by A. D. Ryan
Jensen moved to push himself from between my legs when he groaned, his face crinkling adorably. “Okay, this is why food in the bedroom isn’t fun.” As he continued to move from between my legs, I fully understood; everywhere our bodies touched was sticky from the sugar in the ice cream.
“Quick shower?” I suggested with a laugh, feeling only a little bit bad about it, because we’d both thoroughly enjoyed playing.
Jensen nodded, pulling me to my feet and leading me to the washroom so we could clean up. Jensen was just starting the shower when I felt a twinge in my left side that forced me to lean into it.
Jensen turned around and noticed. “Madi?” His forehead creased with concern as he rushed to my side.
Shaking my head, I stood up when the feeling passed. “It’s okay. Just a weird cramp. Maybe we should’ve waited fifteen minutes after eating before we engaged in any strenuous activity,” I joked, hoping to lighten the mood, but Jensen seemed wary. “Honestly,” I continued, taking a step toward him, “I’m fi—oooow!” Before I could even get the rest of my sentence out, I felt another twinge—though this time it felt like I someone had reached into my stomach and wrapped their extremely large hands around my insides and was squeezing. It was so intense, it sent me to my knees.
“Shit! Madi!” Jensen ran to me, wrapping his arm around my back helped me stand.
Once the pain subsided again, Jensen left the bathroom, returning a few minutes later dressed in jeans and a sweater. He also had clothes for me in one hand and his phone in the other.
“Is she okay?” I heard my dad ask through the speaker on Jensen’s phone as he set it down.
“I don’t know,” Jensen replied, kneeling next to me.
“Mads?”
The pain, while less, was returning. “Yeah, Daddy?”
“Kiddo, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know. There was this little pain, and then a much stronger one.”
“Where, honey?”
“My stomach, but it’s gone now.”
Jensen thrust a shirt at me, but I shook my head. “Put it on,” he ordered as gently as he could through his panic. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“Jensen, it’s fine,” I told him again. “The pain is gone.” I started to push myself to my feet, but another sharp pain ripped its way across my stomach.
“Madison Landry, you listen to Jensen,” Dad told me, using his firm Dad-voice. “I’ll meet you guys out front and we’ll ride to the hospital together. You could be in labor.”
If I wasn’t freaked out before, I definitely was after hearing that. “What?” I screeched, my panicked eyes snapping to Jensen. “No, I can’t be. I’m barely over twenty weeks. It’s way too soon.”
“I know, honey,” Jensen said, helping me into my shirt. “That’s why we need to go in. We need to see if they can do something to stop it if that’s the case.”
From that point on, I didn’t argue. I let Jensen help me into my clothes, only briefly worrying about my sticky skin before I felt another sharp pain. I figured it probably wasn’t the craziest thing they’d seen.
When we arrived at the hospital, Jensen and my dad helped me out of the car and inside. Once I had been admitted, a man in scrubs came with a wheelchair, and we were taken to the maternity floor. It didn’t take long before I was in a backless hospital gown, being felt up by a nurse I’d never met, and hooked up to monitors. Just the three of us were alone finally, and my dad and Jensen were nervously pacing in opposite directions at the end of the bed in the small room.
“You two are making me dizzy,” I told them weakly, my body exhausted from having stayed up so late and the pain.
“I just don’t understand,” Dad said. “You’ve been in such good health. Aren’t there signs that this could have been a possibility?”
“Daddy,” I started, wringing the hospital blanket from my bed in my hands. “Stop worrying.”
“Stop worrying?” he parroted. “How are you not worrying, Mads?”
“Honestly? I’m freaking out, so all of this … added panic isn’t helping.” Pressure built up in my chest before releasing as a sob. “I need someone to be strong here.”
Jensen was by my side in an instant, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and kissing the top of my head as I cried into his shoulder. He mumbled apologies and words of reassurance into my temple, and I nodded along, trying to force myself to believe him. It felt impossible.
Soon, the door to the room opened, and Dr. Smith came in. He didn’t look worried, and I found a little comfort in that.
“Madison,” he greeted, before acknowledging Jensen with a nod. “I hear we’re experiencing some cramping?”
I nodded as Jensen stood up. “I am. Sometimes it’s not too bad, but other times … it’s all I can do to keep from keeling over.”
Dr. Smith nodded, coming over to look at the tape that was being spit out of the machine beside me. “Well, the bad news is that what you were experiencing were definitely contractions.” Jensen took my hand in his and gave it a supportive squeeze. “But, the good news is that they’re nothing more than Braxton Hicks contractions, and they seem to have stopped, based on these readings.”
The three of us all breathed a sigh of relief, and I let my head fall back on my pillow. “That’s great news,” I told him, but then my curiosity kicked in. “So … what caused them? I mean, that couldn’t have been normal?”
Dr. Smith smiled at me, glancing at my father, then at Jensen. “Actually, they’re quite normal. It’s the body’s way of warming up for the main event.” He paused, jotting something down in my chart, his forehead furrowing. “Though, it does seem a tad early. Tell me, Madison, have you been overly stressed or maybe engaged in any strenuous activities in the last twenty-four hours? Heavy lifting, riding, running, sex? An orgasm causes the uterus to contract, and during pregnancy this can often mimic labor.”
“Well, that’s my cue to leave.” The three of us looked up just in time to see my dad duck out of the room, his cheeks an unnatural shade of crimson. I was sure it matched my own based on how hot I suddenly felt.
As soon as the door was closed behind him, I looked back to Dr. Smith and nodded. “We, uh … we had sex tonight, actually. About ten to twenty minutes before the pain started.”
“We’ve also been dealing with our shady neighbor for the last few weeks. I’m pretty sure that could be considered stressful,” Jensen reminded me, and I promptly told the doctor what happened.
“Well,” Dr. Smith said, “at this point, I’m honestly not too concerned. Let’s keep an eye on it, though. Take it easy for a couple days, but you should be able to resume your regular day-to-day routines soon enough.”
Feeling relieved, Jensen and I grabbed our belongings before finding Dad waiting out in the waiting room. He couldn’t make eye contact with either of us, and his cheeks still held a little bit of redness. Made sense since I was just as embarrassed. Sure, the situation Jensen and I were in made it pretty obvious that we were sexually active, but what parent wants to hear the details? I’m guessing very few, if any at all.
Once Jensen pulled the car to a stop, Dad gave me a hug and then went home. “Take the morning off, Mads.”
I prepared to protest when Jensen cut in. “The doctor said to take it easy.”
“Okay,” I agreed, rubbing my slightly swollen belly as exhaustion rolled over me. I’d almost forgotten how late it was. “Thank you. Maybe I can come do some of the month-end paperwork in the afternoon?”
With an amused grin behind his fair mustache, Dad nodded before turning for home. “I’m not going to fight you for it. You know how much I hate that shit. Good night, you two.”
“Night, Daddy.”
“G’ night, Wayne.” Once Dad was out of sight, Jensen pulled me toward the house. “C’mon, sweetheart. It’s late. You need rest.”
Yawning, I followed Jensen inside to find Bones laying by the front door. His head perked up as we stepped through the door,
tail wagging, and he followed us to bed. It didn’t take long for the three of us to fall back asleep, and it seemed like even less time before Jensen was kissing my forehead before slipping out for work.
Chapter 15. Left Out
As the weeks passed, I was pleasantly surprised that we’d seen neither hide nor hair of Charles Dalton after the wash stall incident. He stopped visiting the barn, which made me think that maybe he really was afraid of Jensen following through on his threat. Every time Jensen or I would drive into town, we’d pass by his land and find the number of mustangs was slowly dwindling. Because he seemed to be making the effort to get rid of them, Dad hadn’t called it in—even though I still thought he should.
In addition to the chaos Charles had brought into our normally peaceful lives, Jensen was busy trying to finalize the plans for the camper’s cabin. With summer only a few months away, we were cutting it pretty damn close. On my end, I was starting to plan Jensen’s birthday party. While it wasn’t a secret by any means, I definitely wanted to make it special. It might be the last big party we threw for a while once the baby arrived in a few more months.
I was now nearing the middle my second trimester and was at the stage where I didn’t fit into any of my old clothes anymore and finally gave in and bought some maternity clothes. It was frustrating, actually, because I looked and felt like I had a case of permanent bloat. I wanted to feel sexy and beautiful, but it really just felt as though I’d eaten one too many cheeseburgers—which was actually accurate. Jensen assured me I looked radiant, but I was sure he just wanted to keep getting in my pants. When he wasn’t acting like a total sourpuss, anyway.
“Madi?”
Shaking free of the turn my thoughts had taken, I looked up from my cup of coffee on the table to find Jensen staring at me from the other side of the kitchen island. He looked a little worried. How long had he been standing there calling me?
I smiled and grabbed my cup so I could wash it. “Sorry.”
Jensen shrugged, dropping his eyes back to the counter. “That’s okay. I’ve got to head out to the barn right now anyway. I’m late.”
On his way past me, Jensen leaned down for a kiss. Unlike how he used to kiss me, this one felt different—like it lacked emotion.
I had no idea what was up with him, but it definitely felt like Jensen was keeping himself at a safe distance emotionally. I couldn’t be sure why—and maybe I was just acting a little sensitive about everything—but it freaked me out a little. He’d barely touched me in days, and whenever I asked him if something was wrong, he just told me he was busy or tired … or some other lame excuse that only loaned itself to my rising insecurities.
If I thought back to when it started, I could pinpoint it to when I felt the baby kick for the first time a few days ago…
Feeling refreshed after a nice, long shower, I pulled on a new pair of maternity jeans and grabbed a long-sleeved shirt from my dresser. Before I pulled on the shirt that would no doubt hug my rapidly expanding waistline, I grabbed the lotion I’d been told by Willow was supposed to decrease my chances of getting stretch marks, and applied it to my belly. I still wasn’t sold on how accurate her information was, but I was willing to try.
As I applied a liberal amount to my skin, spreading it around and massaging it in, I felt a strange fluttering. It stopped almost as quickly as it had happened, and I figured it was nothing more than a little gas—glamorous, am I right? I went back to moisturizing, and was just working the last little bit in when it happened again, only this time it stuck around until I was sure it was something much more special.
Ignoring the fact that I was just in my jeans and a bra, I ran down the hall. “Jensen!” I called out excitedly, running right past the living room entrance and toward the kitchen.
“Madi, I’m in here.”
I slid to a stop on the hardwood and turned around, practically bounding into the room and flopping down onto the couch beside him, my cheeks hurting because my smile was so wide.
“Everything okay?”
I nodded, reaching over for his hand and placing it on my belly. “Super great, actually. I felt the baby kick.”
Jensen tossed the newspaper aside and turned to face me on the couch, tucking his left leg under him as he rested his other hand on my belly too. “Seriously?” His eyes were wide with excitement the whole time we waited.
“Just give it a sec,” I said, biting my lower lip, anticipating the look on his face when he felt his child move for the first time.
Several minutes passed, and I was about to admit defeat when I felt those telltale little flutters begin. Soon, they escalated, and I watched Jensen’s, expecting a big, goofy grin, but was met with expectation instead … and then disappointment as he realized it was happening and he couldn’t feel it.
He pulled his hands back and smiled, but it didn’t reach his blue eyes the way it usually did.
“Jensen?”
He inhaled before leaning forward and kissing me lightly, and then he stood. “I forgot, I promised Wayne I’d run into town for a few things.”
“Jensen …” I tried again, sitting forward on the couch. “I’m sorry.” An overwhelming feeling of remorse filled my heart for having gotten his hopes up and then crushed them minutes later like an asshole.
“It’s fine, sweetheart. It’s still early.” And then he was gone. And while he didn’t seem angry when he returned, he did seem off. Like he was guarding himself from more disappointment.
Apparently, it was normal for the first few movements to not be strong enough to be felt externally. According to the books, anyway. It still sucked, and ever since then, Jensen has seemed a little down. I hoped the ultrasound would turn that around, because I missed him.
As he stepped around me, I grabbed his wrist and looked back at him. Jensen looked at me, his somewhat dazed expression telling me he’d been lost in his own thoughts. This sobered me a little, reminding me of the distance he seemed to be putting between us.
Knowing I needed to get to the bottom of things, I finally broke my silence. “You okay?”
Jensen’s eyebrows pulled together with confusion. “I’m fine. You?”
I sighed. “I feel like you’re … I don’t know. Upset about something? About the baby?”
“What?” Jensen seemed genuinely shocked by my inquiry. “How could you even think that?”
“You’re joking, right?” He looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. “Jensen, you’ve been distant these last couple weeks. Always finding some excuse to be anywhere but here. With me.”
Sighing, Jensen ran a hand over his unshaven face. I watched the way the muscles in his shoulders and bicep rippled beneath the colorful tattoo that traveled up his arm. “I’m sorry if that’s how you feel, I swear I’m just stressed with all the preparations for the summer camps.”
“Maybe so,” I challenge, “but there’s more to it. You’ve been acting funny since the day I felt the baby move.”
Jensen froze, his hand still covering his mouth. Within seconds, it fell to his side, and he looked shocked and even horrified by my accusation. Then his expression shifted as he came to the same conclusion. “Oh, baby, no.” He turned to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “I’m sorry I let my fucked up male brain get in the way. While that’s not what’s on my mind lately, I won’t deny that it’s how all of this got started.”
“What does that mean?”
Jensen sighed and pulled me to the table where we sat facing each other. He held my hands in his, and it was the first time in weeks that I felt that familiar hum beneath my skin, and the warmth in his blue eyes had returned. “I can’t explain it, but the best I can say is that I was jealous…feeling left out, even.”
“Jensen, that’s ridiculous.”
He laughed. “Don’t think I don’t realize that. I do. I’m not justifying the feelings, but that’s the best way I can describe it. And maybe it makes me sound like a total bitch-baby, but the truth is, you’ve
been experiencing all these wonderful things, and I haven’t.”
At just that moment, the baby kicked really hard. To me, it felt like a pretty big sign, so I pulled his hands forward and placed them on my belly. It only took a couple seconds before Jensen’s head snapped to where his hands rested on my belly, his blue eyes wide and alight with what looked like wonder. He finally felt his baby kick for the first time, and it brought tears to my eyes.
Damn hormones.
“Holy crow!” he cried out, sounding a little off because his exclamation didn’t end in his usual profanity. I could only imagine it was to save the baby from hearing such things; he was ridiculously sweet. “Was that …?”
I nodded enthusiastically. “See, you get to experience it in a different way, and it makes me understand exactly what you’ve been feeling.”
And just like that, all of Jensen’s feelings of inadequacy seemed to lift, and everything between us returned to normal. It was a relief, and I was so grateful that we’d been able to talk through this instead of letting it explode like the last time we let things fester between us. It was a true testament to just how much we’d grown.
Chapter 16. Big Discoveries & Bigger Mistakes
“Okay, I think I’m done,” April said, sliding her book across the table to me and interrupting my muddled thoughts. We were sitting at the table in the viewing gallery late one the afternoon, working on April’s certification, and I had let my mind wander to the morning’s discussion with Jensen.
April looked pretty pleased with herself, and she was probably right to; she was doing amazingly well with this part of her certification. It was great to see someone so young taking this so seriously, because it would only make her a better rider and, one day, a better competitor. She reminded me a lot of myself at her age, actually.