I found a bar and settled on a stool. A few years ago Robert and I would never have travelled alone, we always had some sort of security, but times had changed, we had changed. The businesses were legitimate and it was very rare that we encountered anyone from the past. We kept an eye on everyone, naturally, but from a distance.
I nursed a beer, lost in my own thoughts. It was the overpowering smell of cheap perfume that seemed to bring me around. Perched on a stool next to me was a woman with over-bleached blonde hair and too much makeup. Maybe a year ago I would have fucked her just for my release, but as I looked at her, my stomach turned.
I didn’t want a cheap thrill, a quick fuck, anymore. I wanted a relationship, I wanted what Robert seemed to have found. Even knowing this ‘thing’ with Brooke might not last, even knowing it was less than a week old, it was a relationship for sure.
I gulped down the last of my beer, and with a scowl, walked out the door. I needed fresh air and a chance to get a grip. I’d met Brooke for no more than an hour in total. How the fuck could I feel something for someone I’d met for such a short period of time? I was glad for my brother, I wanted him to have a relationship, and I wanted him to be happy. Whatever was going on with me would stay with me; I just needed to get over it.
****
My pledge to keep my feelings to myself didn’t last long. The following morning while deciding whether to go for a shoot or not, I heard the garage doors open; looking out I saw Robert. The first thing I noticed was his bare feet… Why was he walking across the gravel in bare feet? I watched as he backed the Mercedes out of the garage, at speed, and roared off down the drive. Something had gone terribly wrong. I looked across to the house; the front door was left wide open. I ran down the stairs and across the drive.
Brooke was sobbing and Evelyn was cradling her to her chest. The sight and sound of her cries tore something apart in me. Evelyn left her and walked towards me; with her head bent low she told me what had happened.
“He’s lost it, again. They were chatting, Brooke brought up the aunt and…” She shook her head.
“What did she say to him?”
“She said she knew about the fire. Oh, Trav, what have we done?” Evelyn sounded so sad, I placed my arm around her shoulder. I could feel her tremble.
Robert had totally flipped. It seemed he and Brooke had had a fantastic evening and at some point during the night, I guessed, his emotions had started to run wild. He had no idea what to do or how to understand what was happening to him. He’d never been in love and there was no doubt he was in love with the woman he had left crying on the sofa. Our plan had backfired. We thought that by telling Brooke about Robert and his aunt it would help her understand him more. What had happened was, when Brooke said she knew that he had killed his aunt, that was it - total meltdown.
It was my fault; I was the one to persuade Evelyn to tell Brooke. I was the one to encourage her to visit while Robert and I were in New York, and I had to put it right. I made my way down the stairs. I called his mobile; I heard it ring in his bedroom. I called the car phone, it was switched off. I called the security desk and asked them to track the car, it was fitted with a tracker and they soon had a location for him. But I was torn a little. I wanted to get to my brother, but I had also seen how shaken Evelyn was, although she’d hidden that from Brooke. I walked back upstairs.
“This isn’t the first time he’s behaved this way, is it?” Brooke asked.
I sat on the coffee table in front of her.
“All I can tell you, Brooke, is that he’s never had a normal relationship, he’s never brought anyone back here. He’s done things over the past few days we’ve never seen him do. You could have knocked me over when he said he was taking the day off. You’ve done that to him. I know you guys have only known each other a week but you’ve changed him so much already. Ev and I were talking about it, we’re scared for him and for you. We want him to have a normal life, but what will happen to him when you leave? I don’t mean this to hurt you, but you’re going to break his heart,” I said.
A silence followed. “What about what he’s going to do to me? He could break my heart, too. I love him,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes and sighed. She loved him and he loved her, I was sure of that.
“All I can say, Brooke, is that if you take on Robert, you do it for life, and you’re leaving in a couple of weeks.”
“Do you think I can take him on for life?” she asked.
“I don’t know if I can answer that. He’ll fuck up often - Can you deal with that? Can you deal with his mood swings? More importantly, Brooke, can you forgive him anything?”
I made a point of emphasising the word anything. If this relationship was what I thought it was, she was going to have to know who Robert Stone really was. Who all of us really were.
My phone beeped; a text had come through telling me that the Mercedes had stopped and was in a parking lot. I stood and nodded to Evelyn before taking the Range Rover out to find my brother. I found the car but Robert was nowhere to be seen. The car had taken a beating, the side window was punched through, and I saw drops of red on the door. I touched one of them and brought it to my nose, the metallic smell told me it was blood. I scanned the parking lot. An old guy sat in a payment booth; he looked at me, and before I could make my way over he signalled the direction Robert had taken. I waved my thanks and left the Range Rover to follow on foot.
I don’t know what compelled me to walk the way I had, to take the alley to my right or cross the road when I did, but I instinctively knew where to go. I felt his pain, and as I closed in on a beat up old bar I knew he was inside. I took a breath and opened the door. Sure enough, with his back to me, Robert was standing at the oak bar, a line of empty bottles in front of him. I signalled to the guy behind to bring two more.
We stood side by side for a while, not speaking. He knew I was there, I’d heard him take a deep breath in and release it. I’d seen the slight glance to his side. Eventually he spoke.
“Has she gone?” he asked.
“No,” I replied.
“What do you mean, no? Get her out of my fucking house, Trav.”
I placed the bottle to my lips. “No.”
He looked at me.
“If you want to deny how you feel, deny yourself this one fucking chance at a normal life, you go and tell her to leave. I’ve left her heartbroken but for some fucking, stupid reason, she loves you, she won’t leave. You’re one giant prick, Rob,” I said.
“Prick, you call me a prick?” he said, spinning around.
He needed to lash out, he needed to release the pent-up frustration, anger, sadness, whatever the fuck was going through his mind and body. He was pushing for a fight. I didn’t give him a chance; I punched him clean on the jaw. Believe me, Robert was a lot stronger, and much more aggressive than I was; he could knock me out with one punch if he really let loose. But I banked on the fact that he would rein himself in, get himself under control, and only then could he talk through what he felt.
“Come on, fucking hit me again,” he growled at me.
People scuttled from the bar; just the sight of him was enough to terrify anyone close. His eyes were black, the veins on this forehead and his neck bulged as the blood pumped around his body. I lowered my fists.
“That’s what you want isn’t it?” I said quietly.
“What the fuck do you know what I want? Huh?” He was like a caged animal, pacing in front of me.
“You want me to hit you, you want to be punished don’t you? You fucked up and you need to feel something? You want to feel pain, you’re desperate just to fucking feel something, and pain is all you know. But you do feel, Rob, you just don’t understand it yet.”
He lowered his own fists, his breathing was ragged as he stood and stared at me. I started to see something in his eyes though; I was getting through.
“What’s going on in here?” I said, tapping the side of his head.
He took a mom
ent to answer. “I don’t know.”
“Shall I tell you? You have finally fallen in love, bro. You just don’t know it. You’ve been conditioned to think you are not worthy of love, you’ve suppressed your emotions to such a degree that you haven’t felt for years and somehow that wonderful woman has broken through your brick wall. She’s gotten in here…,” I tapped his heart.
“What do I do?” he asked.
“You get your fucking ass back there and you tell her how you feel.”
“I can’t do that. I’ll fuck up again, Trav and next time I might hurt her.”
“Then you’ll live the rest of your life a coward with regrets. She is an amazing woman, you will be a fool if you pass this one up. If you do, you don’t deserve another chance at a woman like Brooke.”
“You like her, don’t you?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matter whether I like her or not, and yes, for your information, I wish I had been the one to walk across that foyer. I wish I had been the one to take her to dinner, but I wasn’t. I wish someone looked at me the way she looks at you. I wish I felt the connection you two clearly feel with someone. But you know what? She loves you, so don’t fucking waste this.”
We stood in silence. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” he said.
“So am I. So now what?” I replied.
“I don’t know, let’s just go home.”
We walked the short distance back to the car. I sent a text to Mack, someone would need to collect the Mercedes and have it fixed. We drove home in silence. I loved Robert and I hoped he would make the right decision. It wasn’t going to be easy for him; it wasn’t going to be easy for any of us. Hopefully we had a new member in our family; hopefully Brooke could find the strength to forgive him his past, to accept us and our way of life - to love us all.
I sat by the window all night. I watched Evelyn walk over to the house the following morning, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I saw her leave. She looked up at me, she had a huge smile on her face and she raised both thumbs - it was going to be okay, they were going to be okay. And I would do anything to make sure they stayed that way.
Letter from Travis
Dear Reader,
Was I in love with Brooke? Possibly, in the beginning. But as time went on I realised it wasn’t her, the person, that I was in love with, it was the idea of her. It was the change in my brother. It was the shift in the family dynamics. It was how she balanced Robert - that was what I was in love with.
To say their relationship is odd is an understatement, but then they are both unique people. I never believed in love at first sight until them. I never believed two people could be so in tune with each other, so connected, until them. They give me hope for a future for myself. They’ve shown me what love actually can be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still chalking up my conquests, but maybe deep down I’m looking for someone to love, someone who will love me back unconditionally - someone like Brooke.
But there is always one thing holding me back. No matter how many years have passed, I can’t forget. I thought I had buried my childhood, but thanks to Aileen, thanks to Padriac and to Carrig it has all come rushing back. The fear, the pain, the abuse, it was all there whirling around in my mind. Perhaps I need to deal with that before I can really love or be loved. Am I just too broken? Who knows?
Life has changed dramatically. For a long time it had been the three of us, Robert, Evelyn and me. Now, as Brooke called us, we were the Four Musketeers, and she was the toughest of us all. She withstood a lot from Robert in the beginning with a quiet strength that won us all over.
Life has settled a bit. Well, I say settled - it is as settled as the kind of life my family is ever going to get. We still have our enemies - there was one that proved to be more dangerous that we imagined - and another one that caused the family a lot of stress and ‘inconvenience’ for a while; but we did what we always do. We pulled together and dealt with it the only way we could.
I occasionally hear from Aileen, she’s married and has children. She’s never come back to America, but she kept sending letters until I finally wrote a reply. We have never spoken since, but who knows, maybe she’ll visit one day. I work hard at forgiving, understanding and believing her and I’m getting there. Did she try hard enough to find me? I don’t know. That question and answer has to be buried now. I need to move on.
And move on I shall, there’s a rather attractive blonde - Caroline, I think her name is - waiting for me to take her to ‘lunch’.
Travis x
Contents
Copyright
About the Author
Acknowledgements
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Letter from Travis
Travis: To accompany the Fallen Angel Series - A Mafia Romance Page 24