I was being honest with him, but also deep down inside there was this issue with my own childhood.
“I don’t think I could be a dad, Rob,” I added.
He didn’t speak, just nodded his head.
I was scared I would end up like my father. I was as violent, if not more so than he had been, so I already had some of his traits. I sure as hell didn’t drink as much, but having a child - no, having anyone rely on me - was something that made me question myself.
Was I good enough for that?
I could be a selfish bastard, I knew that. I’d spent way too long fighting to survive. I lived a life that was fraught with danger, I’d murdered people. The thought of bringing a child into my world was terrifying. Robert and I had enemies, dangerous ones, enemies that wouldn’t think twice about abducting someone precious to us. I realised I was more like Robert than I’d thought. Neither of us got too close to anyone. At first I thought that was because we liked the freedom we had, but then I wondered. Whoever I got close to had the potential to finish me - and if something bad happened to someone I loved, I’d live the rest of my life suffocated by the guilt.
****
A few days later I received a text from Alison about meeting up, it was midday and she wanted to speak to me. We’d only met for dinner until then. I agreed to meet in a coffee shop not far from the office. Leaving the car parked in a no-stop zone outside, I made my way to the table she where was waiting for me. She didn’t greet me with the smile she usually did. She had dark circles under her eyes, and she looked to me as if she had been crying.
“I’ll get straight to it, Trav. I think I’m pregnant. I missed a period and did a test but it was inconclusive. I’ve booked an appointment this afternoon at the doctors’ office. I was going to wait until I’d had the test before I told you but… oh, I don’t know. I kind of want someone to come with me,” she said.
Holy fuck, that wasn’t what I was expecting at all. I signalled for the waitress to come and take our coffee order and we sat for a moment or two in silence. I wracked my brain for a time I hadn’t used a condom. There had only been one time; could we be that unlucky?
“Of course I’ll come with you,” I eventually said.
My heart was pounding in my chest and I wasn’t sure what to say. Fuck seemed to be the only word rushing through my brain. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“I’m not going to apologise, it was an accident but I will say this, whatever the outcome, I’ll deal with it. I don’t want you to feel obliged to do anything,” she said.
I simply nodded my head; the words I should have said just wouldn’t come out of my mouth, and what words would they have been? I don’t want to be the father I had? I was scared that I would be? To be a father meant to have a relationship, and that meant telling her who I really was. She wouldn’t understand, and I wasn’t about to explain either. I had buried my childhood, and all of a sudden it was rushing back through my brain. We drank our coffee in silence. It was awkward and I struggled even to start a conversation. It didn’t seem appropriate to bring up that I had driven past her house and seen the bike, it didn’t seem appropriate to mention that the weather was great, nothing seemed appropriate.
I noticed Alison glance at her watch; it was obviously time to go. We stood, I helped her on with her coat and we made our way outside. I opened the passenger door and guided her in. As we drove she gave directions to her doctor’s office. I parked and as we walked towards the reception my steps faltered.
“Go and check in, I just need to make a call,” I said.
She nodded and I watched through the glass door as she announced herself and then took a seat. I pulled my phone from my jacket pocket and dialled Robert.
“Shit,” he said after I had explained where I was.
“Shit indeed,” I replied.
“What are you going to do?” he asked.
“I have no idea yet. I guess we need to wait and see what the doctor says, it might be a false alarm.”
“Why didn’t she get the test and then tell you after?” he asked.
“She wanted the company.”
“Okay, fair enough I guess. Call me as soon as you know anything.”
I replaced my phone and joined Alison in reception. It wasn’t a long wait before her name was called. I followed as she made her way to the doctor’s office, I sat in total silence as she said she wanted a test, and explained that the one she had done was inconclusive. The doctor asked questions, took notes and I stared stonily out of the window as Alison was given a bottle to pee in. When she left for the restroom, the doctor spoke.
“Doesn’t look like you’re too happy to be here?” she asked.
“Can you tell?” I said, a little too snappy I guessed.
“Obviously, so how about we offer just a little support to Alison at what is clearly a stressful time for you both.”
I stared at the doctor, she stared straight back at me. Not a flicker of apprehension showed in her eyes. Our ‘who would back down first’ competition was broken as Alison returned. She handed the bottle to the doctor, who stood and moved to a cabinet. I couldn’t see exactly what she was doing; she kept her back to us. I did see her remove her gloves, pour the contents of the bottle down a drain and then discard it.
As she sat at her desk she spoke. “That test was negative. I think it’s highly unlikely you are pregnant. Now, do we need to talk about birth control?”
To say the relief I felt was overwhelming was an understatement. I turned and smiled at Alison, the first smile I had given her. Her smile in return wasn’t a full one though.
“Thank you doctor, I don’t think right now that I need to discuss birth control. Perhaps I’ll make another appointment next month.”
“Okay. See the receptionist on your way out.”
We rose and left. Alison didn’t see the receptionist on our way out, we just made our way straight to the car and drove back the way we came.
“Do you want to get something to eat? I asked.
“No, thank you though. And thanks for coming. I really should have just gone on my own.”
She bit down on her lip before sighing. “Can you just drop me back off at that coffee shop?”
“Why don’t I just take you home?”
“Because I have a meeting later. I want to do a little shopping first.”
“So you go shopping, then to a meeting? Doesn’t it look a bit odd, hauling your bags in there with you?” I asked.
“I want to shop for some sample items, Travis, to take to my meeting.”
“Okay. How about I come and meet you later, at your house perhaps.” I knew I was pushing it.
By then we had arrived back at the coffee shop, we sat in the idling car.
“Not tonight, I’m really tired,” she said.
“Tomorrow then.”
“I’ll ring you,” she answered.
As she reached for the door handle, I placed my hand on her arm. “Why do I get the feeling that’s not going happen?”
She relaxed back in the seat and sighed.
“I have an opportunity in New York, Paul has asked me to be involved in some of the new developments Vassago has going on. It’s a big deal for me and one I can’t turn down. I wanted to talk to you about it, and I guess this scare kind of got in the way. It made me think about my life and what I want. I know we’ve never really talked about our past, but I was never allowed to do anything for myself, Travis, and now I can.”
“I understand, I’m sorry this is going to end. What about your daughter?” I asked, it was time to bring it up.
Alison looked sharply at me and then smiled. “I guess I should have expected you to check me out. Rebecca will come with me of course.”
“Is that why I was never invited to your house?”
“Partly, you’re the first person I’ve dated since her father left. I’m sure you can imagine how traumatic that was for her, so I didn’t want to introduce you until I was sure about us. She’s only five
and it wasn’t a year ago that he left.”
“Can I ask one thing? I need you to be honest with me. Did you agree to meet me because of my connection with Vassago?” I asked. A thought had started to whirl around my brain.
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean. If you’re asking me if I knew who you were, then yes. I don’t take on a client without checking them out,” she replied.
“Do you usually date your clients?”
“Travis, I have no idea what you’re getting at. No, I don’t usually date my clients. If you think I’ve dated you to get an in with Vassago, remember I already had the contract before I met you at the club.” Her eyes didn’t quite meet mine when she spoke, though.
“Fair enough. Good luck, Alison,” I said.
With a final smile she left the car. I sat for a moment before making a u-turn and driving back to the office. I was gutted, and I was also upset at Paul. Surely I should have known. As the elevator took me to the eleventh floor I started to get pissed, very pissed. I stormed into Robert’s office; he was on the phone but looked up at me as I strode across the floor. I paced, waiting for him to finish his call. Finally, he replaced the handset.
“Did you know Paul had offered Alison a job in New York, on the builds?” I asked.
“I knew he was lining up a team, I’m meeting with him to go over those plans tomorrow. What happened today?”
I told him of the doctor’s appointment and the result, of the conversation in the car, and as I did, he reached for his phone and called Paul to his office. I took a seat and waited the couple of minutes it took for Paul to arrive.
“You wanted to speak to me?” he said, as he made his way into the office.
I jumped from my chair. “Travis, sit down bro,” Robert said.
“Paul, did you offer Alison a position as our interior designer in New York?” Robert asked.
“Yes, I think she replied this morning by email but I haven’t checked yet. She’s on the list to discuss with you tomorrow,” he replied.
“Okay, did you know Travis was dating her? That was, until this afternoon,” Robert said.
Paul turned to me. “Shit, Trav, I didn’t know. I swear I would have run it past you first if I had known.”
“She fucking called it off because she’s heading to New York now,” I said.
“Trav, how could I have known? I mean, I know you said you knew her, but I thought it was just a casual thing, you know, one of your one-night stands,” he replied. He chuckled until he noticed neither Robert nor I were chuckling along with him.
“Listen, I’ll tell her we had a change of mind, the position is no longer available,” he said.
I slumped back in my chair. “No, she’s excited about it. It’s a great opportunity for her.”
“What can I say? I’m sorry. She did an amazing job here, I thought she would do a better job being on board from the ground up. You can still see her though; I mean, it’s not that hard to get back and forth,” Paul said.
“No, I don’t think so. New York isn’t somewhere I want to go to regularly,” I replied.
Paul offered his apology again before leaving the office.
“I’m sorry, bro. You know I like them to sort their own staff but if I’d have known I would have told you,” Robert said.
“I know you would, I’m just a bit gutted really. I wondered if she dated me to make sure her contract was secure.”
“Did she seem that kind of person?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’m just pissed, that’s all.”
“The gym is finished, want to go test it out?” Robert asked.
We had decided to install a gym in the basement of the office. The staff had been given a pass to use the facilities whenever they wanted. Robert and I made our way down and into the private changing room. Our lockers were already kitted out with clothes and gloves. The gym housed state of the art equipment and, at one end, a boxing ring. Neither Robert nor I had boxed for a couple of years; we never had the time, and the old gym had long since been closed down. It was fun to climb back under those ropes and even better to let out a bit of aggression. Neither of us had lost our skills; we may have been a little slower but it was a great workout.
Chapter Ten
Joe’s health had taken a turn for the worse. Robert and I spent most of our free time with him and watched his decline; we knew the end was not far away. It was in the very early hours of one morning that Robert woke me to say he had received a call from Evelyn, asking for us to visit.
“Bro, we need to get to the house, Evelyn called,” he said.
“Fuck, is he…,” I didn’t finish the sentence.
“No, but I don’t think he has long.”
In silence I dressed and drove as quickly as I could to the house. We found Joe in his bed with Evelyn by his side. Her eyes were red from the tears that gently rolled down her cheeks. I sat beside her and took her hand in mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. Robert sat on the other side of Joe, whose eyes were closed; his breathing was raspy and laboured. Robert instructed Evelyn to call whoever she needed, especially the doctor that had been monitoring his care.
The only sound in the room was the breaths Joe was struggling to take. My chest felt constricted and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I had loved that man like a father, he had loved me like a son, and my heart was breaking. Evelyn returned and the doctor arrived shortly after. He took Joe’s blood pressure, listened to his chest and shook his head. He gave words of comfort to Evelyn and took a seat in a chair on the other side of the room so as not to intrude. The next person that arrived at the house was Jonathan, closely followed by Mack, Paul and Richard. One by one they came into the bedroom to say their goodbyes before returning to the kitchen to wait. The last to arrive was Padre Carmelo. He was an old man and had been the priest at the local church for as long as I could remember. Evelyn helped him to Joe’s side where he prayed for his soul. Everyone, except Robert, prayed with him.
It wasn’t long before the rasping quietened, before the rise and fall of Joe’s chest stopped, and we knew he had died. I pulled a sobbing Evelyn into my arms. I watched Robert close his eyes and his chin fell to his chest. The doctor came forward and did what he had to do for confirmation. Robert stood and escorted the doctor from the room; there were calls to be made.
The guys came and each kissed Joe on the forehead; Richard and Paul, both of Italian descent, mumbled in their own language, a prayer perhaps. Jonathan looked broken. Excluding Evelyn, he had known Joe the longest. He had been his advisor until Robert took over, and he freely cried for a man he also loved.
It was an hour or so later that the undertakers arrived to take Joe’s body. Evelyn fussed, ensuring they handled him with care. Being surrounded by Robert, the guys and I ensured that he would be treated with the utmost respect. Once they had taken him, she set about to make coffee for everyone. Jonathan took the kettle from her shaking hands, led her to the kitchen table and made her sit. He filled it and made the coffee himself.
“I need to tell Maria,” Evelyn said. Her sister had been placed in a home many years ago. The dementia was too bad for her to be cared for safely at home.
“Why don’t I make the calls?” Jonathan said. He was also referring to Joey.
Although no one had seen Joey for years, he would need to know his father had died. What he would do with that information was anyone’s guess.
“Where’s Robert?” Paul asked.
“Garden room, let him be please,” Evelyn replied.
Robert needed a little time alone, I knew that, although Evelyn took his coffee and sat with him for a while.
“Is there anything we should be doing?” Paul asked.
“I have his will, I’ll speak with Robert later and we can instruct our lawyers to deal with that,” Jonathan replied.
As the morning broke the guys left, each hugging Evelyn as they did. Robert and I sat for a while and Evelyn dozed on the sofa bes
ide us.
“What do we do now?” I whispered.
“We need to organise his funeral, I guess. We’ll talk with Evelyn about that later. You want a coffee?”
I nodded and Robert and I left Evelyn asleep. We sat in the kitchen just reminiscing about our lives, and talking about Joe. We laughed and I cried some more. Although not an overly affectionate person, Robert placed his arm around my shoulder to offer some comfort.
A week later the funeral was organised. It was a lavish affair, and one that attracted the local police, something that stressed us all. Massimo had a day pass from prison to attend - how he had managed that in spite of his charges was beyond me, I realised he really did have friends in high places. Joey attended but stood on the fringes. It was clear to everyone he kept himself away from the main party, and to see the constant smirk on his face, we were unsure whether he was there to mourn the passing of his father or to spit on his grave.
Joe was laid to rest with his beloved wife, Maria, and when it came time to leave, mourners filed past us, offering their condolences to Evelyn and shaking Robert’s hand. It was yet another example of how he was regarded as the head of the family.
The wake was held at the hotel Vassago owned; a private function room had been set to one side. It was good to meet old friends of Joe; many would tell their stories of their time with him and it was a pleasure to meet Massimo’s family from New York. As the evening wore on, Evelyn started to flag somewhat. It was time to take her home.
Robert and I stayed at the house for a few days after the funeral, until Evelyn ushered us out, telling us it was time to get back to work and back to our apartment. Joe wouldn’t have wanted a long period of mourning, and deep down I also thought she wanted some time alone.
****
The businesses were growing, and with that came requests, primarily for Robert. Requests to attend functions, most of which he declined, and many requests for donations; but one day he showed me a letter he had received. It was another donation request, and one that had probably been sent to hundreds of businesses in the DC area. A children’s home was looking for funding. Something about the request resonated in both of us and we took a drive to Arlington to check it out.
Travis: To accompany the Fallen Angel Series - A Mafia Romance Page 17