“You liar!” Rosamund scowled. “You wanted to come up here as well.”
Beth sniffed and wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands. She had managed to get up the back stairs and into her room without passing anyone and had collapsed onto her bed as the tears broke through. She couldn’t stop crying. All of that had been painful to say, and it hurt her stomach and chest as she cried. Beth was shaking from her exertion.
But what had hurt the most was Gerard talking to her like she was important to her children. Not to him. If she had meant anything to him, Gerard would have said so. He wasn’t one to mince his words, even in this day where people were supposed to be refined and keep their feelings close to their chest. He should have been able to tell Beth if he wanted her to stay and why.
But he hadn’t. Instead, he had withdrawn from her. And Beth felt it like a punch to the gut. If he even remotely cared about her, he would have said something. Clearly, he didn’t. And that was the most painful bit of it all, even more so that he had known about Alexander and Flora, playing her for a fool.
Beth managed a smile at the two girls as they entered her room, Isabel going to the bedside table and lighting Beth’s candle. Beth had simply run in and thrown herself onto her bed, not caring if it was pitch black. Rosamund went to Beth and climbed into her lap. Beth let her, cuddling her close before Rosamund toppled onto the floor.
“It’s very sweet that you want to look for me, girls.” Beth swallowed. “But you should be with your family.”
“You’re our family as well,” Rosamund protested.
“I’m just the governess, Rosamund. A servant.”
Rosamund snorted.
“No, you’re not just a servant. We’ve always thought of the servants as family.”
She was far too sweet for her own good. Rosamund Thinesley was growing up too fast.
“We heard what you and Father said,” Isabel said.
Beth winced.
“You really heard all that?”
“I think everyone in the house heard it.” Isabel shuffled from foot to foot. “Are you really going to leave us?”
This hurt even more than Gerard refusing to say if he wanted her to stay. Beth rocked Rosamund in her lap as the girl whimpered.
“I have to. There is a lot going on right now, and I don’t expect either of you to understand, but I can’t stay here with what there is between your family and mine. It’s best if I go.”
“What if we don’t want you to go?” Isabel asked. “Because we want you to stay.”
“We want you to be our new mother,” Rosamund declared.
“Be your …” It took a moment for what the little girl had said to sink in. Beth gasped. “You can’t ask that of me!”
“Father loves you, Beth,” Rosamund cried. “And we love you. Nobody wants you to go.”
Gerard didn’t love her. And not everyone wanted her to stay. Beth could think of a few people already. Mainly Hermia, Alexander, and Gerard. Once she discovered the truth, Lady Amelia wouldn’t want her here, either. Beth couldn’t see the Dowager Duchess being a part of what her sons were up to, but she would stand by them. Beth wouldn’t be able to contend with a dukedom.
But now was not the time to split hairs. Beth kissed Rosamund’s head.
“Your father doesn’t love me in that way, Rosamund. If he just needs a woman to be a mother to you, then anyone of his own social station will do. Not me. Not someone further down the social ladder.”
“We don’t want them!” Rosamund said adamantly. She was starting to cry now. “We want you!”
“And Father does love you,” Isabel added quietly. “We’ve witnessed it since you’ve been with us. He’s just too stubborn to say it out loud. Grandmother says men are always like that.”
Beth groaned. She didn’t want her hopes raised. Not now. She needed to get her things ready to go and then she would be heading back to London. Hopefully, she could keep her head high, but Beth wasn’t holding out much on that. She would be too distraught to try and maintain her composure. Both she and Flora would be a mess.
Flora. Beth couldn’t believe she had been so selfish as to focus on herself instead of her sister. Beth had no idea where Flora was now. Hopefully, she was in her room. Beth had to go and find her.
But she couldn’t bring herself to move the girls out the way. Isabel had now sat beside her on the bed and was hugging her around the neck while Rosamund cuddled her from the front. Both of them were crying softly. Beth could feel her own tears coming back and hugging both girls tightly, she let them out.
It hurt her to leave. She didn’t want to. But she had to go. There was nothing else for her to do.
#
It was close to midnight by the time Gerard had finally got his thoughts in some sort of order. He knew he had messed up when Beth demanded to know if he wanted her to stay. He should have said yes, he wanted her to stay because he didn’t want to live the rest of his life without her. But Gerard hadn’t been able to speak. He just stood there staring at her as the revelation that he loved her came to light.
That had been his one chance to tell her the truth, and Gerard had messed it up. He doubted Beth would allow the two of them to be alone to confess his feelings for her.
She couldn’t leave. Neither could Flora. Gerard had been going over that situation as well. Alexander had not said a word about Flora at all. His strange behaviour hadn’t been as erratic as usual, and there had been speculation while it was a woman he was with, this woman was special to him.
Gerard had been waiting for Alexander to come to him for help approaching his father about marrying the woman he loved. Now he knew why Alexander had run off with Flora; she was a beautiful girl but very unsuitable. Their father would never have allowed their union even if Alexander loved Flora to the New World and back again.
And then he had messed it up by running away. Alexander had to have known the repercussions for his actions. And he still did it anyway. Gerard couldn’t believe how irresponsible his brother had been. Alexander had done a lot of things that made everyone despair, but this was the worst, in Gerard’s eyes.
This needed to be sorted out. Gerard sat down at his desk, a glass of whisky in his hand with the bottle close to hand, and formulated a plan. It did require Alexander standing up to his mistakes and fixing it all so he could face his responsibilities. If Gerard could get him to do that, then maybe it would help him with his mistakes.
Beth was leaving because of Alexander’s ruination of her sister. But would she stay if they reconciled? It was a risk. And Gerard was willing to take any risks to get her to stay.
Feeling a little drunk, but still in full control of his senses, Gerard left his study and headed upstairs to his brother’s room. Alexander was someone who didn’t go to bed early, so he was more than likely still awake. And there was no one to interrupt them.
It took a few knocks, but Alexander finally opened the door. He had taken off his jacket and waistcoat, simply standing there in his shirtsleeves and trousers. He was barefoot, holding a glass almost full to the brim. His hair was standing up on end, and his eyes looked a little out of focus.
“Gerard.” Alexander raised his glass. “Some welcome home celebration. I thank you for that.”
“Shut up.” Gerard pushed past him and into the room. “We need to talk, Alex. Now.”
“At this time of night?”
“You’re always awake at this time. And this can’t wait until morning.”
Alexander glared. Then he shrugged and shut the door, swishing his glass around enough for the drink to slosh over the side and onto the carpet.
“Fine, fine. Let’s talk now. Whatever you want. You’re the duke, so we have to do what you say.”
“This is serious, Alex.”
Alexander snorted and took a hefty swallow of his drink, letting out a loud belch.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Beth’s given her notice.” Saying that out loud made
Gerard feel nauseous. “She’s leaving in a month. Maybe less than that.”
“And why are you telling me this?”
“Because you’re the reason she’s going.”
Alexander looked incredulous.
“You’re blaming me for her leaving? Charming!”
“You ruined her sister, and she’s now working for me, your brother!” Gerard snapped. “She thinks that I must have been aware of what you were doing and hired her to make her look like a fool. She doesn’t believe that I’m not involved in this somehow.”
“And you care about this why?”
“Because I love her, that’s why.” Gerard saw Alexander’s eyes widen and realized what he had just said. How could he say it out loud in front of his brother but not in front of the woman who mattered? “I don’t want her to leave, and she’s about to run out on me because of your actions. That’s why I care.”
Alexander was silent for so long Gerard wondered if he had actually heard anything Gerard had said. Then Alexander sighed and put his glass on the dresser beside him, trying not to spill any more drink.
“No one was supposed to get involved,” he said. “It was my decision.”
“You didn’t get it across to Flora, did you?” Gerard advanced on his brother, standing closer to him as Alexander backed up and hit the wall. “You ran off with her, and then you deserted her, Captain!”
Alexander visibly flinched.
“That wasn’t my intention!”
“What was your intention, then?”
“I thought I was doing her a favour by leaving as I did.”
Gerard stared. He had heard a lot of excuses in his time, but this one was ridiculous. He shook his head.
“You weren’t doing her a favour. You just abandoned her with no explanation as to why. And now you’ve brought this family into disrepute as well as hers.”
“I …”
“What do you think Father would say if he had heard about this?”
Alexander swallowed. Some of his drunken state seemed to be sobering up now.
“He wasn’t going to know,” he croaked.
Gerard snorted. He turned away and began to pace. It was either that or punch Alexander.
“Flora Campbell could have declared to anyone and everyone who would listen just who the man she had run off with was, and which family he was connected to. The fact she didn’t is nothing short of a miracle. But you did the wrong thing by deserting her. That’s not how we were raised.”
“You haven’t been in that position, have you?”
“I don’t plan to be in that position,” Gerard shot back. “And you’re not going to desert her anymore.”
“You what?” Alexander blinked. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m going to obtain a special license as soon as possible.” Gerard focused his scowl on his brother. “And then you’re going to marry Flora Campbell.”
“Wait a minute, Gerard …”
“You ran off with her, didn’t you? You can start by marrying her as soon as possible.”
Alexander looked stunned. Gerard could have slapped him and got the same reaction. He sneered.
“What? You don’t want to get married? Tough, Alexander. You started this, and you’re going to finish it.”
Alexander took a deep breath and turned away, pacing across the room. Then he turned back to his brother.
“You like to make things difficult for me, don’t you?”
Gerard snorted.
“If you didn’t want to marry her, you shouldn’t have vanished.”
Alexander was silent. Then Gerard saw tears in his eyes. Alexander crumbled. His shoulders slumping, Alexander went to a chair by the roaring fire and collapsed into it.
“That’s the problem. I do want to marry her.”
That Gerard hadn’t been expecting. He had thought Alexander would kick up a fuss, complain, and fight back against his brother’s wishes. But instead, his reaction was the opposite. He moved across the room and sat in the other chair across from Alexander. Alexander didn’t say anything for a moment, merely staring into the flames. Gerard waited. He would let Alexander get this out.
“I love her, Gerard.” Alexander’s voice was so quiet Gerard almost missed it. “I have done since we first met. And it scared me. I’ve never …” He gulped loudly. “What you and Allegra had was special. A love that anyone would be envious of. I wanted that for myself, and I couldn’t seem to find it. Then I got it with Flora almost immediately. I knew she was not someone Father would have approved of, but I couldn’t keep away. And the intensity of how I felt about her frightened me. I didn’t know how to approach it, even as we ran away to elope.” He took a shuddering breath. “Fear got the better of me.”
“So, you ran.”
Alexander nodded. He closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face.
“I felt awful doing it, and I wanted to go back and beg for her forgiveness, but I was too much of a coward. I didn’t think I could redeem myself and assure her that I did love her. And then she turned up here today, and all that came back to me.”
Gerard listened to this in stunned silence. He had had no idea that this was happening, and he had inadvertently put the two former lovers together. If he had known what Alexander had done, Gerard really would have made Alexander marry Flora. He wouldn’t leave a stain on either family due to their actions. Gerard understood when two people were in love it was best to keep them together. Never would he have taken part in humiliating Flora further, or embarrassing Beth.
Alexander had been such a fool. He had decided to be a coward and run away from the woman he loved. All because he was scared.
“That’s why you signed up to the army, wasn’t it?” he asked quietly. “You were trying to atone for your desertion.”
Alexander nodded. He stared at the floor.
“I wanted to do something, anything. If I went home, you and Mother would have been questioning me about what happened, and I wasn’t ready to talk to you. Being in the army, getting shot at, and throwing myself into serving King George, felt like a punishment that I deserved.”
Being a brave hero to hide the fact he was a coward. Gerard found that slightly ironic. He sat back and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. The drink was beginning to wear off, and he now had a headache.
“If you love her, you need to tell her. Have you ever told her those three words?”
“Yes. Quite a few times.”
“And do you still love her?”
Alexander nodded immediately.
“Without question.”
“Then you need to tell her.”
“But how. She wouldn’t let me go anywhere near her now. I’m sure she’s going to be locked in her room now.”
He did have a point. Now Flora knew the man who had deserted her was here, she was going to keep away from him as much as possible. Gerard began to turn a plan over in his head. They were going to have to do a bit of lying to get to the truth.
“I’ve got a way how we can do that. But you’re going to have to play a part in it. And no running away. You up for it?”
What A Wicked Duke Demands (Historical Regency Romance) Page 29