“It was a good spot. He would’ve liked it,” he said from somewhere slightly closer. But Dax didn’t try and crowd me or hug me. He wasn’t that type, even when he did like me, which definitely wasn’t the case at the moment. He was the type that gave you your space until you didn’t want it. And I’d told him by leaving that I wanted it and more.
Dax walked over to one of my trip wires, the subject of Bookie dropped, and looked it over for a moment. I thought he was admiring my work until he reached over and grabbed the knife off my hip and snapped one of my traps, setting the knife swinging into empty space.
“What are you doing?” I asked, placing myself in between him and my next trap. He ignored me and stepped around and followed the line to the gun.
“Stop!”
“You don’t need this crap anymore and I need somewhere to sleep where I don’t have to worry about rolling over and getting shot or stabbed.”
“You can leave your stuff here but you can’t sleep in here. They’ll think I’m having sex with you.”
“So what?” he said as he finished undoing my handiwork.
“So? The pirates don’t get girls that often. They’ll think I’m available.”
He was already taking things out of his bag and placing them on the shelves. “They won’t touch you.”
“They wouldn’t touch me before this either, but now I’ll have to kill them to make sure.”
“They aren’t going to try.” He let out a long sigh as he leaned on the bunk and looked out the porthole, sending me to the opposite side of the cabin.
“And why is that if they think I’ve gone all loosey-goosey?”
His eyes squinted halfway shut. “Loosey-goosey? What are you reading these days?”
“It means sleeping with a lot of people.”
He had the nerve to scoff.
“What was that for?”
“No man that’s been out of the womb for more than a day would believe you were loose.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That you’re as green as spring grass and there’s no missing it. And if you think that would stop them anyway, you’re delusional too. Do you really think that these men care how much experience you’ve had?”
He stunned me into a pause as I thought of some of the comments the pirates had made about being my first. Then shrugged off the memories because it didn’t matter anyway. “That might be true, but—”
“They won’t touch you because you’re not theirs, and I’ll make sure every man on this boat knows it.”
“They already know I’m not theirs. I told them.” Damn, this man was stubborn. He didn’t get it. I didn’t want to have to start chopping off hands.
“Were there certain ones in particular you’re talking about?” he asked, some of his heat seeming to sneak through the glacier.
“No. I was speaking in generalities.” I crossed my arms over my chest and looked about my small cabin, which had been a perfectly good size before he arrived. “Fine. Let’s say that’s not a problem. I don’t want you in here.” My palms were already sweating and my heart was going all pitter-patter. I wouldn’t be able to even get any sleep if he stayed in here.
“I don’t care. You broke our deal.” He took a step toward me.
This time, I took a step back. It had nothing to do with fear, or not fear of violence, anyway. He was back less than an hour and he was already making me out of sorts with myself. “I didn’t break our deal. We never had anything clear-cut. I ID’d Dark Walkers and you helped me figure out my magic. How long was that supposed to go on? There was no time laid out. No fine print, no contract.”
“That’s bull. I had your word and you left before you were done doing what I needed.”
“You didn’t do that much for me. It’s not like it took a long time to help me with the magic.”
“And what about the fact that I broke you out of that hellhole, not once but twice? That wasn’t that much?”
He was staring at me as if I was the lowest of the low, as if I weren’t loyal. He turned his back on me, and I was relieved to not have to see that look in his eyes anymore. I watched as he rested an arm on the bulkhead as he stared out the porthole to sea. And I couldn’t drag my eyes from him.
“You got spooked and you ran for the hills,” he said, not bothering to look at me while he spoke.
“That’s not what happened.”
“Not only did you break the deal, now you’re a liar too.” He let out a soft sigh that was heaped with regret. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten involved with a kid.”
I had a feeling that last sentence wasn’t meant for me, but I couldn’t let it go.
“I’m not a kid.”
“You ran like one.”
“I wasn’t running.”
“Sure looked like it to me.”
I forced myself to hold my position in the face of the disapproval he was dumping on to me. He was wrong. I’d done what I had to.
He didn’t say anything else. Simply shook his head.
Here he was, standing less than ten feet away from me. How many times had I imagined having him here when I’d lie in the bunk at night? But this wasn’t turning out like anything I’d imagined.
Now he was here and I didn’t know what to do. So I did the only thing that might make me feel better. I went to the galley for food.
* * *
“You can’t sleep here,” Marty said as I slumped in the galley’s booth hours later after dinner had long passed.
“Why not?” I asked him as he stood looking down at where I sat.
“Couple reasons. One, I’m afraid to leave you so close to all the food.”
“I couldn’t possibly eat another thing.” I was afraid if I did that I wouldn’t be able to breathe, because there wasn’t much room left for my lungs after I’d tried to eat away my worries. “What’s the other reason?”
“That’s my bed,” he said, pointing to where I sat.
Shit. I got to my feet and headed back to my cabin, the place that was my sanctuary until he’d shown up and stolen it.
I opened the door to my cabin and found him spread out on the floor, a blanket draped across his hips and lots of skin showing above it. “You’re really sleeping here?”
“We’re not revisiting that subject again, are we?” he asked, as if I were the most redundant creature to walk the Earth.
We were about to, until I realized just now how futile it would be. Normally, I would’ve walked over to the shelves I was using for my few belongings and dug through it for the shift I used for sleeping, but I had nowhere to even change.
I looked about the cabin, trying to determine the easiest path around him and to my bunk, glad his jacket that I slept with was tucked out of sight. He’d think it had something to do with him, and the only reason I slept with it was that it was warm and smelled like home. That was because Fudge had probably laundered it for him. Not because he smelled like home. But he might get some stupid idea that it was him. So now I wouldn’t even be able to take it out, and how was I supposed to fall asleep?
I realized the only way to the bunk was stepping over his legs. He was ruining my sleep and my cabin.
“You’re taking up too much room.”
He ignored me. I climbed onto the bunk and got settled under the cover and realized I could smell the jacket from where it was tucked, or maybe it was that he’d brought more stuff from home. Instead of having trouble sleeping, I drifted off as soon as my eyes closed, not even answering his question first.
I shot up in the bunk and there was no hiding the night terrors now, even if I didn’t scream, not with him in the same room. At least he had the decency not to say anything. I looked over, wondering if maybe by some long shot he was actually sleeping.
He was awake, but it didn’t matter anyway. He’d say nothing and neither would I and we’d pretend it never happened.
“What are they about?”
Huh? I shook my head. It was ba
d enough I had them. I didn’t want to talk about them, too.
“Just random stuff. Nothing important.” Nothing I could change, anyway, if that was a requirement of “important.”
There were a couple of minutes of silence before he spoke. “You hold too much in.”
My adrenaline was still pumping, so he’d picked the wrong time to start preaching about what I did wrong. “You want to talk about holding stuff back? Why aren’t you trying to drag me back to ID your Dark Walkers and find your vengeance? I want to know why you are staying here when it’s obvious you don’t even want to be around me.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to be around you. I don’t like people who go back on their word. I’ve decided it’s the easiest way forward without having to chain you to my side.”
I stared at the ceiling above me while I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from defending myself. I was doing what I had to. He could see it however he chose. Didn’t matter.
“Try and hold it in a little better if you aren’t going to talk about it. I’d like to get some sleep,” he said before I heard him moving around. My eyes shot to where he was lying on the floor. He’d turned on his side, giving me his back again.
I stared at his dark head and the line of his shoulders for a moment before I rolled over and did the same.
18
The meeting with the Skinners was today. I didn’t know what strings Jacob had pulled to get this meeting and hopefully the cure, and I wasn’t asking. There was already one too many things I already knew about in Jacob’s mind. I didn’t want to know any more, not one iota of detail for the rest of my life.
I leaned up slightly and looked down at Dax lying on the floor. He looked like he was sleeping soundly for once, lying on his back, his face peaceful like I’d never seen it.
I eased out of the bunk, trying to avoid the part that always creaked as I slid down onto the floor silently. I tried to ease around him, which was next to impossible with how much space he was taking up. He cleared his throat and I knew he was awake before I took two steps.
“Why do you pretend to sleep?”
“I don’t pretend anything. I was resting.”
“You’ve never rested this much since I’ve known you.”
“I’ve never been stuck with you on a boat.” He opened his eyes only slightly, which made him look sexier than normal. That was a very bad thing in my book. “The meeting isn’t for a few more hours. Why are you up so early?”
He knew about the meeting? I might as well climb back into bed and try and get another hour of sleep in, since I wasn’t going to be able to dodge him now.
“Of course I know about the meeting.”
“Did I just say that out loud?”
“Your face nearly screamed it. And before you ask, yes, of course I’m coming with you.”
He’d read that question wrong. I’d already known he was going to come. This sucked. Only one thing to do now. Eat.
* * *
An hour later and the boat that was taking Dax and me to the meeting with the Skinners neared the shore. We were in a little-known area that was just shy of the border of the country called Cali. I hopped out, hoping by some miracle Dax would stay behind but knowing better.
There, not far from the beach, was the trader hole Jacob had described, with its green metal roof and whitewashed walls, a few horses hitched outside it.
“Hang on a second,” Dax said as I moved to go inside.
“Why?” I asked without slowing my pace.
“What is your problem? You walk out on me and you’re the one with the attitude?”
“You wanted nothing to do with this. This is my mission. Why are you insisting on coming? You know I’m going back to the boat afterward.”
He didn’t get it. I was meant to live this life alone and I needed to go about my life like I had been for the past few weeks. I’d gone from the Cement Giant, and having my whole life dictated to me, to living with Dax. Who tried to dictate my whole life to me. Who’d also made me feel safe. And I shouldn’t have gotten so comfortable, because look what happened. Bookie had died.
Now, here he was again, broad and strong and perfect in almost every way you would want a man to be. It would be so easy to hand over the reins and let him take control. And then one day, he’d disappear like my parents did or die like Bookie, and I’d be there, trying to stitch up the gaping hole he’d left, but maybe this time it would be too large to fix.
He took a step in front of me. “Because you are going to hold up your end of the bargain. If that means I need to dog your every step to make sure you stay alive in order to do it, I’m going to. There’s no damn way I’m letting you step in that place alone and die, screwing me over in the process.”
“Jacob needs me just as much as you do, and he set the meeting up this way.”
“Hate to break this to you, darling, but the only reason no one else is with you is because he knew I’d be here to make sure it didn’t go south.”
My hands found my hips as I took a step away from him and said, “That’s bullshit.”
“Ask him yourself when we get back,” he said, pointing to the ship in the distance.
“You know I can handle myself.”
“But against how many? You don’t know what you’re walking into.” He straightened, his hands relaxed at his sides now, and his voice softened as he asked, “Do you really want this cure or was it an excuse to run?”
I tried to not flinch at the accusation…or to think too hard on it either. Nothing mattered right now but this meeting anyway. “You know I do.”
For a minute, all I heard were the birds chirping away as we stared off. I was indeed stuck with him. There was no magic I was aware of that would get him back on that boat. “I’m taking the lead. Don’t step on my toes.”
He cleared his throat and then rolled his eyes, adding a slight shake to his head at the same time, just for that extra flavor. “Your memory is still intact, correct?”
I was narrowing my eyes at him. “What’s your point?”
“My point is, we don’t know who’s meeting us here, and some of these people are going to take less than kindly to you after last time.”
I didn’t get a chance to speak before he was talking again, but in a quieter tone now. “The last meeting is not going to help you get any cooperation. Don’t let your ego make your decisions.”
The memory of standing outside the Skinners’ fortress, countless beasts ready to fight beside me, or at least looking like that, had me forcing down a smile. I wished there were more cameras in the world, because I would’ve loved a shot of that. It had been scary as hell at the time, but damn, it was a cool-ass memory.
But it did give me a pause. Did he have a point? I’d trampled all over their egos like a herd of buffalos over eggshells. Their leader had been practically crying uncle by time I was done.
“Maybe it will help?” I said, hearing bullshit in my words.
“Or maybe because you don’t have a herd behind you now it’s going to hurt. The way that went down is going to leave a lasting impression.”
Every sentence was like another stroke of the paintbrush, making the picture uglier and uglier. “You were there, too.”
“In beast form, so it doesn’t matter.”
I knew that, but it still grated on my nerves like sore skin rubbing against tree bark. “Fine. Let’s go.”
We walked into the small hole where Jacob had made arrangements. We got settled at a table and ordered some drinks so we blended. It wasn’t worse than any of the other ones I’d been in, and the whiskey might have been a hair better. There weren’t too many people in it either, which was good, since Skinners didn’t have a large fan club, and for once I wanted my target alive. Although I wasn’t sure if people in these parts would even know what a Skinner was.
Two men I didn’t recognize strolled in fifteen minutes late. They didn’t have the markings on their face, and from the leather pants and shirts, it l
ooked like they were trying to blend. But the way they scanned the room, it was definitely them.
They stopped in front of our table and I didn’t doubt my looks had tipped them off to who I was. My hand went to my knife. Dax didn’t budge.
The scruffier of the two dropped a bag on the table. “All yours. Tell Jacob this was everything we had left.”
“You’re just going to hand it over?” As far as smooth comments went, it wasn’t my best showing. I stared at the small bag on the table as if they would snatch it away at any second.
“The shit isn’t working anymore. Rather have free passage than hold on to this crap. All it’s doing is making people sick.”
“This was the cure, though?”
“Up until a month ago.”
“Why didn’t your leader come?”
He leaned toward me, hands on the table and his face uncomfortably close as he said, “Because he’s dead, you idiot.”
There was a blur of motion and a thump, and then the guy was bent over the table, his face pressed against the surface so firmly, his cheek looked a bit malformed. Dax’s hand was on the back of his neck and our glasses were lying broken on the floor.
His companion didn’t move so much as an inch to help him out, either. Chicken. I didn’t like the Skinners to begin with, but I liked one that wouldn’t lift a finger to help his friend even less.
“Watch yourself,” Dax said, his hand still firmly gripping the guy’s neck.
I clucked my tongue before I said, “I didn’t need you to do that. I could’ve done it myself. I chose not to.” I’d showed constraint and he’d beaten me to it. And why had he done that? Dax didn’t even like me. Why would he care if some guy got in my face?
I heard some shuffling and saw the few other patrons were leaving now that they smelled trouble. “Great. And you caused a scene.”
“Not the first time,” Dax told me as he let go of the Skinner’s neck but kept his attention focused on him. “If you want to walk out of this place, as opposed to crawling on two broken legs, you’ll make me believe you’re telling the truth. If this is a swap and bait, I will find you and I will kill you.”
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