“That’s a lot to take in.” Lexie puffed out her cheeks and let it out in a noisy breath. She didn’t believe me. “I was so mad at you when I saw that picture. The betrayal that ran through my veins, I can’t express it. It made me think everything was a lie.”
So, she went and got knocked up by the first guy she saw?
“When I found out I was pregnant and couldn’t contact you, I was broken.” Her chin dipped, and her shoulders started to shake before a hiccupped cry escaped.
Unable to take the distance and now her crying right in front of my eyes, I picked Lexie up and placed her on my lap. She curled into a ball and rested her head against my chest as she continued to cry. I hugged her closer to my chest and rocked us back and forth for what felt like an eternity until she finally calmed down. I breathed in her scent as I kissed the top of her head.
God, please don’t let her be with anyone else. I can love this baby just like I love its mother, but please don’t take her away from me.
“I missed being in your arms like this.” She nuzzled into my chest a little more than sighed. “I miss your scent. When the t-shirt you gave to me stopped smelling like you, I cried myself to sleep that night.” She giggled into my shirt. “Looking back on it now, it was probably the hormones.”
Sitting up to look me in the eyes, Lexie cupped my face in her hands. Her blue eyes were still watery and puffy from all the crying she’d done, but she was still beautiful. I wanted to kiss her, knowing her lips would be extra soft. It didn’t help that it had been too long since my mouth had been on her skin. “I haven’t even asked. How do you feel about all this? I know it’s a lot to take in.”
I wasn’t sure how to explain what I was feeling, but I wanted to be honest with her.
“To be honest, I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything that’s happened today. Never in my wildest dreams did I think you’d be in that room when I walked inside. Was this planned?”
“Was what planned?” She tilted her head to the side. “No,” she shook her head. “I told Sadie and Ty that I’d hired you because you’re the father of my baby, and I hadn’t been able to contact you. They were livid that I used the trust they’d given me for my own needs, but once I showed them some of your pictures, they were on board with me wanting you as the male model. Now they’re rooting for us.”
After hearing the words ‘you’re the father,’ I didn’t comprehend the rest of what Lexie had said. I had to have heard what I wanted to hear.
Lexie’s feather-light touch over my face dragged me out of my fog. “Ryder, are you okay? Are you mad I set this all up? I didn’t know what else to do. I would have hated—”
Interrupting her, I asked her the most important question I’d ever ask her in my life. “Did you say I’m the father?”
Getting up on her knees, Lexie straddled my legs. Her blue eyes scanned my face. “Unless it was an immaculate conception, the baby is yours. I understand that you’re young and just starting out in your career, so you may not want to be a part of his or her life.” She bit down so hard on her bottom lip I thought she might draw blood before she continued. “I wanted you to know as soon as possible so you can be involved as little or a much as you like.”
As little or as much as I’d like?
“I know this wasn’t planned, but I’m at a good place in my life and want this baby.” Her hands rested on the tiny bump that had formed since I last saw her. I knew then that she’d be a good mother, but I had to wonder if I could be a good father.
She wanted the child growing inside of her, but I had another important question. “Do you want me?”
Her face contorted in confusion. “What do you mean? Of course, I want my baby to know its father, but there are many ways to achieve that.”
My hackles rose. Did she think so little of me, or was she just trying to give me a way out? “I’m not going miss being in my child’s life. Yes, I didn’t plan on this, but you weren’t alone in making our baby.”
“To answer your question, we were reckless, but I don’t regret it.” Her face softened. “I don’t regret you.”
I prayed that I hadn’t fucked everything up in the months we’d been apart. “Are you saying you’re done with me?”
“That’s not what I’m saying, but I don’t know how to make this work.” Her shoulders slumped as she slid off my lap and back onto the couch.
I immediately felt the loss of her body and wanted nothing more than to pull her back on top of me, but we needed to talk and figure this out. No wonder the guy downstairs gave us the whole day to talk.
“I don’t know either, but if I get the choice of having you or not, I want you. When we left Rio, I swear you took a big piece of my heart with you. I’ve missed you so damn much, I literally ached.” I rubbed the spot over my heart that had stopped burning the moment Lexie said she wasn’t done with me.
“Ryder,” she said my name so softly and so full of love that I nearly combusted, “I missed you too, but I don’t want to trap you into something that you say you want right this moment and once we part again, you feel differently.”
“We’ve known each other for almost a year, and in all that time, I’ve fought to not ask for more from you. But now I’m done fighting myself. I want you to be mine. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, now or ever.”
“What about you? Are you going to only be with me?”
She had no idea how far gone I was for her.
“I haven’t been with anyone else but you, and I don’t want to be.”
“I feel the same, but…”
“No, buts,” I shook my head at her. “Why are you fighting this?”
“Because I don’t think I could take it if you walked away from me, but now I have to think about more than just myself.”
I let out a frustrated breath. Why was she being so difficult and not listening to me?
“I can promise I’m not going to walk away. I know you think I’m young, and while I am, I know what I want. I’ve watched my father believe he was going to lose the love of his life while my mom had cancer. I’ve traveled the world this last year. Both experiences made me grow up and appreciate life, and to go for what I want. And you, Lexie Keene, are what I want. I want a life with you and our baby. Please don’t deny me.”
Lexie tried to blink back tears and failed. I watched as they streamed down her face, unsure if they were happy tears or if she was about to break my heart again. “I don’t want to refuse you.”
“Then don’t. Marry me.”
22
Lexie
He couldn’t mean the words that had just fallen out of his mouth.
“You don’t have to give me an answer today, but think about it.” Sadness clouded his eyes, and it broke my heart to see.
As I stared back at him, I was sure I looked like a gaping fish. My mind swirled with his words. Marry him? We’d never even been a couple. But hadn’t we though? We used to talk almost every day, and I hadn’t been with anyone else since he showed up in my life. I wanted Ryder almost more than anything, but I couldn’t stand the thought that in a few years, he’d resent the fact that he’d gotten me pregnant and then gotten married in a rush.
Gripping the back of his neck, Ryder let out a shaky breath. “I thought I was a good guy.”
“You are a good guy. The best man I’ve ever known.” I tried to assure him. “Don’t doubt that because of my hesitation.”
“I can’t help it when I see all those thoughts running across your face.”
“I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I feel like you need more time to let this news settle in and to figure out your feelings.”
Ryder growled, his fingers twisting the long strands of his hair. “I know what I feel for you. What I’ve felt for you for a long time.” He moved across the cushions until he was almost on top of me. Wrapping his large hand around mine, he pulled it to his chest. “The only thing I’ve doubted were your feelings for me. I understood wh
y you wanted to keep us casual with my traveling, and although you didn’t say it, I’m sure you thought I’d eventually move on to someone else.”
Those were my exact thoughts.
“Am I so easy to read?”
One shoulder lifted. “We’ve gotten to know each other pretty well over this last year. Mostly by phone, but when we were in Rio, I thought there was more. The way tears filled your eyes as we said goodbye…” he swallowed roughly, “I thought they meant more.”
“They did mean more, but—”
“No, more buts. Stop fighting your feelings. Not now while I’m sitting right here in front of you, spilling my heart out to you. It is not the time. I know I can’t predict the future, but I’m not going to break your heart, Lexie. If I did, I would be breaking my own. Please open up to me. Tell me I’m not alone.”
“You’re not alone.” The words tumbled out of my mouth in little more than a whisper. I moved to wrap my arm around his waist and rested my head against the furious beat of his heart in his chest. When his arms snuggly wrapped around me, I closed my eyes and opened up to him. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life, and it scares me. Look what happened with my last boyfriend. He turned crazy and probably wants to hurt me.” My breath caught at finally spilling what I’d been dreading about Ben.
Ryder’s arms tightened to the point of crushing the breath out of me. “I won’t let him hurt you.” When I made a strangled noise, he loosened his hold on me.
I wasn’t sure how he could promise that when he was always halfway around the world from me, but I didn’t argue. Instead, I continued to crack open my heart and let everything out. “I won’t deny I’ve wanted more, but what’s the point when I only see you every five or six months and then for you to break my heart? Even unintentionally, you did break my heart when I saw that picture of you with Lana. Who's to say that won’t happen in the future?”
“Because I won’t let it. I won’t put myself in the position for it to ever happen. Every move I make, I’ll think about how it would affect you.” His index finger trailed down my cheek until it rested under my chin. Slowly he lifted my face until we were eye to eye. “Even though I haven’t had the life experience you’ve had, I’ve never felt this way, and the chance of me ever feeling this way about another human again is next to impossible. I don’t want anyone else but you. Tell me you feel the same.”
Ryder rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. I desperately wanted him to open them. I loved everything about his eyes. From the open and honest way they conveyed how he was feeling, to their beautiful color. I could see deep down into his soul if I looked close enough. It had been too long since I’d last seen them, and I missed gazing into them.
God, how was he so good at expressing his feelings when he was so young? I was an emotionally stunted mess who could barely articulate what had been building up in my chest since I knew I’d see him again. If I was honest with myself, those feelings had been building since before Rio.
“I feel it.” I paused, unsure of how to express what I wanted to say. Knowing he’d fight me on it, but how could he know what he wanted at this stage in his life without really knowing me? We’d only spent a little less than two weeks together in the year we’d known each other.
Opening his eyes, he kissed the corner of my mouth. “Stop fighting what you want.”
“I don’t want to fight it anymore.” My lips brushed against his as his hand ran down my back and pushed me closer to him. “Let’s see where the week takes us.”
His handsome face scrunched up. “What do you mean?”
“Let’s be a couple, access our feelings, and at the end circle back to your question.”
He squared his shoulders as he stared down at me. “You’ll answer me at the end of the week?”
“Yes,” I answered breathlessly. I wanted to pull him down to me, to feel his lips on mine until I felt him stiffen.
“When we were in Hawaii and Rio, we were a couple.” His breath hitched. “Even when we were apart.”
“I won’t deny that, but before we weren’t contemplating spending the rest of our lives together. We weren’t going to be bound to one another for the rest of our lives by a child.” It didn’t feel like he was taking this seriously. I didn’t want to get married for the sake of being married. I didn’t even know where he’d be when the baby was born.
“Do you want to know what I felt when we were in Rio?” Even though I was afraid to know, I nodded. “That I was falling in love with you and that I wanted to marry you.”
He was lying. He had to have been. Feeling bold, I asked. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Say anything?” He bristled. “I was afraid I couldn’t even ask you to be exclusive or even my girlfriend, let alone declare my love for you.”
Every word that spilled from his lips was perfect. Ryder said everything I wanted to hear and more, so why couldn’t I trust him?
Rising to my knees, I leaned forward, my eyes locked on his. When I was only a hair’s breadth away from his lips, I spoke. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. That was never my intention. I was only trying to look out for both of us.”
Gripping my hips, Ryder pulled me onto his lap. “Stop being scared of your feelings for me. Look into my eyes, and you’ll see my love for you, reflecting back at you.”
I saw more than his love for me in his eyes. I saw how much he wanted me to trust him for the rest of time, and how much he craved me. “How are you not scared?”
He smiled, and those damn dimples of his popped out. Just as quickly as they appeared, I melted against him. My hands cupped his cheeks, and my thumbs rested over those undeniable indentations. I wanted to tell Ryder how much I loved him, and as if he could read my mind, he started to kiss up my neck, his voice was muffled as he spoke against my quickly overheating skin. “Would you run away if I told you I love you?”
“No,” I answered breathlessly. Angling my neck to give him further access, I tangled my fingers in the hair at the top of his head. I loved his messy, crazy hair, and so did everyone else. It was part of his signature look. “If you told me, I’d never let you go.”
Ryder stood with me in his arms with my legs wrapped around his trim waist and briskly walked into the bedroom before throwing me on the bed.
Looking up at him, I saw his blue eyes darken with lust. Ryder quickly kicked off his jeans and shoes, his length was already hard and weeping as it bobbed from his movements. Gripping his shirt behind his neck, he pulled it up and over his head. I was in awe as each inch of golden skin was unveiled. He’d bulked up some since I last saw him making his body more defined and tantalizing. The man before me was perfection inside and out, and he wanted me.
Forever.
Ryder wasted no time removing my clothes. I’d been too distracted by watching him strip and the body that was under all those clothes to think about getting naked myself, let alone move. His eyes were dark, and his face was set as he prowled toward me. He was a man on a mission, and that mission was me. Gripping my thighs, he swiveled on the bed until he was underneath me.
“You have no idea all the things I want to do to you,” he growled out. I felt the vibration through my pussy as he glided me up his chest and didn’t stop until he I was straddling his face. “I want you to ride my face until you can’t scream anymore, and then I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’ll barely be able to walk tomorrow. It will feel like we were never apart.”
Wetness dripped down my legs as he spoke. I loved how much he wanted to possess me and didn’t hold back. Rocking back and forth, his tongue found my clit and swirled. It felt like pure heaven. When he added two fingers into my core, they sent me into overdrive. It had been too long since he’d had his mouth between my legs.
“Fucking hell, the noises you’re making are driving me wild. Come for me on my tongue, my sexy Lexie. I want to lick up every last drop of your pleasure.” The things he said to me and the vibrations of his words push
ed me over the edge. My walls clamped down on his fingers as they continued their rhythmic pumping, and I nearly took flight as his skilled mouth sucked hard on my sensitive bud.
“Ryder,” I moaned his name as I fell against the headboard.
“There’s nothing better than hearing my name on your lips while I pleasure you.” He kissed the inside of my thigh and then carefully laid me down beside him. Leaning up on his elbow, Ryder smiled lazily down on me. His chin was still wet from my juices as he dipped down and placed a soft kiss to my mouth.
“Come here.” He demanded lightly as he moved back onto his back and took me with him. He positioned me again, only this time, I was placed with my head on his chest as he slowly ran one hand up and down my back, almost putting me in a trance. My eyes started to flutter shut until his hand dipped down between my legs. One finger pushed inside once and then twice before it moved to a place no man had ever been before. My body tensed and started to slide away.
“Relax,” he tried to soothe me. “I know you’re scared, but I promise if you don’t like it, I’ll stop. I only want to make you feel good.” His index finger breached my puckered hole, and my body went on full alert.
Stilling my body, I looked up at him and asked. “What about you? Don’t you want to feel good?”
“I do, and part of the experience is pleasing your lover, your other half. Relax.” He pushed his finger in a little bit more before pulling out slightly. “Do you not get off on hearing the noises that come from me and watching the way my body moves with each lap of your tongue or rise of your hips?”
The Model: A Workplace Romance Page 17