his cake and picked at it, not having a sweet tooth. I devoured mine then finished off his and an extra slice. Even Goon gave us a smile on that day. When the office emptied, the doors were locked and Robert and I settled down for the night, I asked him if he was okay.
“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” he replied, somewhat aggressively.
We were lying in the dark but the blinds stayed firmly open on the two windows in the room. I never questioned it, Robert just wouldn’t have them pulled and his bed was the one next to the window. I would catch him just looking out, up to the sky for hours sometimes.
“You don’t seem very happy, that’s all,” I said.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re fine like, when a girl say’s ‘I’m fine’ or like, you really are fine?”
“Trav, what the fuck are you talking about?”
“Oh, I know the difference. My sister used to say she was fine when I knew she wasn’t. It means you don’t want to talk about it. Or you’re fine as in really okay.”
I was a bit of an authority on women, far more knowledgeable than Robert on the subject of the female species even at our age. I smiled at the thought. It was good to have something I was better at than him.
“You talk shit, you know that don’t you?” he replied.
“So, are you fine or fine?”
“Go to sleep, Trav.”
We fell silent for a while. Just as my eyelids were about to drop I heard him very quietly speak.
“I’m fine like your sister says, Trav.”
“Okay, but if you ever want to tell me, I’ll listen. We’re brothers, Rob, we don’t have to have secrets.”
He never answered, but in the dim light I could see him nod his head before he turned on his side. I lay awake for ages after, worrying. I knew he’d had a bad life but there was a lot more about Robert that I didn’t know, and it saddened me that he hadn’t shared. I wasn’t sad that he wouldn’t tell me, there were things I had never spoken about; it saddened me that he might feel he couldn’t.
I think that was one of the things that bonded us - we knew without the need for words. He knew I wasn’t just beaten by my dad and my brothers, and I knew he wasn’t just beaten by his aunt and burnt her house down. There was more to both of us and we accepted that in each other. One day we would open up completely, I was sure of that, but only when we had dealt with the demons inside ourselves.
****
Time seemed to fly by and as it did we got closer and closer to Joe; he became a father figure as such. Many a time he had invited us to his house; he wanted us to live with him, but for some reason Robert always declined. Although we stayed the odd night, he was comfortable at the office despite the fact that we had really outgrown it.
“Why don’t you want to live at Joe’s?” I had asked him one day.
“I don’t ever want to be reliant on someone. You can, I won’t mind, but this way I can walk away anytime without feeling like I’m trapped.”
“Would you ever consider walking away?”
“No, what we have is good but if I get comfortable in his house and he finds out about me, he might throw me out - and then what?” Robert said.
Whatever was in Robert’s past was worrying him enough that he would never get close to anyone. He always held a little of himself back. But then I did the same. Trusting people was harder for Robert than for me. There was also Joey; he was Joe’s son and not someone Robert or I had taken to. There was just something about him we didn’t like. Maybe it was the permanent sneer or the fact he was so fucking lazy that bugged us. He would slouch around the office and even though he was just a little older than us, he smoked his cigarettes and tried to be one of the gang. It was clear some of the guys tolerated him, not many liked him. But he was Joe’s son, so we formed an uneasy and somewhat distant friendship with him.
Evelyn still fussed over us every day and I wondered if Joey resented that. She brought us meals, clothes, and presents, and spent time chatting with us. Over the time we had known her, she had become very important to us. I had stopped thinking of my family, of the disappointment and hurt I felt with my sister, and Evelyn seemed to take her place. She be
came the one who had found me, Robert became the brother who actually liked me, and in my mind I started to erase all my life prior to the age of eleven.
****
Robert and I were sitting on the grass in a small park area surrounded by apartment blocks, blocks that Joe owned. It was a bright spring morning and we were waiting for Richard. He collected the rents for Joe, and like Jonathan, was someone we got along with, I noticed Robert watching a family, a mom and dad, a son, all playing ball.
“What was your mom like?” I asked.
“I don’t really remember her. I know she had blonde hair, but I can’t picture her face anymore,” he replied.
“Does that bother you?”
“No. She was a drunk, I think.”
“How did she die?”
“They told me it as a car crash that killed her and my dad. I don’t know any other details, I never even went to their funeral.”
“Does that bother you?” I said.
He looked at me. “You say ‘does that bother you’ a lot, don’t you?”
He had a half smile on his face.
“I’m just asking if things bother you, I know they would if it was me.”
“So what bothers you then?” he asked.
“That I hate my family. Is that wrong?”
“Hate is a waste of energy, bro. Do what I do, block them out.”
“What happens if they turn up one day?” I said.
“We’ll deal with it. You won’t have to face them alone, I’ll be with you,” Robert replied.
“I don’t ever want them to know where I am, in case they come for me. I stabbed my brother, Rob,” I said.
He looked at me for a long time without answering.
“Did you kill him?” he asked.
“No, he was hurting my sister so I stabbed him in the arm with a kitchen knife.”
“Should have killed the fucker,” he replied.
“I don’t know if I could ever kill anyone,” I said, lying back down on the grass and letting the sun warm my face.
“You’d be surprised what you can do,” he said quietly.
I didn’t answer, I wasn’t sure what to say, but by the way he had spoken, I knew. I knew then that he had killed someone. We sat in silence for a while, and I thought hard about what he had said. It didn’t make me feel any different towards him but, fuck, he had actually killed someone. It had to be his aunt; maybe he killed her then burnt down the house to cover his tracks. My mind started to race, so much so that I didn’t realise he was looking at me.
“Come on, time to get back,” he said. Richard was walking towards us.
I should have said something but I didn’t, and I worried that he might clam up again. That might have been the one chance we had to open up but the moment had passed.
“You all right?” Richard asked.
“Sure,” I replied.
Joe wanted us to head over to a warehouse, there was a truck being unloaded of kitchen appliances and a few extra bodies were needed to stack the boxes. We had done this once before, and I often wondered if the drivers of the trucks were aware we were relieving them of their cargo. They never seemed to be around.
Robert was quiet as we worked but I whistled away, anything to break the silence. Goon was at the warehouse, leaning against a metal pillar and puffing away on a cigarette. ‘Directing operations,’ I believed it was called. Every time I passed I gave him a big smile. His frown would grow deeper and deeper. It was like tormenting a dog on a chain, except he wasn’t tied to that pillar and I should have remembered that.
“What the fuck do you keep grinning at?” he said on my tenth pass.
“Ah, he speaks,” I replied.
“Of course I speak, now stop fucking smiling and get on with it.”
“Yes, sir,” I said, nodding my head.
“He’ll smack you one someday,” Robert said as he caught up with me.
I chuckled; antagonising Goon was a good way to pass the day. I doubted he would smack me; by the size of him he’d never be able to catch me. I imagined I would be able to walk faster than he could run. His pot belly hung over the top of his trousers and his shirt strained against his chest. Goon had no neck; it was as if his head just sat atop his shoulders, or perhaps he actually had one, but too many donuts had obscured it.
Once we had finished unloading the truck we started the journey to the gym. Robert was still in a bit of a funk and I tried to be happy, to cheer him up. By the time I had bid a good afternoon to the fifth woman that passed by Robert was about ready to explode. He sighed.
“You always sigh when you’re miserable,” I said.
“No I don’t.”
“Yes you do.”
“I don’t, Travis.”
“You do, Robert.”
“Trav, I’m not arguing with you,” he said.
“You are,” I replied.
“I am what?”
“Arguing with me, you always argue with me. You could just accept that I might be right sometimes,” I told him.
We had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk facing each other. I was smiling, Robert wasn’t.
“You know, if you smiled just a little every now and again you might not look so scary,” I said.
“Do I scare you?” he asked in a surprised voice.
“Not me but you sure as hell ain’t going to get a girlfriend anytime soon with that scowl.”
I saw a twitch, just a small one at the side of his mouth.
“All those women we passed? They love me because I smile at them,” I said.
The twitch had developed into a tight-lipped smirk type of smile.
“Go on, do it. Smile. The world is a better place when you smile,” I said. I’m sure I’d heard someone say that once.
He huffed, shook his head but at least he smiled. Then he got me in a headlock and forced me along the sidewalk. We both laughed out loud and once he released me, we raced to the gym.
We had changed and were warming up, I was working out with the speedball and Robert was about to go in the ring with Mack. Joe had come to watch us train. He did that sometimes, he would take five minutes out of his day and stand beside Ted as he coached us. By that time we knew that Joe owned the gym, and all the guys would box for him at some point. There were times when one or two would come in for training, bruised and with half-shut eyes. Sometimes they were allowed to stay, and sometimes not. It seemed that Joe didn’t take too kindly to those that lost.
I paused my training and watched Robert. The moment we had entered the gym his earlier, very brief spell of cheerfulness had vanished. Looking at him now, in the ring, it was difficult to imagine he had actually been smiling just an hour or so before. He wasn’t concentrating when Mack threw a punch. What should have been easily deflected wasn’t, and even I heard the crack of Robert’s nose as it broke. I winced. Robert did the complete opposite to what was expected, he dropped his arms and stared hard at Mack. The look on his face was murderous. He threw just one punch, so quick Mack had no chance to defend himself and I watched, open-mouthed as he fell backwards onto his ass.
Ted jumped in the ring and surrounded Robert with his arms, the gym fell silent as everyone stopped and watched. For a moment Mack was motionless and I breathed a sigh of relief as he moved and propped himself up on his elbows. But it was Robert’s face that had me walking towards him. For someone who normally showed no emotion, he was utterly devastated. I climbed up the side of the ring and leant over the ropes. He had blood dripping from his nose, over his lips and down his chin; it had splattered on his T-shirt. He looked at me, I returned the stare. We didn’t always need to speak, don’t ask me why, but somehow we communicated.
He pulled the string of the gloves loose with his teeth before placing them between his knees and pulling his hands free. He walked over to Mack who, thankfully, was being helped to his feet, still a little groggy. Mack smiled, gave him a soft swipe to the head and told him he had anger issues before chuckling and being hel
ped to the changing room.
Robert sat on the floor of the ring and I climbed under the ropes to sit next to him, shoulder to shoulder. Nothing was said; just a very slight shoulder bump was enough to let him know I was with him, and not just physically. We sat in silence, heads bowed with only the sound of a drip every now and again as blood fell and hit the floor. Ted climbed under the ropes and knelt in front of Robert. He held a wad of cotton in his hand, which he then placed against Robert’s nose to stem the bleeding.
“You okay, bro?” I finally asked. Robert nodded.
“Want to tell me what went on there?” Ted asked.
Robert finally looked up and shrugged his shoulders. “Guess I just kind of lost it for a bit,” he said.
“That was one powerful punch,” Ted said with a chuckle.
“I tasted the blood and I didn’t see him, I saw...” Robert never finished his sentence.
“Who did you see, kid?” Ted gently prompted.
Robert shook his head; he wasn’t going to say anymore.
“Okay, let’s get you back to the office, someone needs to fix that nose. Gonna hurt like a bitch, I warn you,” Ted said.
Goon was waiting outside with a car; I waited for him to open the door for us. He didn’t, he just stood looking at me, or was it a scowl? I could never really tell with him, he had a face like a bulldog, but less friendly. I opened the door and Robert and I slid across the back seat. We were driven to the office and as we climbed the stairs Paul and his wife followed us in. Paul’s wife, Rosa, was a petite Irish woman; she kept to herself and rarely came to the office. But she had been a nurse so we were told that she would fix Robert’s nose. She had protested that he ought to go to the hospital for fixing but Robert refused. The hospital would want information - information we couldn’t give, an address for starters. With shaking hands she stood in front of him, her fingers on either side of his nose. Then, with a twist of her hands, she straightened it. He never made a sound. My stomach turned at the noise and even Goon screwed up his face in disgust. Robert walked off to the bathroom to clean himself up.
Travis: To accompany the Fallen Angel Series - A Mafia Romance Page 8