Trying as best as I could to keep my composure, I trailed after her as she turned down the hall, likely heading to the supply closet Joanna and I had used for a make-out session.
“Hey, Libby,” I called out.
She jumped, startled. “Oh! Anderson…Hi…” she said, a deep flush spreading over her cheeks.
I mustered a smile, even though my jaw muscles didn’t want to support the gesture. “How’s it going?” I asked.
She stared back at me curiously. She’d been working at the firm for a while now, but she and I had never particularly been chit-chat buddies. “Fine,” she said. “You?”
I nodded, wanting to say that I was fine as well, but unable to force out the word. I stuffed my hands into my pockets to keep myself from fidgeting. “Um…I was just wondering, by any chance have you heard from Joanna lately?”
The second the question left my mouth though, I realized that I’d made a mistake. Everyone knew that Tobias and I were best friends, just like everyone knew Joanna was Tobias’s sister. It was unusual in itself for me to ask anyone else about Joanna’s whereabouts; if I had a question about Joanna, it would have only been logical for me to approach Tobias.
Libby’s eyes widened, and I was left wondering if she knew what was going on among the three of us. If not, I wondered if at the very least, she had noticed that Tobias and I hadn’t been on speaking terms.
I glanced around, paranoid and wondering if the whole office knew something was up. After all, our drama at the gala hadn’t exactly been subtle.
“Um… No, not really,” Libby answered, averting her gaze. “Why do you ask?”
I shook my head. “Never mind, Libby. Have a nice day,” I said, briefly patting her shoulder and hurrying off to my office.
*
It was just before my lunch break, but I had no appetite. So instead of heading to the break area or out for a bite to eat, I left my office and headed straight for Tobias’s.
That man was going to hear me out if it was the last thing I did, especially since I couldn’t even get in contact with Joanna. Plus, my encounter with Libby had left me thoroughly shaken. I needed answers, and was determined to get them before the end of the day.
I knocked on Tobias’s office door. From inside, I could hear him shuffling about. “One second,” his voice rang from the other side of the door.
I heard the doorknob jiggle, and shortly thereafter, I was staring into Tobias’s face—into those gray eyes that were so much like his sister’s. He swore and was about to slam the door right back in my face, but I held my arm out, stopping him.
“Anderson, I’m not in the mood,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Well that’s just too goddamned bad,” I said, forcing myself into the office. He and I got into a little tussle right there on the spot as he tried to keep me from entering, but I managed to push past him. I slammed the door behind me and locked it.
Tobias snarled back at me. “Anderson, I’m warning you…”
“You’re warning me? Warning me of what, Tobias?” I challenged. “Warning me that after all these years of practically being brothers, you’re just going to turn your back on me entirely?”
“Yes, because if you were my brother, then how the hell would you go and…and…do what you did—”
“Dammit, Tobias! Enough already,” I yelled. “Why are you being such an asshole about this? Grow up! I like your sister! I’ll yell it from a rooftop. Now why on earth is that such a horrible thing to you? Don’t you think you’re taking the whole protective big brother act too far? Because if you don’t, then let me be the first to tell you—you are!”
“How dare you tell me how to take care of my own family!” Tobias shouted, his nostrils flaring.
But I refused to back down. “Joanna is a grown woman, Tobias! She doesn’t need you taking care of her anymore! Get that through your thick skull!”
The office fell so deadly quiet after my outburst, I feared people a mile away had heard me. Tobias stood before me, stunned. His eyes shot daggers at me, and for a second, I was fairly certain he was about to punch me.
I braced myself…
But Tobias took a step back and blinked. He appeared to deflate right before my eyes. “She doesn’t have anyone else to look out for her the way I do…” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “She’s… She’s the only family I have, apart from you. And you don’t know how close I’ve come to losing her…”
I stared back at him, confused. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the pieces of shit she keeps allowing into her life. The last one damn-near killed her. Zander. Her ex. He was crazy. Dangerous. He’s beaten her to a bloody pulp I don’t know how many times. What she told me was bad enough, and I know for a fact that she hasn’t told me everything. She’s afraid to.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I said, my throat tightening. Even though I’d heard about Zander before, by no means had I known it was that bad. I staggered backwards until my back hit the wall, the thought of someone beating Joanna making me want to smash everything around me to pieces.
“She never told you, huh?” Tobias said.
I looked up at him, finding that the fury in his eyes had subsided. I shook my head. “No. She didn’t tell me.”
Tobias nodded. “Yeah, because that’s how Joanna is. She’s secretive. She could be dying on the inside, but she’ll insist that she’s fine and doesn’t need any help. That’s why I’m so protective of her. I have to be, because she doesn’t always do the best job of looking out for herself. She only came to me this time because she finally got tired of Zander hitting her. It keeps me up at night sometimes, wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t got the strength to leave him after that last time. I hardly recognized her when she showed up to the house. Her face black and blue…”
“And…what happened to…to Zander,” I said, uttering his name like a swear word.
Tobias sighed. “I wish I could say.” He paused and shook his head. “He called her here, you know.”
“He what?”
Tobias nodded. “Yeah. And she tried to hide that from me. That he somehow found the number to her office and threatened to come for her. The only reason she told me was because she thought he had found her one day. Remember that day she called me from the parking lot?”
I nodded, remembering that day perfectly. We’d been in a meeting when she had suddenly called Tobias. I had sensed that something was wrong, but had opted to mind my own business, assuming it to be some kind of sibling issue that was none of my concern.
“She called because she thought someone was watching her in the parking lot. She didn’t want to admit it, but she thought it was Zander. But then she went right back to being her typical self, refusing to let me help her. I tried to get her to stay at the office until our meeting was over, or to even let you drive her home, but she refused.”
I shook my head and stared down at the floor, unable to believe what I was hearing. “I had no idea.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Tobias said. He expression suddenly hardened again. “So you have to understand why I’m so protective. If I’m not looking out for her, who will? She doesn’t confide in anyone. She was even secretive with our parents back in the day. I’ve always had a feeling in my gut that one day, one of her secrets was going to get her in trouble. I’ve been worried sick about her. And then…this?” He shook his head. “It was just too much. I was already pissed off that she wasn’t taking Zander as seriously as she should have, and that she had been keeping his stalking a secret in the first place. But then to find out that she’d been messing around with my best friend and didn’t even have the decency to tell me? How was I supposed to feel?”
I sighed and lowered my head. “Listen, Tobias, I get it. I understand where you’re coming from.”
“Do you?” he said, his voice turning hard and skeptical once more. “Then why the hell did you keep this from me too?
”
“Because… Hell, your reaction proved why, didn’t it? We knew you weren’t going to take it well. We wanted to tell you eventually, but we just couldn’t seem to find the right timing. You weren’t supposed to find out the way you did though, that’s for sure.”
Tobias huffed. “I sure as hell would have appreciated being spared from finding out that way too.”
“Can you forgive me?” A long silence followed my question, but eventually, Tobias nodded. Nevertheless, there was a distinct look of disgust on his face. “Are you sure?” I asked.
“I just don’t get it, Anderson. Joanna? Of all people, all the women you’ve been with, you choose my little sister. You two couldn’t stand each other. How did this happen?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Things were different back then. She’s changed. I’ve changed.”
Tobias rubbed his temples as if he had a headache. “Just tell me, you guys never… Not when we were kids…”
“No,” I said quickly. “I never looked at her that way when we were kids, I swear. Trust me, how I feel about her now came as a shock to me too. It was a shock for both of us.”
“You really care about her?” Tobias asked, his voice weary.
I nodded. “Yes, I do. More than I’ve cared about any woman in my life. It feels weird for me to say that, but it’s true.”
“And it’s weird for me to hear that, but…”
“But what?”
Tobias shrugged. “I guess it could be worse.”
At this, I could only laugh. “Yeah, it could be. So thanks.”
“I mean it,” Tobias said. “It’s going to take me some time to get used to, but I know you’re a good guy. Just don’t get too comfortable. Because I’ll still kick your ass if you ever hurt her or break her heart.”
“Trust me, I know that.”
Tobias moved toward me, his hand outstretched. I clasped it, and before I knew it, we were hugging. “Sorry I went so ballistic,” he said. “I know I can’t protect her forever, but I also know I don’t have anything to worry about if she’s with you.”
“Apology accepted, man.”
We separated. “Have you heard from her lately?” Tobias asked.
I shook my head. “No. I wanted to ask you if she was all right.”
Tobias swore. “I haven’t seen her in a few days. I don’t know what the hell is going on or where she ran off to. Do you know I’ve got a few strands of gray hair now? I know she’s the reason for it.”
“Wait,” I said, “…she hadn’t been staying with you?”
“No. She packed up and left. And it’s my fault. Of course, I never would have kicked her out, but I can’t say I’ve been exactly hospitable to her lately.”
“I’ll help you find her.”
Tobias nodded. “Thanks. I have a feeling something isn’t right.”
“Me too,” I said, trying to keep my panic at bay.
CHAPTER 24
Joanna
Tobias had either been working late at the office, or staying out of the house longer than normal simply so that he could avoid me. Either way, after taking the pregnancy tests, I was grateful for his absence. It had taken me a while to get over the shock, but when I did, I began packing my bags and I called the first person I thought of.
“Hello? Joanna? Oh my god, what’s wrong?” Libby’s voice had said on the other line.
“Libby, I need a place to stay, just temporarily. I hate to be a burden and to ask for such a huge favor at the last minute like this—”
“Of course you can stay with me,” she had said, cutting me off. “Come over as soon as you need to.”
I’d sniffed back tears. “Thank you, Libby. I’ll be there in a little while. And I’ll explain everything.”
“Did you just seriously wipe me out of my second tub of ice cream?” Libby said with a frown. It was two hours later, and I was sitting on her couch, holding back tears. Libby had been patient with me, respecting that I needed time to work up to telling her my story. I had requested ice cream along the way, and she happily served me some.
“I’m sorry. I’ll buy you some more,” I said. “I’ve just been craving it lately.”
“Ahh, that’s all right,” Libby said, waving her hand dismissively. “Nothing is ever as bad as it seems when you’ve got ice cream. So, are you ready to spill it already? What’s going on?”
“I guess there’s no real reason to hide it anymore,” I said. “Anderson and I have been…seeing each other.”
Libby gasped so loudly and dramatically that she almost fell off the couch. “I knew it! All that stuff about you growing up with him and whatnot! Ha! I knew it!” She slapped me across the arm. “You know you could have just told me, right? Why the secrecy?”
“Because my brother is overly protective,” I told her. “Anderson and I both knew he wasn’t going to approve. And to make a long story short, he doesn’t.”
Libby’s excitement quickly subsided. “Oh girl, I’m sorry,” she said. “But who cares? You can’t live your life according to what your brother wants. You’re your own woman. And hell, for a man as gorgeous as Anderson Lawrence, I wouldn’t give a damn what anybody says!” She laughed, nudging me in the arm and trying to get me to join in. But my eyes involuntarily filled with tears in response.
“I wish it was that simple,” I said. “Tobias is really upset. He feels like we betrayed him. Now he’s not speaking to either one of us. And I feel like shit because Anderson and Tobias have been friends for as long as I can remember. And…” I drew in a breath, feeling my chest squeezing together as I struggled to finish the rest of what I needed to say.
Libby threw her arm around me. “And what? It can’t be that bad, whatever it is. As long as it doesn’t involve Zander.”
I shook my head. “No, it doesn’t involve Zander.”
“Thank goodness.”
I produced a weak smile as I tried to figure out how to proceed.
Libby gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “What is it then?” she asked.
I took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.” My confession hung in the air. It was the first time I had uttered the words out loud, making them official. Making them real. “I’m pregnant,” I repeated. “By Anderson.”
Libby gasped again, covering her hands with her mouth. “Oh my god,” she said. “Congratulations!”
I laughed, although I wasn’t entirely sure I found anything funny. “Thanks. I’m not sure how much I have to celebrate though, given the circumstances.”
“Honey, you have plenty to celebrate,” Libby said. “A baby! Wow! That’s a blessing, Joanna. Hold on, I need a drink.” She leapt up from the couch and headed to her china cabinet, talking excitedly as she retrieved wine. Her voice soon became a muffled drone in my ears though, for my thoughts had grown too loud to hear over.
All I could think about was how in the world I was going to tell Anderson. Although I didn’t know for sure, something told me he wasn’t at a point in his life where he was ready to be a father. Hell, I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to be a mother.
Sure, I’d thought about having children before, but I would have preferred having them under happier conditions. Planned conditions. In other words, not under an unexpected happenstance that had caused a rift between my brother and his best friend.
Libby returned with a glass of wine and sat back down beside me. “Sorry I can’t offer you any.”
Despite my mood, a genuine laugh left my mouth. “Oh Libby, what am I going to do?”
“You’re just going to take things step-by-step,” she said. “First thing’s first, have you told Anderson?”
I shook my head. “That’s all I can think about. I don’t know what to say.”
“How do you think he’s going to react?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, does he strike you as a family-oriented man? Have you ever heard him talk about wanting kids before?”
“No. No to both of those.”
“Have you ever heard him say that he doesn’t want kids?”
“Well, no…”
“So technically, you’re on neutral ground. That’s a good thing. Don’t be so quick to jump to conclusions.”
“I guess I never looked at it that way,” I said after a pause.
“You know there’s only one way to find out then, right?”
I nodded. “I’m going to need time to get to that point though.”
“Take all the time you need,” Libby said after taking a sip of her wine. “And you can stay here for as long as you need.”
“Thanks.”
“I think you should tell him sooner than later though,” Libby said. “Your absence at the office is bound to start raising some eyebrows, especially his.”
“If he asks you about me, please don’t tell him anything,” I said. “I just need some time…”
“Of course,” Libby said, giving me another hug.
“I think I need some more ice cream too,” I said. “You know, since I can’t have any wine.”
Libby laughed.
CHAPTER 25
Joanna
While I knew Libby had a point in suggesting that I should tell Anderson about my pregnancy sooner rather than later, it was far easier said than done. As the days went by, I still couldn’t work up the nerve. His calls remained unanswered, and my resolve continued to waiver.
“Talk to him,” Libby had said to me one day after she’d returned from work. “He asked me about you today, you know. He’s worried. I can tell.”
“I’ll tell him soon,” I’d said, although I had been saying that for several days already.
The next thing I knew, Sunday evening had arrived and I had Libby’s house to myself. Her cousin had come to town, and the two of them were going out to dinner and catch up with each other.
“You’re welcome to join us,” Libby had offered. “It’ll be fun, and it’ll do you some good to get out the house.”
But I’d turned down the offer, not feeling in the mood to socialize. “I think I’m going to do it tonight,” I told her. “I’m going to call Anderson. Maybe invite him over so that we can talk. Is that all right?”
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