"Her. Cindy," she said, unable to suppress a smile at his fumbling.
She glanced over her shoulder and saw Samantha and Sean both had their heads bowed over their homework. She could ask them to get the toddler, but they'd probably complain and dawdle. Steven had disappeared, probably sneaking a few minutes alone in his room to call his latest girlfriend. And the longer it took before someone got Cindy out of her crib, the louder she would get.
"I'll show you," Vinny's childish voice rang out.
She gave up with a sigh.
Vinny darted back through the hall, and Justin followed, slower with his limping gait.
She heard the tread of their footsteps going up the stairs as she dropped several squares of the chocolate into the milk and watched the white streak with brown. There was a blip in two-year-old Cindy's crying, and then she got even louder.
Valri whisked the chocolate and milk together with one hand and grabbed enough mugs out of the upper cabinet with the other.
Cindy's crying increased in volume as the tread on the stairs came back down, ultimately wailing when Justin carried her into the kitchen.
She flipped off the burner as he approached and reached out her arms. They switched places naturally as he handed off the toddler. Valri brushed against his shoulder, unable to keep from noticing the muscles there.
He moved to the stove. "This ready?"
"Yes, thanks."
Cindy hiccupped against her shoulder, her cries decreasing in volume. Her little hands clutched at Valri's shoulders.
Justin carefully poured chocolate out of the pan and into the waiting mugs. Samantha came from the table to help serve the littler kids.
Valri couldn't believe Justin had seen her family like this, a little crazy and a lot loud.
But he chuckled at something Vinny said, chattering at his side. He looked up and their eyes met over Cindy's head.
His steady presence in the face of her family's chaos was a delightful surprise.
#
Justin sat on the couch in the family room, a pillow and blanket spread out beside him, his hands clasped loosely between his knees. The lamps had been turned out, but the kitchen light remained on, and he knew Valri was still in there. He heard a page turn every few minutes. She was studying.
The house was finally quiet. He had thought the farmhouse he and Maddox shared was noisy, especially now with thirteen-year-old Livy rattling around making ice cream, and with the newlyweds giggling together over private jokes.
But the North family was something else. So many kids.
And Valri took it all in stride. She'd managed their snack and helped with their homework before sending them to bed. There had been a couple of skirmishes and some light complaining, but they'd gone.
She'd even settled the toddler with a cup of warm milk and a soft song that he'd overheard, and something huge and important had shifted in his chest cavity. She would be a good mom someday.
He shouldn't go back into the kitchen. He should definitely keep his distance from her, like he'd been doing during the weeks they'd sat side-by-side at school.
But without his consent, his legs had him standing up, and his feet were moving in that direction.
She glanced up from her textbook, and she looked just like he'd imagined she would. She had two textbooks open on the counter in front of her and was perched on a barstool with a notebook open and her pencil poised to continue her notes. A laptop had been pushed to the side. Its screen was dark.
Her eyes softened when she saw him, and it took everything in him to stop in the doorway. He leaned his shoulder into the doorjamb, telling himself he wouldn't get any closer to her.
He shouldn't have come this far.
She'd changed into soft pajama pants and wore a sweatshirt, and with her hair down around her shoulders and her face scrubbed clean and shiny, she looked so adorable… and so innocent.
"You okay?" she asked. "Did you find the toothbrush I left for you?"
He had. Somewhere in the middle of wrangling all the kids, she'd set out a new, packaged toothbrush and some soap for him in the downstairs bathroom.
"I'm fine."
But he still stood there, unmoving.
"That coffee making you too jittery to sleep?"
He snorted softly, his mouth twisting in a smile. "No." He figured he'd wrecked his body badly enough with the pain pills, the caffeine barely made an impact.
Before she could ask him something else, before he could think better of it, he said, "Is it always like that?"
Her cheeks turned pink, and she ducked her head.
His feet moved without his permission, carrying him forward to the opposite side of the island. He put his hands out and gripped the cool wood surface. He wasn't going to get any closer than this. He was close enough to see her thumb run nervously over the corner pages of her textbook.
"No," she said softly. "My siblings are usually a little better behaved. I think having you here sort of… increased their normal level of orneriness. They kept trying to guess if we were more than just friends." She laughed a little, but there was a bleak, self-mocking light in her eyes.
He gripped the counter as if his life depended on it. Until his knuckles turned white.
"So… you have a full load at the university, work three jobs—"
Her head came up. "One is only volunteering," she argued softly.
"Work three jobs," he countered firmly, "and come home to babysit?"
She looked back down, letting her hair fall across one cheek. Hiding? "Not every night. If my dad has to bring work home, he sort of… disappears into it. But that's only when things are too busy at the store for him to do the work during business hours."
"And your mom?" He hadn't seen her at all.
"She's a nurse. Only works ten days a month, but when she does, it's double shifts. She'll be back by breakfast."
"And you're left to take care of everyone else."
She shook her head. "Everyone has to pitch in. Steven helps tote the little kids to and from school. Sam makes lunch for everyone."
"But no one makes supper for you."
Somehow his betraying feet had carried him closer to her. He was only a few feet away, standing by the corner of the island. How had that happened?
Her eyes sparked as she stood up from her barstool. "I can make my own supper," she said, a bit stiffly.
"You don't."
"I don't have time."
But she'd had time to sit with James and finish the solar system model, time to sing to her littlest sister, who'd woken in distress. And now she was burning the midnight oil to get her own studying done.
It made his life seem wimpy. Compared to her, he was a slacker.
She looked down again, then back up at him, and there was something vulnerable in her eyes. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I'm… comfortable with this life."
But was she happy?
"I don't feel sorry for you." Why had his voice gotten so husky?
And when had his sorry feet taken a step closer to her? She was within arms' reach now. I'm going back to bed. Too bad it didn't count if he only spoke the words in his mind.
But then somehow he'd reached for her. Reached for her. And she came into his arms as naturally as if she'd been dreaming of it as often as he had.
He was holding her, her head tucked beneath his chin, against his chest. They fit together like a comfortable saddle blanket beneath a well-worn saddle. He could feel her quick, panting breaths against his collarbone, her heart flying.
Goodnight, he screamed silently.
But then she tipped back her head, her lips tantalizingly close, her eyes sparking with a challenge, and asked, "What do you feel?"
He muttered something inarticulate and took her mouth. He kissed her with all the pent-up passion he'd stored these weeks—months, since the first time he'd seen her at the Coffee Hut.
She met him with the same intensity, melting into him. And then they broke apar
t, breathing hard. His fingers had tunneled into the softness of the hair at the back of her head and he had to let her go.
She settled back into his embrace, her arms around his waist and her face pressed into his neck.
What do you feel?
Too much. He wasn't good enough for her. If he made any advances toward her, she would find out soon enough.
He wasn't brave like she was, chasing after her dream. He was a coward, and so he stayed silent, just holding her.
Because this moment, here, now, was all he would have.
Chapter Seven
"Don't make me go in there," Justin begged. He'd inserted humor into the words, but he really meant them. Two thousand percent.
His sister-in-law glanced over her shoulder where she stood arm-in-arm with Maddox. Livy was arm-in-arm with Justin, slightly behind the other two.
And they were on the sidewalk right in front of North's Hardware.
He didn't know how he'd been talked into this. Shopping on Black Friday wasn't his cup of coffee. Somehow Livy had lured him out of the house with promises of fun and her secretive, Christmas-gift-hunting smile.
He'd wanted the distraction.
In the last three weeks, he'd recognized the self-defeating behaviors he'd thought he'd eradicated from his life. He'd blown off Valri after the amazing kiss they'd shared, and then he'd pushed away his family. Gone for long horseback rides in the cold Oklahoma wind. Lay in his room staring at the ceiling.
He'd managed to stay ahead of the work for his university classes, but only just.
He didn't have any goals, and any attempt at trying to come up with one kept bringing back the thing he most wanted.
Until Maddox had called him to the carpet yesterday, dragging Justin out to the barn after the Thanksgiving meal and telling him to man up and be a part of the family.
And thus, Justin was here, shopping today with Livy giggling at his antics. He did feel a little more alive out in the fresh air.
They'd already made a circuit of the downtown shops in Redbud Trails, and a stop at the feed store his and Maddox's cousin Ryan ran with his fiancé, and now this. Livy wanted to go into the hardware store.
Where Valri worked when her dad needed help, and no doubt they would be busy today.
He didn't want to face her. Not when his feet tried to drag him closer, when his entire body vibrated with wanting to take her in his arms and just hold her.
Someone like Valri would never settle for someone like him. He knew it, and even if she didn't, he wasn't going to stick around until the day she realized how broken he really was inside.
"C'mon, Uncle J. I have to have some more Christmas lights for the barn."
Maddox shot him an inscrutable look over his shoulder, and Justin allowed himself to be dragged into the hardware store.
He braced himself even as a giant jingle bell rang cheerily over their heads as they entered.
The building had an open, industrial look with exposed ductwork. Multi-hued lights sparkled from the rafters. Christmas music blared through hidden speakers.
And he'd been inside for all of three seconds when a small human bomb hit him in the legs. Vinny, who glued himself to Justin's knees, shouting, "Justin!"
His gut locked up.
Samantha looked up from behind the register, where she tended to a customer. A line of them waited behind that one. John waved from the back corner of the building, just his head visible over the rows of shelves between them.
Steven was carting an artificial tree over his shoulder, looking like he was about to bowl them over.
This really was a family business.
Justin bumped Livy to one side, stepping awkwardly with Vinny still wrapped around his knee.
"Who's this?" Haley asked, turning around.
"Sorry—" A breathless Valri rushed up, reaching down for Vinny, who clung harder to Justin. "He got away from me."
She wore jeans and a shapeless polo shirt with a logo that was a mix of a hammer and a compass. He got it. North Hardware. The drabness of her outfit did nothing to dampen his awareness of her. He felt instantly hot all over. He swallowed and thought how badly he needed the shock of the cold air outside.
If only he could go back in time so he wouldn't have to be here right now.
She tugged at Vinny, but he clung.
Justin couldn't help notice that she didn't look at him.
She'd tried to talk to him those first couple of class times, but he'd ignored her, blatantly turning his back to talk to Brandi instead.
"He's all right," Justin said, keeping his voice low, aware of Haley and Maddox's curious gazes incinerating him.
And Valri looked up at him, walls up in those expressive brown eyes. It was as jarring as hitting the ground after being thrown from a bull's back. "Are you sure?"
He tried to grin, tried to affect a casualness he didn't feel. "As long as he lets go before we hit the checkout register."
For the first time, she seemed to realize he was with his family. She took in Livy, whose arm was still threaded through his, and then Maddox and Haley.
"Hi. I'm Valri." She stuck her hand out and accepted handshakes from both Haley and Maddox. "That little twerp is Vinny, one of my younger brothers."
Haley introduced them all, her eyes darting from him to Valri and back.
Valri smiled with tight lips. "Justin and I sit next to each other in Comm 2."
"Oh. It's nice to meet you."
"What can I help you with?"
"Christmas lights!" Livy exclaimed, oblivious to the weird tension flowing among the adults. "We need more!"
Valri laughed. "For your house?"
"For the barn," Livy said.
"The barn is already lit up brighter than an airport landing strip," Justin complained. "I can't sleep at night with the lights shining in my window."
Livy giggled, the way he'd meant her to. It was easier focusing on the little girl. Even though he couldn't erase his awareness of the woman at his side.
"This way," Valri said, motioning to Livy, who abandoned Justin to follow her through the crowded store. Vinny finally let go of Justin and ran off, disappearing around a display of ornaments.
Haley fell back to walk next to Justin. He braced himself for an interrogation and wasn't disappointed when she hissed, "You didn't tell me the cute coffee girl was in your class."
He shrugged. "So?"
She gave him a scathing look. "So... Are you going to ask her out? Have you asked her out?"
A muscle in his jaw ticked as he gritted his teeth.
"It's not like that," he muttered. "And keep your voice down."
Valri glanced over her shoulder at him, her eyes shadowed, and he had to wonder if she'd overheard.
She stopped in front of a display of Christmas lights. "These are the LED kind," Valri told Livy with a hint of wicked smile in his direction. "They're the brightest, clearest light you'll find."
"That's what I want," Livy declared.
He groaned.
"We'll take six boxes," said Maddox.
Justin glared at his brother.
It would be impolite to let Valri or Livy carry the armful of boxes, so he reached to take them.
And got close enough to hear Valri's stomach growl.
She met his eyes sheepishly.
"You haven't eaten." He made it a statement, slowly following Maddox and Haley to the checkout, where Samantha started scanning and bagging the boxes of lights.
"My dad ordered a pizza earlier."
He didn't miss that she hadn't answered the question.
Suddenly John was behind them, reaching out for a bone-crushing handshake.
"You didn't eat?" her pops asked.
"We've been busy," she said defensively.
John looked around. "Store's emptying out now. Steven and I can handle it. Why don't you go eat with your friends?"
"Oh, I'll just go home."
Behind the counter, Samantha's head bounced back and
forth as she ran Maddox's debit card through the register.
"Maddox had better start getting those lights up before he loses the sunlight," Haley said. But Justin wasn't set at ease—that canary-eating grin on Haley's face proved she was up to something. "But we drove separate cars. Justin, why don't you take Valri to grab a bite?"
He locked eyes with Valri over the rest of their heads. With this interfering bunch, maybe it would be easier to give in.
More dangerous, because that's what he wanted to do.
"Fine," he caved.
"Fine," she parroted woodenly.
Great.
#
Fantastic.
The last place Valri wanted to be was at supper with Justin.
Maybe not the last place, but humiliation stung her face with heat as she donned her coat and followed Justin onto the cold street. Three weeks of silence—after an earth-shattering kiss. And now dinner—and not even a voluntary dinner at that.
Three weeks of uncomfortable small talk in class. He'd obviously been avoiding her, the way he'd gotten to class just seconds before it started and then engaged Brandi in conversation after class. He'd left her two options—either interrupt or be completely obvious and wait to talk to him.
She hadn't gotten up the courage to do either.
And apparently he'd quit drinking coffee, too, at least on the days she worked—which was almost all of them.
Well, she certainly wasn't going to throw herself at him. She didn't have time to date, anyway.
She was just confused. Because he continued to bring her supper, leaving her sandwiches, fruit, and bowls of soup on her desk. It was a kindness, one he didn't have to do. He barely spoke to her, but he provided for her… It was too much to wrap her head around.
And then this. Going to supper.
She wasn't even dressed, not unless you counted her crappiest pair of jeans and this ugly golf shirt.
Soft, light snow was falling, and the sun was setting as she walked silently beside him. Street lamps had been lit, and the huge tree outside of City Hall was strung with lights. It looked like Christmas, even if it felt more like an execution.
"Remind me to check your tires before I head home," he said, slanting a smile at her like everything was normal.
Mistletoe Cowboy: A Cowboy Inspirational Romance Page 5