by K. C. Lynn
He tosses the condom to the side with a growl and drops back over top of me. “You drive me fucking crazy.”
I smile at his frustration and hug him close. “But you want it, too?” I ask, making sure it isn’t just me, otherwise it means nothing.
His expression softens. “Yeah, Kate. I want that, too.” He cups my face, resting his forehead on mine. “Tonight is just us and nothing else.”
“Just us,” I repeat softly.
When I reach again for his belt he doesn’t stop me; instead he helps me rid him of his jeans. My heart hammers in anticipation as he settles back over me. Grabbing his erection he swipes it through my wet flesh, coating it with my arousal. A fiery whimper releases from me as he passes over my sensitive clit.
He pauses at my entrance. “I’m going to get this first part over with quick, baby, you ready?”
I nod, feeling both nervous and excited.
Leaning down he presses his lips to my forehead, then enters me with one smooth thrust. With a gasp I bury my face in his neck, my nails biting into his strong shoulders at the burning pain tearing through me.
“Holy fuck.” He groans, sounding like he’s in pain, too. “You’re so tight, so fucking perfect.” He remains still, allowing me time to adjust. I feel him kiss my shoulder, trying to soothe me. “You okay?”
I nod, unable to speak at the moment.
“Look at me.”
I drop back down to look up at him and see his gaze concerned. “I’m good. Just go slow.”
He drops a kiss at the corner of my eye. “I’ll go as slow or as fast as you want, baby. Just say the word.”
He begins moving in and out of me with careful precision, filling not only my body but also a part of my heart that’s only ever been reserved for him. His fierce blue-gray eyes stay locked with mine, giving me a connection with him I’ve never had but one I’ve longed for. It’s one I’ll never feel again. Not without him.
With every stroke the pain recedes and pleasure evolves. Gripping his strong biceps, my hips begin to meet his thrusts.
“Better, Katelyn?” he asks, his voice as dark as his expression.
“Yes.”
“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about this? How many times I’ve imagined what it would be like to be buried inside of you like this?” His fierce expression and powerful words have my heart faltering in my chest.
“Probably not as much as I have,” I respond honestly.
He grunts. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
Before I can think about his comment his thrusts become more intense, robbing me of everything but pleasure. My hands explore every bare inch of skin I can reach, feeling his hard body flex under my fingertips. I commit it all to memory—every groove, every stroke, and every touch.
“More,” I tell him, meeting each of his thrusts.
With a growl he unleashes more, his strokes becoming hard and fast, stealing the breath from my lungs.
I moan and arch up closer to him.
“Good, baby? You like that?” he asks, his tone rough and cocky, turning me on even more.
“Yes. So good.”
“Good. I want you to feel me for fucking weeks. Hell—years. I’m going to make sure you never forget what I feel like. That you never forget who had you first.” His words come out on a possessive growl yet his blue-gray eyes are raw and vulnerable.
I want to tell him that it could always be like this; that it never has to end. I want to tell him how much I love him, and I always will. Even if I have to do it from afar, I will love him for the rest of my life.
Swallowing thickly, I reach up and touch his face. “Nothing could ever make me forget this moment with you. I’ll cherish it until the day I die.”
His pace slows as he drops his forehead on mine, a breath escaping him that sounds downright painful. “God help us both, Katelyn, when this is over.”
A sob builds deep in my throat but before it can escape he crushes his lips to mine, claiming my mouth the same way he does my body. It’s raw, desperate, and holds an underlying finality. It makes me want to scream in agony. The thought of never feeling this with him again kills a small part of me.
Keep it together, Katelyn. You promised, you knew the rules.
I take in lungfuls of air as he pulls back and starts pumping in and out of me again with quick, hard strokes. “Wrap your legs around my back, baby.”
I do as he says and whimper as it brings him deeper than before. All too soon I feel that building pressure, but I try hard to prolong it, never wanting this to end.
He can feel it too, if his raw groan is anything to go by. “As much as I want to hold off, I can’t. You feel way too fucking good.” His large, warm hand finds my breast, cupping the heavy weight. “Come with me.” He pinches my tight nipple with a force that borders on pain. The sensation shoots all the way to my core and sends me crashing over the edge for a second time.
Nick swallows my cries of ecstasy as pleasure overtakes my body. The orgasm that claims me is no less intense than the last. It isn’t until I’m coming back down from my high that he stills, letting his own release claim him. As he buries his face into my neck I hold him close, loving that for the first time ever he’s letting me be there for him, even if it’s something as small as this.
We lie tangled together for several long minutes; sweat coating our bodies and melding us together. I remain completely still, not wanting to move in fear of losing him so soon. I’ve heard the rumors, ones that gutted me every time to hear. Nick doesn’t stay. No cuddling, no bed talk. He hightails it out the door as fast as he came in. It’s the rules, his rules.
However, no matter how close I hold him, I know I can’t keep him. A pained noise leaves my throat as he pulls out of me.
“Sorry,” he apologizes, thinking he hurt me when in fact the noise had nothing to do with the tenderness between my legs and everything to do with the pain in my heart and knowing this is good-bye. At least for tonight. Tomorrow I will see him but it won’t be like this. It will be as friends.
It’s enough, Katelyn. As long as he’s in your life, it’s enough.
The mental pep talk doesn’t soothe me. My throat grows tight and my eyes burn with tears as he puts his pants back on. Once he stands I try to clear my clogged throat. “So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He spins around so fast I’m surprised he doesn’t get whiplash, and pins me with a hard gaze. “Ready for me to leave already?”
I frown, surprised by his clipped tone. “No, of course not. I just… I know your rules and—”
“My rules?”
“Yeah.”
“And what rules would those be?” he asks, his tone as hard as his eyes.
His attitude leaves me confused and a little miffed. “I’ve heard it all, Nick. It’s not like girls don’t talk, especially the whores you’ve been with. I know your rules.”
He drops down with lightning speed and braces his arms on either side of my head, his face hovering only a breath from mine. “And since when have I ever fucking treated you like everyone else?”
My heart pounds like a drum as he looms over me, his expression is dark and a little…hurt? No, it can’t be that.
“What’s your problem? You were the one who got up and started getting dressed.”
“I’m going to the bathroom to grab something then coming right back.”
“Oh… Well how was I supposed to know that?”
He rests his forehead against mine, his masculine scent consuming my senses. God, I really love it when he does this. I love the intimacy it brings.
“Because you should know by now that you’re different than everyone else.”
How? I want to scream. How am I supposed to know that? Yes, we are friends and share a bond that I don’t have with anyone else, but he’s always kept me at arm’s length like everyone else. If it wasn’t for his friendship with Kolan, would he be my friend? I have a feeling he wouldn’t. The entire thought is d
epressing.
“Look, I’m sorry. I saw you get your clothes on and I assumed you were leaving. I don’t want to fight.”
His expression softens, a smirk forming on his lips. He briefly brushes his mouth over mine. “Good. Me neither. Now wait here and I’ll be right back.”
I grumble at his retreating back, wanting to kiss and slap him at the same time for his bossiness. Shifting around, I wince from the tender burn between my thighs. A small smile graces my face as I think about not being a virgin anymore, loving that I got to lose it with the only person I’ve ever loved.
Oh man, wait until I tell Faith. She’ll never believe it.
Nick walks back in holding something in his hand, the dark shadows of my room making it difficult to determine what it is. As he sits beside me I see it’s a washcloth. I tense as he slips his hand under the sheet and starts cleaning me. It’s awkward yet…makes me feel oddly cherished.
“You sore?” he asks softly, pulling my attention to his face.
“A little but it’s a good sore,” I reply with a soft smile.
He finishes up quickly then tosses the rag in my hamper before taking the spot beside me. I move over to give him room but my bed is tiny. He turns to face me and wraps his arm around my waist to bring me flush against him.
A heavy silence consumes us as we stare at one another, the air thick with tension. I hate it so I decide to break it. “Since we finally did the deed I guess it’s time to get married and have lots of babies.” I try to keep a straight face but his expression has me bursting into a fit of laughter.
“You’re fucking hilarious,” he remarks, unimpressed.
“Too soon?”
He grunts then mumbles something beneath his breath.
“What’s that?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Nothing.”
I shrug then decide to take pity on him, knowing I’m probably giving him severe heartburn. “Okay, fine then, if babies and marriage are not up for discussion then what do you want to talk about?”
“How about we just lie in silence?”
“Because I’m a talker, you know this.”
He grunts again. “Fine, then let’s talk about earlier.”
Uh oh. I don’t like that idea. It will only end in an argument. “Actually, you’re right, let’s just lie in silence.”
“Katelyn.” My name comes out on a warning.
“I don’t want to have this conversation, Nick. It will only end in an argument.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
“Oh yes it does, because the way you stormed into that party tonight was completely uncalled for and I’m stilled pissed at you for it.”
“You shouldn’t have been there.”
“Why? School’s almost over. I just wanted to have fun with some friends.”
“You could have gone somewhere else to hang out. I don’t like Stryker; he’s bad news. I don’t trust him.”
“Well how about trusting me? I wasn’t even drinking. I wouldn’t put myself in a position I couldn’t get out of.”
“How do you know? Anything could have happened to you.”
“Anything could happen to me walking across the street for god’s sake.”
“This is different. Kolan and I know shit about Brett that you don’t.”
“I didn’t go for him. I went with a few girls from school. I was having a good time before you stormed in there and ruined it.” I pause, my voice dropping to a whisper. “You know how hard it is for me to fit in. You completely embarrassed me.”
Other than Faith I have very few friends and these past couple of years have been tough without her at school. She’s older, and graduated before me, so it’s been pretty lonely. Most of the girls in this town hate me for no reason and the guys think I’m only good for one thing. So when Stacy Martin, the new girl who moved here a few months ago, asked if I wanted to go to the party with her and a few other girls, I couldn’t say no. And it was fun. We had a great time getting ready together, and for the first time I felt like I really belonged. But after the way Nick barged in and acted the way he did, I’m sure I’ll never be invited out again.
Nick deflates with a heavy breath, his arm hugging me tighter. “I’m sorry. You’re right; I shouldn’t have stormed in like that. I was fucking worried when I got the call from Scotty.”
Scotty?
Why that little snitch. He’s dead when I see him on Monday. Well, okay, maybe not dead since if it wasn’t for him, tonight would never have happened, but still…there will be words.
“Then I saw Stryker with his hands on you and it set me off. I didn’t mean to embarrass you but you need to trust us when we say something isn’t a good idea. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened with that asshole.”
I frown, wondering what they could possibly know that freaks him out so much.
“You need to be more careful, Katelyn. I won’t always be there if you get into trouble,” he adds quietly, with an underlying tone that has alarm bells ringing in my head.
“What do you mean you won’t always be there?” He remains silent but something shifts in his eyes, something that has panic pounding through my veins. “Nick?” I prop up on an elbow to look down at him. “Are you leaving?” The thought has panic choking me.
He senses my hysteria and quickly shakes his head. “No. I’m not leaving. I’m just saying you need to be more careful.”
Immediately, I can breathe again. “Oh. Good. You scared me for a minute.”
Another shift happens in his eyes, but before I can question it he pulls me back down, bringing my head to rest on his chest. “Just promise me you’ll be more careful.”
I want to argue and tell him I was being careful but the sudden pain in his voice stops me.
What is going on with him?
Whatever it is, it does not sound like Nick and it makes my heart hurt. “Don’t worry. I promise to always be careful. No matter what.”
I’ve grown up knowing to be guarded and cautious. It’s the only thing I can thank my bastard parents for.
“Good.”
His fingers slowly drag up my back, starting from the curve of my bottom all the way up to my neck. At the sound of his steady heartbeat under my cheek and the warmth of his body wrapping around mine, a peace like I’ve never known settles over me. My eyes grow heavy but I fight sleep, absorbing as much of this as I can, never wanting the moment to end.
“Nick?” I ask, my voice sounding as tired as I feel.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Thank you,” I whisper. “Thank you for giving me tonight.”
His lazy circles on my back falter, his body tensing. “I should be the one thanking you, not the other way around.”
I smile but it’s sad, really sad. “I’m going to miss this.”
There’s a long moment of silence, my heart growing heavier with each passing second. I start to think he isn’t going to answer but he finally does. “Me too, Kate… Me, too.”
I grind my teeth to ward off the pain trying to erupt from me but silent tears fall, soaking his chest. He says nothing but holds me tighter. My wet eyes grow heavier until I can’t fight it any longer.
Just before I let sleep claim me I hear him whisper, “You are more.”
Those three words wouldn’t mean anything to most people, but to me they are everything. They own my heart as much as the man next to me does and they were the best last words to hear before I fall into a peaceful slumber.
CHAPTER THREE
Nick
I felt Katelyn’s breathing even out almost ten minutes ago, but I still can’t find it in myself to leave. I need to. With every moment that passes the tightening in my chest increases.
Jesus, what the fuck did I do?
I fucked up so bad and I know it. I knew succumbing to temptation was going to make this harder on the both of us, but I can’t regret it. The way it felt to be inside of her, to have her coming apart for me at my every touch will be i
ngrained into me forever. The thought of never feeling her again or holding her like this brings on a panic so strong it’s about to suffocate me. It’s the same panic I saw in her eyes when she thought I was leaving.
How the fuck am I supposed to leave now? How did I get myself into this mess when I know better? Don’t ever get attached. It’s my number one rule and what the fuck do I go and do? Hell, I don’t even know when it happened but I don’t like this feeling. It’s dangerous and takes me back to a time I refuse to let myself remember.
Unable to withstand the torture of my thoughts for another second, I untangle myself from the most perfect body I’ve ever felt and sit up at the edge of the bed. In the corner of her room, draped over her makeup chair, I see a sweatshirt of mine I’ve been looking for.
I should have known, I think with a grunt, but my cock swells at the thought of it wrapped around her body.
Shaking my head I grab it off the chair with the intention of taking it back since it’s my favorite hoodie, but then I see her sound asleep on the bed, looking every bit of the angel she is and decide against it. Instead, I lay it next to her then lean down and kiss her soft cheek. The panic pounding in my veins only intensifies.
Jesus, I need to get the fuck out of here before I do something really stupid. Something that will end me in a bigger mess than I’m already in. I let my lips linger and inhale everything about her then grab my shirt and force myself to get the fuck out.
A heaviness weighs down on me with every passing step as I make my way down the hall. I throw my shirt on over my head as I step outside the back door and end up running into a brick wall.
“Shit!” I step back and look up to see Kolan.
Well, fuck me.
“What are you doing?” He stares back at me, confused as to why I would be getting dressed while walking out of his house. He looks down, his eyes going hard, and that’s when I realize my belt is still undone.
This is not going to be good.
“Is Kate in there?” he asks, pointing to the door behind me. “Tell me there is some other chick in my fucking house that has you getting dressed. Tell me this is not what it fucking looks like.”